The Deluded
by FantasyMother
Summary: Edward lowered his eyes to his lap, uncomfortable with my question. He grabbed a grape off the table, popped it in his mouth and chewed. I saw him blush-I could almost hear his heartbeat. "Bella, I live in the woods because I'm a vampire." B/E,OOC,AU
1. The Disillusionment

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing dress-up with them.

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Chapter 1

The Disillusionment

It was the kind of heat that made my skin prickle when I stepped out of the cool of the air conditioned office. The kind of heat that opened my pores and made me notice the skin on my face right before sweat started pouring down my neck, collecting between my breasts, dripping from my underarms - radiating from the concrete sidewalk through the thin soles of my sandals and burning the tender soles of my feet. It hit me in the face like a blast furnace, filling my eyes with tears as if they joined the rest of my body's pools of sweat. It surrounded me with a level of ferocity that made me wonder if I was in hell rather than high summer in central South Carolina.

But I didn't step outside with my sweet tea, garden salad and book for the questionable therapeutic benefits of the cloying 93 degree heat and 90% humidity. My excuse was to have an hour away from my overly demanding and under-qualified boss. My other excuse was to have an hour away from my coworker who craved the opportunity to emulate said boss. But those were just excuses.

The reason sat at a table 20 yards away.

From my seat at my table, I had a perfect view of his reflection in the black glass of the four-story office building that dominated the landscape. I could peek up from my tea and salad and book and see the bronze hair, the pale skin with a tinge of pink under those sculpted cheekbones. I could see his full yet defined lips, his straight nose, and sharp jaw. With another glance I could see his slim body, his long legs stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles, and the fabric of his khaki pants sticking to his legs in the heat, molding around the lean muscles of his thighs.

And when I was certain he wouldn't notice I could turn for an instant and hope to catch the only thing the black glass couldn't show me – the emerald green of his eyes.

For two weeks now, every day at noon, I saw him through the office window. For two weeks I chose to eat outside, our tables shaded by the same Live Oak, simply to be closer to him. And for two weeks he said not a word to me, or I to him but oh, I wanted to. I wanted to hear his voice; I wanted to know if his mind matched his body.

But today would be no different as I packed up my lunch bag, drank the last of my tea and closed my book that, for two weeks, remained bookmarked to the same passage. Groaning silently in the heat, I rose from the table, loosened the linen pants that sweated themselves to my legs, discreetly pulled them away from my butt, and slowly walked back toward the entrance to the building.

And then I realized this could go on for months, when I didn't want it to. It could go for years unless I decided, for the first time in my life, to step outside my box and do something as simple as introduce myself to this extraordinary-looking man.

Reminding myself that he was simply a co-worker I dropped my eyes, turned, and started to walk in his direction. Gathering all my courage, placing a smile on my face I raised my head, but he was gone.

I looked up into the gnarled boughs of the Live Oak, its canopy radiating at least 50 feet, rising and dipping and defying gravity as it spread its arms offering shade and home to the Spanish moss that dripped down towards the ground. _How had he disappeared so quickly?_ I turned in a slow circle, scanning the lawn around the building, the tree line far away, and once more peered up into the tree, as if I expected to see him perched on a branch like an owl.

And then I remembered I was at work, outside the huge glass box of my office and everything I did could be observed from inside. It was bad enough I was from the "north," it was worse that I was willingly out in the midday heat. I swore I could almost hear some second floor women gossiping about the idiot who didn't know enough to stay inside on a day like this. Those same women who will, no doubt, smile at me lovingly the next time I passed them, only to glance at each other and roll their eyes as soon as I couldn't see.

Lowering my head I shuffled back to the front entrance, lifted the ID badge hanging from my neck as I ran it across the scanner to unlock the door. Publishing required tight security in the middle of nowhere. Right.

"Hey Bobby," I mumbled at the elderly security guard, sitting in his starched uniform, turning my eyes away from his sagging muscles, gray hair and beer belly, feeling confident our premises were secure from equally aged and fit criminals.

"Hi there Bella," and the smile on his tanned, lined face was so large, so inviting, so grateful for a moment of attention I felt my gut clench with guilt for thinking less of him. A sweet man trying to supplement his retirement, he'd once been a brave man who wore a real uniform. I smiled back and headed towards the elevators, disgusted with myself, wondering how much this damned place was changing me, wondering if I even felt the incentive to put a halt to it.

Months ago I came to the conclusion I had made a terrible mistake. The mistake wasn't leaving Forks for the heat of South Carolina, or moving far away from both Charlie and Renee – even though they both enjoyed telling me how sorry I'd be. The mistake wasn't even leaving my few friends.

The mistake was in believing there could be an ounce of creativity left in the corporate environment of a big name publishing house.

I took the elevator to the third floor and walked down the featureless hallways towards a warren of gray cubicles, to my own home among them, to my chair and computer and stack of printouts and list of tasks waiting for me. Shivering in the stream of cold air blowing down on me, wondering if the heat outside might be preferable, I entered my password and got back to work.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime. First the phone interview, then the flight to Columbia, SC to interview for a job as a copy editor at Jarvis, Holmes and Butler – one of the largest publishing houses in the US. I was right out of a small and relatively obscure college, but somehow I landed the interview and then the job. For the first time in my life I felt vindicated as I stood in front of my parents and my peers and announced my accomplishment and my upcoming move.

To say they weren't pleased would be an understatement, but I didn't care. I wouldn't let their backwater attitudes dissuade me from packing my belongings and rushing to a new city in a new State because I was going to take the publishing world by storm.

"Dawdling for a change, Isabella?"

I closed my eyes before looking over at my boss, the tramp in heels. The woman who barely got an undergraduate degree with passing grades, the woman who had the charm of a warthog, the woman in too-expensive clothes for her pay grade and who everyone knew got her job because she was the Chairman's niece. The woman who was useless to the firm with the exception of her dual talents of being able to insult every female employee within a square mile and giving our few straight male employees sexual fantasies about lifting that tight skirt and putting that bitch in her place.

In other words, she was a bleached blond caricature of a woman, and I had the distinct pleasure of working for her. So, I did the one thing I knew would piss her off. I'd be super polite.

"Hi Lauren, hot day today, isn't it?" I batted my eyes at her. "I'm diligently reading this fine manuscript you were so kind to send to me." I returned to my monitor, going over the text about buzzards and crows being the answer to the mysteries of the universe and wondering which moron in acquisitions thought publishing this would be a good idea.

Unfortunately, it didn't piss Lauren off quite enough, because she hadn't left yet.

"Stop whatever idiotic thing you're doing and pull up the Godfrey manuscript," she sneered. "You were told to edit for continuity and leave his fucking punctuation alone. Can't you follow any instructions at all?"

I felt the heat rise to my face. _Damn it. _ Anger and embarrassment both looked the same on me as my blood moved from a simmer to a boil, and the last thing I wanted was for this bitch to think I'd be ashamed of any decision I'd make regarding a manuscript.

"Lauren, there are rules to punctuation that happen to come with the English language. The man is illiterate and his work isn't good enough to allow him the privilege of setting aside standard conventions because he can't figure out how to use them. There is no creativity in not knowing how to use a comma or a period."

"And you, dear Isabella, were told not to touch it. Mike spent the better part of the fucking morning calming him down and if we want his next book we do what _he_ wants, not what _you_ want. Got it?" And with that bit of publishing wisdom she turned on her heel and sauntered her way back to her office, leaving me stewing and disgusted, and once more doing what this idiot told me to do and not what I knew was right.

And I would continue to do what I was told, betray my own standards, because I had been doing just that for the past two years, because underneath it all I was a coward. Instead of protesting, instead of looking for a new job I took the easier route and just did as I was told. If I didn't, I reasoned, someone else surely would.

For the next four hours I flipped my time between removing punctuation corrections and daydreaming about the bronze-haired man. As soon as the clock on my taskbar read 5 pm I locked my computer, grabbed my purse and lunch bag out of my desk drawer and strode down the hall towards the steps, the fastest way to get out of this damned building at the end of the day.

It was impossible to feel enthusiasm any longer. Each day dragged into the next, each day a count down for the upcoming weekend that meant nothing more than not being at work. Weekends meant cleaning and food shopping and if I was lucky, finding something to read that was good enough to allow me to fully enter its world and escape, for a time, from my own.

But two weeks ago something new entered my life, yet it wasn't a part of my life. Walking across the blistering asphalt to my car I thought, once again, about my unbearable attraction to this man. I had seen beautiful men before but this man took my breath away, made me think of cool sheets and tangled limbs, made me think of running my fingers through his silken hair and kissing the hard line of his jaw. I thought of him in ways that both enticed and embarrassed me, almost wanting to put words to paper to describe my growing lust for him – only stopping because seeing it written would be far more humiliating than the day dreams.

Reaching my car I looked over towards the lunch tables, wishing he was there, that I could take this opportunity to run over and speak with him. Scanning the area, lost in thought, I realized I'd been staring at the tree line far beyond the tables, staring at a hint of bronze glinting in the sunlight right under the trees. Was that him? Was this my opportunity? Could I do it?

I opened my car door, threw in my purse and bag and as I was about to close the door and head towards the trees I heard someone behind me clear their throat. I turned my head, and froze.

Ten feet away, strolling away from me was the bronze-haired man. Confused, I spun back to look at the trees, but the hint of bronze was gone.

I dropped my eyes and looked at my car, at my reflection in the tinted window. Stretched and distorted like a fun house mirror, it still couldn't hide the bright sparkle in my eyes - the first sign of life in years. Taking a deep breath, determined that this time I _would_ speak with him, I turned to follow...

And, once again, I was alone.

"_Daddy, don't let go don't let go" I whimpered from the seat of my new bike. Charlie laughed and pushed, running along side me._

"_You'll be fine Bells. Just hold on and keep turning those pedals."_

_And with those words he stepped back, and I was flying down the street by myself, the wind blowing through my hair as fear turned to joy because I could fly! And from the corner of my eye I saw a man, a man with funny colored hair watching me from behind a telephone pole. His smile matched mine and I grinned back at the stranger, not at all afraid because I needed him to see me being brave, being a big girl on my big girl bike and oh my I was growing up!_

I shook my head, momentarily disoriented by the random memory. I had told Charlie about the man, but when we both looked for him by the telephone pole, he was gone. I remember Charlie looking concerned, but the memory of my own feelings was bright, poignant, and sharper than a twenty year old memory _should_ be.

And the memory of how that seven-year-old felt when she realized the stranger was gone, _MY memory_, was of…an aching loneliness.

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**A/N**

Yes, it's me again. You'd think this was a compulsion or something ;-)

Welcome to my new tale, and I hope you enjoy it. Unlike PTD this story is not pre-written, is a solo project, and so will be on a more normal update schedule. My goal is a chapter a week. I hope the reality matches that.

And I would like to thank my beta, Booksgalore, for making sure I don't go too insane with this plotline.


	2. The Vegetarian

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just arranging them on my shelf.

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Chapter 2

The Vegetarian

"Excuse me?"

All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. He stood in front of me, those perfect lips moving, talking to me, but I couldn't hear past my own heartbeat. I was starting to hyperventilate and my hands were shaking, my chest tightening and my vision narrowing – white spots like fireflies floated around and I knew I was in trouble. If I didn't get myself under control I would pass out cold.

Time, I needed time to calm down. Pointing to the chair on the opposite side of my table, I grabbed the tea in my trembling hands and took a sip. I almost moaned with relief as the cool and soothing liquid, with a hint of cloves and bitter tannin, trickled down my parched throat. I prayed this small diversion would stall him long enough to allow me an opportunity to regain a semblance of coherency, to slow my stuttering heart, to get my breathing under control.

Running my hand over the condensation on the cold bottle of tea, I gathered what moisture I could and tried to discreetly rub the cold water over the back of my neck. I shivered from the cold on my hot skin, but it did the trick, snapping me back to something resembling a 28 year old woman instead of a star-struck teenager.

Although it helped, it wasn't entirely successful, because up close he was magnificent. His skin was tight and smooth, flowing over high cheekbones and a strong jaw, not a scar to be seen but at the same time, not effeminate. Light laugh lines were drawn around his piercing eyes, and just enough stubble had grown during the day to make him rugged and masculine. I couldn't stop staring at his face, at his astonishing emerald green eyes. So caught in this first-ever close-up of him I almost missed his hand, extended in my direction.

"I'm Edward, and you are…?"

And then he smiled, and I felt my knees go weak. Seriously. That's when I realized life could be a cliché.

Bella Swan didn't react this way to men. Sure, I admired good-looking men but this one, Edward, was an altogether different species – as if everything I could ever find attractive got plucked out of my head and molded into this creature sitting across from me. I could feel my body reacting to him, startling me as blood flooded to my face and…er…other places. Lowering my eyes, I stared at his outstretched hand, trying to remember what I was supposed to do. A greeting. Shake his hand. Be civilized.

Trembling as I reached towards him, his heat radiated toward me before my hand touched his, was gently enfolded in his – settling into comfort and ease as his warmth edged up my arm from our contact, from his hotter than normal palm. Quietly sighing, my body relaxed and my mind calmed as if somehow this simple caress upon my hand was what I had been waiting for.

"I'm Bella, nice to meet you." I was still holding his hand, blanketed in its comfort, gazing into his eyes. Thoroughly enthralled, I was returning his smile when my vision winked out, then returned with a flash and…

I saw _me_ - eyes wide, small smile on my face, skin pale and sweating…

Another flash and it was gone, as if it never happened, and I was back to gawking at Edward – his eyes momentarily tightening with concern and then nothing as his smile broadened and he squeezed my hand and let it drop.

"May I join you for lunch?"

**

This wasn't how today was supposed to turn out. My alarm blared at 5 am, signaling the start of another day at that damned office. Grumbling, untwisting myself from my sheets as I struggled out of bed, the thought of seeing the bronze-haired man offered the only incentive to get me out of bed.

My apartment was tiny, 3 rooms and all small, but it was what I could afford. I'd been here for two years but the walls were still white, the curtains were the same as all the other apartments, and I hadn't hung a single picture.

When I was in grad school my favorite professor and mentor, who knew my goal was a career in publishing, gave me a gift. A needlepoint sampler, stretched and framed, she insisted it contained words to live by as the pressure mounted and tunnel vision set in. Just a simple phrase, but it carried enough meaning that just glancing at it should be enough to pull you back and shift your perspective.

It's Only a Fucking Book 

I had laughed, not understanding how much I'd truly understand that sentiment in a few years time.

And it still sat on the floor of my bedroom closet because, just like my office, this apartment was a high-walled cubicle. It offered me a private place to sleep and cook and bathe, and beyond that it was no more than a featureless cell in the hive they called an apartment complex.

My morning routine was brief, but I always woke early so I could sip a glass of iced coffee while I read the news on the net and answered email at my leisure. Attempting to create some sort of life, something with meaning, I embraced this private time before I crawled into my Civic and headed towards another day of purgatory.

And so my computer became my most valuable possession. It gave me an easy way to stay in touch with the world, and my few old friends, while keeping me from feeling the need to socialize with my co-workers. Not all of them were terrible people, but we had no interests in common.

Marge Olson, my elderly and feisty co-worker, the Grande Dam of publishing, was the exception. My rock in this sea of insanity, she often wrapped a mother's arm around me and made it her mission to help me retain my sanity. Sometimes I let her in, more often I didn't. Believing I deserved my suffering for making bad choices, I couldn't allow her to get too close. I still had a spark of anger at both myself and at fate. If I allowed her to soothe me I'd lose that last bit that might, eventually, push me into action. _Or not,_ I mused as I headed into the living room.

Stumbling over to my desk, coffee in hand, I powered up the computer. A quick scan of this morning's email listed a letter from Angela. _Shit._ My shoulders slumped, knowing it would contain more bad news about Ben, and although it made me feel like an insensitive bitch, I just couldn't deal with it right now. Skimming it quickly, promising myself I'd reply right after work, I was brought to a stop by her last line. Dr. Cullen, Ben's doctor and an acquaintance of mine, asked Angela to give his regards to me.

_Give his regards to me?_ In our small town I knew him well enough to nod a greeting, had a couple of high school classes with his daughter, and that was it. Why would he even _think_ of me? I mean, that might be the style in the south but I'd never expect it from this cosmopolitan northerner who belonged more in a big city than he did in Forks. Damn, this got me curious, and not just a little bit paranoid.

Quickly changing my mind I sat down to shoot off a reply when a glance at the clock warned me if I didn't get my ass in gear I'd be late, and I had enough trouble with Lauren as it was. I'd get back to this later; maybe even give her a call.

The drive to work wasn't too long, but still long enough to give me enough time to arrange my mindset, don my battle armor for the day ahead, try to lock my emotions away - lock _me_ away.

But I couldn't help the small smile on my face when I remembered there was more motivating me to roll down the road than my pitiful paycheck.

**

I watched Edward remove his sandwich from a Whole Foods bag while I stabbed at my salad with a plastic fork. Curious, I took a discreet peek at his sandwich and saw avocado and sprouts on dark bread. Interesting choice. I glanced down at my pitifully wilted salad and grimaced, pushing it away and grabbing my tea. It's not as if I had an appetite for food anyway, not with this man sitting across from me, insanely handsome even as he tore off huge bites, washing down mouthfuls with lemonade, finishing his lunch as fast as…well, Charlie. It must be a man thing, eating so quickly the food didn't have a chance to run away in fear.

I laughed softly and he looked up and smiled, then nodded at my salad.

"Something wrong with it?"

It was the third sentence he'd spoken to me, and now that I was mildly coherent I could allow myself to feel his soft tones wash over me. Deep but not too deep, a southern accent just teasing around the edges of his words. It was lovely, it felt close to home.

"Just uninspired. So, how long have you been…"

"What do you do here?" he interrupted. Okay, I can go first.

"I'm a copyeditor." I expected him to reciprocate, but instead he glanced over my shoulder towards the trees, brow furrowed and eyes darkening. Turning my head, I followed his eyes but…nothing.

"And where are you from, Bella?" Swiveling back to face him, I was startled by the intensity of his gaze.

"North." If he truly was a southerner, the single word, I knew, would say it all. I was answered with silence.

Normally, I'd ask the same questions, but not this time. It felt as if there were walls built around him that I shouldn't try to breach quite yet. His face was tight, his expression withdrawn, as if it was just as hard for him to sit here, to talk to me, as it was for me to break out past both my protective bubble and - let's be honest - abject fascination, and treat him like a normal mortal. I concluded this man was an island and when he was ready to let me in he would, but not before. I could live with this, I understood it.

Even so the air was filled with an underlying tension, a sense of expectation that came from both of us, sizzling as we seemed to try to find the words that should come next. I lifted my eyes from my tea bottle and was surprised to see him staring behind me again, that same look of concern as earlier. Just as I started to turn to see what kept grabbing his attention he jumped to his feet.

"Time for me to go Bella, but I have to head to my car first. Tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course," I said without thinking. He looked down at me, his gaze softening, and then strode off in the direction of the far parking lot, the place no one ever parked, leaving me sitting and wondering just who he was, what he kept looking at, and why he was heading way off to his car instead of back to work.

But now that he'd left, I could try to satisfy my curiosity about one of these things. I turned around to check out the trees he kept scrutinizing. They were at least 50 yards away, edging the large heat-scorched lawn circling the office building. I'd never bothered examining them before, but I could see they were pines, pressed together into a huge green mass hiding the four-story office building from the outside world. _Something was there_. Just like the last time, I thought I caught a hint of bronze, but this time accompanied by a sparkle of rainbow hues. Before I realized what I was doing I started to rise from my chair, feeling an almost irresistible desire to head into that field - and then it was gone – and I fell back into my seat. _What the hell…_

My thoughts were interrupted by the roar of an engine. Spinning towards the sound I saw a silver Volvo peeling out of the far parking lot, the driver's window open, and just the barest hint of Edward's hair moving in the wind. I looked at the trees, then back at where Edward's car had been…

_Shit, I'm late!_ Gathering my trash I ran back to the building.

"See you found a hottie, huh. Think I may just have to take the time to introduce myself to this young man." By the time I looked up Lauren was already sauntering back to her office, blowing a kiss over her shoulder at me. I dropped my head to my desk – there wasn't a damned thing around here that went unnoticed. I had been convinced things couldn't get a whole lot worse than they were, but it seems I was wrong. Lifting my head I peered down the hall – good, she was gone. I decided I'd wander over to the vending machines and get something sweet. Between the vision problems and that irrational need to run into the field, coupled with the ever-present heat, maybe my blood-sugar was low.

The sun was still scorching as the day drew to a close, softening the asphalt parking lot, little waves of heat distortion rising into the air. The stillness was palpable, birds hiding from the day, even insects remained burrowed until the relief of night set in. Turning the key in the lock I shuffled into my apartment. My entire afternoon had been spent pretending I was working when instead I was fighting off spiraling into depression over my bitch of a boss. There was no question in my mind she'd make a play for him, and I could see no way this would end well. If Edward rejected Lauren she'd make my life hell, but if Edward was attracted to Lauren – like it or not - I'd be crushed. Either way, I knew another trap was being set; only now it would be exponentially worse than the cage I already found myself in – stuck in this job, not enough money to move, and too damned much pride to ask Charlie or Renee for help. Losing even the idea of Edward might send me over the edge.

Life was shit, I concluded, and trudged into my bedroom. Stripping out of my sweaty clothes I wandered over to the mirror and examined my reflection. I knew I was attractive, that wasn't an issue. Long dark hair and big brown eyes, my other features weren't extraordinary, but the whole package was okay. I hadn't dated much, but that was my choice as I had rejected even the thought of a relationship so I could get myself to where I needed to go – into my career. I snorted at the reality born of that decision.

Slipping into a light and loose cotton nightgown, knowing I had to distract myself from this train of thought or I'd have another sleepless night, I remembered the email from Angela. She was expecting an answer, and I couldn't hold off any longer.

Powering up my computer, I settled back to read.

_Bella,_

_I hope you're doing well, things aren't so great here. Ben's not showing any signs of improvement. The recent tests show his epilepsy is barely under control, and the meds have permanently damaged one of his kidneys. His life expectancy has been shortened._

_He offered to call off the wedding, and I told him he was an ass. I love him Bella, even if the meds left him damaged and sterile, and even if they're talking about no more than 50 years, I love him. I wish you were here so we could just sit down and talk about it, but I know you're thinking of us regardless._

_Dr. Cullen is a godsend, but he's not a miracle worker. He hasn't given up hope, he switched the epilepsy meds and he's hoping this one will have fewer side effects._

_The really odd part of this visit was, Dr. Cullen was asking about you. He wanted to know if you were okay, where you were living, if I heard from you often._

_Then he asked me to send his regards to you. Weird, huh._

_Speak to you soon,_

_Ang_

I read it again. Angela and Ben were living through hell, literally, and I was whining like a child about my life. The two of them were able to keep going, keep moving forward in spite of all their obstacles, yet I was frozen within my trivial ones – mired in inaction and damn it all, my problems were _nothing_ compared to theirs.

Dragging myself back to my bedroom, I decided to add self-loathing to my list of problems. Right before bed I finally answered her email. I said what I could to give her support, and commented on those odd questions from Dr. Cullen. Wishing there was some way I could find out _why_ he asked about me, I also knew there was no realistic way of asking.

The next day dawned just like all the others. Hot. When lunchtime finally arrived I stepped outside into the sweltering heat, a puff of a breeze swirling the light fabric of my dress around my knees. I turned towards the tables and couldn't help but smile. Edward was already there, under the gnarled Live Oak, in the seat he took yesterday. And this time there were two Whole Food bags – one in front of him, and the other in front of my seat. He was waiting for me to walk through the doors, and I blushed deeply as his eyes glimmered while he scanned my body from head to toe, lingering on my legs.

Note to self – buy more dresses.

And so for the rest of the week this became our routine – one day he brought lunch, the next day I did – always trying to outdo each other with surprises and tasty treats. That's when I learned, the hard way, that he was a vegetarian. I hoped he wasn't _too_ hungry by the end of the day…

We always ate outside, regardless of the weather. If it rained, we moved inside a small shelter at the back of the building. Otherwise we sat at that table, under the shade of the tree, talking about inconsequential things. Never work, never where we were from. We talked about music, about books, our favorite colors, our favorite foods. We started to relax with each other, the beginning of a sweet companionship, and the tentative start of a friendship.

Not to say I didn't try to find some things on my own. He never revealed his last name, and his ID badge always hung from his neck with his name and photo turned to his chest, so that was no help. I pulled up the corporate directory and typed in "Edward." I found an Edward McBride in legal, but a quick trip to that department revealed a man with one blind eye, balding, and about 75 pounds overweight. I trotted back to my cubicle, trying my damndest not to giggle.

It was Friday evening. I basked in relief at the end of the work week as I strolled to my car, relishing the idea of two days of no work, when I heard footsteps pounding across the parking lot, heading right for me. Before I could turn Edward was at my side, a hot hand on the small of my back as he continued toward my car, propelling me forward, once again scanning the tree line, his face haunted and frightened.

"Edward?"

"Hey Bella. Just wanted to walk you to your car, and I wanted to ask you something." His voice sounded strained and his eyes never left the trees. As we approached my car he turned and grabbed my hands, still looking over my head.

"What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing, nothing at all." He finally dropped his eyes to mine, still holding my hands, the fear gone but his green eyes intense.

"Will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?"

_What? Dinner? Holy shit! _I immediately forgave his odd behavior.

I nodded – no idea what to say, just nodded.

"Wonderful, I'll meet you right here at six if you don't mind?"

I nodded again.

"And one last thing," he glanced in the distance again, and then back at me. "May I?"

This time I found my voice.

"May you what?"

Still holding my hands he drew me closer. Releasing one hand he gently placed his fingers under my chin, his heat branding me as he lifted my face before bending down and placing his full lips against mine. They were hotter then his hands, radiating through me while he let them linger and slowly move with mine before withdrawing, a gentle smile on his face. He looked above my head for a moment, then back down with a satisfied smirk.

"Stay out of the woods, and until tomorrow, Bella."

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**A/N** A little earlier than expected and if the muse stays with me, one never knows about Chapter 3...

Thanks for the kind reviews on the first chapter of what looks like a very confusing tale. Let's see if I can balance confusing and intriguing :-)

And please review - it's important to me to know what you think and it's critically important for the development of this story. Really.

And thanks again to my beta, Booksgalore/Bookishqua, for continuing to keep me honest.

And come on by the forum at Twilighted, under Alternate Universe. Maybe I'll answer questions, maybe I won't if they'll give away the plot. So come on in, set a spell, take your shoes off. Y'all come back now, hear?


	3. The Bitch is Back

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just having a tea party.

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Chapter 3

The Bitch is Back

"I'll have the antipasto please."

"And your entrée miss?"

"That will do for tonight, thank you." I handed my menu to the waiter, while Edward glanced up at me, puzzled.

"Light dinner?"

"It'll be enough, and the cool salad will go well with this hot day." I took a sip of water and smiled. Edward closed his menu and held it up for the waiter.

"Mushroom ravioli please." The waiter inclined his head and walked away.

We were in La Trattoria Bella, a lovely Italian restaurant right on the banks of Lake Murray. Until now I'd driven by on occasion and admired the restaurant from the outside, but tonight I got to step inside a reproduction of Tuscan Italy, so unexpected in South Carolina. I had to remind myself Columbia was populated by people from all over the country, not just the south.

Glancing in his direction, I watched the candle on the table throw flickering light on Edward's face. He seemed to shimmer in the flames, and I was mesmerized watching his skin appear to glow from within. Tonight he was dressed in a white button down shirt with a black jacket and pants. The stark color of his clothes highlighted the color of his hair and eyes, making their brightness even more startling, especially when enhanced by a mild blush. He seemed so relaxed this evening, more open than I'd seen yet. Maybe this was the time to ask questions?

"Edward, what do you do?"

"Not much," he grinned, amusement danced in his eyes and I couldn't keep myself from smiling back.

"Seriously, what do you do at work?"

"Not much," he laughed, his entire face lighting up. It was the first time I'd heard a real laugh from him, and it sent heat radiating through my entire body. Those simple sounds of joy were complete, total, his whole being laughed with him, and it enthralled me. But I needed to bring us back, to see if he'd answer my simple question.

Just as I was about to push the issue our waiter reappeared, inquiring about wine with our dinner. Edward suggested a dry Chablis, and I agreed. Feeling mildly frustrated, I was about to broach the topic again when he turned to me with a soft smile.

"How much do you know about the history of this area?"

And with that our conversation flowed into his deep-seated knowledge of Columbia, South Carolina and all the southern States during the Civil War. His grasp of the subject was fascinating, shocking me with small details as he wove a story of men and women and battles and the devastation of war.

"Edward, are you an editor in the textbook division?" I was certain I'd finally nailed it.

"No," he said quietly, flushing a bit. "Have I been boring you?"

"Hell no! I've never heard these stories. You've brought life to an era I never really gave much thought to…"

"Well, I can't take all the credit. I had a tutor at one time." His voice got soft, his eyes distant. "He was fascinated by the war, and so tended to focus on it." He looked down at the table and breathing a deep sigh raised his eyes back to mine, but his thoughts were still somewhere else.

Still looking into his eyes I suddenly recognized the deep seated loneliness in them that went far beyond his choice to put up walls. For whatever reason Edward had no one there for him, just memories and a life he seemed to have left behind, just like me.

Would he let me be special for him? Would he let me in?

The dinner turned quiet, with brief but comfortable words between us, and when we left the restaurant he grabbed my hand, laced my fingers with his and led me to the public docks. I felt warm, cocooned, protected in his large hand, the heat of his body affecting me more than usual after the wine. We had just reached the end of the dock when he let me go and gracefully sat, removed his shoes and socks, and rolled up his pants. Scooting to the edge of the dock, he smiled up at me and held out his hand. Why the hell not. I slipped off my sandals, hiked my calf-length cotton dress above my knees, and sat next him, legs hanging over the edge, splashing our feet in the water. It was twilight, and a balmy breeze was rustling our hair as we watched the sailboats and pontoons glide across the lake, slicing through the reflections of the lights from shore, all heading home. As I turned my head to look over his shoulder at the dam to our left, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his hot body. His warmth was delicious as I rested my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. I had never felt this much peace.

"Bella, do you know much about Lake Murray's history"

I shook my head and he squeezed my waist gently.

"It was a depression era work project that benefited the valley by giving them hydroelectric power." He paused and glanced down at the water.

"But to create this lake they had to evacuate the valley. There are hundreds of houses and churches under the water. Nothing was torn down before they flooded the valley."

How odd. Although now it's probably no more than fish habitat, the thought of creating a ghost town and flooding it felt uncomfortable, as if an entire history had been erased. Contemplating the ramifications of what they did, I wondered how I'd react to seeing my apartment flooded, my history of having lived there wiped out on the bow crest of a wave barreling down my street, and shivered as I realized I might not object to it nearly as much as I should expect.

Disturbed by that thought, I settled myself closer to Edward, cuddling into the comfort of his warmth despite the tropical temperature. He seemed calm, but I could feel his heart beating fast, almost fluttering as he held me tightly against his side.

We remained quiet, enjoying the buzz of the wine and the cooling air when his hand started to move, placing gentle caresses on my waist, tenderly gliding up my ribs and just as gently sliding back. I lifted my head, and caught him looking down at me. Eyes locked, he slid his hand up my back, and as he reached the nape of my neck he bent down and brushed his lips against mine. His lips were so warm, soft and fragrant with wine. Weaving his hand into my hair he pressed his lips harder, molding mine to his, moving them, taking my bottom lip in his and gently sucking, licking it tentatively. I shivered, my nipples hardening as I pressed back, feeling his lips against mine when my pleasure suddenly doubled as I could feel _my_ lips against _his_, feel his passion, _feel his lust as if it was my own_ and then, as if this taste of his mind receded into the distance, it was just me again…feeling the curve of his smile as he slowly pulled away, showering my lips with gentle kisses as he lowered his hand to my hip and pressed me close to him, gazing out onto the water while his fingers rubbed soothing patterns against my hip bone.

I didn't want this evening to end, and I knew my time alone on Sunday would feel worse, more isolated, lonelier than it ever had before.

On Monday Edward and I switched. This time he had the salad and I had the sandwich as we ate and chatted, drawn to each other but desperately trying to keep from touching — we were at work, after all. As I watched him continue to scan the trees, I finally decided he'd tell me what he was constantly searching for when he was ready, because he was not the sort to be pushed. Whatever it was, was his business, and was unlikely to have anything to do with me. Instead, I occupied my thoughts with trying to come up with ways of inviting him to my apartment.

_Hmm, where would such private man live? _One way to find out...

"Edward, do you live around here?"

He tensed for a moment, than visibly worked at relaxing himself. Glancing at the trees before meeting my gaze, he put down his fork.

"I live over…" He let his words trail off as he looked directly over my shoulder. I could smell her sickly perfume without her even saying a word.

I turned around and sure enough, Lauren was standing behind me. She was staring at Edward, her eyes smoldering and half-closed, her lips slightly pursed as she maintained eye contact, not saying a thing. I gaped at her; I'd never seen an expression like that on anyone's face outside a soap opera or grade B movie. It was the seductress, and it looked like Lauren spent hours practicing in front of a mirror.

After a long and uncomfortable silence, designed to ensure all attention remained fixed on herself, she raised her arm, wrist limp with perfectly manicured nails gleaming in the sun, a half dozen thin gold bangles sparkling against her tanning-salon skin. Taking a deep breath to enhance her chest, swinging her weight onto one leg so her hip jutted out, she literally shoved her hand into Edward's face.

"Lauren," she breathed in a deep and sultry voice. I was considering whether or not I should hit her when an unexpected noise forced me to change my plans and turn around to face Edward.

He was laughing, uproariously laughing, bent over at the waist, head falling on the table as he started snorting uncontrollably. Lauren snatched her hand back, the smile turning into a sneer while she turned a lovely shade of purple, eyes shooting daggers at me before she spun, flouncing back on her too-high heels towards the front door. The last I heard was a slam of the glass and a curse thrown at poor Bobby.

And as much as I absolutely and thoroughly enjoyed Edward's reaction to her, and as much as it relieved me of my fears he'd run to her bed, I knew I was now in big shit. Really big shit.

Suddenly the laughter stopped, and this time he looked intently at the tree line, rising from his chair, his eyes darkening, focused on something and not letting it out of his sight. At the same time I felt that pull again, that draw and before I could even think about it I was also getting up, intent upon joining him – wherever he went. He turned to me, startled by my behavior and forced himself to sit. I could see him carefully gauging my reaction before focusing back on the trees.

"Bella, we've been out here for an hour, I don't want you to get into trouble." He remained focused on whatever it was he saw, his face expressionless. "How about I meet you out here after work and we can talk more then?"

"Sure…okay, later." I felt out of breath, the pull in my chest almost painful as I watched him stare out past the field, his jaw set and his hands trembling. _What the hell was out there?_ _Could it hurt him?_

"Edward, don't you need to come in too?"

"I'll go in a minute. I'll see you later." His eyes flickered to mine with an apologetic smile, and then turned back to the trees.

Okay, this had gone too far.

"Edward, what the hell are you looking at?"

"Trust me, please. Just go. Go now."

I grabbed the bag of uneaten fruit and ran towards the doors, trying not to feel hurt by his abrupt dismissal. I knew something was wrong, and it was time I started getting some answers for his strange behavior. One way or another, I'd get them tonight, after work.

Reaching my floor I softened my steps, almost on tip toe, hoping if I remained quiet enough I'd get to my desk before Lauren noticed. As I walked past the other cubicles I heard chairs squeaking. Quick peeks showed each occupant swing around and stare at me as I walked by. This could only mean one thing — Lauren was on the warpath, and my name was part of her tirade.

Reaching my destination, I slipped behind my desk when…

"Bella!!!" roared through the office corridors. "Get your ass in here now!"

Shit. Placing my hands flat on my desk I pushed myself to my feet. I could already feel my face heating with embarrassment and anger as I turned towards the door and almost ran into 110 pounds and 5 feet of southern matron.

"You're not going anywhere young lady. Lauren, bless her heart, has a few things to learn, and she's about to get educated."

Marge turned her back on me and stood at the door waiting as we both heard Lauren's feet pounding as she came storming across the floor. Just as she came into view I stepped to the side so I could see both of their faces. Marge's was smiling and pleasant, Lauren's was beet red.

"Get the hell out of here old lady, I want to talk to Bella."

"Tsk tsk Lauren, such manners in such a young thing. I'd think you were raised in a pigsty instead of by humans like the rest of us." By now Mike was out of his office, witnessing the entire mess.

"I'll say it one more time Marge. Bella works for me and I'm going to talk to her, so get out of my way!" Lauren was starting to shriek. She wasn't used to being thwarted.

Marge's smile never faltered, but now she turned to Mike.

"I'd suggest you, young Michael Newton, watch what's about to happen and consider your own behavior next time you let this young lady do whatever she wants just because you two happen to know each other in…what's the word?" She tapped her chin. "Ah yes, a biblical way." Marge made of show of fanning herself, batting her eyes like Scarlett O'Hara and letting her southern accent thicken. Lauren's face had already been red with anger, and now Mike's was starting to match hers.

"And now, Miss Mallory is it? Let's just take a step back, remember we're supposed to be gentle ladies and you just skedaddle back to your office like the good little tramp you are." Marge made little shooing gestures at both Lauren and Mike while they both backed up, moving faster with each step as it dawned on them they might be in a heap of shit themselves.

Marge turned to me, winked, and said "I think I'll go have a chat with that famous uncle of hers," and gracefully walked away.

I loved Marge, I loved the fact she defended me, but there was no question she just made things one hell of a lot worse, and those fears were confirmed within five minutes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Isabella M. Swan

From:Lauren Mallory

Subject:(no subject)

She won't be here forever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Fuck you Lauren. Neither will I._

**

"Bella, would you like to take a drive up to Cherokee with me this weekend?" Well, this was unexpected.

"What's in Cherokee?" I placed the leftover fruit from lunch on the table. It was still hot, but now that work was done for the day I could try to relax. Nothing was waiting for me at home, and I loved having this additional time with Edward, even if it meant sweating in the late-day sun.

"Native American culture, a silly place called Ghost Town, and it's close to where I was born. I thought maybe we'd visit…"

"I'd love to!" _Shit_, does this mean he wants to bring me to meet his parents? I shuddered at the thought, but I'd rather know than be surprised.

"Edward, will we be going to your home, seeing your parents?" Cringing inside, I wondered if my question was too forward.

"My mother's dead." He said it so softly I had to strain to hear it. Heat rushed to my face, I _had_ gone too far, I knew it. Trying to figure out how to talk my way out of this I turned to him and stopped beating myself up when I saw his face — the pain in his eyes, the far-away look. I reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently.

"I'm sorry Edward." He simply shrugged, trying to force a smile before dropping his eyes to the table. We sat in silence, both of us caught in our own thoughts. I weaved my fingers into his; his thumb caressing my hand as he lifted his face. He took a deep breath while I watched his cheeks turn pink.

"I thought afterward, maybe you'd like to come to my house for dinner...?" I breathed my own sigh of relief — crisis over.

"Sure, sounds great. So, where do you live?" Maybe I'd finally get my answer.

"In the woods bordering the northern part of Lake Murray, pretty deep in. We'll just head there after we return from Cherokee, okay? Oh yeah, and bring good walking shoes, we'll have to walk part of the way." _More woods? _I thought about my promise to myself to find out what he kept looking for out there, but I'd get those answers later. This had me too damned curious. Why would anyone live so far into the woods they couldn't drive their car up to their house?

"Why do you live there?"

Edward lowered his eyes to his lap, obviously uncomfortable with my question. But there was nothing odd about it. It shouldn't cause tension, or reveal hidden secrets, or cause the amount of angst currently contorting his features.

I had simply asked him why he lived in the woods.

He grabbed a grape off the table, popped it in his mouth, and raised his head while he slowly chewed - once again scanning the trees ringing my office, as if this time he was searching for an answer to give me. I could see a faint blush on his cheek, and for the first time, a hint of unshed tears in his crystalline green eyes. I could almost hear his heartbeat pick up speed as he finally turned to me. Closing his eyes for a moment he took a deep breath, willing himself to calm. Then his eyes snapped to my face and with renewed determination took another deep breath.

"Bella, I live there because I'm a vampire."

I was about to break out in a fit of giggles when I saw the expression on his face. He wasn't joking — he was dead serious. It took all the skills I'd practiced for the last two years to sit there, staring into his eyes while showing no reaction to what he just said to me. The most vital, the most alive man I'd ever met just claimed to be a vampire — one of the undead, Nosferatu, Strigoi, Vrykolakas — there were dozens of names for the same thing, none of which even _remotely_ described him.

And so I sat there, trying to keep him from seeing my pain as a piece of my heart broke. Reality had finally intruded, reminding me there was no such thing as perfection. Edward had serious problems. This brilliant, gorgeous, and caring man was delusional. But I didn't even have to take time to think about it, I'd already decided where my place would be. I wasn't a psychiatrist, I didn't have the necessary skills but regardless I'd be there for him, help where I could, try to understand why he believed this about himself.

Because as ridiculous as it sounded, even though it had only been a few weeks, I was rapidly falling in love with him.

"Edward," I faltered, trying to come up with the appropriate words. "I don't…"

"So Bella," he interrupted with a smile, his carefree tone shocking me, as if he'd done no more than claim something trivial, get it off his chest and now we could just move on. Staring at him, I started to wonder if he was worse off than I'd originally thought.

"Will you still go to Cherokee with me? Have dinner at my house?"

* * *

**A/N** Much much earlier than expected, but the muse was still on my shoulder. The next chapter should be a good, solid week, because it'll be a complicated one.

I hope you're enjoying it, and I hope you're not too confused. All of the chapters are full of hints, and it's not as far off canon as you might think (that is a very big hint.)

And please, please review. Your responses are important to me so I know if I'm getting too subtle, or not subtle enough. Don't worry though, you won't be guessing until the end of the book. Lots of things will happen after all is lots clearer.

And thank you for the kind reviews thus far - you guys are the best! Come on by Twilighted, to the Alternative Universe forum, and have a seat and chat.


	4. Beginnings

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just throwing them in the wash.

* * *

"_So Bella," he interrupted with a smile, his carefree tone shocking me, as if he'd done no more than claim something trivial, get it off his chest and now we could just move on. Staring at him, I started to wonder if he was worse off than I'd originally thought._

"_Will you still go to Cherokee with me? Have dinner at my house?"_

Chapter 4

Beginnings

Good question.

Most of what I'd learned of Edward these last few weeks proved he was a gentle man. Caring, considerate, overly protective perhaps, but not someone I could imagine fearing. This declaration of his vampirism was, of course, not based in reality, but I still saw no reason to be afraid of him. Still unsure how to deal with this delusion, I thought perhaps the best way would be to acknowledge it, and then let it go.

"I don't know, Edward. Do I have to worry about you biting me if we're alone that long?" I did everything in my power to keep a straight face.

The depths of his reaction startled me. Edward was horror-struck, and I could feel the blood rush to my face as I recognized my mistake.

"Do you think I'd bite _you?_ Good lord Bella, I've never even tasted human blood, and you think I'd want to taste yours?" He was frantic, eyes pleading with me to believe him, his southern accent — normally barely there — suddenly became more pronounced.

Maybe I wasn't as well equipped to handle this as I'd thought. Deep down, a part of me still wanted to laugh at the absurdity of this conversation, but Edward obviously believed what he said to be true, and being the one responsible for his anguish left me feeling sick. I had to try to make this right.

"I know you won't hurt me Edward." I moved closer to him and grabbed both his warm hands. "And of course I'll still go with you." I reached up and gave him a brief but tender kiss, not caring who in the office might see us, and watched his eyes soften and then melt into mine.

**

The white fabric billowed around me as I leaned against the porch railing of Edward's house. It was a traditional southern home, gossamer curtains shading the porch from the worst of the sun as it traveled across the sky. It even had ceiling fans to keep the air moving as you sat outside. I stood at the railing, gazing into the deep woods that surrounded us, feeling the cooler air caress my body, swirl around my arms and legs and neck and slip under the skirt of my light cotton dress. Edward sang softly as he moved through the kitchen, preparing a light dinner as I waited outside taking in the early evening and the sweet and humid scents of the forest.

It had been a long, hot drive up to North Carolina, but Edward's Volvo proved to be far more comfortable than my Civic. We flew up the interstate, soft music playing, the air conditioning blasting. He drove like a maniac, but I didn't mind. His movements were sure and practiced, and if it got us up there faster then I was all for it.

This time Edward met me outside my apartment instead of the parking lot at work. He drove without consulting maps, and our first destination was east of Asheville, south of the Black Mountains to a tiny town called Sandy Mush where he was born and raised He didn't go into further details, but I was more than willing to take this side trip with him.

That is, until we got there.

We drove down a long gravel driveway to a small house backed up against a cliff. The front of the house faced a large meadow with a mountain range looming before us just as the meadow ended. The house was empty. Leaves and litter gathered in windswept piles on the porch, webs spun between the balustrades. Opening my door I followed him as we got out of the car, watching everywhere for spiders, shadowing him as he wandering around the house, peering in windows, eyes distant and distracted. It wasn't a time to ask questions. Instead I would just be there for him, be whatever he needed.

Forcing open the door, Edward took a tentative step inside, but this time I didn't follow, not wanting to intrude at a time when he should be left alone with his memories. Leaving him for the moment I stepped off the porch and stood in the meadow in front of the house, my head raised as I looked up at the pine-covered mountains in front of me. It was part of a range of mountain joining mountain, deep gullies between them and if you squinted your eyes you could imagine a green blanket draping, gently folding and pleating as it cascaded towards the ground. Beautiful as they were, something about the mountains felt wrong, as if they were watchful, angry, regarding us as intruders upon its millennia of serenity. Lost in my imagination as I dreamed of living mountains, I jumped when Edward's warm arms came up behind me, wrapped around me and pressed me close. Smiling, I relaxed into him as we stared at the mountains together.

"They tell me I was born up there, in that deep gorge right in front of us." He bent down and kissed the top of my head.

"The old couple who lived in this house found me there. I was an infant, lying beside my mother, or what was left of her…" I shivered in spite of the heat, and buried myself deeper into his arms.

"They told me she was attacked by an animal, that her body had been ravaged and she had been dead at least a day. They didn't know who she was, or where she was from, but I was still alive."

"Didn't they call the authorities?"

"Bella, there's not much in the way of the authorities out here, with the exception of the State Police, and no one trusts them. This is as back-country as you can find. They took me in, named me, tried to give me a basic education, and cared for me. They were good people. I couldn't have asked for more." His voice dropped to a whisper. "They died within a month of each other…"

"They named you Edward?"

"No."

I turned my head, surprised, expecting him to elaborate, or at the very least continue his story, but instead he moved away, grabbed my hand, and started walking back to the car.

That's when I noticed it.

I stopped, our arms stretching taut between us before he noticed I wasn't moving. He started to object but I put a finger to my lips, motioning him to be quiet.

There was nothing. No sound. No birds, no insects, no wind stirring the leaves on the trees…nothing at all. I dropped his hand, spun around, and looked back at the mountains. That's when I felt it. The pulling. The grabbing at me. Drawing me forward towards the trees, up the slopes to somewhere, _anywhere_ it would take me. I put my hand to my chest and felt rather than heard myself gasp as I started to walk, blind to everything around me when Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me, turning me back to the car. I locked my knees, dug in my heels — torn between Edward and that desire, that craving to climb, to seek, to discover. I could lose myself there, I could find myself there.

"Bella, we need to go _now!_" His voice was trembling, on the edge of panic. In a daze I turned to face him, and it was his eyes, wide and brilliantly green and full of terror that brought me back to here, to now, to the meadow, to reality.

Snapping out of my fog I turned away from the mountains, grabbed his hand and ran, fighting the overwhelming desire to turn back I ran with him towards the house, back to his car — when I heard it.

Bees. The buzzing of hundreds, no _thousands_ of bees. My eyes followed the sound to the house and there, surrounding it, on every eve, every soffit, were carpenter bees drilling into the wood, crawling over each other, leaving perfect circles of destruction as they attacked the house, intent upon leaving nothing left of it at all.

Edward and I stood together, frozen, watching them…and then as one mind we sprinted for the car, opened our doors and flung ourselves inside. With a squeal of tires and a shower of gravel he flew down the driveway — as fast and as far away as he could get us.

**

The slap of his bare feet on the hardwood alerted me to his presence as Edward placed two dishes brimming with fresh vegetables and fruit onto the small porch table. He went back in and returned a moment later with chilled white wine and two delicate crystal goblets. Strolling over to me and giving me a soft kiss, he took my hand and led me to my seat, holding it for me before sitting himself. The day's events had left us both weary, but I was hungry and looked forward to the cool meal.

He poured our wine and grabbed my hand, gazing at me, his emerald eyes softly burning into mine until with a smile he dropped my hand and picked up his fork. We ate our dinner in comfortable silence.

After our panicked departure from Sandy Mush, there was an unspoken agreement that we not discuss what happened; we just drove out of that place, towards the northwest, in the direction of Cherokee and the reservation. Bypassing Asheville without a word, we just kept heading west and into the Smokey Mountains. We needed time to digest, and I needed time, time alone, to come to terms with what happened to me at the base of that mountain.

"I haven't been here since I was a little boy," a soft voice whispered from the driver's seat, the first words he'd uttered since we left Sandy Mush. We slowly wound our way through the Cherokee reservation, through deserted roads, past small homes that didn't speak of poverty but, more accurately, spoke of resignation. The dirt roads billowed clouds of smoke behind us as we travelled silently, simply watching, observing, and taking it in. The heat was palpable, grass burning in the sun and even the trees looked withered. Driving in our air conditioned bubble only added to the sense of being separated from the reality of the world outside.

"It's not as I remember it. When I was a child I loved the sense of history here." He shook his head slowly. "But today I feel guilt, and I'm not certain why." The reservation had that same sense of watchful anger as the mountains at Sandy Mush. Peering up at the surrounding hills I felt that same discomfort. No pull this time, but instead slowly burning resentment – as if civilization didn't belong here. His eyes flickered to mine and then back to the road. Reaching for each other we held hands, intertwining our fingers as we let them rest on the console, and took the next road that brought us out of the reservation and into the commercial district.

And to a silly amusement park called Ghost Town in the Sky.

* *

I took a sip of the cold and fruity wine and, thinking about what happened at the amusement park, glanced over at Edward.

"Are you ready to talk about that old man yet? Do you think he was tribal elder?"

Edward put down his fork and dropped his eyes to his lap, visibly disturbed by the events.

"Bella, I don't know what that was about. It wasn't the first time I'd been there, although I don't remember seeing him before." He raised his head before reaching over and taking my hand, rubbing his thumb along my knuckles. "But you're here with me tonight, and I'm much rather focus on that, sweet Bella."

It was early afternoon when we pulled into a parking lot at the base of a cliff, right off Cherokee's main drag I turned to Edward, mouth open, staring at him in disbelief.

"Here?"

"Yup!" I was hoping for a sheepish look, but instead I was gaping at a man who grinned like a little boy as he opened my door and dragged me out of the car and to a ski lift that would transport us up the mountain.

"Nononono, I don't do heights Edward," looking up at the sign, "and I definitely don't do places called Ghost Town in the Sky."

"You'll be fine, I'll even hold you on the lift." He was chuckling, and I was not amused.

"And when we get off that death trap we'll be where, an amusement park? I don't do rides either."

"Neither do I, but there's more. Come on, you'll love it." Right.

A half hour later we stood at the top of the cliff and looked down at Maggie Valley, which lay below us, and up at the Smokey Mountains which loomed before us. Edward was still holding me after a terrifying ride up a rocky hillside in that damned chair. Ski lifts may be fine if there's snow beneath you, but when all you see is rock-strewn ground it doesn't leave you feeling as if it's a survivable fall, and with nothing holding us into the chair my entire body still trembled, even though we now stood on solid ground — the memory of my terror still too fresh.

Keeping his arm around me we headed into the park, avoiding the cheesy rides, opting for the cheesy western town. And as much as I wanted to grump about the entire experience I couldn't stop myself from grinning. This place was so bad it was funny. The western streets were filled with tourists and families, and the saloon was real, serving food and drinks. There was even a can-can show scheduled every hour.

I saw the sign before he did, and checking my watch I pulled Edward down the street, to a western shoot-out re-enactment. The actors wore hidden microphones as they shouted and challenged each other, shooting and falling over dead, dressed in their frontier clothes with long hair and scruffy beards. It was fun and refreshing, and I understood why Edward wanted to come here. It was simply a good time.

But what I really wanted to see were the Cherokee dancers.

I had no allusions about what to expect. They would not be religious dances performed for outsiders, but instead they'd be dances the Cherokees felt comfortable letting us see. Regardless, I was really looking forward to it. I'd been invited to some Quileute dances over the years, and wondered how they compared considering the geographical separation of the two tribes.

Sitting on hard wooden benches, waiting for the show to start, it was his face that caught my attention. An old man sat on the far side of the enclosure, dressed in worn jeans and a flannel shirt in spite of the heat. Eyes clouded and rheumy, his face was a study in deep lines, crosshatched in places, making his russet-colored skin a road map of his years. He was picturesque in his aging body, and he was also visibly angry.

Those furious eyes were on Edward as he struggled to his feet and shuffled across the dirt floor, stopping about 5 feet in front of him - hesitant to come any closer. The two men stared at each other, Edward's face questioning and the old man's seething.

"Leave."

"Excuse me?" Edward looked behind us in confusion, wondering if this was directed at someone other than himself.

"You are to leave. Not just here, I want you off reservation lands. I want you far away." The old man's voice trembled with barely controlled rage, and Edward's expression turned dark.

"I don't think so," he growled. "I'm here to see the show." I watched Edward carefully as he took a deep breath and turned away, but the old man just stepped closer.

"I don't care how you hide yourself, you are not fooling me," he hissed. "This is the twenty-first century, and we talk to other tribes." The old man's voice got louder, attracting the attention of those around us. Spit clung to the corners of his lips and his face was thunderous.

"Edward," I whispered, "let's just get out of here." I didn't know what the hell was going on but staying was no longer worth where this was threatening to go.

Edward's eyes narrowed as he stared down the old man, fierce determination on his face as he rose from his seat. _Shit._ Determined to keep this from turning into a testosterone-fueled pissing contest I stood, grabbed his hand and pulled.

"I want to go, and I want to go now." I glanced at the old man and then glared at Edward, making it abundantly clear I didn't intend to let this go further. Reluctantly, he followed me, taking a single backwards glance at the old man as we walked out. I turned too, noticing the old man now looked smaller, shrunken, as he shuffled back to his seat. I couldn't decide if he looked triumphant or defeated.

Back in the sweltering car we held hands, and once again ignoring what happened, we just agreed it was time to head home. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes, puzzling over all the odd events of the day. So much of it could have been imagination, or over-reaction, but that didn't explain the man's behavior towards Edward. Thinking back on it, I could see there was fear underneath the anger, but what could he be afraid of? Edward's silly notions about vampires had no basis in reality, and regardless, the old man didn't know about it. Edward was no more than what he appeared to be — a young and handsome man. Sighing quietly to myself, I came to the conclusion Edward wasn't the only one who was delusional.

We were still a good 40 miles north of Columbia when we pulled off the interstate, wound through a series of secondary roads until we turned into an obscure dirt driveway that seemed to run for miles. When the road ended Edward got out of the car, opened my door and led me into the woods.

We strolled through the thick forest and talked as he pointed out various trees and hidden streams. He led me to interesting rock formations and exotic wildflowers, and by the time we reached his house I had no idea what direction we had walked in, only that there was no discernible path. But I didn't care, because it was cool under the canopy of trees, and Edward was utterly delightful. He stole quick kisses as we walked, smiled the entire time, hugged me repeatedly and took genuine enjoyment in the beauty around us. And when I could see a break in the trees up ahead, and see a patch of golden sunlight glinting off something in the distance, he pulled me into a run, to a small clearing where his house rose up, as if a part of the woods.

The sprawling single story southern house graced the clearing, with a high peaked attic to trap the heat, and deep porches around all four sides. Sided with oiled wooden shakes and covered with a moss-covered tile roof, it was absolutely lovely – cool and inviting in the midst of the forest.

**

As we finished dinner I stood and walked to the porch railing. Evening had set in, cooling the air even further as the forest breezes picked up, gently stroking my skin and drying the last of the day's perspiration. I gazed up into the darkened trees and listened to the night birds flutter against the leaves, preparing for their evening activities. Crickets chirped and the occasional firefly swept by, and when those warm arms came up behind me and wrapped themselves around my waist, pulling me into his muscular chest I simply sighed and leaned my head back against his shoulder.

"Will you stay tonight?" His mouth was right by my ear, blowing hot breath across it, his voice soft and purring. I thought about my sterile apartment, knowing I should return to it but I desperately desired to remain in these woods - comfortable, serene, enfolded in his arms.

"Edward, I don't know if…" I gasped as his lips touched my ear, whispering small kisses as he moved, lips grazing my neck like fluttering butterflies as they dropped to my shoulder, his arms tightening around me, pulling me into his body. I groaned as a chill rushed up my spine, his kisses more insistent, his tongue flicking out and tasting my skin then blowing softly, raising goose bumps as his hands started to gently stroke my waist, softly rubbing across my stomach. I could feel the vibrations of his soft growls as I tilted my head to the side, lost in the sensation of his full lips on my neck, my shoulder, my ear, feeling the hard muscles of his chest against my back as they rippled with each movement of his arms, of his hands as he stroked me slowly.

"May I?" he whispered into my ear, his hands bolder as they slid up my stomach. I put my hands over his and guided him, melting into his chest as I brought his hands to my breasts, letting him ghost his palms over them, whimpering as they grazed my hard nipples. He gently cupped one and softly kneaded it while teasing the other, letting his palm trace circles, heating me, my breaths coming faster as my back arched, pushing my chest into his hands while pushing my hips back into him, feeling his hardness against me, groaning with the promise of his body. He growled and spun me around, crushing me to him as his lips pressed to mine, hard, insistent, searing as he pushed his lean, muscular thigh between my legs, hands capturing my hips, rocking me against him. I gasped for breath and he suddenly slowed, his eyes capturing mine, burning with lust and love as he lowered his head for a softer kiss.

"I know it's too soon my Bella." He was short of breath, chest heaving as he whispered against my lips. "But I've dreamed of sleeping with you in my arms, and waking with you beside me, smelling your sweet fragrance all night." He backed up slightly, eyes now soft and longing.

"No more than sleep my darling, just let me hold you." I nodded in agreement as I reached for his lips, running my tongue over them, tasting his sweet scent and the chilled wine. I felt his grin as he kissed me softly, before pulling back.

"Just be careful of my teeth," he murmured. "They're sharp."

* * *

**A/N** I'd like to thank the folks who have looked at this for me while my beta was busy doing other things, including my hubby who seemed quite surprised as he read the chapter. We won't discuss how much I blushed as he read the end.

And if I read this one more time, looking for errors, I'm going to go blind. So, here it is :-)

Last but not least, please review. It helps knowing it's not just me out there...


	5. Playing House

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just moving them into the dryer.

* * *

Chapter 5

Playing House

It was barely dawn when I opened my eyes. Diffuse light filtered in through the thin curtains, fluttering in a soft breeze around the window frames, allowing the cool air to infiltrate the room and stroke my flesh. Strong arms were wrapped tightly around me, even in sleep, his body firmly pressed against my back as I felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest. The night before had been a magical evening full of love and tenderness as we kissed, and held each other, and explored our bodies and our burgeoning feelings. Never pushing, he was so tender, his touch both soothing and exhilarating. I fell asleep surrounded by him, by the love weaving its way around us, drawing us together.

Smiling when I heard his quiet snore I snuggled into him and closed my eyes. It was so early, and we were up so late, and as I slid back towards sleep wispy and dancing dreams floated around me — the feel of bodies together, stroking softly, the texture of my silk nightdress against my hands. I settled into the dream, embraced it as my mind replayed the night, scenes floating in my head and fluttering like the wings of butterflies when my dream self opened her eyes — _and stared right into my own face._

I jerked out of the dream and sat straight up, staring down at the still sleeping Edward.

_What the hell was that?_

His eyes flew open, and for a moment I thought he appeared troubled, disturbed, guilty…and then he broke into a huge smile, grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back, kissing my hair and running his fingers down my back. And all thoughts of strange dreams left my head as I reached up and placed a soft kiss on his full lips.

He tightened his grip around my waist and pulled me closer. The prohibition against my tongue entering his mouth still in effect, he gently sucked my bottom lip then brushed his tongue lightly across it, asking permission. Our kiss deepened, tongues stroking slowly, playfully as his hand slid up my ribs and with the familiarity borne of a night of love, cupped my breast and stroked my nipple. Sighing and arching into his hand I pressed closer to him, felt his hardness against my stomach as we played some more — no rush, no agenda, just gentle caresses as we loved each other.

We delayed getting out of bed, snuggling close, his hot body and the cool breezes an early morning balm, his deliciously masculine scent filling me. My stomach felt empty, getting dangerously close to the point of growling, but nothing would embarrass me now, there was no place else I wanted to be. If we stayed in this one spot maybe the bubble wouldn't burst, real life wouldn't seep in and we wouldn't lose whatever it was I had found, we had found. His fingers stroked through my hair, slowly and lovingly, and I didn't want this moment to end.

"Bella," I felt him shift his body and I looked up. "I want to ask you a question, if I may?" His eyes were soft, but there was a nervous tightness pulling the edges. I nodded for him to continue.

"Would you consider staying here with me? All the time?" I snuggled into his chest, still half asleep, and answered without serious thought.

"But how would I get to work from here?" I knew he did it every day, but I couldn't imagine traipsing through the forest in work clothes.

"I mean, just stay with me. Leave your job and apartment and stay." My eyes flew open as I realized what he just asked.

And my immediate, unvoiced reaction was a knee-jerk refusal. What an absurd idea! I couldn't quit my job to be with a man I'd only known a few weeks. I can't give up my apartment and just move in. Dear god, I barely knew him.

But there was a part of me, a small voice that was begging to be heard. That voice was reminding me how unhappy I was, how much I hated my job, how at peace I felt out here under the cool trees in a house that felt alive, comfortable, and secure, with a man I was falling in love with. And that small voice got louder as it kept asking me, again and again, why I should refuse. What was I returning to?

"Edward, I…" I stopped as a thought raced up through all the others.

"You don't work there, do you?" It wasn't really a question, it was a statement. The answer was as plain as day.

"No, I don't."

"Then why?"

"Why?" He smiled and his face lit. "Because I was wandering in the woods near your office, and I saw you. How could I not see you again? How could I not try to meet you?" He raised his hand and stroked my cheek, his green eyes glittered as he gazed into mine. "How could I not want you?" I could feel my blush spreading as he reached over and kissed me softly, tenderly.

I sighed against his mouth. Was it love, or were my hormones ruling my brain? Why was I even considering this offer? Even more, why did the idea of agreeing grant me an overwhelming sense of relief?

"I...I need to shower. I need to think." I moved to the edge of the bed and stood, my knees shaking...too much too soon. Looking around in confusion I suddenly remembered I had no clean clothes. All I had was the soiled dress from yesterday, and the silk nightdress he had found for me. Frowning slightly, I realized I was so caught up in him last evening I hadn't even wondered why he had it,

But before I could say a word he slid out of bed, grabbed my hand and pulled me to a closet.

"My cousin likes to shop. In fact, it's an addiction. The last time she visited she bought an entire wardrobe and then left it here for her next visit." He opened the door and showed me a closet full of new clothes, tags still in place and, oddly enough, all my size. "You can have anything here. I'll speak with her, don't worry about it. It's all yours, whatever you want."

Too stunned to say a word, I gazed at the racks full of clothes and wondered what kind of insane woman shops and leaves the clothes, unworn, in a house she doesn't live in. Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I started to wonder if there was a family tendency towards lunacy.

But I did need something to wear. As I stepped into the closet he came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and tucked my head under his chin.

"If you choose to stay, you don't even have to return for clothes. I have everything you need, and if you need anything else, I'll be happy to get it for you." He turned me around and looked down. "Please?"

I kissed his cheek and knew I had to separate myself for a little while — out of his arms, away from those hypnotic eyes. Slipping away from him I looked through the racks, chose a loose blue shift, and without another word headed for the bathroom.

The warm water massaged my body, eased my tense muscles while I thought about Edward's admission that he didn't work in my office, and his request I stay. He hadn't actually lied to me, he never told me he worked there, he just let me assume he did. There was a part of me that was angry about that, and a part of me that was complimented he'd go to such extremes just to meet me. It's not as if I wasn't immediately attracted to him from the first moment I saw him, it's not as if I didn't feel the same way about him.

But was he stalking me? I suppose if he followed me around, followed me to my home it could be defined that way. Instead he simply sat at a table outside my office, hoping to meet me. I suppose I could forgive him for that. Would I have done the same? Reluctantly, I had to conclude I would.

But the bigger issue was his request, and my astonishment for even considering it. At twenty-eight I'd be handing him my life, walking away from all my responsibilities, and completely losing my independence. It was a crazy idea, but the concept was so damned _enticing_. I had an overwhelming desire to say yes, to live here with him, because the truth was I was happier in my few short hours here, in this house within this lovely forest, than I'd ever been in my entire life. I wanted this so much it scared the hell out of me. I barely knew him…shit, I didn't even know his last name, but it felt _right_ while making no sense at all.

Then I thought of Angela's last email to me, and the devastating news about Ben's continued deterioration. In spite of how sick he was, how sick he always would be, and his ever-shortening life span, the two of them were undeterred in their plans to be married. On top of this, Ben was now sterile, and yet Angela hadn't wavered for a moment. She was my best friend, I knew what her dreams and desires were. I knew she wanted a large family, I knew she dreamed of retiring to the mountains above Forks and living in a small cabin, working the land and having a few animals. None of this would be possible now. Ben couldn't give her those children, and neither knew if adoption could be possible considering his physical condition. Her dream of living in the mountains would never happen — he could never be that far from doctors, and chances are he would never live to a normal retirement age.

Yet she set her dreams aside because she loved him. She was about to sacrifice everything she ever wanted because being with him came first.

Could I do the same? I spent my life dreaming about working with books, publishing the best of creative authors, loving and living their words as I helped mold their books to bring them to the public. This was what I always wanted to do but now I knew the reality didn't match the dream. Even without Lauren, the truth was…publishing was a business, like any other. It was our job to make money, and that meant manuscripts were chosen based on marketability, not worth. Here I was hoping to see an unknown Dorothy Sayers cross my desk but instead all I saw were imitations of Stephen King. My dreams had dissolved more than a year ago as reality reared its head. Lauren was just the bitter icing on the cake.

Sighing, disgusted with what I let my life become, I stepped out of the shower, toweled myself off and slipped on the cool cotton dress. Grabbing my hairbrush I walked through the house, untangling knots and admiring the beautiful furnishings as I wandered from room to room. The house was designed for both beauty and comfort, with an open design to keep the air from the large windows circulating. Ceiling fans kept a light breeze going, and the porch roof kept the sun from shining directly inside. It was cool, filtered light, enhanced with shades of green from the leaves of the trees pressed against the house.

I walked into the living room, decorated in muted earth tones with splashes of the occasional blue, and ran my hand over the soft fabric of the sofa, skimmed my fingers over the tender leaves of the palms and split-leafed philodendrons scattered around the room. It was a place designed for calm, for peace. A place to lose yourself, wrapped in tranquility.

Heading towards a back room I passed a set of open French doors and saw Edward standing on the porch, eyes intent and scanning the forest. I realized then that my decision would be based on an answer to one particular question. If he could be honest with me, I'd do this. This would be my moment to break out of the trap that had become my existence. Edward, and my growing love for him, would be my motivator. And if it didn't work I would return to Forks, to Charlie and Renee, face what I needed to face and move on.

I stepped out onto the porch and quietly approached him. Turning to me with a brilliant smile, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close before returning to his examination of the forest. I took a deep breath and started the conversation that might define my life.

"Edward, I need an honest answer." I hesitated when those green eyes full of questions caught mine. Bracing myself for whatever came out of this, I continued.

"What do you keep looking for?"

His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. "There are things out there that are dangerous, Bella. I just want to ensure both of us remain safe."

"I want specifics, Edward." I pulled away and crossed my arms.

"I already told you what I am," he whispered. "I'm not the only one of my kind out there."

"Are you saying that, as a common occurrence," I swallowed my laughter, "there are vampires wandering around?"

"Yes. And in our case, a specific one. We're being watched, all the time."

Well, I got an honest answer, even though it was an insane one. I turned around so he couldn't see my face, see my thoughts, my indecision. I hadn't qualified it, and there was no doubt he believed what he said. _Could I live with this?_

"Why do you think there are vampires out there and, Edward, why do you believe you're one?"

"I can smell them," he said, a simple answer that required nothing more. "And why I know I'm one?" He walked over and faced me, pain filling his eyes. "I swear I'll never hurt you, Bella, but let me explain another time. Will you forgive me if I don't answer now?"

I just stood there, caught in the honesty of his open face, in the beauty of his eyes, and in the splendor of the soul I was just starting to understand. There was no denying it, this was where I wanted to be.

"Yes, Edward." I took his hand. "And I'll stay with you for now. No promises for the future, but we'll try." I reached up and softly kissed his mouth as our arms wrapped around each other, holding tight, hoping this was the right decision, hoping I could cope with his delusions.

* *

I was furious. I had agreed to stay but that didn't mean I couldn't step outside for a moment without my guard dog at my heels. It had been four wonderful weeks, the best of my life. I had called Lauren and quit, feeling immense satisfaction as I declared I was gone, no notice. We took a quick trip to my apartment, packed what I wanted and disposed of the rest. Life had become a holiday as Edward and I talked and walked and played in the cool water of the deep forest pools. He remained a gentleman, but I knew the time was coming close to when our lust for each other would dictate our next step, and I no longer hesitated to go there.

I wanted him, I wanted him desperately but my growing annoyance with his over protectiveness was starting to infiltrate our relationship. Granted, there were times I still felt that bizarre pull — now to the forest around me, but it had nothing to do with his delusions about vampires. I was starting to feel smothered. There were limits to what I was going to put up with, and today I was ready to explode. He was standing in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for our lunch when I stomped up to him, ready to give him a piece of my mind when he stiffened and gasped.

And someone knocked at the door.

Edward carefully put down the knife and looked at me with fear in his eyes, and his fear became my own. It was a tangible thing, a wild animal coursing through me as I ran over and grabbed his hand. Who would knock at the door of a house in the middle of a dense forest?

"Stay here, Bella." His tone was firm, and I wasn't about to argue. I watched as he walked to the door, tension radiating with every step.

Reaching his hand to the door knob he slowly twisted it, carefully inching the door open. He was taking a deep breath when suddenly he flung the door open the rest of the way and stepped forward, blocking my view.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was strained and his tone was rude. I heard muffled voices, but couldn't make out any words.

_What the hell was going on?_ I quietly left the kitchen, walking towards the door but whoever was standing on the porch was concealed by his body.

"Edward?" He turned to me, sighed, and stepped aside.

"Bella, I'd like to introduce you to my adopted father." I was frozen in shock, not registering the rest of his words. "This is Carlisle…"

"Dr. Cullen?" I interrupted.

Edward's eyes snapped to mine, as startled as I was. "You know him?"

"Yes, of course, I mean…Edward, your last name is Cullen?" He nodded slowly. Then his eyes got wider.

"Bella, where are you from?"

We said it together, staring at each other in awe.

"Forks."

* *

We were all standing in the front foyer, and I was still reeling in shock. Not only was Dr. Cullen here, but so was his daughter Alice, and the man she introduced to me as her husband, Jasper.

But seeing the doctor and his daughter again, so unexpectedly, wasn't the worst of it.

It had been years. I left Forks for college when I was 18 and I hadn't seen either one of them in my brief visits back. But…they both looked exactly the same. Ten years later and not a single wrinkle was added to his face, and Alice looked exactly as I remembered from high school.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chirped, running over and throwing her arms around me. I couldn't even respond, one phrase kept repeating itself in my mind, over and over again. _What the hell?_

"Bella, it's a pleasure to see you again after all these years." Dr Cullen walked over with his hand was out, expecting me to shake it. But all I could do was stare at both of them.

Jasper hung back from the group, fidgeting, clearly uncomfortable. And in the first show of affection since his adopted family showed up, Edward walked over to him and embraced Jasper in a brotherly hug.

I turned my attention back to Dr. Cullen and Alice. She had stepped away from the rest of us, and for a moment her eyes were glazed over. Then she smiled.

"We're just in time," she whispered to her father, giving Edward a pointed look.

"What are you talking about," he growled.

"She needs to meet him. It's her choice, it always has been." Alice turned her head and nodded at the door. "It's time."

"No!" Edward bellowed. What was wrong with him? _Meet who? _

Carlisle flashed to his side and grabbed Edward's arm. So fast I couldn't see him move, Jasper was holding his other arm. Alice walked over to me and took my hand, pulling me to the door.

"Go outside Bella, go onto the porch." I looked at her as if she was insane, but she just repeated herself. Glancing at Dr. Cullen, he nodded in agreement.

"Go on Bella, trust me. It's necessary."

Puzzled, I turned and opened the door. Leaving it open I stepped out onto the porch, when I felt the pull again. It was stronger than ever before, leaving me breathless, almost in pain. I heard a rustle around the far side of the house, and then a man stepped into view, head bowed.

And I froze.

He was tall, maybe an inch or so taller than Edward. A bit thinner, but rippling muscle could be seen moving beneath his careworn shirt. His skin was pale, as pale as the Cullens', and then he lifted his head and looked into my eyes.

A wave of dizziness hit me…this couldn't be real. His high cheekbones, his strong jaw, his sensual lips, his aristocratic nose, his unruly bronze hair – I spun around and looked through the doorway, then slowly turned, and faced him again. I was staring at a doppelganger.

But his eyes were different - eyes with faint purple bruises under them. It was those amber eyes that I couldn't look away from as I felt my entire being drawn to him.

"Who are you?" I whispered, unable to stop staring at the man in front of me.

"It's good to see you Isabella." He took a deep breath, his nostrils flared, and then he gave me a crooked grin. "It's been a long time." From deep within me a memory emerged — a man by a pole, a man with funny colored hair.

"Who _are_ you?" I repeated, grabbing the porch railing as the memory grew stronger.

His eyes were liquid gold as they went from soft and longing, to apprehensive, but never leaving mine. I watched his internal struggle before his slumped in resignation and lowered his head, whispering to me...

"My name is Edward." He glanced up at the struggling man behind me. "I'm his father."

* * *

**A/N** **

**

**

FM runs away, and hides under a handy rock ;-)

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Look for Alternative Universe.

And **thank you all **for your fantastic reviews! Keep 'em coming _please_!


	6. The Truth is Stranger than Fiction

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just removing a few wrinkles.

* * *

Chapter 6

The Truth is Stranger than Fiction

The concept is called Pantheistic Solipsism, also known as the World-As-Myth idea.

Robert Heinlein, the science fiction writer, came up with it. He theorized that a powerful enough author could create a parallel universe by simply writing about it, and that universe would take on all the characteristics and be populated by all the characters of that work of fiction. I had learned about the concept in a senior literature class, and we had a great time discussing the ramifications of something so outlandish. Some of us even carried the concept into our philosophy classes, offering Mr. Heinlein an extra moment of fame, even after death.

But for some reason, as the years went by and other things I learned and discussed were set by the wayside, this particular notion always stuck in my head. Maybe I was subconsciously preparing myself for the scene unfolding in front of me because, if anything lent itself to pantheistic solipsism, it was this group of adults sitting next to me discussing the world of vampires as if it was fact, and not fiction.

I'wasn't certain how or when it happened, but we found ourselves congregating on the wicker furniture on the back porch. It was hot and muggy, in spite of the shade, but I noticed I was the only one sweating, the back of my shirt sticking to me as I felt the constant trails of perspiration sliding down between my shoulder blades. I was sitting next to Edward…I mean my Edward…I mean the green-eyed Edward, his hand held tightly in mine as I tried to stop my other from shaking so I could take another sip of iced tea. Something stronger than tea would have been pretty good around now, but I knew I needed to keep whatever wits I had left as sharp as possible.

And I was also the only one drinking anything. I had offered, trying to pull myself together enough to be a proper hostess, but in spite of the heat everyone politely declined.

"Drink some more tea Bella," Edward whispered. "It's hot and, well, this is a bad situation. I don't want to worry about shock too...okay"

He was right. My mind was pretty much on overload by now, my thoughts disjointed. I'd blank out at times, staring into the mass of green that was the forest and see nothing at all. Other times I'd focus, in wonder, at a freckle on my arm, never noticing it before. Then I'd tentatively return to this supposed reality and realize conversation had been taking place that I didn't even hear. At one point I honestly took some comfort in knowing Edward was as rattled as I was as we both took surreptitious glances at the stranger, this Doppelganger.

The man sat with us, yet kept himself pushed back from the circle of friends and relatives. Evidently uncomfortable, withdrawn, hunched into himself, he refused to make eye contact with the rest of the group. He was with us, while still alone. And what was so odd was, in spite of my approaching breakdown my empathy for him sliced right through my daze. I desperately wanted to relieve his pain, to comfort this overwhelming aura of loneliness that joined my never-ending draw towards him. But at the same time I had my Edward's trembling hand clutched in my own. His anger had calmed, but it had been replaced by fear. I wanted to protect him too, but I didn't know how.

Taking an inconspicuous look around me at the collection of people who were threatening Edward's peace of mind I noticed, for the first time, how many physical similarities there were among them. All had very white skin; all had those odd amber eyes. I guess I never thought it was strange when it was just Dr. Cullen and his daughter, but Jasper and the Doppelganger too? Strange skin color, strange eye color, at least two of the group showing no signs of aging…

Pantheistic Solipsism. So, which novel were these people based on? _Okay Bella, get your head out of wacky theories and try to focus. Obviously, there's a rational explanation for all this. We just need to find it…_

"First and foremost, I believe we need to clarify an issue."

The group's silence was broken by the melodious voice of the stranger. He raised his head when he spoke, and he looked directly at Edward. His eyes were soft and his expression pained, but Edward returned it with a look a fierce defiance, an attempt to control his fear with anger. I squeezed his hand tighter and leaned against his shoulder.

"Let him talk, any answers will be good, okay?"

He nodded but continued to glare at him. The Doppelganger cleared his throat.

"It would be helpful, in any attempt at conversation, if we first clarify the issue of names." Edward shifted, but remained quiet.

"We both know your name isn't Edward."

All eyes turned to the man sitting beside me, now convulsively squeezing my hand. His face turned red as he attempted to stare down this man he saw as his adversary. Once again, bravado in the face of fear, except now that the question was on the table, Edward knew we all wanted an answer. Dr. Cullen chuckled softly and turned to them.

"Well, it would be helpful if we weren't talking to two people with the same name, especially if it wasn't necessary." He kept his tone light, trying to interject a note of humor into the tense atmosphere. "I have no ties to the name, Edward, just to you."

He dropped my hand, his expression turning to fury.

"My name is Edward," he growled. "It's the name my mother gave me." The stranger looked at him with compassion, speaking softly but I could see the anger starting to build.

"No. You were named Elijah by the people who found you. There is no embarrassment in admitting that – it is an honorable name."

"And how the fuck would you know that! You claim you're my father but I've never seen you before today! I don't give a shit if you look like me, I don't know who the hell you are!" Edward glared at him, and all I could think of was, if looks could kill...

"All I know is you've followed me all my damned life," he continued, seething, '_Never showing yourself_, just letting me _smell_ you as you hovered close but never close enough. You say you're my father, you claim the same name as mine..."

"I _am _your father, I am sorry to say," he hesitated and then looked horrified. "I don't mean to say I am sorry I am your father, but rather that I could not be there for you, as a proper father should."

"So you did what," Edward sneered. "Abandon me like you did my mother?" The stranger rose to his feet and got in Edward's face.

"Elijah, I did NOT abandon your mother. I did not KNOW she was pregnant. And I thought you were raised with better manners than this. There are ladies present!"

"Don't call me by that name!"

"Why not, it IS your name!

My eyes flew between the two of them, horrified by this argument, the yelling, the rising tension in the air as two men who looked to be the same age had a standoff over how one was a bad father to the other. What kind of insanity was this?

The two men stood, staring each other down, fiery green eyes and blazing amber eyes, neither giving an inch, both stretched to their full heights and both trembling with anger. Then suddenly my Edward's eyes dimmed, collapsing into the seat next to me, his face tortured, defeated. He turned, his eyes pleading.

"I don't know how, Bella, but I saw her die while she gave birth to me." He lowered his head into his hands. "I heard her call out the name 'Edward'," he whispered. "I assumed she meant that to be my name." He looked up at the stranger. "I never told Mary and Jeremiah, because it would sound crazy. After they died I took the name my mother wanted me to have."

The stranger's face was filled with grief as he cautiously approached Edward, kneeling before him. "She was calling out _my_ name, the person who should have been there for her…had I known." He grabbed my Edward's hand. "And I didn't abandon you but, I did the only thing I could do. Once I knew you existed I dedicated my life to guarding you, protecting you," his eyes flickered to mine for a second, "I dropped everything else, ensuring you had all you needed, ensuring you came to no harm." He looked away for a moment, than returned his focus to the man sitting, torn, in front of him. "I had nothing else to give you. I had _nothing_, no means to raise a child."

He looked over at Dr. Cullen. "I have to thank you for what you did for him. I should have thanked you before this, but…"

**

"_Goddamn, I found him!"_

_Carlisle heard the whispered words and flew up the stairs to Jasper's study. There, on the monitor, was a still image of a grainy face. Picking up the deteriorating sepia-toned photograph, Carlisle compared the two._

"_You're right, it's him. Where?"_

"_Steamtown National Monument, Pennsylvania," he checked some notes. "In downtown Scranton."_

_Jasper was smiling, quite pleased with himself. It was the last software acquisition that finally did it — a program that was capable of comparing scanned facial features against all images from security cameras that were transmitted on the internet. Granted, if the images never left the source he'd never be able to access them, but he was hoping there would be enough places with cameras set up that were too small to keep a fulltime staff, requiring transmission to a central source. _

_A quick internet search showed that, coincidentally, this was the perfect place. A national monument so security was mandatory, but small enough that it wasn't worth the funding for local guards — the city police could handle anything that might happen. Jasper briefly thanked the gods of budget cuts and softly called out for Alice._

"_We've got him Alice, how long do we have?" Jasper looked up as his wife entered the room, her eyes already glazed over as she sorted through the possible futures. She was frowning, not something she usually did._

"_He's really difficult to see, I can just catch edges of him, but I think he remains in the area, and I don't see any form of transportation. We should be able to track him." She glanced over at Carlisle who was already on the phone, booking a charter flight to the airport closest to Steamtown. Carlisle had contacts. By the time they got to the airstrip the plane would be prepped, fueled, and the flight plan filed._

_Slipping the phone back into his pocket he noted Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett had already joined them._

"_Jasper, Esme and Alice, you're coming with me. Rosalie, you and Emmett stay for now, if I need you I'll call." He turned to those who would be joining him. "The goal is to keep him from running again — he was damned fast last time. But I also don't want to frighten him." He shot an apologetic look at Emmett. "That's why you and Rosalie are staying." The two of them nodded, understanding. Carlisle had been searching for this man for over eighty years. No one knew what to expect, but no one was going to argue with him and risk making a mistake that might ruin this one change to nab him._

_They were in the air within 30 minutes, with a 6 hour flight ahead of them. Alice's role was to keep searching ahead, making sure they were still heading in the right direction. Once they found him, Jasper was to get a sense of his emotions, and alter them if necessary. Esme was to be herself…a mother he might relate to. Carlisle, well Carlisle just hoped he might remember him._

_The rental car was ready when they landed, but as soon as Carlisle slipped behind the wheel Alice spoke up._

"_He's not there any longer, but he's not far. There's a park, a sign…Nay Aug Park. He's there." Jasper pulled out his GPS and started dictating directions to Carlisle, who was already pulling onto the interstate._

_Walking at human speed was incredibly frustrating but also essential. To slow things even further, this was a park, so any speed other than ambling would be seen with suspicion. They were following a scent, ignoring the fact it wasn't human but didn't seem quite right —it was all they had. And it was the closest thing to vampire any of them could detect._

_The scent took them down into a gorge, a pool far below fed by a cascading waterfall. Sitting on a rock, his back to them, a man looked down into the gorge, unaware of their presence. Carlisle glanced over at Jasper._

"_He's depressed," Jasper whispered. In spite of the overwhelming roar of the waterfall the man raised his head, on alert, but he kept his back to them._

"_He also heard me," Jasper chuckled softly._

_Carlisle stepped forward, motioning the rest of them to stay where they were. He quietly approached the man, and when he got within a few feet he stopped._

"_Edward?" Carlisle waited, not knowing how he's react, when the man spun around, a look of shock on his face._

_But it couldn't have compared to the shock Carlisle felt as he stared into a face that looked precisely like the human face of the man he _knew_ was no longer human._

_**  
_

Dr. Cullen was lost in thought, completed unaware of the surrounding conversation. When he raised his head, he looked…determined. He turned to the Doppelganger Edward.

"Edward, do you remember me?"

The Doppelganger looked at him in confusion, shaking his head. Dr. Cullen sighed deeply.

"I was your creator, Edward. I was the one who pulled you into this world in 1918. I was the one who turned you."

Okay that was it. I'd had it. I'd say my jaw dropped, but more the more accurate description would be, the floor dropped out from under me.

I could tolerate this conversation, this argument, between Edward…or whatever the hell his name was, and this stranger. I could view it with amusement — I mean, the whole idea that this guy - who looks like a virtual twin to my boyfriend - could be his father was absurd. I half expected the next part of the conversation would include bats, Bela Lugosi, silver bullets, and werewolves.

But when Dr. Cullen joined the discussion the entire tenor changed. He was one of the most respected men in Forks, Chief of Staff at the hospital. The rest of them may be a bunch of flakes but _Dr. Cullen_ talking about being around in 1918?

I jumped to my feet and started pacing; I could no longer just sit there listening to a bunch of people who should be locked up. I considered my options…if I ran could I escape them?

"Bella," Dr. Cullen, the obviously mad-as-a-hatter physician suddenly went into doctor mode. "Calm down. Is that sweet tea? Drink a bit more, you could use the sugar." I gave him a look that made it clear I considered my physical state the least of my current issues. When one is surrounded by the insane the last thing one does is take medical advice from them. Dr. Cullen waited to see if I'd follow his instructions, and when I didn't reach for the tea, he sighed.

"How much did he tell you before our arrival?"

Okay...time to fess up. Maybe I could answer, and then run fast?

"Uh, he told me he was a vampire? But of course, I didn't really believe him, I mean…" I looked at Edward…Elijah…whatever…feeling really guilty. Judging by the look he gave me, he didn't look too pleased with me either.

"Well, that wasn't quite accurate anyway." Dr. Cullen looked at the two men. "Elijah is a hybrid — half human, half vampire. He knows this too, but these days he seems to want to just focus on his vampire nature."

Elijah's head was down, brow furrowed, wringing his hands. Maybe I shouldn't leave quite yet. Maybe I should make sure he's okay first…

"Elijah came to us after his parents died; I refer to the ones who found him beside the body of his mother. He'd been wandering, looking — I never really knew what for, but he made his way to Pennsylvania, where we…found him. I…I suspected he wasn't human, and he had such an uncanny resemblance to his father there was no question who had fathered him."

"Hybrids are rare, it took research and calling in some favors for me to confirm my theory." He looked over at Elijah. "And he knows all this, well, all except that I knew who his father was." He switched his focus to Doppelganger Edward.

"You were dying of the Spanish Influenza, in 1918. In a moment of weakness, and at the request of your dying mother, I changed you. You're the first person I've ever changed, yours is the only human blood I'd tasted at that point."

"We were in Chicago at the time, and when you woke, you ran." Dr. Cullen scrubbed his hands over his face, and then returned his eyes to Doppelganger Edward. "I want you to know I never wanted you to experience this alone, live with this without guidance. I spent decades looking for you." Carlisle's eyes moved to Elijah and then back to the Doppelganger. "I thought I had found you."

I walked over to the doctor, no longer able to hide my astonishment. "Dr. Cullen, you're serious about this, aren't you." He nodded, so serious, sp sad…I couldn't doubt his sincerity. He believed what he was saying. _Could it be possible?_

"Vampires are real?" He nodded his head again.

"Uh, and you're telling me I'm not in any danger sitting here with all of you? Wait a moment." I looked over at Alice. "You too?" She just grinned.

_Fucking hell, what have I gotten myself into?_

* * *

**A/N** A bit at a time my friends…even more in the next chapter.

Thank you all for your fantastic reviews! And thank you to my lovely and talented beta, Bookishqua/Booksgalore, who convinced me to split this into two chapters, so blame her ;-)

And please please, keep those reviews coming! And come join the thread over on www[dot]twilighted[dot]net/forum. We're in the alternate universe section, and we're waiting for you. Mwahahaha (that's for Katmom.) And Nina? I couldn't resist.


	7. The Bloodsucker

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just running out of silly things to say in here.

* * *

When we last left our sweet young Bella…

_"Vampires are real?" He nodded his head again._

"_Uh, and you're telling me I'm not in any danger sitting here with all of you? Wait a moment." I looked over at Alice. "You too?" She just grinned._

_Fucking hell, what have I gotten myself into?_

Chapter 7

The Bloodsucker

"Bella, first… please call me Carlisle. And understand, not all vampires drink human blood. My family… we restrict our diet to animal blood only, and judging from the color of Edward's eyes, so does he." He turned to Edward. "Why? Did you learn this from another coven?"

"Whoa, wait a moment," I interrupted. If I was going to be dumped into the world of the weird, I needed to understand all I could. "Eye color means something in the vampire universe?"

"A diet of human blood results in burgundy colored irises. Animal blood gives us more of an amber color — I'm not certain why. However, a hungry vampire of either diet will have black eyes."

"But not Edward… er… Elijah?"

"No. From the little I was able to learn, hybrids retain human eye color no matter what. Elijah not only looks a great deal like his father, but Edward's eyes were green before he was changed."

I was still trying to wrap my mind around this. If I allowed myself to believe them, Elijah had been telling me the truth all along. There are vampires all around, and although it shouldn't be possible, this man who looks the same age as Elijah is actually his father. _How can that be?_

"So," Carlisle continued, "we found Elijah in Pennsylvania, and I took him in. He was exhausted, clothes in tatters, and he'd been eating whatever scraps he could find or steal. His education was basic — Mary and Jeremiah had home schooled him, although they did a fine job." He smiled. "But Elijah was brilliant, a sponge." I turned to Elijah and smiled, not at all surprised to hear this. His face was impassive, but I could see the blush he was desperately trying to control

**

_Edward was in the living room with Emmett, watching a DVD, when Carlisle and Esme left the house. It had taken a few months, but they had all settled into a routine that worked for the entire household, and Edward finally seemed comfortable in his new home. The transition from southern to northern culture was never an issue, because Edward had very little contact outside the Cullen home. Everyone thought that was for the best, for now, especially Edward._

_They walked in comfortable silence until they reached enough distance from the house it was unlikely they'd be overheard, even by vampires or hybrids. Then Esme turned to Carlisle, concern on her face that wasn't shown earlier._

"_I'm not comfortable with his film choices, or even his elective literature choices. All of his focus is on the romantic classics. Frankly, I'm surprised Emmett is putting up with the films." Carlisle laughed at that._

"_Emmett really likes him, and also knows physical activities are out. Edward would be risking dismemberment if Em wasn't careful. To be honest, this has been a growth experience for Emmett, too. He's had to learn there are other aspects to life outside of sports, video games, and physical activities with Rosalie." Carlisle was laughing again._

"_Carlisle, how much has Edward told you about himself? He may allow me to mother him, but he won't confide in me, and I won't push it." He hesitated for a moment, then shrugged._

"_I guess it doesn't hurt if you know. He has a birthday coming up, although he's asked we ignore it; he understands how different he is, and being the center of attention will make him even more uncomfortable. Hmm… remember what I found out about hybrids, or at least, the rumors of them?" Esme nodded."He's going to be eight years old at his next birthday. He was fully grown last year at seven." _

_Esme knew she shouldn't be surprised, Carlisle had told her hybrids grew at an unprecedented rate, but how could she not? Theory and reality are quite different._

"_Poor boy," she mumbled to herself._

"_No, not a boy, most definitely not a boy. I'm his doctor, remember?" Carlisle gave her a sidelong glance. "There is nothing 'boy' about him. He's a full grown man." If Esme could still blush, she'd be beet red. Carlisle put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. _

"_It's not my intention to embarrass you; it's my intention to make sure you understand the truth. Physically, he's a man in his early twenties. Intellectually, he's even older. He's absolutely brilliant; by the time September comes, he'll be ready for university. It's important you don't set your expectations by his chronological age. He's an adult in every sense of the word." They walked even further into the fragrant woods, enjoying the peaceful time alone, the rare time when it was no one but the two of them._

"_The issue here is emotional maturity. That can't be forced, even with the brilliance and talent and rapid growth of a hybrid. Emotional maturity comes with experience, and I fear he'll wind up hurt, and hurt badly, before he gains it."_

"_Carlisle, maybe we shouldn't allow him to go away to college…"_

"_No, I suspect he'll be fine there, because I believe he'll keep to himself until he finds what he's looking for. So yes, I agree with you and your concern about his fixation on romantic films and literature. I know he'll be a gentleman while he's gone; I have no doubts about that. But he's also going to be looking for something he may not find for a very long time." Carlisle lowered his head and sighed._

"_He lives in a house with three mated pairs of vampires. Although the depth of our love is a fine example for him, he's also the odd man out, and in spite of his age, he IS a man. He didn't need to deal with this before his adoptive parents died, they were elderly humans." He hesitated on the trail, then grabbed her hand and kept them moving even farther from the house._

"_I also have another concern. I don't know if he's destined to be with a human, or a vampire. He's strong enough that he might hurt a human, but I don't know if he's strong enough to have relations with a vampire." Carlisle cleared his throat. "And if the rumors of hybrids are true, he's also immortal." He turned to his wife. "Esme, to be honest, I haven't a clue what kind of future he can have." Esme just shook her head. She hated the need to pity someone, but her heart went out to this poor, unique young man._

"_Anyway, the college I have planned is near Denali. I've already asked Tanya to keep an eye on him." Esme turned to him, mouth open and about to object._

"_Calm down, she's not going to go near him or even allow herself to be seen. Even Tanya can be reasoned with when presented with someone as unique as Edward. She's promised to keep her claws to herself and simply observe unseen, and I believe her."_

_The two of them stopped and settled against the trunk of an ancient maple. Esme leaned back against Carlisle, and he wrapped his arms around her and snuggled her close._

"_Carlisle, I know he says his name is Edward, but that would be a strange coincidence, don't you think?"_

"_I don't know what to think, except I'm certain the Edward I changed is his father — the resemblance is uncanny. And no, I don't believe his name is Edward. I've been observing humans up close for enough years that I can see the subtle signs that he's not used to answering to that name. But when we found him he was pleased I called him that. With everything else going on, I'm not going to question him about it. His name is the least of his issues."_

"_And his mother?"_

"_All I know is she's dead, died in childbirth, as expected in this kind of pregnancy. What bothers me is his father doesn't sound like the Edward I knew, or rather, how his mother described him, although I imagine he was as clueless as the rest of us about the possibility this woman might be impregnated." Carlisle sighed against Esme's neck. "Until we can find him, we'll never find out why he even attempted sexual relations with a human — just the attempt could have killed her."_

_He pulled back for a moment, and Esme could feel his respiration increase._

"_What's wrong?" Carlisle didn't move._

"_I wonder… I…What if there are more out there?"_

_**_

Carlisle nodded to the forgotten man sitting next to Alice. "Jasper spent a year tutoring him. After that year, he was ready for college, and I managed to get him into a small university in Alaska. He graduated with honors, and went off to medical school right after."

I stared at Elijah, dumbfounded. Not shocked that he was brilliant, that came as no surprise, but medical school?

"Elijah, are you a doctor?" I asked softly. He raised his head and gazed into my eyes… so much pain.

"Call me Eli, okay?" He sighed. "No, I left after my first year. It was the first time I'd been exposed to human blood, Bella. It was nothing more than blood typing, first year classes, but my reaction scared the hell out of me. It was the first time I'd felt any kind of bloodlust." He sighed deeply. "I ran and came here. Carlisle owns this house. I came here to hide."

"Eli, but you eat food, you said you were a vegetarian…"

"Of course I can eat human food, I always have. Apparently, my physiology allows me to process it. But I can also live on blood if I choose — I just never have. But once I started experiencing bloodlust, I couldn't eat cooked meat any longer. It tasted wrong, it tasted old, burned. I had changed, it became blood or nothing. I chose nothing, choosing instead to become a vegetarian, for as long as I can…" He leaned over, put his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

"So, Edward," Carlisle turned to… I guess I have to admit he really was Eli's father. "What happened to you after you ran from me?"

Edward stood and went to the porch railing, his posture and motion so familiar it pierced my heart, and scanned the woods around the house. I saw his nostrils flare for a moment, tension crossed his face, but then he relaxed, shaking his head.

"I couldn't tolerate the noise in my head, the city, the voices," he whispered. Carlisle tried to interrupt, but Edward continued.

"I didn't know what I was, what had happened to me, but I ran until I found myself at the shores of Lake Michigan, and just jumped in." Carlisle nodded to himself.

"That was how I lost you, why I couldn't track you." Edward shrugged, not seeming to care Carlisle had been hunting him, searching for him. I could understand that. What's done is done, and judging by the state of his clothes, he'd had a hard life.

"I found myself outside Chicago, in farmland. The influenza hadn't just infected the city, the farmers were dying, and the herds were neglected. My first meal was of those herds." He wandered back over and sat again.

"It wasn't a moral decision — not yet, it was a decision of convenience. Cattle were plentiful, and it was easier for me to live away from people, away from the noise of their thoughts, and live off the animals." Carlisle's eyes were wide and questioning.

"Yes, I can hear thoughts, read minds. I don't know how, I don't know why… but the noise of the thousands of dying minds in Chicago was enough to drive me mad."

_He could read minds? He knew what I was thinking?_ The implication made me shudder, scaring the hell out of me. I searched myself, trying to figure out how I could hide thoughts from someone like him. Focusing my eyes on my lap, I made an effort to avoid looking at him, because I wasn't sure I wanted him to know where my thoughts kept leading, unbidden, each time I noticed his tall lean body, glanced at his amber eyes, and felt myself inexplicably pulled towards him.

"I spent the next few decades avoiding humans, staying near the farms, draining cattle as I needed to, and then moving on."

I had a sudden thought, and risked looking up. "Edward, cattle mutilations…bodies left with no blood. It's been in the news, newspapers, conspiracy theorists saying there are aliens, chupacabras…" He chuckled.

"I would say that was probably me." For the first time since our initial meeting he looked into my eyes, and all the breath left my body. Eli grabbed my hand and held me tight, reminding me he was there, with me. Edward's eyes dropped, staring at our hands.

"So I wandered, eventually heading into the northwest, following the elk herds. They tasted better than cattle. I was still avoiding human population centers when I encountered the small towns up there. But little by little, spending years in the process, I wandered in and out of them, training myself to tolerate the thoughts barraging me all the time. Eventually, it became bearable, although it's still not easy, nor comfortable."

Small towns… the thought reminded me of those memories. Learning to ride my bike, Charlie helping me, the man by the pole, his bright smile, our search for him afterwards…

"I know you. I remember you." I had to say it, even though I could feel Eli's hand, the one holding mine, start to tremble.

Edward turned back to me, his eyes liquid. "Yes, Isabella, but I'd like to discuss that in private, if you wouldn't object."

"But I do!" Eli's eyes blazed.

"I will _not_ harm her," Edward growled, a warning implicit in his voice. Ah shit, not what I needed on top of everything else.

"Okay boys," trying to stop the pissing contest, "I make my own decisions." I glared at Eli. "Understand that?" Then I turned to Carlisle. "Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, your arrival here… your timing was impeccable. How did you know?"

Alice raised her tiny hand. I looked over at her.

"Edward isn't the only one with a... er… talent. I can see the future. Sometimes." Now this was getting to be too much.

"Did you see me coming?" I scoffed.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I did. But more to the point, I saw a fight between these two, one that would have left Eli injured. I'm not assigning blame, they'd both be to blame, but he couldn't stand against a full vampire, and I'd rather not see my brother injured."

The two men continued to glare at each other, and I found my heart going out to both of them. One threatened by a father he felt abandoned him, the other angry his son could think so little of him. I also knew there was another reason — one I'd prefer not to dwell on yet, until Alice brought it up.

"And I had another motive. You needed to meet him," she glanced at Edward, then back to me. "I can't tell you what will happen, nothing is set in stone, but the choices should be yours, and I didn't want to see them taken from you." She gave Eli a pointed look. He glared back at her, the tension in his body filling the air when the sky suddenly darkened, almost as if it was in response to his mood. The sudden loss of the heat from the sun sent a chill through me, raising goose bumps along my arms as I wrapped them around my chest and shivered. I was unsure how much of this was a reaction to the cold, or to what I had learned this day.

Carlisle looked at the darkened sky and smiled at Alice. "You were right." Then he turned to Eli and me. "We need to leave, it was a long drive and I'm expected back at the hospital." He stood and offered me his hand. "It's been a pleasure, Bella, and I'm sure it won't be as long until next time. And Eli?" Eli looked over at Carlisle, his eyes apprehensive. "I want you to make Edward feel welcome here. It's time you all got to know each other. Edward, I expect you'll want to stay, too?" Edward simply nodded, and turned away.

"There are a couple more items before I go." Carlisle walked over to Edward. "I was able to acquire your family's estate and keep it in safekeeping for the day I found you. I'll arrange to have it transferred into your name." He smiled at him. "Don't worry, I'll arrange the bank accounts, but I wanted you to know you're not penniless." Then he turned to Eli, pulling something out of his pocket.

"Here's the key to the back room. I'm sure you've been curious about what was in there, and I appreciate the fact you respected my need to lock it. It can be opened now." He placed the key in his open palm, ignoring Eli's surprised expression.

While they were busy it was a good opportunity to quietly approach Alice. I hoped to talk with her for a moment, get a better idea of what her talent was, and was curious about her husband. As I moved toward them, Jasper backed away, faster than I'd never seen someone move.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you Bella," he drawled in a surprisingly lovely Texas accent. "But I'd like to ask you not to get closer, if you wouldn't mind."

"Jasper's having a little harder time than the rest of us with our particular diet restriction." Alice smiled apologetically.

And that's when it hit me. This was real, these people were real, and they were dangerous. Truly dangerous. Perhaps they managed to keep themselves under control, but how much would it take to lose that control?

Carlisle shook Eli's hand, Alice hugged both of us, Eli hugged Jasper again, and then they were gone, leaving the three of us on the porch. I was left alone in the middle of a dense forest with a vampire and a half human, half vampire hybrid.

The concept of running and screaming had started to regain its appeal, but then Eli stepped up to me, wrapped his arm around my waist and, never taking his eyes off his father, placed a gentle kiss on my temple.

"Would you like to go inside, Bella?"

The men were staring at each other, both knowing the display was intentional, and I wasn't going to put up with this. I was about to snap at Eli when Edward caught my eyes, and I felt it again — the pull towards him. But, more than anything else, I could see the longing, the sorrow, the utter desperation in his eyes. I felt tears start to well up in mine when his eyes got wide, as if he didn't need to read my thoughts — my face mirroring all my pain, my overwhelming empathy, as I was consumed by his despair. He turned away from me and walked towards the stairs leading off to the backyard.

"It's been a while since I've hunted. I'll see you both later." And without turning again, but with his shoulders slumped, he quietly strode off into the trees.

I knew there was no way I could hide my thoughts from him, that he and I both felt what had happened in that brief exchange. I dropped my eyes and tried to control my trembling body, to conceal my reaction from the dear man who still had his arm around my waist.

Because as surely as I knew I needed to take my next breath, I knew I had a serious problem.

We all did.

* * *

**A/N** Uh oh.

Yes, some of you saw this coming. Some of you are asking if you can have the leftover. I just wanted to say, I get first dibs :-)

And...maybe Bella will just be a modern woman and...

As promised, you've gotten some answers. More to come, of course.

And thank you to Bookishqua/Booksgalore for being the devil on my shoulder, and Alicedances for her amazing editing skills. She can sure sling a comma.

And I can't end this A/N without thanking all of you for your wonderful, if confused, reviews! Bear with me, and keep them coming! Thank you again!


	8. Retrieving Memories

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just gardening a bit.

* * *

Chapter 8

Retrieving Memories

I woke to find myself surrounded by Eli, my back against his chest, his arms wrapped around me, and his large hand under my breast, thumb languidly stroking my sensitive flesh in his sleep. I burrowed closer into him, enjoying the quiet of the early morning, his hardness pressing against my back, the heat of our bodies and his musky scent drifting around me. I ran my hand over his forearm, feeling the sharp definition in the long, hard muscles under my palm, frowning slightly as I remembered his new inclination to annoy me to distraction.

To say last evening was tense would be an understatement. It started off with my simple proposal that we offer Edward clean clothes and access to the shower. The poor man had dirt embedded under his nails and the occasional twig falling out of his thick hair. Oddly enough, he didn't smell bad, nor did his hair appear greasy, but I chose to ignore it rather than chalk it up to something to do with vampires. The less I thought about that, the better.

So, shortly after Carlisle and the others left, I grabbed Eli and pulled him into the kitchen.

"I think we should give Edward some new clothes and offer him a way to get cleaned up."

"No."

_Did he say no?_ I turned to him and saw the tension under his calm exterior.

"He doesn't need anything from me," he growled as he walked away.

I counted to ten, struggling to hold my temper in check. It's not that I didn't understand how he felt, it's just… well, Edward needed something as straightforward as clothes and a shower, and we could provide it. It would be inhumane not to. We were his hosts in a house that didn't belong to either of us. The least we should do was abide by Carlisle's request to make him feel welcome.

So if Eli refused to be cooperative, I'd take matters into my own hands, appropriating some of his clothes, myself, for Edward. I stomped down the hallway towards the bedroom, fuming at Eli's mulish attitude when I changed my mind and decided to test Alice's claim about being 'all knowing and all seeing.' Walking into our bedroom, I opened the door to the closet filled with clothes that, oh so conveniently, fit me.

I searched through the racks, pushing blouses and skirts out the way and, god help me, there they were. Scrunched towards the back, and hidden by a profusion of formal dresses I'd never look at, were men's jeans, dress pants, and a variety of shirts — all new. I grabbed some clothes and a towel from our bathroom.

I peeked out the bedroom door to see if the coast was clear. Tip-toeing to the back of the house I slipped through the French doors and onto the back porch, hoping Edward had returned from his… hunting trip. I wasn't disappointed. Facing towards the woods, Edward was sitting quietly, his chin in his hand. I approached him tentatively, and took the opportunity to get a good look at him.

Eli was lean, but Edward's legs were slimmer and longer. What I could see of his body through his old clothes looked tightly muscled, like whipcord over steel. His skin had a stone-like quality, reminiscent of pale rose marble with features that were highly defined, with sharp cheekbones and a very strong jaw. His lips were lush and sensuous, slightly fuller than Eli's. His hair color seemed the same as Eli's, it was hard to tell. The poor man looked like he hadn't bathed in years.

I took another step and he whipped his head around. Could I have startled him? How could that be possible?

"Edward, maybe you want to… I mean, I thought maybe you'd like clean clothes?" He grinned, his eyes crinkling while his mouth curved into a brilliant, slightly crooked smile, changing his whole demeanor into one of breath-taking beauty. For a moment, all of his sorrow seemed to disappear as he captured my eyes and beamed at me.

"This is a great kindness, Isabella. Thank you for your consideration." I couldn't help it, I smiled back, caught in the moment, thoughts of everything else forgotten as his joy over such a small thing washed over me, granting me a peculiar sense of completion. Then I remembered something.

"Edward, shouldn't you have been able to hear me coming? Heard my thoughts?" His smile faltered as he looked over my shoulder. I turned, and Eli was standing there, a scowl on his face. The moment was gone.

"Isabella, thank you again for the clothes. Eli, is there someplace I can bathe?"

Eli ignored him. He walked back into the house, leaving me, once again, alone with Edward. His anger at his father seemed to have momentarily exceeded his need to hover around me at any opportunity. Controlling my own anger, I decided if he was going to act like a child, I would take it upon myself to, at the very least, act like a host.

"Follow me, Edward, there's a bathroom off one of the guest bedrooms. You're welcome to use that."

Edward carefully took the clothes and towel from me, and followed me through the house, walking right behind me. This was the first time I'd been this close to him, and the pull I always felt when he was around seemed different, more electric — as if there was a static charge building between us that threatened to start sparking. I could feel his eyes on my body as he walked behind me, forcing images in my mind of how I must look from behind — the sway of my hips, the movement of my legs, the placement of my feet. It took conscious effort to walk naturally, to neither still my hips nor accentuate their swing, to keep one foot moving in front of the other across the cool, hardwood floor. To try to remain graceful even though I started to fear his acute observation would result in my doing something as stupid as tripping over my own feet.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I stopped at the bathroom door and looked up at him. "Everything you need should be here, Edward." He smiled again and went to move past me, and suddenly we were chest to chest, standing mere inches from each other.

He froze and looked down at me. He felt it too, the draw becoming unbearable, but this time it was more. I saw his nostrils flare as I compulsively drew in a breath of the most wonderful scent I'd ever encountered. It reminded me of green forests, of lilacs, of dew-drenched moss hanging from pine trees. It was clean, it was intoxicating, and hidden underneath was a barely discernable trace of male musk that sent all of my hormones into hyper drive. I felt an ache in my lower abdomen, my inner thighs started to quiver. I had never been so physically aroused — I had never felt so _female_ in my life.

My heart pounded, the heat building in my face as I dared to gaze into his eyes. Amber, with flecks of gold and tiny traces of green swirling in the most glorious irises I'd ever seen. I caught my breath as I started to lean towards him while he leaned towards me, as drawn as I was, as helpless as I was, his cool breath washing over me, his scent heightening, my pulse pounding in my ears, intent on abandoning everything to taste this man on my lips, when I forced my eyes closed and backed up into the room, away from him. My blood was rushing and my mind was screaming to get out of there and away before Eli walked in, before I did something I desperately wanted to do yet didn't understand why I wanted to do it. I left him at the bathroom door, and fled from him, from this attraction, from my body's response to this astonishing stranger.

Hurrying into the kitchen, I desperately tried to center my thoughts and concentrate on mundane things like preparing dinner. I had escaped before I did something foolish, something that would have had horrible repercussions that couldn't be defensible because I didn't know why I felt this way. I cared deeply for Eli, none of this could be logically explained, and I would _not _allow my body to rule my mind.

I shook my head to clear it, taking deep, calming breaths. Pouring myself a glass of wine to help calm my nerves, I went about cooking and setting the table, focusing on the easy, domestic tasks. Dinner was almost ready when Eli walked into the dining room and, looking at the table set for three, grinned at me.

"Bella, vampires can't eat…"

"Actually, we can. It's just rather unpleasant bringing it back up, since we can't digest it." I looked up, and almost dropped a glass.

"Excuse me, please," I muttered and scurried into the kitchen, carefully placing the glass onto the counter. I leaned against the refrigerator and closed my eyes.

Edward had been propped against the wall, arms and ankles crossed and a small grin on his face. The deep blue button down shirt accentuated his broad shoulders, the short sleeves drew attention to his muscular forearms and biceps. His jeans were snug, hanging low on his narrow hips. My eyes had grazed down to his perfect bare feet when I remembered I had forgotten to give him socks. Hidden in the kitchen, my eyes snapped open when I realized what other article of clothing I had forgotten to give him.

Groaning, I turned my face into the cool steel of the refrigerator, hoping the cold would help control my blush. Thoughts came, unbidden, as I remembered more from that brief glance before my escape. Fresh and clean out of the shower, I realized his hair wasn't exactly like Eli's. It was like nothing I had ever seen. The overhead lights shined down on him, illuminating the bronze streaked with copper and gold highlights that had been hidden under the dirt. It was wild and untamed and I wanted to touch it, caress what looked like strands of silken embroidery threads that called to me, cried to me.

_Ah shit,_ I thought, my shoulders slumping. I can't let myself go there, can't allow myself to think this. I was starting to doubt myself, wondering if moving in with Eli had been impulsive, if I was really ready for this, for this commitment. But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met Edward, the source of my confusion. I walked to the sink and splashed cold water on my face and covered my eyes with my hands. I needed to get my head together. I could not allow our pheromones to rule me, and that's all this was. It was a chemical attraction and nothing more. It couldn't be more, because I didn't even know this man.

With renewed determination, I returned to the dining room and, bringing our dinner with me, I looked around, vowing to myself to be a good hostess.

"Where's Edward?"

"He's in the _parlor_," Eli sneered, accentuating the word with a roll of his eyes.

"Shhhh, Eli, quiet. He'll hear you," I hissed. Eli broke up laughing as he picked up his fork and plunged it into his dinner.

"He can hear me at whatever volume I choose to speak at. If he insists on using words that haven't been in common usage for nearly 100 years, he can take my laughing at it." I dropped my fork, my eyes wide in shock.

"He can hear us? Are you the same… I mean, is your hearing that sensitive?" He shrugged and nodded.

"And he can read my mind too," I mumbled to myself.

"No, Isabella," was the response from the living room. "Not yours, never yours." My head snapped to the doorway as Edward walked into the dining room, a book clenched in his hand.

"Excuse me?"

"Isabella, I can't read your mind. Your thoughts are your own. Of all the creatures I've encountered, both human and vampire, yours is the only mind that is closed to me."

I turned away from him, trying to hide the enormous relief that flooded through me. My thoughts, of late, weren't ones I wanted broadcast. But, why the hell was I different?

"Edward, why… I mean, uh…"

"I don't know." He shrugged, suddenly looking so much like his son. His eyes flashed to mine, and then to Eli, then lowered them to his book.

"Enjoy your dinner, I'll be in the_ parlor_." He glared briefly at Eli, who had difficulty controlling his laughter, and left.

My appetite was now gone, so I just sat there, pushing my food around. Why was I different? Why was my mind hidden from him? Why did he say he could _never_ hear me? _Why did this bother me so much?_ I mean, I should just consider myself lucky he couldn't read my mind, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't shake this feeling something was wrong with _me._ Sighing to myself, I knew I was going to have to try to manage to get past Eli and have that private conversation Edward wanted, to find out why I remembered him from years earlier. The answer might be there.

Resigned to the fact I wasn't going to eat more tonight, I grabbed my full plate and Eli's empty one, and carried them into the kitchen. I cooked, it was Eli's turn to clean up. Then, steeling myself, willing myself to remain in control of my body, I walked into the living room, avoided direct eye contact, and cleared my throat.

"Edward, let me show you to the guest bedroom." He grinned and stood.

"Thank you for your hospitality Isabella, but I don't require the bedroom."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"I don't. Thank you, but I won't need the bed."

And that's when I realized my mistake. _Of course_ he didn't need a bed! Feeling like a fool, I turned and called out towards the kitchen.

"Eli, can you give me the key to the locked room please?" I heard the sound of running water stop and his feet softly padding across the floor before he entered the living room. He handed me the key, wearing puzzled look.

"Now I know why Carlisle waited until now to give you the key," I boasted, leading them both to the locked room. I mean, how could I have been so stupid?

I unlocked the door, threw it open, and turned to Edward with a smile of triumph.

"Voilà!"

Edward and Eli peered in, than turned to me with matching eyebrows raised. Confused, I took a peek. It was a library, with a piano in the corner. _What?_

"Where are the coffins?"

Edward started to chuckle, and then he couldn't control himself. He started to laugh hysterically, Eli joining him. I looked from one to the other.

"What's so damned funny? Edward, don't you sleep in a…I mean…uh…you don't?" _Shit._

The two started laughing even harder, leaning against the door, unable to catch their breath.

"Okay, okay, you guys can stop laughing at the moron now." I stomped into the room, but as soon as I knew they couldn't see my face, I let myself smile. They were laughing, both of them, together. If I could manage to repeat this miracle, I'd don a clown suit and stand on my head. The ring of their laughter was extraordinary.

Their laughter had finally tapered off when I heard a soft step behind me, and turned. All amusement was gone from Edward's face as he entered the room, reverently, as if he had stepped into a cathedral. His long fingers skimmed the bindings on the books as he strolled past, examining the titles, his head tilted to the side. He seemed lost within himself.

"Isabella," he whispered, distracted, "I don't sleep at all, ever." He didn't look at me as he walked slowly by before stopping and spinning, marveling at the wealth of shelves surrounding us.

"They're all classics, nothing but classics. Books I would have read when…," he mumbled under his breath. "Why was this room locked?"

For the first time I really looked around me, and my eyes lit up. Buried in the back of this house was a room from another time, filled with Victorian furnishings and ornately carved oak bookshelves. A large upright piano was seated in the corner, made of gleaming mahogany so richly grained you could lose yourself through the layers of the wood, gazing directly into its essence. Inexplicably, the room smelled like lavender, the scent mixed with the unmistakable fragrance of old books and leather bindings. I walked over to a shelf and carefully withdrew a book.

"This is a first edition," I murmured.

Eli joined us, as we all moved through the room as if it was a museum. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward turn towards the piano.

He stood in front of it, his fingers skimming the surface of the keyboard cover, his brows knit in fierce concentration.

"A piano. I think I once played the piano." His long fingers continued to caress the smooth wood, trembling slightly as he strove to remember. How long ago was it? Did Carlisle really say 1918?

Eli and I both watched him try to retrieve memories, to find himself, to find who he once was. And then I understood the purpose of this room, and why it had been locked. Carlisle had created it for Edward, with the hope that one day he could bring him here, one day bring him back to the young man he had once been, help him now in ways he was prevented from before. My heart went out to Edward as I thought about what kind of life he must have lead – alone and lonely, barely knowing who or what he was.

I grabbed Eli's hand and nodded towards the door. "Let's leave him in peace for now. I'm tired, Eli, take me to bed, please."

"A moment first, Isabella." Edward's eyes were still fixed on the piano, but then he raised his head and looked directly at Eli.

"Eli, I want you to please understand." He took a deep breath, and continued. "I had acted dishonorably, but in the act I unknowingly created you, and for that I will always be grateful." He took a few hesitant steps towards his son. "I had nothing but the clothes on my back. I had no way of getting more. I had no home, no house, no books, no money, no life other than the fact I merely existed. I could offer you nothing, I could give you no life at all except as a penniless wanderer such as myself.

"But there was one thing I _could_ give you. I could make sure you came to no harm. I could make sure those who cared for you treated you well and caused you no injury. I could hope and watch, and pray you would have the opportunities I no longer did. I could try to love you as a father — not giving succor but by something far more arduous — by making my greatest act of love be the sacrifice of allowing someone else to be your father." Edward's entire body was shaking, his hands balled into tight fists, his eyes tortured and pleading.

Eli held my hand and listened. Tears came to my eyes, my chest tightened as I was inexplicably engulfed by Edward's pain. This room had become his confessional, his son, the priest/confessor. Eli said nothing, but I thought, I hoped, that this time Edward's words were starting to reach him. Whether or not Eli chose to forgive him was his decision. My hope was he would a least listen before passing judgment.

But there was no doubt what his words had done to me. Every part of my being, everything that made me who I am — my body, my mind, my soul — screamed at me to go to him, to comfort him, to hold him, to ease his pain.

And I didn't know why. I had to get away from him.

"Come on, Eli," I whispered, "and good night Edward." I pulled Eli out of the room and to our bedroom.

Eli was lost in thought as we got ready for bed. Once I could gather him into my arms, I stroked his hair and gently kissed his lips.

"Tell me what you know of your mother, please?"

He sighed, and looked away. "I remember so little, I suppose, to be honest, I shouldn't remember at all. But I have a dim memory of a face, of large brown eyes and brown hair. Beyond that, there's nothing." I pulled him tighter and stroked his back while he buried his face into my neck.

"Did your adopted parents know anything of her?"

"I sometimes got the impression they did, but whatever it was, was well hidden from me." Eli stopped and thought about it. "Mary tended to go up into the attic more than one would expect of an elderly woman. I wonder…"

"Did you look after they died, to see if they had any information about her?" Eli shook his head.

"I was focused on their deaths, on what was to become of me, and…well, it also seemed like a good opportunity to see the world, to get out of those mountains. I paid more attention to leaving, to running away from the pain of my loss, than to exploring the past."

"So, there's the possibility there's something at the house, still?" He nodded. "Let's do it, Eli. Let's go back and look. I mean, it might offer you closure, right?" He said nothing, just held me tighter.

No decisions made, we held each other, stealing a few sleepy kisses. I was confused, I was conflicted, but I still cared for him, and would do all I could to offer him comfort — as long as we were discreet considering our guest's… abilities.

I drifted off to sleep, wrapped in Eli's arms, listening to the tentative but soft notes of a piano floating into our bedroom from the library.

* * *

**A/N** Bella's in a tough position. As much as we may all joke about loving to be stuck between the two men, each has their good points, and bad points (cough.) And as much as it might seem to be a dream come true, can you imagine these guys consenting to sharing her?

Stay tuned, the next chapter will tell you the story of Eli's mother, and why Bella saw Edward when she was a child.

Thank you to Bookishqua/Booksgalore for beating me up and then nursing me back to health, and Alicedances for her amazing editing skills.

The Deluded was recommended by the Little Known Ficster in their 8/31 blog. Thank you!

And thank you, thank you for your, reviews! **Please,** keep them coming! Thank you again!


	9. True Lies

Disclaimer: All Twilight characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer. Eli is mine. Literally. Hmm, think I'll wake him up...

* * *

Chapter 9

True Lies

It was the first time I'd been in this part of the forest, and it was lush and surprisingly cool, considering it was another sweltering South Carolina summer day. A light breeze stole through the trees, drying the sweat on my face as we walked through the darkness of the trees. The birds were absent because of Edward's presence — he explained to me the instinctive fear all animals had of him — but I could still appreciate the profusion of vegetation that flourished in this hot, damp climate. The ground was a dense carpet of rotting leaves covered with fragrant pine needles, and the log we settled on was so thickly caked with moss it felt as if I sat upon a cushioned bench.

And I was nervous. Last evening the three of us talked — well, Eli and I talked, and Edward listened — and agreed we'd head up to Sandy Mush by the end of the week and conduct a thorough search of the house. I'd hoped if any information about his birth mother survived it would help him move on with his life. Perhaps it could even contribute to repairing his relationship with his father.

I did, however, try to ignore the big question. Why was Edward not forthcoming with information about Eli's mother? He sat there and listened to our conversation, offering nothing, face impassive. The only time he spoke was after the decision to head up there was made.

**

"_Isabella, I need to speak with you, in private, before we go on this venture." His eyes were tight, and he was actually wringing his hands. Eli did exactly what I expected him to do. He threw a fit._

"_I'm not permitting her to be alone with you," he snarled, getting up and walking over to his father. "You can't guarantee her safety with you, I don't care how long you've been a vegetarian." He spit that last word out, with all the contempt he could muster. Edward wouldn't even look up, he just kept wringing his hands._

_I turned to Eli, my mouth hanging open, astonished at this display of machismo._

"_Eli," I said in a deceptively soft voice. He looked at me and his expression changed from fury to surprise when he saw the expression on my face didn't match my voice. "I make all the decisions about my life. I make informed choices if I'm given all the facts. I believe Edward when he tells me he's never bitten a human. I believe Carlisle when he tells me Edward's eye color supports that. You do NOT own me, and if he has something I need to know, that he can only reveal in private, it will be MY decision whether or not I agree to listen." I was breathing hard, my face was burning, and I was absolutely furious. I have been hovered over and controlled since I walked into this house all those weeks ago. I had reached the end of my rope. I stomped out of the living room, into our bedroom, and slammed the door._

_A couple of hours later, Eli knocked softly and walked through the door._

"_I'm sorry, Bella, I was wrong." He sighed deeply. "I'm just worried, and a little frightened. You're so important to me, please understand." I put my arms around him and drew him close, letting him know I forgave him, but I wasn't convinced his behavior was because he felt the need to protect me, as he said, or if it was motivated by outright jealousy of his father. I held him tighter. Maybe I had overreacted. The entire scene was a trigger for me, bringing up old and unresolved issues. I needed to make sure I was reacting to what was happening here, today, and not to what happened to me 13 years earlier._

_Maybe it was a bit of both._

_The following morning I approached Edward, making sure Eli was there so there would be no misunderstandings. I needed to do this, in spite of my fear of the draw I felt towards him. Edward had answers for me, and I needed that information before we headed back to North Carolina. I looked over my shoulder at Eli and then turned back to Edward._

"_If you'd like, we can head out now and have that talk." I held my breath, waiting for the explosion, but Eli remained silent. Edward glanced over at him, seemingly as surprised as I was. He shrugged nonchalantly, nodded towards the door and stepped out onto the porch. I turned to follow, giving Eli a quick kiss before I walked out of the house._

_**_

So, I found myself sitting with Edward in the middle of this forest, deep enough in to give us privacy, waiting for whatever it was he had to tell me. He looked out at the trees, apparently not willing to face me. I sighed. One of us had to break the tension, to get the ball rolling.

"Edward, you can talk to me, I'm willing to listen, okay?" He nodded his head but continued to keep his eyes focused anywhere but on me.

"You remember I told Carlisle I followed the elk herds into the northwest?" I nodded. "That was when I made my attempt to try to reconnect with others, to learn to control the chorus of thoughts assaulting me. The towns were small and remote, and if it became too much, too painful, I could easily escape into the mountains." He looked down at his hands and took a deep breath. "The last northwestern town I stopped in was in Washington, on the Olympic Peninsula. I came upon Forks."

I know my mouth must have been hanging open, but I also knew I shouldn't be surprised. My memory of him watching me ride my bike grew stronger with each passing day.

Edward scrubbed at his face. "It turned out to be the perfect town, very small and surrounded by thousands of acres of remote mountains. The wildlife population was vast. With so few human inhabitants, it was a good place for me to practice blocking thoughts. I'd taken to skirting the edge of the forests, just close enough to hear the voices in my head and attempt to learn how to lower the volume, trying to figure out how to live with it. When it became too much, it was easy to escape back into the dense woods. I could stay for years and remain undetected. It was perfect."

I looked over at him, at the pain on his face, and gestured for him to continue.

"I went through a period of more bold experimentation, more daring than usual. So many houses in town were bordered by the forests that I started to move closer in." He glanced over at me, and then lowered his head.

"One day I saw a little girl riding her bike, her father teaching her. I was enchanted by the joy I saw on her face. I always liked seeing human families interact, and the happiness of young children with doting parents. Their thoughts were so pure, so innocent. I wanted to share in the delight of that little girl as her father taught her how to ride her bike, but I couldn't hear anything. So I came closer, and I still couldn't hear anything." He started wringing his hands again, and I couldn't blame him. I knew where this was going.

"Isabella, that's when you saw me, standing by the pole. I could hear your father, but you…nothing. So I did something I'd never done before. I walked out into the open, where there were humans, so I could watch your face." He chuckled softly. "At least it wasn't sunny, that would have certainly left you with a memory."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you about it another time." He paused. "Or maybe I'll show you." He took another deep breath. "Anyway, I'm sure you realize now that child was you, and I couldn't hear your thoughts any better then, than I can now." I nodded, and glanced at him.

"Is that all?"

Edward shook his head slowly. "No, not nearly all. You intrigued me, for a number of reasons. It wasn't just your silent mind, it was also your scent." His face got tight, and I watched his Adam's apple slide up and down as he swallowed. "I'd never encountered a scent like yours, and for the first time…," he paused, "I wanted to taste human blood."

My eyes got wide, and I could feel my heart start to race. I hopped to my feet and started backing away, slowly. "Edward, maybe this isn't much a good idea…"

He sighed and looked directly at me for the first time. "I spent eight years getting used to your scent. You still smell… enticing, but I won't hurt you. Please," he held his palm out to me, "come sit, I swear I won't hurt you."

I sat back down, on the far edge of the log, and looked at him warily. "What do you mean, you spent eight years getting used to my…smell?"

"You intrigued me, Isabella. You're the only one I've ever encountered, human or vampire, whose mind was silent to me. Do you have any idea how rare that is for me? How precious? How could I ever do anything to hurt you? I don't have to strive for silence, try to control the constant assault of other minds when I'm around you. I can talk to you and, for the first time, not know what you're going to say before you say it."

I fidgeted, this had the potential of entering the dangerous territory I had vowed I'd avoid.

"I stayed in Forks, desensitizing myself to your scent, and watched you…guarding you, the way I did Eli. I…at first I didn't want anything to happen to you, you were so exceptional, so precocious." He chuckled, then his laughter died, and he looked at me apprehensively.

"And…uh…I stayed because," he stopped and swallowed again, "I stayed because I could feel a connection to you." His eyes suddenly grew wide and he turned to me, panicked. "Nothing improper, please don't even think that! But I…I wanted to wait for you to grow to adulthood. I wanted... I guess I wanted a fairytale. I hoped you'd grow up and I could be your Prince Charming." He looked away from me, wringing his hands again. "It made no sense, but I hoped…and if nothing else, at the very least I was guarding you. I'm not the only one of my kind out there, and if your blood smelled that good to me, it might attract them as well. At least, that's what I told myself." He dropped his head into his hands.

I decided to suspend judgment for the moment. I knew he'd done nothing improper, I was confident he wasn't anything but a gentleman guarding a little girl and, well, wishing on a star. But how could he have imagined we'd ever have more if he didn't even think he could raise his son?

"What happened, Edward? There's more you're not telling me."

"You grew up, or were growing up…that's what happened. You started dating a young man and," his voice dropped to a whisper, "I came across the two of you in a meadow…"

_Oh… shit._

_**_

_I pushed his hands away, for the fourth time. "I said no, Jake. Stop that!"_

"_Come on, Bells, this is what people do when they're in love. Don't you love me?" He gave me that sorrowful look he'd always given me when he wanted to get his way. He'd been doing that to me since we were children, but we were no longer kids, and this was serious._

"_Of course I love you. I'm just not sure I want to do that yet."_

"_But if we do," he pleaded, tugging at the buttons of my shirt again, "then you'll be mine, and I'll be yours, right? That's what we promised each other, and this is just a part of it." He had managed to get my blouse unbuttoned and was reaching for my jeans. "This is how people who love each other seal the promise." He started tugging on my zipper. "And you know how much I love you."_

_I didn't want this, I was scared of it, but Jake wanted it so much. Maybe if we do it, it'll mean he really does love me? Maybe if we don't, he'll find someone else to love…_

_Fifteen minutes later, I rolled away from him. I felt dirty, my hips ached, and the pain left my body feeling raw and irritated. I was too embarrassed to look at Jake as I pulled my underwear and jeans back up. Wincing, I got up and started buttoning my blouse. I finally glanced over at Jake who was spread-eagle on the grass, his jeans around his ankles, snoring._

_Jake and I had been friends since we were children, and I guess he thought this was supposed to be the next step. I always thought my first time would be special, but it turned out it was anything but. Instead of feeling loved, I felt used and humiliated as Jake became more and more possessive around others, acting as if he owned me. Even worse, as the days went by, his friends started giving me speculative looks. We were fifteen years old, and the reality that I had lost my virginity to someone who apparently boasted about it was more than I could ever handle. That wasn't just the end of our relationship, it was also the end of our friendship._

_It had been thirteen years, and I hadn't been with another man since. I hadn't been able to trust my judgment enough since, until I met Eli…_

_**_

"What the fuck were you doing watching that? What are you, some kind of Peeping Tom pervert?" I could feel the blood rushing to my head, my entire body was trembling. _Edward saw that?_

"Isabella, it had not been my intention to watch, and as soon as I realized what I was seeing I left, I swear to you." He looked at me, eyes pleading.

"I mean…I…holy shit, I can't believe someone saw that. I can't believe _you_ saw that." I buried my face in my hands, trying to decide if I should scream, laugh, or cry. _Damn him. _I couldn't sit there any longer, I couldn't bear to be anywhere near him.

I flew to my feet and started to run, hoping I was heading in the direction of the house. My face was burning in embarrassment, my heart was pounding. This _stranger_ was witness to the worst experience of my life. The carefully built walls were crumbling to dust as I ran from him, as I ran from my past.

Stumbling through the dense undergrowth, I barely managed to stay on my feet when I saw an obstruction directly in front of me and stifled a scream. Impossibly, Edward was blocking my path.

"I promise you, Isabella," he begged, "if I could have erased that from my mind, I would have. Unfortunately, one of the other attributes of vampires is a photographic memory. It wasn't possible."

I couldn't look at him, I just couldn't. I fell to the ground and buried my face in my hands again, feeling my tears start. "So now that I'm thoroughly humiliated, why don't you tell me the rest of your story. I'm sure it can't be worse."

He sat down across from me and bowed his head.

"I left Forks. I…I couldn't stay. I had lost you."

I looked at him through my fingers. "You lost me? Edward, you never had me."

"You're right," he sighed. "I think that's when reality hit, Isabella. I didn't have you, and now I'd never have you. That dog…that _boy_ had you. You belonged to him." He dropped his face into his hands. He sat like that for a long time, silent and shaking. Part of me wanted to comfort him, part of me wanted to slap him. And part of me wanted to hurt him.

"If you had had the guts to stick around, you'd have discovered that was the end of my 'relationship' with that boy." He looked up at me, eyes wide. "Yeah, it was a mistake. You know, a stupid decision? We all make mistakes, it's just mine was a big one. Glad I didn't know I had an audience for it until now," I sneered. "So tell me Edward, what did you do when you ran away?"

His voice dropped to a whisper. Here it comes.

"I ran, I ran far. I wound up in other mountains on the other side of the continent. I felt lost. I had no purpose any longer. You, and the potential of you, had been the only thing in this life that had given me hope, given me anything." He stood, startling me, and started pacing, running his hand through his hair.

"I was wandering, deep in the mountains, lost, directionless, and I will admit to you, angry. It wasn't rational, I knew that, but I felt…betrayed. Of course you hadn't betrayed me, you didn't even know me, but I couldn't stop the emotion, couldn't stop the pain." His pacing became faster.

"I came across a camp site, and thought I'd gotten away unseen, but the next day I encountered a human. I had no idea why I didn't hear her coming…" He cleared his throat. "A human woman walked up to me and," he stopped pacing, "she told me she wanted me. And heaven help me, Isabella, she looked like you — or how I'd imagined you'd look as an adult." He sat again, head in his hands again.

"I behaved badly, I dishonored myself, dishonored her, and most especially, dishonored you. I had decided to return to Forks, to resume my role as guardian. The dream was gone, but protecting you gave me purpose. Even though I couldn't have you, I also couldn't give you up." He drew in a shaky breath. "It had taken me some weeks to make that decision, but I decided my first task had to be to apologize to her. Although she wasn't…unwilling…an apology was still necessary. I had been a cad."

"Her camp site was still there, but it was cold and unused for some time. I followed her scent to a cabin, but she wasn't there either, although there were others…" He looked up at the woods, a flash of fury crossing his face. "Then I found another trail, her scent even stronger on it, leading down towards a valley." He lowered his voice and continued gazing into the distance, but this time I could tell he wasn't seeing what was in front of him. He was reliving the memory.

"I found her, and she was dead…her body mutilated. As I hid behind a tree and watched, an elderly human couple appeared, and picked up the crying infant boy lying beside her." He shook his head. "It shouldn't have been possible, I'm technically…dead." He continued staring at nothing but his memories. "But there was the proof, and as much as it made no sense, I couldn't doubt it. I'd been with her only a month earlier, and she was not pregnant then. Only something monstrous, such as me, could have resulted in this."

"You know the rest of the story. I did not return to Forks until Eli made his way there with the family who found him in Pennsylvania, the Cullens. Such an odd coincidence, don't you think? At first I was pleased, providence had given me the opportunity to protect both of you, and then I realized you were gone."

I did some quick calculations in my head, and my heart started to pound. "Edward, are you telling me Eli is thirteen years old?"

He nodded. "I realize now that you were probably gone to university when I returned to Forks, and maybe you weren't with that boy after all…"

Eli is thirteen years old? _Oh my God_.

"Wait." I had to ask. "How…how old are you?" He hesitated, lowering his head.

"One-hundred and eight," he mumbled into his shirt. Then he turned and looked at me, as if all this was… ordinary. That there was nothing odd about Eli being 13 and him being 108.

"Anyway, the last place I expected to find you was here, with Eli, in South Carolina. I just want you to know that I won't bother you. I want nothing more than to protect both of you, either with or without your knowledge." He sat up straight and looked me in the eye. "I relinquish any claim to you."

I saw red.

"You what? What did you just say?" What is it with these two men? If there was any doubt before that they were related, there certainly wasn't any now. How two men could be so damned pig-head…

"Listen to me, Edward, and listen to me carefully." I took a deep breath and hoped he understood my deep blush indicated anger this time, and not embarrassment. "You do not get to either claim me, or relinquish said claim Between you, and Eli, and goddamn it, Jacob…." I was so angry I had to stop for a moment to make my thoughts coherent. "I make my own decisions about my life. I get to choose, got it? No one has a fucking claim on me!" I was screaming at this point, angry tears running down my face. Then, unbidden, Alice's cryptic words came back to me…

"_She needs to meet him. It's her choice, it always has been."_

"Well, at least Alice had a fucking clue," I said to no one in particular. Tears still streaming down my face, I scrambled to my feet and started heading back in the direction of the house. Edward followed at a safe distance, which was a really good thing for him. Any closer and I'm not sure what I'd have done, but I had never been so angry in my life. Then I realized I forgot to ask him an important question.

Stopping in my tracks, I spun around, startling him, and stomped over to him.

"Oh yeah, one little thing. What was the name of this woman who looked so much like me, or do you even know it?" I fumed.

He turned away from me, running his hand through his hair again. "Sarah."

"Good, at least Eli's mother has a name. At least you had the courtesy to learn it." Part of me knew I was being irrational, part of me knew he didn't deserve quite as much pain as I was dishing out. But damn it all, why is it every dream I ever had turns into absolute shit?

The house came into view as I crashed through the trees, Eli standing on the porch, pacing nervously. I stomped up the steps, with Edward not far behind me. I walked up to Eli and stuck a finger in his face.

"You, me, that guy over there." I pointed to Edward. "We're heading up to Sandy Mush tomorrow, got it?" My face was still red, tears of anger dripping down my cheeks. Eli stared wide-eyed, looking between the two of us, trying to figure out what was going on, what had been said to me.

"And maybe, if you're lucky, if he's lucky, we'll find out some more information about Sarah." I ran into the house, leaving Eli staring after me, mouth open, unable to say a word.

**

I had no idea how late it was. All I knew was it was dark, the crickets were winding up their song for the night, and I was curled up in a chair on the back porch, cold. I had just started to shiver when thought I saw a blur. Startled, I looked up, but there was nothing there. Then I noticed a neatly folded blanket, on the chair next to mine, that hadn't been there before. I couldn't help but smile as I took it and wrapped it around my shoulders. I'd have to ask both of them about this speed thing of theirs.

I could hear soft sounds coming from the house, and knew if they wanted to, both of them could move without a sound. They were giving me my space, but also making sure I understood they were there if I needed them. They would wait as long as necessary, but never cease in their attempt to constantly guard me.

I grabbed another tissue and wiped my eyes one more time. My mind had been in chaos, but now it was starting to focus, and the flood gate of memories from that awful time came pouring in. As much as I tried, I never forgot the pain of Jake's betrayal. It was not that I felt forced into having sex with him that one time; I could accept his hormones pushed him beyond the boundaries of where our friendship lay. The problem was, it hadn't ended there. When we returned to school on Monday, his pack of friends were already giving me those looks, looks that told me they were fully aware of what Jake and I had done, and with sly smiles and eyes that grazed up and down my body, were wondering if I'd put out for them, too. They must have asked Jake about that, too, because he became a guard dog, hands always on me when they were around, always…_claiming_ me as his.

It wasn't very many days before I started getting those looks from the girls, too, the kind of looks that made it clear they thought I was a tramp, but if I was willing to talk to them about what Jake and I did, also curious to know what it was like. Then the whispers started at school, then on the streets, then in the supermarket, as the adults put their heads together, glancing at me and smirking. Everyone was always looking at me as if they either expected sex from me or thought I was a tramp. I started withdrawing more and more, especially from Jacob.

His demands for a repeat were starting to get more insistent, and my constant need to come with up excuses was wearing me down. I'd never forget the day I told him I wanted to wait until we were older, until I was more ready. I'd been so careful, all my words couched in terms of how I still loved him. I thought he'd be compassionate, love me back, and be the friend he'd always been.

Instead, he got angry, told me I was acting like a child and he didn't intend to wait for me to grow up. Within a week, he was walking down the halls with Jessica Stanley's hand in his. To this day, I can't forget the smug looks every time she could catch my eye. My only solution was to pull deeper into myself, erect walls, stay as isolated as I could manage, and pray I could find a way to live through the next three years until I could escape to college.

I blew my nose and added the bunched up tissue to the growing pile at my side. That one incident, the one Edward walked in on, wound up defining my life. It was when my drive for a career started, when I poured everything I had into that single-minded purpose, that dream for that job in publishing. I didn't date through the rest of high school, and I avoided men through my college years. My first and only priority was my career, and if I ever thought about how much I was missing in my life by walling myself off, I'd push it away and joke with Angela about how I'd be the neighborhood cat lady.

And then my tears fell harder, because in a startling moment of clarity, I understood that one incident defined more than just my life, it had also affected Edward, defining his as well. Both of us lost our fairytale in that one mistake in a mountain meadow.

I grabbed another tissue and wiped the fresh tears as I allowed myself to remember even more from those days. I knew, even then, that the consequences of that one night weren't just the path that lead me to gaining the reputation as the town slut. Although I will not admit it to Edward — could barely admit it to myself — I had spent my life, until that night, feeling that pull, that connection, he had mentioned. I vividly remembered how sad I felt, at seven years old, when the pretty man was no longer standing at that pole. How empty I suddenly felt. But an odd pull was always there, as if something was always just out of reach, and if I could find it and draw it towards me, all would be good, and I would be happy. It became so much a part of me that I didn't even notice it any longer, until it was gone. It disappeared after that night in the meadow, and with it a piece of my heart.

I looked up into the dark trees. When I met Eli, I started feeling it again, and although the pull was always towards the distance, I convinced myself it had something to do with Eli. I now realized that wasn't true, but I also knew it didn't mean I didn't care for him.

Yeah, I was _not_ having an easy time with his age, now that I knew it, but I could rationalize it as my own failing. I mean, it wasn't easy to accept the oddities that go along with mythological creatures. I could almost smile at that, but then I felt the tears fall again.

Because in all this mess, in the attraction towards Edward that I couldn't deny or explain, in my continued anger at Jake after all these years, in all the mistakes both Edward and I made, there was only one real, indisputable truth.

The only innocent in this whole, sordid mess, was Eli. And I didn't know if that was enough to give him what he wanted. I didn't care at that moment what _I_ wanted, or what was fair to me.

Was I being fair to him?

* * *

**A/N **That was one big answer...**  
**

Next chapter, Sandy Mush. Yeah, that's the real name of a town in NC. I've been there.

Thank you to Bookishqua/Booksgalore, the beta extraordinaire, for beating me up - again. I deserved it. And to Alicedances for her amazing beta and editing skills.

The Deluded was recommended by the Little Known Ficster in their 8/31 blog. Thank you!

And thank you, thank you for your, reviews! **Please,** keep them coming! Thank you again!

Come on by the thread on the Twilighted forum, under Alternate Universe. Maybe I'll bake a cake.


	10. Return to the Beginning

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli. I bet she wishes she could have him too ;-)

**Warning:** This chapter contains scenes of graphic violence. Just saying…

* * *

Chapter 10

Return to the Beginning

Edward gazed at Eli's silver Volvo with child-like wonder. He ran his hand gently, almost reverently, over the smooth paint. Then he walked around to the front and squatted down, looking for something under the grill.

"Do you need me to help you crank it, or does this model have an electric starter?"

_Don't laugh Bella_, I thought to myself. I was desperately trying to keep a straight face while he looked back and forth between Eli and me, his smile starting to falter. I shot Eli a warning glance while he obviously worked on controlling his own demeanor. Coughing to hide his grin, he nodded at the car.

"Electric, Edward, why don't you get in?"

Edward walked over to the door and looked at the handle, unsure what to do. I grabbed it and squeezed, opening the door, while he examined what I was doing. He nodded to himself and smiled, then stood back to allow me to get in. I glanced up at his tall frame, visualizing Edward's 6 foot 2 inch body squashed into the back seat, and thought of the old circus routine of dozens of clowns getting out of a Volkswagen Beetle. Turning my head to hide my smile, I stepped towards the back door.

"No, Edward, you have long legs. You get in the front. I'll be happy in the back." I reached for the door handle. Before I could get there, slim, white fingers were imitating my earlier actions perfectly, as he squeezed the handle and opened my door, waiting until I was settled in before closing it carefully, making certain it was secure. I smiled to myself behind my hand. He was so cute.

Edward folded himself into the passenger seat and, after examining the inside of the door, managed to pull it closed. His eyes were everywhere, gazing at the instrumentation in awe, but I couldn't get past how ridiculous he looked. The seat was adjusted far forward for me, since I was usually the passenger. In order to fit, Edward had to bend his long legs so his knees were just about touching his chin. Once again I had to stop myself from laughing. I had a feeling this was going to happen pretty often, as Edward emerged from his isolation and into the twenty-first century. Clearing my throat while I tried to wipe the smile off my face, I leaned forward between the front seats, and looked over at Edward and his knees.

"There's a button on the side of the seat, to your right." He looked down, sliding his hand along the side of the seat cushion. He found it and nodded. "Push the button back, towards me. That will move your seat back and give you more room." He turned to me, horrified.

"No, Isabella, I will impinge upon your comfort. I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine folded up like a pretzel. Tell you what. You push the button, and I'll tell you when to stop, okay?" He was about to protest again but I shook my head, letting him know I expected him to comply. He sighed, his need to give in to my wishes outweighing his protests over my comfort. He let the seat move back an inch.

"More, Edward." Another inch.

"More." A half inch.

"I'll tell you when to stop," I said, trying to mask my exasperation. Finally, when the seat had stopped moving because it hit the end of its tracks, I said, "Stop. Perfect."

He turned around and examined me, my legs, and opened his mouth to protest.

"I'm fine, okay?" I wiggled my legs to show him I had enough room. "Let's just get going." He looked doubtful, but when the car started to move, the rumble of the powerful engine vibrating through his seat, he returned to his intense examination of the car instead of arguing with me.

I looked out my window, watching the trees and houses fly past, and prayed this trip, cramped within the confines of a small car, wouldn't mean an increase in the tension between the two of them. Last night, after my tears finally stopped, I ventured into the house and slipped into bed, hoping Eli was asleep. No such luck, but at least he understood, after his first attempt, that questioning me about my conversation with Edward wasn't going to result in my revealing any details. I cared for Eli, but Edward had asked to speak with me privately. If and when he was ready for Eli to know the precise circumstances of how he came to be, it would be Edward's tale to tell. Nor was I about to start chatting about my time with Jacob. I closed my eyes, bone tired after the long night, hoping to nap for most of the drive. I'd just settled in when I heard Edward's voice. Sighing, I opened my eyes.

"Please excuse my curiosity, but I haven't seen the inside of an automobile since… for a very long time." He continued to look but not touch. Eli turned to him and grinned, and I almost fainted.

"It's a Volvo S60R, Edward. Do you know anything about them?" Edward shook his head. "Well, it's got 300 horsepower, dual overhead cam…" Eli was pulling onto the highway entrance ramp when Edward broke into a smile.

"How fast is it?" He asked.

"It has a top speed of 155 miles per hour."

Edward's smile grew bigger. "I bet I can run faster than that."

Eli grinned back, and the next thing I knew I was hanging on for dear life, pressed against the seat back as Eli put the pedal to the metal and the two _boys_ up there started laughing.

Stupid male bonding.

It was hot and still, the thick clouds dark and ominous when we pulled into the driveway of what had been Mary and Jeremiah's home. Red dust swirled around the car as we came to a stop on the sun-baked clay of the driveway, and I could just catch the distant scent of turned hay and manure, reminding me of the few farms outside Forks. It was a smell of home that was both comforting and disturbing. Long-buried emotions tied to memories were dredged up by that fragrance, the pain from last night exploding again in my chest as my eyes started to burn.

Caught in my thoughts, I jumped at Edward's sudden appearance outside my door and quickly wiped my eyes. With his newly-learned skill, he opened it with a flourish and held out his hand, which I promptly ignored.

"I'm capable of opening a door, you know," I said, glaring at him while I stepped out of the car. _Shit, that was rude_.

"I'm sorry, Edward…" He closed the door and opened his mouth to say something when his eyes got wide and he spun around, looking at the house, nostrils flaring. At the same instant, Eli's head came up, and, moving so fast I could barely see them, I suddenly had Edward on my right and Eli on my left. Eli looked over my head at Edward.

"How long ago, do you think?" he asked.

Edward took a deep breath. "A few days. There's no indication they're currently in the vicinity." Their bodies relaxed slightly, but both still looked troubled, and on guard.

"I don't think she should go inside," Eli muttered. Edward appeared to consider his comment, than shook his head.

"We can't leave her out here alone," he nodded at the house, "nor can I let you go in there alone. And you're the one who knows where things are. I think our safest course is to stay together." Eli sighed and nodded in agreement.

"Yo, guys, I'm standing right here." I huffed. "Don't talk about me in the third person. I want to know what's going on." I was all for the two of them talking. I mean, the progress in the car was far more than I could have anticipated. But I didn't intend to be left out of the conversation when it seemed to involve protecting me from something. They looked at each other, and Edward nodded.

"Bella, I think someone's been in the house, and I think they're like him." Eli pointed at Edward. A growl came from my right.

"Nothing like me," Edward hissed. "But admittedly, it appears vampires were here. They seem to be gone, but I'd still advise caution." Eli grabbed my left hand, and although very careful not to touch me, Edward stayed close to my right side as we walked up to the front porch.

From a distance, everything looked the same as last time, but as we got close enough so I could peer past the gloomy shadows created by the porch roof, I saw the first sign of a break-in. The front door had been ripped off its hinges, lying flat in front of the gaping hole where it once hung, covered with blown dirt and footprints. Edward moved ahead of us and kneeled down to examine the footprints, lowering his head to actually sniff them.

Edward stood back up, shrugged his shoulders and nodded to us to follow. I placed my hand firmly in Eli's grasp, barely breathing as we carefully climbed the stairs, my heart pounding in my ears. Joining Edward, we walked over the broken door and into the dark house.

I was waiting for my eyes to adjust to the murky interior when my foot came into contact with something heavy, tripping me, my arms flailing as I was falling face first, stopped only by Eli's hot hands grabbing my waist and lifting me back onto my feet. I could feel my blush as I raised my head to mutter my thanks, and gasped — it looked like a tornado hit the inside of the house. Kitchen appliances were hurled around as if a giant had thrown a tantrum, the cabinets ripped off the walls and destroyed. I looked down at my feet. I had tripped over a Bible, or what was left of one.

Moving through the rest of the house, we all gaped to see every piece of furniture splintered, pictures torn off the walls, glass shattered with deadly shards glinting off every surface, the bedroom mattresses torn to shreds — nothing was missed as someone went through each and every item in the entire house, and demolished it.

Eli held my hand as I stumbled through the debris, squeezing it gently as the destruction of everything he knew from this part of his life tore through him. If someone did this purposefully, to hurt him, they couldn't have done a better job. It was devastating.

We were wandering through the house in respectful silence, this scene of a massacre, when Edward stopped, his eyes roaming over the litter.

"Eli, can you think of any reason why vampires would have torn this house apart? Were they looking for something?" Eli slowly shook his head.

"I have no idea why they did this," Eli whispered. He nodded in the direction of the front bedroom. "The attic is accessed through there, maybe something survived." He led us into a closet, in what was left of the master bedroom, and pointed to the ceiling, to a barely discernible trap door. Reaching up, he grabbed the edge, swung it open and pulled down a folding ladder. I remembered Eli mentioned his elderly adopted mother used this ladder frequently, and I shuddered at the idea of someone that age balancing on this rickety thing.

With Edward leading, me in the middle and Eli coming up behind me, we climbed the ladder to the attic which was, surprisingly, untouched. It smelled musty, the grey wooden floors covered in dust, and the only light was from the slatted vents near the roof peaks. Spider webs hung from the rafters, little bundles of wrapped bugs scattered throughout them. The attic was stifling hot, sweat started poured down my face, dripping into my eyes within minutes. Neither Eli nor Edward appeared effected by the heat, but it was all I could do to keep the stinging sweat from blinding me, using my shirt sleeve to mop my face.

The room was empty, except for a couple of old wooden boxes. Eli searched through the first and, finding nothing but some old, cracked dishware, we all moved to the second. The three of us knelt on the dusty floor and peered in at a stack of worn bibles and hymn books. Edward's long fingers gathered them up, carefully placing them on the floor next to the box. And there, at the bottom of the box, was a tan, canvas backpack. Lifting it out, Eli unfastened the flap while we looked on. Inside were a spiral notebook and a Nikon camera, fitted with a huge telephoto lens. Eli carefully removed the camera from the backpack.

"There is no way Mary or Jeremiah owned a camera like this." He touched it gently, a puzzled look on his face. Then he pulled out the notebook and flipped it open, fanning the pages before slamming the cover shut. "Not their handwriting, I…what's wrong, Edward?"

Edward had jumped to his feet and backed away. His entire body was shaking, his hands balled into fists at his side.

"It's hers," he whispered. I looked up at his face, shocked to see lines etched in his smooth forehead, his mouth contorted in pain. His eyes…he suddenly looked ancient.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Trust me." He covered his eyes with his hand.

I looked back at Eli, who pointed to his nose.

"I think we found what we were looking for," Eli paused, "and maybe what _they_ were searching for. He turned his head slowly, peering through the dim light of the attic, but there was nothing else, just these two boxes. "Why don't we take a look at this when we get home, and get the hell out of here, okay?" I agreed. Struggling to my feet, I looked up at Edward. He hadn't moved a muscle, but the pain in his face hadn't lessened. He looked like he wanted to cry, but his eyes remained dry. Finally, he moved, following us towards the ladder and insisting on descending first. As he passed me, I wanted to reach for him, touch him, comfort him, but no…it was not my place. I followed, trying to shake off the effects of his despair.

I was thankful we had left the baking heat of the attic when we cautiously stepped out the front door, down the porch steps and into the meadow that bordered the front of the house, the clouds now darker and lower, seeming to press down upon us, making the already humid air even thicker. Wiping more sweat from my forehead, I was following them across the grass, anxious to get away from the house and into the cool air conditioning of the car when Eli glanced at the side yard, did a double-take, and stopped. He handed me the back pack.

"Hang on for a moment." He walked further into the meadow so he could see around the side of the house and stopped, chuckling.

"Well, look at that." He was grinning, then turned to me and pointed. I dropped the pack and walked over to him.

"What the hell is that?" I gaped at the animal in the side yard. It was huge, it was solid black, it was…a horse? "What kind of horse is that? It looks like a tank!"

Eli laughed at me. "That's Tulla. She belongs to my neighbor…I mean, my old neighbor, Jim, from the house down the road." He smiled broadly, so obviously pleased. "She's a Percheron mare." When he noticed my puzzled expression, he said "She's a …"

"Draft horse," was the whisper from behind us. Edward was staring at her in amazement. The horse picked up her head and, even from this distance, I could hear her snort. Edward scrambled back a few steps, towards the car.

"I don't want to spook her, but, oh she's magnificent!" He was beaming, his eyes dancing with excitement, the pain all but gone. I looked at him in astonishment, shocked at the change in his demeanor. This wasn't the Edward of a few minutes before, not even the man I'd met a few days earlier. This Edward suddenly seemed more alive, more human. Even Eli appeared to notice the difference in him, his smile matching his father's as they looked at each other.

"She was always a favorite of mine, and Jim would let me spend as much time as I could with her." He turned back to the horse. "She's huge, a solid 18 hands, and weighs at least a ton. But she's a gentle girl with a wicked sense of humor." His smile started to falter as he stared at her. "What's she doing over here?" He walked towards the horse while I hung back with Edward, nervously watching Eli approach this monster. I knew I shouldn't be frightened for him, but I was damned well frightened for me. I'd seen horses, but nothing as big as she was. Deciding the prudent thing to do was admire from a distance, I walked over to the car and leaned against it, content to watch Eli amble up to her, calling her name as he approached. She gave a soft whinny and pushed her enormous head into his chest. He stroked her nose and scratched her behind her ears. I could just make out his soothing sounds, see her enjoying his attention, and I grinned at how much she cared for him as well.

Letting the fear from our experience in the house slip away, I rested against the car and tried to relax. Taking deep breaths, I was enjoying the scene in front of me, happy to see Eli using his bond with the horse to help him recover from the destruction we had just seen.

Edward walked over to me, his brilliant smile fading as he dropped his eyes. "I miss them, Isabella. I miss touching them, playing with them, grooming them." He looked back at me, his eyes old and ancient once more. "I miss being friends with them. Now, they all fear me as a predator. They were once so much a part of my life…"

I couldn't take my eyes off him, and this time it had nothing to do with the draw between us, or his astonishing beauty. I was looking at the human who died in 1918, the man hidden behind decades of nomadic life as a vampire. I was looking at the man/boy he once was. I knew what I had to do.

I gave him a gentle smile. "Edward, what's your last name?" He looked up, startled. Shocked, maybe, that anyone would bother to ask that.

"Masen. My last name is Masen."

I grinned at him. "Of the Chicago Masens, sir?" He hesitated, deep in thought for a moment than broke into a huge smile.

"As a matter of fact, dear lady, yes, I believe so."

I held out my hand. "Pleased to meet you, Edward Masen." And in that moment, in that brief instant when he felt like a person again, he reached over and took my hand. And that's when it happened.

It was a shock — but not like an electric shock. Where my skin touched his I felt every cell, every individual molecule come to life, vibrating on a frequency that I _knew_ had to match his own. The humming spread up my arm, our bodies singing in perfect harmony, and I couldn't have let go of his hand if my life depended on it.

His skin wasn't cold, as I had expected. It was as if I was holding a piece of wood, or a stone that was left outside. He wasn't as warm as a human, he wasn't as hot as Eli, but there was nothing unpleasant about it. It was as if I was holding the air around me.

I dared to look up at his face, and he had a look of astonishment that mirrored my own. We held hands for a moment longer than is proper, and then we simultaneously released each other, arms dropping to our sides while the two of us, as one, turned to see if Eli was watching.

I exhaled loudly as I saw Eli with his arms around the neck of the horse, his head resting against her, his eyes closed. Crisis averted, but I rubbed my hand, already missing the sensation, the brief moment of feeling as one with…I couldn't allow myself to go there. _Not now, think about it another time._

Edward glanced at me and then turned back to Eli, clearing his throat. "Eli, should we not be leaving?" Eli raised his head and peered over at us, blinked a couple of times and nodded.

"I'll walk Tulla back home on the road. Why don't you follow in the car? I'll meet you in their driveway." I nodded, picked up the pack and headed to the back of the car. Edward hesitated.

"Isabella, do you know how to operate this?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Just get in," I muttered as I picked up the backpack and placed it carefully into the trunk.

Eli grabbed Tulla's halter, guiding her towards the road while Edward and I followed at a safe distance in the car. The massive horse walked quietly beside him, tail swinging, on occasion flinging it at Eli's back. He was laughing, rubbing her shoulder, as the two of them sauntered happily down the road. I turned to the quiet man sitting next to me.

"Edward, you really had a lot of contact with horses when you were growing up?

He sighed. "Horses were so much a part of life I never thought about it. Yes, my father owned an automobile, but we all rode horses or, at the very least, were able to drive them. It seems so odd to see them no longer a part of life, although I must say, I don't miss the manure on the roads." He grinned at me.

Something had shifted today, not only for me, but I think Eli was affected as well. We saw a human side to Edward that we hadn't seen before. Everything that happened today reminded me he had a life before he was turned into this, and it was a human life. Layers were peeling back, exposing the man behind the vampire. Thinking of all he had lost, I couldn't imagine how he lived all those decades in self-imposed isolation. How did he do it without going mad? I glanced over at him, wondering just how much strength of character might be contained in the vampire sitting next to me. Maybe a vampire wasn't something I should be as frightened of as I had assumed. Maybe ultimately, deep inside, they were no different from myself.

Following Eli, I pulled into the gravel driveway of a well maintained farm house, and watched him walk Tulla down a hill, heading towards the lush green pastures and sparkling ponds in the distance. I got out of the car so Eli could resume his place behind the wheel. Edward stepped out as well and looked around, expression tense.

The wind had picked up, blowing from the mountains behind us as the dense clouds started roiling across the sky. Edward cocked his head to the side, his nose scrunched as if he smelled something bad, but then relaxed as another gust of wind blew up behind us, tearing at our clothes.

Moving towards the side yard, Edward motioned for me to join him, heading towards Eli as he trudged back up the hill. As we got closer to the house, I noticed a paddock with an open gate, partially obscured by a dip in the rolling land. All three of us were heading in that direction when the first peel of thunder crashed around us.

"That's how the horse got out…" I heard Eli shout as he started running towards the gate. Edward picked up his speed, keeping his pace slow enough that I could keep up with him. Another crash of thunder hit, this time accompanied by lightning forking across the sky. I ran after Edward, squinting at the sky, hoping we could make it back to the car before the rains came.

Eli reached it first, looked down and turned around quickly. "It's Jim," he whispered, his face white as Edward's, breathing heavily. Edward pulled ahead of me, running towards Eli, snarling viciously as he crested the hill. I broke into a full run, chasing after him, the wind pushing at my back as the thunder crashed again, echoing through the mountains and making the hair on my neck stand on end.

"Get Isabella, get her away from here!" Edward shouted as he dropped into a crouch, circling around us, growling deeply at something unseen, eyes everywhere at once. Before Eli could get to me I looked down, and saw him.

A middle-aged man, somewhat paunchy, in jeans and a flannel shirt, was lying on the ground, his limbs splayed out, his head twisted to the right so I could only see the back of his neck. The skin under his neck was moving, was he alive? Was that his heartbeat?

"No, Bella!" Eli screamed as I took a step to my left and looked directly into sightless and sunken eyes, skin gray and stretched around his skull. I stumbled back when I saw his mouth, wide open in a soundless scream, lips drawn back exposing yellowed, tobacco-stained teeth, and nothing under his chin but the shredded skin and ripped cartilage of what had once been his throat.

"No, no, no," I mumbled, staring at the ruined neck as another crash of thunder shook the ground and with a brilliant flash lightning lit the sky and flared right on the man, the corpse of a man, and I had to look closer, because _what was that_?

_Rice?_ I inched closer. It moved.

_Worms?_ I inched closer still.

And then my brain made the connection as my eyes got wide as the sudden and horrifying understanding hit me that I was staring at maggots, countless maggots, boiling in the open wound, eating at the flesh, consuming what was once a man and a farmer and the owner of a horse named Tulla. I brought my hands to my mouth and wanted to scream, but there was no air to move my lungs.

"Bella, move!" Eli grabbed me and spun me around but not before the wind suddenly died, not before the cloud of noxious gases from the bloated body overwhelmed me, invading my nose, my mouth, my throat. Not before the warm rain came swamping over all of us, too late to wash away the horror of the stink of death.

I finally found my lungs, and with a strangled cry I lifted my face to the heavens and prayed what I had seen would be ripped from my mind, that the rain could wash it away. But the smell was everywhere, seeping through me, my gorge rising and my mouth filling with liquid that mixed with the taste of death. I turned to spit it out when Edward shouted, "Eli, get her out of here, now!"

"His wife!" Eli cried.

"I'll check, just get her out of here!" Edward shouted as he sprinted towards the farmhouse. "I'll meet you by the copse of trees where we got off the large road."

"Edward, that's over 50 miles…"

"Just go, I'll meet you there. _Get her out of here!"_ Edward yelled at the same moment I heard a screen door slam.

Eli grabbed my hand and pulled me as I stumbled after him. He literally threw me into the passenger seat, slammed the door, and the next thing I heard was the sound of flying gravel as he peeled out of the driveway.

I couldn't think, I couldn't see. I curled into a ball in the seat, my hair falling in my face and dripping down my neck, my chest, mixing with my tears as my mind replayed his face, the squirming maggots, the horror of a bloated dead man left to bake in the sun like a mangled deer on the side of the road. I hadn't touched anything but the smell of death coated my body, infiltrated my lungs so I swore every exhale carried more of his stink to form a cloud all around me. I curled up tighter and shook and cried and knew nothing but terror and revulsion, until I felt the car stop and felt the wind and rain against my body as my door flew open.

Edward was there, reaching in and gently picking me up — cradling me in his arms as he took me back out into the rain just long enough to move me to the back, carefully placing me on the seat and closing both doors. I heard the door behind Eli open, and Edward slid into the back seat, next to me.

"Edward?" Eli hissed.

"I can't protect her from the back seat if she's in the front, and you need to concentrate on driving. Get going Eli, get this vehicle moving as fast as it can."

Eli started driving, grumbling to himself. "We'll get stopped if I drive that fast."

I heard a pause. "It'll be the police who will stop you? Then I'll listen ahead, and let you know if they're there. You should have sufficient time to slow down." Another pause. "I don't think the killers are still here, but I can't be certain. I need you to drive faster than they can run." I guess Eli understood, because I heard the roar of the engine and felt myself pressing against the back seat. I ventured a peek out the window, and then closed my eyes tightly. The rapid flashing of objects passing only added to my growing nausea.

"Edward," Eli whispered. "His wife?" I opened my eyes just enough to look at Edward, who shook his head. Eli started moaning, the sound getting louder and louder and then a crash rocked the car, startling me, forcing my eyes open as I saw Eli's fist come away from the cracked vinyl in the padded dashboard. He wrapped his hand around the steering wheel, knuckles white, and shook.

"Isabella?" I looked over at Edward, water dripping down his face from his soaking wet hair plastered to his head, eyes so sad the water looked like tears. His clothes were drenched, stuck to his body that was folded up into the tight confines of the back seat with me. He was facing towards me, his knees inadvertently hitting mine at times. In the back of my mind there was a small voice that reminded me how attractive I should find him right now, but I pushed it away as the horror of even that passing thought at a time like this made my skin crawl. I looked away, disgusted with myself, my tears flowing faster as my trembling grew worse.

"Vampires killed them, right?"

"Yes, Isabella, I'd guess two vampires." I looked down into my lap, and clasped my hands together, trying to control my shaking.

"Not like Bram Stoker, huh. Guess I thought it would be neat, two little pin pricks to the neck…" I looked at my fingers, examining the water pruning the skin around my knuckles. I felt Edward shift in his seat.

"We don't have fangs," he whispered. I just kept my head down and nodded, filing one more bit of information along with the rest. I'd think about it another day, on the day I'd thoroughly deal with the fact that vampires didn't wear capes, or sleep in coffins, and everything I thought I'd learned from watching horror movies didn't seem to apply to the real world, or wherever the hell it was I found myself.

"Isabella, look at me please." I was shaking my head 'no' when I felt a hand touch my arm, and with that touch I felt it again, that hum, that vibration. But this time it comforted, it soothed. My muscles started to unwind, my tremors stopped. My body sang under his hand but this time it sang a quiet tune. My mind calmed, the terrifying images fading as I laid my head back and closed my eyes.

And the last thing I remembered as I drifted to sleep was the sweet sound of soft humming, and a smooth hand resting on my arm.

* * *

**A/N ***cough*

There's a reality to the world of vampires, and this is part of that reality. Bella needed to learn about it, and so did Eli. As a matter of fact, so did Edward, since he's lived his nomadic life separated from everyone, both human and vampire.

I'd like to thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua (blame her for the rice image as you cook your dinner,) and Alicedances - not only for reviewing this for style, content, and grammatical correctness, but for having to cook rice immediately after she reviewed it. It takes a strong woman.

Oh yeah, and the maggots were mine.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We can discuss the stages of development of the common housefly.

And last but not least, thank you all for your wonderful reviews, and please keep them coming :-)


	11. The Professional

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

**Warning:** This chapter contains scenes of graphic violence. Just saying. Again.

* * *

Chapter 11

The Professional

Neither Eli nor Edward would leave my side. I slept the entire way back to South Carolina, only waking when I felt myself lifted from the car seat. Cracking my eyes open, I was surprised to find myself cradled in Edward's arms, with Eli walking next to us. Edward carried me through the house and into the bedroom, carefully placing me on the bed while Eli gathered clean, dry clothes. I sat up, trying to push away the fog of sleep, but as soon as I regained any semblance of clarity, I remembered the smell of death that was all over me, and flew off the bed, hoping we wouldn't need to strip everything and wash it. I grabbed the clean clothes from Eli.

"Thanks, I'm going to shower."

"Not without me in there you're not," Eli said, folding his arms and planting himself in front of the bathroom door.

"Eli, I can shower myself, I don't need protection in the bathroom." He started to protest when I lifted my chin and glared at him. "There isn't even a window in that room, and I'm certain nothing's going to climb in through the eighth-of-an-inch holes in the air vent."

He sighed and stepped aside. "I'll be right out here, Bella. Call if you need me."

I don't know how long I stood in that steaming hot shower, trying to burn the stench out of my nose, scrubbing at my hair, at my skin, trying to replace the fetid smells of death with the scent of my shampoo and soap. I scoured at the stench until my skin was red; I scrubbed until the water ran cold. And then I shampooed again. Shivering, I suppressed the need to wash myself again as I shut off the water. Then, wrapped in a towel, I brushed my teeth, again and again. Hunched over the sink, I scraped the roof of my mouth, my tongue, until I started spitting out blood, until the taste was a memory. I was tempted to get back in the shower again, to scrub myself more, until I could, once again, tolerate being inside my own skin.

Emerging from the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt and soft shorts, my wet hair dripping down my back, Eli grabbed my hand and led me into the living room — the couch already made up with fresh sheets, cool linen-covered pillows, and a collection of blankets and comforters. Edward sat in a chair facing the couch, waiting for me, watching carefully as Eli made certain I was comfortable.

"Sugar first, Bella," Eli smiled at me, pouring a cool glass of sweet tea from a pitcher on the table. "Then we'll get something more substantial into you, okay?" I nodded, still sleepy, and for the first time since this whole mess began, took comfort in knowing these two men were here to help me, to keep me safe. Tomorrow I'd be stronger, tomorrow I'd face the horror of what I saw today, but tonight I needed to chase the demons away and allow father and son, regardless of whether or not they were completely human, to protect me and grant me some hours to disappear, to fade away from the horror, to believe I might be safe again. Embraced by their presence, and with food in my stomach, I settled into the couch and let sleep take me once again.

I jerked awake in the middle of the night, disoriented, the living room shrouded in darkness, and stared into the void — trying to see outlines, looking for small bits of light and struggling to recognize the shapes distorted by the shadows. I heard a rustle and felt the air move as someone approached me.

"Isabella, are you well?" Edward whispered. I nodded and wiggled a little, adjusting myself in my make-shift bed on the couch.

"You whimpered in your sleep, you mumbled some words. Are you certain you're all right?"

"I'm fine, Edward." I peered into the dark. "Is Eli okay?"

Edward settled onto the floor in front of the couch. "He fell asleep in the chair, finally. He took the destruction of his childhood home far worse than he had appeared to, the shock wearing off I suppose. He needed to talk, and…well, I did what I could to help. Mary and Jeremiah are long gone, and the rest are just possessions." Edward sighed deeply. "But I can't find the words to comfort him over the deaths of Jim and his wife. Maybe time will do it."

I nodded, glad Eli was getting some relief in sleep, but uncomfortable knowing there was nothing to offer Edward the same escape. Looking down at him curled on the floor beside me, I wanted to take his hand, wanted to give him something, while at the same time feel the comfort of his touch again... but knew I shouldn't. It wasn't my place to take that kind of liberty with him. Instead, I sat up and peered at his face, so angular in the shadows, so haunting in its beauty. A vampire, the stuff of legends. Something I should be deathly afraid of, yet wasn't.

"Edward, aren't you bored sitting here all night?"

He gave me that crooked grin, the one that altered his appearance from the stark and otherworldly being, the one sensual nightmares are formed of, and turned him into the playful young man long buried inside. "I'm reciting _The Iliad_ in my head," he murmured. "It's one of my favorites." Locking eyes with me, he smiled again. "You really should go back to sleep, sweet Helen_._"

I couldn't help laughing at the ridiculous comparison as I burrowed back into the pillow, my laughter fading when I grasped the hidden implications of what he called me. Had he changed his mind, did he now plan to fight for me?

Did I want that?

I pulled the blanket up to my neck and pushed my head deeper into the pillow. I could no longer lie to myself. The draw to him was constant; but even more, the mystery of this man was unraveling before me every day — each day I saw down into another layer, revealing a depth of compassion that never ceased to amaze me. _Who_ he was now drew me as much as _what_ he was, though the thought of what this meant, for all three of us, hurt so much my chest clenched in pain. _Not now, _I thought as I tried to push myself back to sleep._ I'll think about it another day. _

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, and finally drifted off, waking often that night, constantly checking to make sure Edward and Eli were still with me before settling back into another hour of restless sleep.

The next morning found the three of us gathered at the small kitchen table, our hard-earned prizes — the notebook and the camera — carefully placed in the center. Eli looked surprisingly relaxed, but Edward was a mess. His jaw was tense, his leg bounced up and down, and his hands were folded so tightly on the table in front of him that his knuckles were white. With all of us watching closely, Eli cautiously picked up the camera, turned it over, and peered at the bottom.

"Check this out," he said as he pointed to a sticker on the bottom of the camera body. It contained a bar code, and up in the corner were the words 'Nat Geo'

"National Geographic?" I asked. If this was Sarah's, had she worked for them? Eli shrugged and put the camera down.

"There's film in it. Next time I'm in town I'll get it developed. In the meantime, I think our best chance at answers is in here," he said while he picked up the notebook, flipping the cover open.

The first few pages contained scribbled notes — roll numbers, subjects, exposure settings, _f_ stops. We flipped quickly through them, and then came to a section that was completely different, no longer notes but instead, dense paragraphs. At first glance it looked like a narrative. We all leaned forward.

"_I know I'm on assignment, and I know I shouldn't allow myself to get distracted, but god damn! I want that…I seriously want that. I'll take a walk tomorrow and see if he's still around._

"_Success…I guess. I'm not sure about him, but that is, without a doubt, the hottest body I've seen in a very long time. Maybe if I can get him under a blanket and warm him, but damn, it was even worth the bruises. Note to self – get condoms next time in town, cause if I can track him down for a repeat, I'll see what I can do to show him a few tricks, see if I can get this ex-virgin beyond being a one minute wonder."_

Edward drew a deep breath and got up so quickly he knocked the chair over. "I'll be outside," he said in a strangled voice. _Oh shit, that had to hurt._

"Edward, please? I'm sorry, but you really should…" He couldn't even look at me, and I had to elbow Eli to make sure he didn't even _consider_ laughing. He was, after all, the product of that one minute wonder.

"I'll be outside, Isabella. I'll hear whatever I need to hear through him." He nodded at Eli and, with his eyes still down, he walked out the door and onto the porch.

I looked at Eli, who was shaking in his attempt to control his laughter, and jabbed him hard in the ribs. "He can read your mind, Eli," I hissed. Suddenly he sobered, looked down and shrugged. I wondered if it finally occurred to him that he was laughing at the circumstances of his own creation.

I took a sip of coffee, slid the notebook over between Eli and myself, and settled in to read.

**

_Sarah peered into the dark bag to check how many rolls of film were left. There were 23, probably enough to finish the assignment. She checked the 47 rolls of used film to make sure they were secure in their light resistant pouch, and left the tent, camera in one hand, notebook and pen in the other._

_Thirty one years old, and a staff photographer for National Geographic — that kind of thing doesn't happen very often. Especially not for a second generation Italian-American woman named Sarah Rispolli. But Sarah was also a driven woman, intent on making a name for herself, even if that meant sacrificing pretty much everything else in her life to make that happen. At the ripe age of 31 she was happy, successful, single, and loving her independence._

_Speaking of independence, she scanned the trees around her to see if there was any sign of a thatch of bronze hair. It had been a week, and she was rapidly giving up hope he'd return for a repeat. Sarah shrugged. It made no difference, really. This one might be too easy to get attached to anyway, and that was not something she was willing to risk, even if he had a kick-ass body and an adorable, old fashioned name like Edward._

_Giving the camp a final once over, she walked over to her Land Rover and opened the passenger door, dumping her camera and notebook on the seat. "Shit," she thought, "forgot the film." Jogging back to her tent, she was hit with the first wave of nausea of the day, and then the pain._

_The nausea was now a daily occurrence, and the pain had just started yesterday. Resting her hand on her lower abdomen she noticed it was still bloated. If she was going to get any work done today she was going to have to change her plans and eat first. She'd never been a morning eater, but now it helped settle her stomach._

_She returned to the Land Rover and lifting the rear hatch, checked the cooler. One egg left. There was other food, but the past week that was all she wanted, and anything else only increased the nausea — as the nearby bushes had witnessed. There was no way around it, she was going to have to head into town for supplies. Looking at the sky, she realized maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. The weather didn't look like it would hold today._

_As she walked back to the tent, she considered heading all the way into Asheville instead of the local town, and stopping at an urgent care clinic. She had another two weeks of shooting left. It wasn't a good idea to be sick in the mountains alone. Granted, she had the CB radio, and she wasn't quite that sick yet, but better safe than sorry. She'd never been stupid about her safety. Nature could be a cruel thing._

_She just reached the tent when the first drops of rain started falling. Forgoing the film, she grabbed her backpack, checked again to make sure her wallet was in her pocket, and started running back to the Rover. By this time, the cold rain was beating a steady pace, and as she slid into the driver's seat her shirt was wet enough to stick to the back of her seat. Sarah ignored it; she'd be dry soon enough._

_It was a long and winding trip out of the mountains. The roads were rutted, packed clay, and Sarah had to reduce her speed as the bouncing was increasing the pain in her lower stomach. The rain was falling harder, and she felt the Rover sliding through some of the hair-pin turns as the rain started swamping the hard-packed road. Taking a deep breath, Sarah downshifted and reduced her speed even more. This was no big deal, she'd been in worse in the mountains of Afghanistan, and the photos that came out of that assignment were well worth the danger._

_That's when the skies opened._

_The rain pummeled the vehicle, battering at it from all sides. She could hear the run-off on the road get louder, and a quick look out the side windows proved she was in trouble. The water on the road was turning into a river, sluicing down the mountain, carrying road debris with it as it hit the Rover from behind. The windows fogged up, reducing her visibility even more, leaving her with no choice. She stopped the vehicle, put it in park, and decided to wait out the storm — when another stab of pain lanced through her. Sarah doubled over and moaned, holding her stomach, the sharp pain lacing with the constant, gnawing hunger. She closed her eyes, trying to relax her body…_

_BAM! She jumped, hitting her head on the steering wheel. What the hell was…BAM! This time she felt the Land Rover bounce from the impact on the roof. Spinning around, she couldn't see anything past the fogged windows. The rain was even harder now, thundering against the roof of the car. She was blind and trapped, deaf from the roar of the storm, blind from the fogged windows… but under the crashing rain she heard a scratching sound, a squeal, like a fingernail on a blackboard. Where was it coming from? She spun again and screamed. A face, a face outside her window, barely seen through the fogged glass and the sheets of rain cascading over the car. A young man? Grinning, motioning to her… a circling motion. Roll down her window? Then a tap from the other side of the car and she whipped her head to the right. Another face, a woman, long hair plastered to her skull, the same type of grin. The woman raised her hand and wiggled her fingers at her._

_Not good. Sarah slipped her hand into the console between the front seats, and palmed the small folding knife kept for emergencies. Tucking it into her front pocket she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her wallet — sliding it between the seat and the console, where it would be hard to see and far safer than on her person. The woman on the right now had her face to the glass, hands cupped and peering through the window. Sarah looked to her left, the man had stepped back, just standing there in the driving rain. Looking again from one to the other, she cracked her window about an inch. Drops from the driving rain forced through that small opening immediately soaked her jeans as she peered at the man, uncomfortable with his scruffy appearance._

"_Yes?" she asked, turning to take a quick look at the woman on the other side._

"_The road's washed out." He pointed down the road, into the blinding rain._

"_Okay, thanks. I'll just turn..."_

_He interrupted her, looking nervous, almost frightened. "No, it's not safe. We tried walking back, too. The bridge at the bottom of that last switchback is gone." Is that possible? Had they walked past her on the road without her noticing them? Another stab of pain hit, doubling Sarah against the steering wheel. She closed her eyes and willed it to pass._

"_We're staying in a cabin, right through those trees. We came out to see what kind of damage was done to the roads, and I always liked a good storm anyway." Sarah heard him through the spreading pain, and lifted her head just enough to look over at the woman. She was grinning, rain falling down her face, and nodding in agreement._

"_You have to get out of that vehicle, there's a chance it'll wash into the gully down there, with you in it." He smiled at her, and just like the girl, he didn't even seem discomforted by the rain. Something was off, all her warning bells were ringing, but he was right. She was trapped on the side of a mountain and she couldn't head in either direction. Staying in the Land Rover wasn't Sarah's best choice._

_She grabbed her pack, thankful for the years she spent making sure she kept the canvas waterproofed, and stuffed her camera and notebook into it. She was about to reach for her wallet, but decided it was safer where it was._

_Turning off the car she pulled the key from the ignition, stuffed it in her pocket, and chanced opening the door. A sheet of rain hit her square in the face, and she was immediately soaked. Pressing the lock button Sarah stepped out, closed the doo, and looked up at him._

_He was taller than she expected, but not too tall, and skinny. The woman skipped over from the other side of the Rover, long hair streaming water down her chest and back, and a huge smile on her face in spite of the soaking rain._

"_This way, follow me," the man shouted to Sarah over the noise of the downpour. Sarah nodded her head, hitched her backpack over her shoulder and jumping over the raging water in the roadside ditch, scrambled up the berm, and followed them into the trees._

_The walk seemed endless in the lashing rain. A few paces ahead of her, the two strangers maintained a steady march in a single direction, never swerving as they led her in a straight path through the trees. Sarah scrambled over roots and rocks to try to keep up, worried because she knew she was in shape. Walking shouldn't be this hard. She marveled at how graceful they remained, regardless of the obstacles or the mud that would grab at Sarah's sneakers whenever her feet sank into the waterlogged loam. Finally, although the rain hadn't let up, she could see a dim light as the trees broke, revealing a small clearing in front of them. As they stepped from the thick ferns and stinging brambles of the forest undergrowth to wet, knee-high grass, Sarah saw the first signs of... something. It was the brown smudge of a building obscured by the rain._

"_Is that it?" Sarah shouted over the rain, hoping the two in front of her would hear. The man turned his head to the side, nodded, and then faced forward again. He barely broke stride._

_Another sharp pain lanced through her stomach, and Sarah fell forward, catching herself on her hands and knees. Struggling back to her feet, arms wrapped around her stomach, she had to run to catch up with them at the cabin door._

_Stumbling on the rotten porch and through the door, Sarah ran into the building, relieved to be out of the rain. And although the tin roof continued to echo the sound of the driving storm, the sudden relative quiet was almost deafening. Sarah pulled at her ears, wondering if she had water in them, as she turned around, blinking at the stark interior._

_It was filthy. It was unfurnished. It looked like no one had been in here for years. Sarah backed towards the door, wondering what she had gotten herself into, when the woman stepped behind her._

"_I know it's not much," the lilting voice of the woman surprised Sarah, "but it's a dry place, right?" Sarah turned to her, and stared into a crooked grin, filled with very white teeth. Then she looked up to her eyes, and her heart started racing. The woman had the largest pupils she'd ever seen, bordered with irises that were…burgundy. The man moved next to Sarah, and when she faced him she was looking at the same eyes. They were identical. _

_The man stepped forward, past the line of comfort, into Sarah's personal space. She took a step back. "We're brother and sister, I'm sure you noticed the resemblance." His smile got impossibly bigger._

_Okay, thought Sarah, they look enough alike. She was sure there was some sort of hereditary disorder that can account for this. A modification of albino genes resulting in eyes this color? When she got back she'd have to research it._

"_Well, thanks for helping me get out of the storm. My name is Sarah." She held her hand out, and both looked at it, but didn't touch it. The woman's head came up, her eyes narrowed, and she turned to her brother. He caught her eye and started laughing, then extended his hand to Sarah and made their introductions._

"_My name is James, and my…uh…sister's name is Victoria._

_**_

I looked up and saw Edward sitting at the table with us. I don't know how long it had been since he'd returned, but I was glad he was there.

"It's obvious what they are, Edward. Do you know them?"

He shook his head. "Honestly, Isabella, the only vampires I've even seen over the years is the family that cared for Eli." He pursed his lips and shook his head. "I wonder if I've been remiss, if at least being aware of others would have proved useful." He nodded at Eli and me, his hands fisted on the top of the table, and his voice tight. "Let's return to the journal, shall we?"

_**_

_It was two weeks later when the first of Sarah's ribs broke. She was already a mass of deep bruises, covering her arms, her legs, her broken fingers, and the stretched and purple skin of her abdomen. All but her abdominal bruises were caused by either James or Victoria. The fingers were courtesy of Victoria when she didn't move fast enough to the rank outhouse behind the cabin._

_Sarah was sitting in the middle of a pile of filthy rags, mildewed at best, covered with thick mold at worst. Almost naked from the waist down, her swollen body barely allowed her to fasten the first three buttons of her shirt. Her jeans were long abandoned, replaced with a mildewed and leaf-encrusted bed sheet wrapped around her like a skirt. She was backed into a corner, egg shells scattered all over the floor of the cabin, adding their sulfur smell to the stink of her unwashed body. The kick from the baby that cracked her rib made her wince, but no more. Sarah was beyond reacting to pain. Her entire body was pain, and the only way she could maintain any semblance of sanity was to push it away. She was a strong woman, she reminded herself. She would survive this. _

_At first the excuse was the rain, the downpours that lasted for two full days. Victoria would disappear on occasion, returning with handfuls of fresh eggs for the camping stove and pot she'd found. Sarah would let the pot fill with rainwater, and cook the eggs, noticing her two rescuers stayed unusually far away from the open flame of the stove and never, ever, ate. The next excuse was the roads. They had been washed out below them, and the bridge was still out above them. James told her he had gone back to the Rover and contacted someone with her CB radio, then he had made a sign for the road crews, asking for help, pointing in the direction of the cabin if they ever came by. Sarah wondered about that, wondered what he could have fashioned a sign from. He and his sister appeared to have nothing but the clothes on their backs._

_Then she was told her Rover had washed down into the raging creek below. Sarah insisted on seeing this for herself and, accompanied by the two of them, trekked back to the road and down the hill. At the bottom of a gorge the Rover sat deep in the water, all of its windows smashed, the CB she was counting on to call for help completely underwater. Ignoring James and Victoria, Sarah started climbing down into the water, intent on getting her wallet, when another blinding stab of pain laid her flat on the ground. When Sarah could get to her feet again she trudged back to the cabin, once again trailing behind the two of them — bent over, no longer able to stand straight against the pain. She'd get her wallet another day._

_The next week and a half were hell. As the days went by, and her condition got worse, and her pleas to be taken to a hospital were ignored, the two of them didn't even try to appear concerned. Sarah wrote in her notebook constantly, but they ignored that too, more amused than anything else. Victoria continued to acquire eggs from someplace, and now she was bringing water in a filthy plastic jug. Any physical contact, no matter how casual, resulted in bruises — and Sarah couldn't understand why. Her broken fingers were simply the result of Victoria grabbing her hand. Nothing made sense any longer. Sarah counted the days by the number of new bruises, or the number of eggs she ate, or the number of times she dragged herself to the stinking outhouse — grabbing handfuls of leaves for toilet paper. But she was determined to keep her mind intact, in spite of everything that was happening to her, in spite of knowing the impossible was happening to her body. She was pregnant — massively pregnant, and the only person she'd had sex with in the past year was Edward. But that was three weeks ago, and if she grew any larger, if the baby grew any stronger... The rational part of her mind had stopped arguing that this was not possible three days ago._

_Sarah opened her eyes, pushed her greasy hair off her face, and stared at what was left of her knife — scattered, in pieces, in the far corner of the cabin. James had snapped it, using his fingers as if it was a piece of thin plastic, after she first broke it trying to stab him during her one attempt at escape from the cabin. The bruise on her thigh was his gift for her attempt._

_And now, she was starving, no matter how much she ate. There was no mirror, but she could examine her hands, her wrist, and watch her skin shrink around her skeleton while her belly grew ever bigger. The gnawing feeling inside her never stopped, just added one more layer to the pain. She was in the midst of another self-examination when the door opened, and James walked in. Sarah looked over at Victoria, who scrambled to her feet from her post as watch dog, her nostrils flaring._

"_It's not for you, bitch," James sneered at Victoria. Not his sister, Sarah had concluded some days before. Or if they were siblings, they took joy in incest. Sarah had noticed the touches between them were growing more intimate, the level of sexual frustration filled the air whenever the two were together. Thank god neither considered fucking in front of her, yet, but the tension was growing. If they would only leave her alone in the cabin, just for a little while..._

"_Here sweet Sarah, I brought a gift for you." James sauntered over, kneeled down and held out his hand. In the dim light she saw something, something that looked like a bag filled with some kind of liquid. When she looked closer she recoiled, he was covered in blood, his hands soaked in it, the bag smeared with it, and inside the bag, sloshing with his every movement, was blood. Lots of blood. Bits of twigs and leaves floating in it, bounced in it, coated with the thick red liquid._

_Sarah felt her gorge rise at the same time the gnawing in her stomach clenched into a knot. All she could see was the blood, floating in the bag, feeling its heat, coating the inside of the bag and then beading and sliding down, joining the mass of liquid that called to her, spoke to her, promised to heal her. Without thought Sarah reached out her hand, grabbed the bag, and holding it carefully lifted a corner of it to her mouth and let it drip onto her tongue._

_Ah, sweet ambrosia. The scent filled her, soothed her, and by the time her mind had returned she had an empty bag in her hand, her fingers covered in blood from her attempt to scoop up anything that remained stuck to the inside of the bag. She looked at her hands in horror, and threw the bag as far as she could._

"_Our little human has learned a new trick, huh." He leered at her. "If there's anything left of you afterwards, there are more games we can play. Maybe games like you played with..."_

_He was interrupted by the sound of stone against stone as Victoria flew across the floor at him and knocked him into the wall, opening a huge crack in the paneled wall. Victoria's lips were curled over her teeth, a deep growl rumbling from her chest. James laughed. "Just kidding love, you think I'd touch that matted, lice-ridden thing? Come here baby, show me how bad you can be..."_

_Five days later, Sarah finally had her chance. Her stomach was huge, she could barely walk but she had told them she couldn't walk at all. Two more ribs were broken from the baby's kicks, but as long as she kept her breathing shallow she could see through the throbbing pain. Convinced Sarah was completely immobile, James and Victoria had decided to leave her alone, for the first time, chasing after each other, lust clouding their thoughts, shedding their clothes before they even left the cabin. It was Sarah's chance._

_She reached over for the canvas pack, pulled out the notebook and pen, and made an entry into her journal, knowing it might be the last she ever wrote. Finishing it, she packed the notebook and pen with the camera, buckled the flap and crawled to the door, dragging the pack behind her. Once outside she started crawling down the mountain, through the mud, in the direction of the lights she saw one dark night when Victoria dragged her to the outhouse. When she was out of sight of the cabin she took the time to stop and pull out her camera. In spite of the burning pain she remembered she was a professional, and managed to adjust the camera well though to take a close-up of her face, and a shot of her hugely swollen belly. Then she packed the camera carefully away, and continued to crawl either to her death, or to someone who could get her to a hospital._

_**_

The kitchen table was silent as Eli, Edward, and I read Sarah's final entry.

"_If someone finds this, then my attempts to keep a record have not been in vain. The man named James is about six feet tall, with long dirty blonde hair and a scruffy beard. The woman named Victoria is almost as tall, with long red hair. They have maroon colored eyes and both are unnaturally pale. If you see them, please contact the police._

"_I don't know what manner of creature these people are, or what kind of thing Edward was, to have created this __abomination (abomination was crossed out, repeatedly)__ child inside me. Please help me, or take care of the child. My child is the innocent in this, even if the rest of us were not."_

We all grimaced as we read that last paragraph, and in an uncharacteristic move, Edward reached over to Eli, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing him gently. Eli shrugged him off, and placed his hands flat on the table. Using it for support, he pushed himself up from his chair, and without another word, walked to the front door and out of the house. I could hear him go down the stairs. Part of me wanted to chase after him. Another part of me knew he needed this time alone. I knew how sick I was after reading those words, I couldn't imagine how Eli felt, knowing his mother wrote them, even if she had softened it at the end.

"This changes everything," Edward muttered. I looked over at him, at his furrowed brow.

"Why?"

"Because there is the possibility this James and Victoria are not done. They were the ones who broke into Mary and Jeremiah's house. They're the ones who killed Jim and his wife." He closed his eyes and lowered his head to the table.

"What? How can you know that?"

He looked up at me. "The cabin where I looked for Sarah, when I returned to apologize..." He looked at me, endless pain in his eyes. "It was the same scent. It was them."

My body suddenly felt cold. The monsters who had tortured Sarah were the same ones who tore apart Eli's home? The same ones who killed the couple at the house next door? What were they doing there? What were they looking for?

"They're not going to come after us, are they? There's no way they know where we are, right?"

"I don't know, so until I do...well, I'll be guardian to both Eli and you. It's the least I can do," he muttered, dropping his eyes to the table.

I didn't know why, but I suddenly snapped. I didn't know if it was the gruesome death of Sarah, or the deaths of Eli's neighbors, or the growing insanity of my own life, but I was angry. I was uncontrollably furious with this man sitting across from me, mixed with the unexpected feeling of raging jealousy. I closed my eyes and thought of Sarah. She was everything I wanted to be — she had a successful career, was happy and independent, had no regrets until...until... Unbidden, my jealousy moved in another direction as I looked at Edward and _seethed_ that she had known him before...

"My guardian, huh?" I sneered. "_Now_ you'll be my guardian, huh, Edward?" I hopped to my feet and Edward, always the gentleman, stood as well.

Pissed as hell, not caring if he was hurting after reading about how Sarah was tortured, I got into his face.

"So you're going to guard me from a couple of sadistic vampires when you couldn't even keep that teenage jerk from ruining my life, huh?" I thumped my hand on his chest, and he took a step back — not from the impact of my hand, but from surprise. I thumped him again.

"So you, my supposed guardian, walked in when that moron was taking my virginity from me, using me, ruining my life, and did nothing to help me. But you're going to save me from vampires." I was enraged. I knew I wasn't making sense, but this had been brewing just under the surface for days now, and I couldn't stop it from coming out.

"Isabella, I..."

"You! You, with those super senses, must have smelled my tears, right?" I hit him in the chest again. "Why, Edward? Why, if you were guarding me, why couldn't you stop something as simple as that? If you had, my whole frickin' life would have been different, don't you understand that?" The tears were rolling fast and hot, and I couldn't stop ranting. "No, instead you go and knock up some woman who looks like me instead of stopping me, instead of waiting, when our first time could have been...why couldn't you..." I was saying more than I wanted to, but it felt good to scream, to yell, to let it out, to blame him, to let him know that with a twist of fate, and a simple act on his part, all of this could have been different.

"Isabella, it was consensual, wasn't it?" That stopped me. _Ah shit_, he was right. I was young and stupid and allowed myself to believe that sex equaled love. I walked into it with my eyes open and my legs spread, and I reaped the rewards of my horrendous mistake.

I slowly shook my head. "But you could have stepped in and stopped it, couldn't you?" I whispered. "You could have grabbed me and taken me away. You could have seen what would happen and..."

"No, Isabella. I can't see the future. What I did see was a precocious young woman who was doing something that broke my heart to watch." He walked closer to me, my tears flowing faster, my body shaking, and tentatively touched my shoulder. "What would you have done if I'd rushed into the meadow and snatched you away? Would you have been grateful for the rescue?"

"I would have...." His hand on my shoulder vibrated against my skin, but this time instead of soothing my tears flowed even faster. I took a step closer to him. "I ... I would have told you to fuck off," I wailed, burying my face in my hands. Edward sighed as he placed his other hand on me.

"Colorful, but accurate," he murmured, his hands sliding around my back as I took another step forward, just close enough that I could feel his chest through my hands covering my face, and then I dropped my hands, and, with just a little shift, I was resting my head against him, his arms circling around me, holding me closely against him while I cried, while I cried for a lost youth, for the innocence of a young girl, for my own stupidity that seemed to have set a tragedy of events in motion. And then my tears fell faster as I realized I'd just taken the horrible circumstances of the torture and death of Eli's mother and turned it around, ignored it, and made it all about me. I should have empathized with Sarah's terror but instead... and poor Eli was out there suffering while I was in here feeling sorry for myself. God, I was a monster.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I mumbled into his chest. I felt his arms hold me a little tighter. The word _abomination_ was echoing in my mind, I had so much to be sorry for.

"There's no reason to say that, Isabella. I'm sorry I couldn't be more for you, I'm sorry I couldn't be there to stop the pain for you." I nodded against his chest. _Eli's mother called him an abomination_.

"I forgive you," I whispered.

"No, Isabella," he rested his cheek on the top of my head. "I don't need forgiveness, but it is high time you forgave _yourself._" I melted against him, just let him hold me, let the pain travel through me and slough off, the thirteen years of anger at everything, the years of anger at myself. We just stood there, my head against his chest, my hands bunching his shirt, his arms wrapped around me, crying myself out, when the door opened, and both Edward and I jumped back, and stared into Eli's incredulous face.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded, his eyes narrow and his jaw clenched. I closed my eyes, guilt welling up, choking me. I opened them and looked at Eli, at the anguish I'd never seen before. I could almost hear his mother's last words echoing in his head, as well as mine.

"He was simply comforting me, Eli." I looked at him, my tears still flowing, and his face suddenly melted into pain and guilt. _No Eli, I'm the guilty party here..._

"Oh shit, I'm sorry Bella," he shook his head. "I should have been here for you. That must have been so awful for you to read after what happened yesterday. I'm so sorry." I flinched when he stepped up to me and gently wrapped his arm around my waist, and led me into the living room. He turned around to Edward. "Thanks for helping her," he muttered. Holding me tighter he led me to the couch, than turned around to Edward again.

"Oh yeah, I got a phone call. We'll be having company in a couple of days," he said as he sat me on the couch, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

* * *

**A/N **Just so everyone understands, there was no sexual violence against Sarah while she was held by James and Victoria. Just want to make sure everyone understands the violence was either accident or purposeful, but not sexual in nature, at all. He actually considered her to be quite disgusting.

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances. This was a tough one, and we all worked really hard to make sure it said what it needed to.

I can't bring myself to make jokes at the end of this chapter, it just all too sad.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We can discuss happy things like...Robporn. Got any?

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews, and please – more always helps. Thank you again.**

Someone asked if I'd summarize the story at this point so, here goes:

Eli is a 13 year old hybrid, the son of Edward and Sarah, although the two of them only had a single time together and it was because of Edward's jealous reaction to seeing Bella with Jacob. Eli was raised by a sweet older couple in North Carolina and when they died he took to wandering. He was found by the Cullens when his face showed up on a Parks department camera and Carlisle thought it was Edward, who he'd been searching for since he changed him in 1918. At that time, when Edward woke up to hearing thousands of voices in his head, he ran. Edward lived as a nomad until he saw Bella as a child, then stayed to protect her, hoping she would want him when she grew to be an adult but the whole Jacob thing happened first, and Edward ran away, thinking he'd lost her, not knowing she broke up with Jacob immediately afterward. Then, when he discovered Sarah had their baby, he devoted his life to guarding Eli, who through a bizarre coincidence, found Bella.

On a trip back to Eli's NC home the three of them found Sarah's camera and notebook hidden away in the house he grew up in, and also discovered the house had recently been trashed. They also discovered the next door neighbors had been killed by vampires. Returning to Eli's SC home, they just finished reading Sarah's journal, learning she had been held captive during her short pregnancy by James and Victoria, who are also the vampires who trashed the house and murdered the neighbors. Everyone is now freaking out, afraid James and Victoria were looking for something, and will manage to track them to the SC home.

In the meantime...

Edward and Bella have a pull towards each other, and it's getting stronger. Eli is not aware Edward knew Bella as a child, or the whole Jacob running away thing. Eli did know he had been shadowed by a vampire all his life, but only met him recently, and also just learned the vampire shadowing him was his father.

And somewhere in the midst of this, Bella – who was working for one of the world's largest publishing houses, but was miserable, left her job and moved in with Eli. Sorta impulsively. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Oh yeah, and Carlisle, Jasper and Alice came by, knowing Edward was going to reveal himself to his son, and to Bella, and to make sure Edward and Eli didn't fight, and to make sure Bella met Edward, therefore learn what all her options are.

And are Bella and Edward falling in love? Are you confused?

Tune in next week for...As the Babyward and Vampward Turn.


	12. Finding Reality

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah. They be mine ;-)

* * *

Chapter 12

Finding Reality

I grew up believing there were three genders — male, female, and hermaphrodite. Looking at the woman sitting on the couch in our living room, I had to conclude there was a fourth gender, and the only one who belonged to it was this woman named Rosalie.

Yeah, I knew it was a silly defense mechanism, but if I allowed myself to think that she and I were both female, I'd come up somewhere on the far bottom of the scale, and I'd never really thought of myself that way. No, I'm not beautiful, but I knew I was attractive. I just wasn't... Rosalie.

Tall, lush body, clear skin, perfectly proportioned features, and the most magnificent silk-like, golden blonde hair cascading to her waist. Red lips, large amber eyes... nope. She's a gender unto herself. I'll be female, she can be Rosalie.

Wait, is that a hint of an ear sticking out of that perfect hair? Hah, it was, and it was just a tiny bit too big. Whew, I could relax. An imperfection.

_Sure._

It was fascinating watching the male reaction to her. Eli was positively terrified of her, although I knew he'd lived in the same home with her for at least a year. Edward seemed indifferent, although she kept giving him appraising looks. I wasn't surprised; married or not, she wasn't dead... sorta not dead, and he was certainly gorgeous enough to warrant her attention. But he ignored her, much to her consternation, focusing his attention on Emmett instead. This was definitely not the reaction I expected when he had this gorgeous creature sitting across from him, and I was somewhat disturbed by how relieved I felt...

Emmett McCarty was the biggest man I'd ever seen. I was willing to bet he was huge even by vampire standards. Not that he was that much taller than Edward, it's just that he was all muscle. Not lean and defined like Edward or Eli, but bulging under his shirt, his thigh muscles large and straining against his tight jeans. There was no question this guy would scare the shit out of me except for one thing.

He had amber eyes that sparkled with humor and mischief, the cutest dimples I'd ever seen, and each time he looked at Rosalie his face glowed with absolute reverence for his wife. I liked him. I couldn't help liking him. He laughed, he teased — everything about him was large and unselfconscious. He was one of those rare people actually happy in his skin.

Rosalie, on the other hand, I could live without. She just sat there, unsmiling, radiating scorn. The longer we sat in the living room, the more I understood why Eli was so uncomfortable around her.

This was the 'company' Eli had referred to a couple of days ago. When they arrived there were brief introductions, references to their being married, living at the Cullen house, but no more details. So, by my last count, there was Carlisle and his wife Esme, Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett all living together. Three married couples... _was Alice even Carlisle's daughter? _ The whole setup was puzzling, and I noticed Edward also listened carefully — perhaps picking through their thoughts — trying, as I was, to figure out relationships in this bizarre family.

I had played the host, bringing everyone into the living room when they arrived, but as we all settled in I found myself wondering — what was the proper etiquette when visited by vampires? _'Ah, Rosalie my dear, it's been too long. What can I get for you, perhaps a cup of blood?'_ Do I even bother asking them if they need anything?

Then a thought struck as the editor in me took over. I could imagine publishing a book about this family. _Forks, Washington, home to a civilized coven of six vampires — humanitarians, foregoing the blood of humans and taking animals only, always adhering to proper conservation methods and local game laws._ I shook my head as I got up and went into the kitchen to get cold drinks for Eli and me, trying not to laugh out loud. As much as _I _knew I had three and a half vampires in my living room, no one would ever believe this absurd story — even if it was fiction. I chuckled as I toyed with the thought of presenting the idea to the publishing committee, smiled when I imagined their reaction.

It was my body's hum that alerted me, the vibrating sense of his presence that made me realize Edward had followed me into the kitchen. I gave him a quick glance, noting he stood quietly, leaning against the counter, crossing his long, strong legs at the ankles. Looking away quickly, I headed towards the sink. This man was just too damned attractive for my own good.

"Isabella?" I reluctantly turned to him, my heart quickening just from the sound of his voice. "I've seen them from afar, but never had the chance to speak with them. They're good people." I smiled. He knew I'd find them intimidating, and I was thankful he thought of comforting me. "If they weren't, you can rest assured I'd have never let Eli stay with them."

I nodded, grabbing two glasses out of the cupboard. "I think it must be nice for you to meet other vampires, especially ones that share your diet. I'll just keep to myself while they're here."

Edward looked puzzled. "Why would you do that?"

Should I tell him how Rosalie made me feel? As each day went by, I felt a growing level of comfort with Edward, as if I'd known him for ages, as if I could tell him things I'd never reveal to anyone else. Not at first, of course. At first I couldn't get past the intense physical attraction. But now, the physical intensity was always there, but there was something more. The only way I could describe it was an intrinsic belief he would understand me, no matter what I said, no matter how I felt. It made no sense, I knew that, but neither did anything else these days. Taking a deep breath, I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but concern.

"Edward, Rosalie is simply the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. It makes me... uncomfortable. It makes me feel," I looked away from him, "inadequate."

Not a sound came from him. He just stood there, deep in thought. I had the drinks poured and was just picking up the glasses to bring them inside when he answered me.

"Isabella, I won't patronize you by telling you things that are not true. She's an exquisite woman, there's no question about that." I felt something in me thud. _Maybe lies are better._ "But, Isabella, look at me please?" I let my eyes drift to his. "What's inside her head is more important than what she looks like, and I can assure you, she's fortunate she has Emmett." He frowned. "I don't wish to speak ill of anyone, especially a woman, but there are few thoughts in there," he tapped his head, "that don't revolve around one thing. Rosalie." He grimaced. "I find that wholly unattractive."

Intense relief washed over me, then guilt because I had no right to feel that relief. Who Edward found attractive, or not, was not my business. I picked up the drinks and headed back to the living room, thinking about what he said. I had to admit that as much as it hurt at first, his evaluation of Rosalie was so straightforward it was like a breath of fresh air. I couldn't ever remember meeting someone so direct, so open. He didn't play with the truth as a means to an end.

I handed a glass to Eli, and was just starting to settle down next to him when Rosalie cleared her throat and turned those piercing amber eyes on me.

"Bella, I'd like to speak with you." I almost dropped my drink.

"Me?"

She nodded. "In private."

I looked at the puzzled faces around me, and decided I would not allow her to intimidate me. I carefully placed the glass on the table, stood, threw my shoulders back, and turned to her. "Outside, if you like?"

Emmett gave his wife a questioning look, but she ignored him. He shrugged, stretched those massive arms and grinned at Edward. "Seems like a good opportunity to explore. Come on buddy, show me what you've got. Up to a run, or maybe some wrestling?" Edward smiled broadly, and nodded his head. As much as I dreaded whatever it was Rosalie wanted, it felt good to see Edward spend time with Emmett. The poor man had spent decades alone, and seeing him with others of his kind... it was worth whatever shit this woman wanted from me.

Still smiling, Edward glanced at Eli. "Do you mind if I go with him?"

Eli shrugged. "I have some reading I can catch up on." He looked at me, worried, and then at Rosalie. His face was tense, nervous, and I suspect, he felt a little left out. He started walking to the bedroom, then stopped and turned to Rosalie. "Keep a close eye out, okay? Just... just be careful with Bella. Watch out for her." She examined her fingernails and shrugged.

"He's right, Rose," Emmett said, strolling over to Edward. "We're heading to the northeast. Make sure you and Bella keep to the opposite direction." He winked at me. "Don't want to chance running over you." Rosalie nodded in agreement and walked out the door, not even looking to see if I was following. _Bitch._

She and I walked through the thick trees, the skies cloudy but it didn't feel like rain was heading our way. The mosquitoes were out in force, and I was constantly slapping them off my neck, noticing how they ignored her. No body heat, no blood. There were advantages to being a vampire.

"Bella, how long have you known Eli?" she asked as she walked. She didn't look at me, she didn't even slow down.

I shrugged. "A couple of months..." Hearing myself say that out loud seemed to lend a new kind of reality to it. It really had been only a couple of months, maybe a little less.

"Not very long for you to find yourself living with my little brother, is it?" This time she turned her head and looked at me, her face unreadable. I said nothing, suddenly far more uncomfortable than I was just by her looks. We approached a pond and she sat on the grassy shore, nodding her head that she wanted me to sit next to her.

"I assume you know how old he is, right?" I nodded. "He was seven years old when he came to our home, full grown. He was brilliant — Jasper worked with him for a year, and Eli absorbed as much as he'd throw at him. He only stayed with us for that year before Carlisle sent him off to college." Rosalie stopped and stared out at the water.

"He didn't make friends in college, just kept to himself. His only companions, other than us, have been books and movies." She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "He knows almost nothing about the real world. If you asked him to recite facts, he'd rattle them off like an encyclopedia, but he's _experienced_ very little."

I stayed quiet and took in her words. It made sense. But he was so caring, so thoughtful... most of the time that is. At the same time, I realized there was a lack of depth when it came to certain things. We talked, but never about experiences. He didn't have much interest in mine, and never offered his. I guess now I knew why.

"He's prone towards idealism, and also inclined to live in a fantasy of what he wishes for instead of what is. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I shook my head.

"Eli loves romance, in books, in movies. He wants something he sees others experience. He's certainly physically mature enough to want it." I blushed at that. "But he wants more, even to the point of seeing something that's not really there." Rosalie turned, and glared at me.

"So why, Bella, after knowing him for so little time, did you agree to move in with him?"

'_None of your fucking business, you bitch,'_ were the first words that entered my head, but before I let them leave my mouth I stopped, bit my lip and thought about it. There was a reason, wasn't there? Something beyond how sweet he was, and how incredibly good looking? Something more than... I closed my eyes, the reasons for why I did it weren't good — and were even worse since I learned how old he was, how little experience he had at life. I was willing to risk myself, my own feelings, figuring I could walk away with some pain but still intact, returning to Forks if this didn't work. My job sucked, and Eli offered...

"My reasons seemed adequate at the time," I responded, shaking my head. "But then, I didn't know how old he was, I didn't know what he was. And he asked, so..." I shrugged. "I figured if it didn't work we could just, you know..." Rosalie's expression turned even colder.

"Were you honest with him?" I nodded.

She dropped her eyes and sighed, seeming to soften for a moment.

"Bella, he wants something desperately, and he'll see it, even if it's not really there." I bristled at that.

"Rosalie, you have no idea what's between Eli and me. You have no damned right to..."

"Really, I have no right? Okay, Bella, let me ask you a few more questions." She was glaring again. "Did he tell you how old he was? Did he tell you anything of his history?"

"He took me to North Carolina, to where he was born. He took me to Cherokee..."

"Fine. Did he tell you about Carlisle, about us? Did he tell you he was a hybrid?"

"He told me he was a vampire," I countered, "although to be honest, I didn't really believe him."

"You weren't supposed to, and it's not true anyway. He's not a vampire, and he's not human. This isn't his house, this is Carlisle's house." She smirked. "And I'm willing to bet he didn't bother to tell you about his gift, am I right?" _Gift? What gift?_

"No, I can see by your face he didn't. Eli can transmit his thoughts through touch. What he's seeing, what he _has_ seen. His memories, the present... didn't tell you that, did he?"

I remembered now. The time he touched me outside the office and I saw myself instead of him. The times he kissed me and I could have sworn I felt outside myself. _Oh shit, why didn't he tell me?_

"He's learned to control it most of the time, but I'm guessing he's slipped, right?" I nodded. "Bella, don't you see? He's a child in an adult body. He's not ready for a relationship yet, especially not with someone who was willing to take what he had to offer and then be just as willing to walk if it just didn't work out." Her eyes were steely.

I had no defense. Well, I did, because I didn't know. I mean, I cared for him, no question about that. I felt myself falling in love with him, until... I put my head down in my hands. This was all seriously fucked up.

"Bella," her voice was suddenly softer, "I didn't mean to beat you up, but you needed to know the truth, to move out of your own fantasy for a little while. I know you weren't happy at your job, Eli told us. He saw this as a way of having you and giving you the out you desperately wanted." She shook her head. "But regardless of what he thinks, he's not ready to take this type of risk. He knows what he wants, but it's not necessarily a real person. He wants an ideal. It may be you, but it may not be."

I had seriously underestimated this woman, we all had — even Edward. But god damn it, I never said I'd do more than try. Shit. She may be a bitch, but she cared about her family. And Eli was family.

I rose to my feet, confused, angry with myself, and just a little bit angry with Eli. If he'd been truthful about any of it... Granted, I knew there were things I wasn't willing to believe but... well, he could have been truthful about the house. And once I did know, he could have been truthful about the rest.

I thought back to the month before all hell broke loose, about how possessive he was, how overly protective, how it was starting to drive me crazy. How blind had I been? Was I making the same mistake I'd made thirteen years ago?

"I need to go back, Rosalie." I got up and started walking towards the house. I needed to think, I needed to get away from all of them, even though I knew they wouldn't let that happen. Shit, was I doing it all again? Even worse — was I the perpetrator this time instead of the victim?

I stepped into the house, Rosalie trailing behind me, hoping to find a moment alone when I saw Edward and Emmett were back. Eli had joined them and they were all sitting around the dining room table, laughing at some joke. Rosalie walked over to Emmett, gave him a quick kiss and sat down, looking smug. Eli looked over at me, worry clear in his eyes. I couldn't look at him.

"So," Emmett boomed, looking around the table. "I've convinced Eddie here," he slammed him on the back while Edward scowled at the use of the nickname, "that it's high time he get himself a car. He's got the money now — time for the man to get some wheels that aren't a Model T." He smiled at Rosalie. "And I can't imagine who better to pick something out than my sweet wife, right baby?"

"Only if it's done the way we discussed," Edward said softly. He looked around. "Under the circumstances, I won't leave Isabella alone. Unless you want to join us?" He looked at me, and I shook my head. Car shopping was the last thing I wanted right now.

"So, Eli," Edward said. "Why don't you go with Emmett and Rosalie? You know cars. You make sure they get me something good." He grinned. "And fast."

"I'm not leaving Bella alone," Eli growled.

"Dude, chill," Emmett said, pounding Eli on the back, pushing him into the table. "It'll be family time. And, from what Eddie here's told me about the bad-asses out there, I'll feel better if a full vampire stayed with Bella right now." He smirked. "Not that you're a Halfling or anything." Eli glared at him.

"Fine. Bella, are you okay with this?" I smiled and nodded at Eli.

"Go have fun with them. I'll have some lunch and nap. I'll be fine." Eli looked at me closely, he knew something was off but was unwilling to question me more in front of everyone. He shrugged and stood, patting his pocket for his keys. Emmett got up, grabbed Rosalie's hand and started towards the door.

"Put the keys away little brother. Big brother brought the monster." _Monster?_ I looked at Eli, confused.

"Big Jeep, Bella. Really big Jeep," Eli grinned, gave me a peck on the cheek, and walked out with Emmett and Rosalie. I heard their voices fade as they headed into the forest, relieved to finally have some time to try and gather my thoughts.

I wandered into the kitchen and sat on a bar stool, bent down and leaned my head against the cool granite top of the island. I felt deceived, and I felt like the deceiver. The entire foundation of my relationship with Eli was now open to question, and it was about time I started asking myself the hard questions I'd been avoiding. If I tried to look at it objectively, the problems were there for a while. Was I so willing to accept sweet romantic gestures as displays of love that I actually walked away from my life? Was I so miserable that I was willing to throw away what I had and take this risk? Where was the basis of what should be a growing relationship? Looking back on those four weeks when it was just he and I living here, had we grown at all as a couple? The truthful answer was… no, we hadn't. If anything, he was starting to annoy me.

I sighed, watching my breath condense on the smooth stone. There were critically important things about his life that he hadn't bothered disclosing to me, the most important being his age. His vague answers about working in my office were another. I found myself wondering what else was hidden, what else he omitted because it was more important for him to have me than to be fully honest with me.

And what about my own sins? When he asked me to move in I told him we'd try. I didn't tell him I was ready to move back to Forks if this didn't work, that I was even thinking about it. Was I using him because he was sweet and handsome, because he offered a way for me to live without working in that pit of vipers? Had I continued to use him after that first month wasn't working as well as I'd hoped? Even worse, had I been completely honest about my own past? I shook my head in disgust. I couldn't believe I needed Rosalie, that damned woman, to open my eyes.

And now, on top of it all…there was a man in another part of the house right now that fascinated me, more than anyone I'd ever met. He was honest to a fault, compassionate, willing to sacrifice his needs for someone else. Life had been horrible to Edward, first suffering from the Spanish Influenza, and then finding himself confused and alone, thousands of dying voices screaming in his head — and a vampire. Yet he did all he could to be a good man. Even after decades of loneliness, of isolation, he remained compassionate, caring, a gentleman.

Oh God, a soap opera couldn't be more convoluted.

I didn't need to hear Edward before I felt him approach — that pull, the humming that only got stronger the closer he got. The one thing I was trying to keep out of my evaluation of the fucking mess I was in — my constant, barely controlled, intense physical attraction to him.

He stopped in the kitchen doorway.

"Isabella?" I lifted my head and turned to face him, reluctantly. It was the first time we'd been alone since our talk in the forest, and it frightened me. I looked up into his eyes, and they were tight, tense, and as nervous as his restless fingers on the counter next to him.

"Uh, Isabella, I've been thinking." He paused, looking down at his fingers. He took a deep breath. "I was thinking that, with your permission..." He stopped again, looking at me carefully. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Edward, a little tired, that's all."

"Maybe I should come back another time. I thought since we were alone… but that's okay, Isabella. Can I get anything for you?" I sighed. It was one more example of how he put the needs of others ahead of himself.

"It's okay, Edward. What would you like to talk about?"

I watched his nervousness return, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I wanted to ask, I wondered if…" He paused.

"Yes, Edward?" Suddenly my heart was pounding in my chest. We were alone and, heaven help me, I knew what he was going to say, deathly afraid of what he was going to say, yet at the same time, desperate to hear it.

He took a step closer to me. "I've had a lot of time to think... don't sleep, remember?" He grinned then his face got sober again. He took another step towards me and looked into my eyes. "Sometimes one can get so caught up in their commitment to others, they completely lose sight of themselves." He dropped his eyes, than looked back up. "I... I walked away from you once before, a misunderstanding I know... but then my task was — had to be, to protect my son." He looked down again, watching his fingers dance nervously across the counter top. I gripped the counter, leaning back against the refrigerator. My heart was pounding so hard my hands were shaking, and I held onto the counter, hoping it would give me support, help mask the tremors.

"But he's now an adult and capable of protecting himself." He looked at me again. "I no longer want to sacrifice everything, if possible." He took a deep breath. "I don't want to look back a hundred years from now and regret what I could have asked, yet never did."

I knew where this was going, I could _feel_ where it was going, and although my brain was screaming it was wrong, it was too soon, that a million things needed to be resolved first, my body was reacting to him. If I didn't know better, I'd think my _soul_ was yearning for him.

I couldn't say anything, I couldn't move. All I could do was wait for his words.

"I was wrong, Isabella. I was wrong before, when I told you I was relinquishing any claim on you. I had no right." His amber eyes roamed my face, before he looked down again. "I had no right to make decisions for you, no right to treat you as property. I beg your forgiveness."

Is that all he wanted? Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I misinterpreted what was going on. "It's okay, Edward." I shrugged, trying to slow my heart, turning away to prepare lunch.

"That's not all, Isabella," he whispered. I turned back, not realizing he'd taken another step closer to me. I could feel his breath, I closed my eyes for a moment and I could catch his scent flowing over me. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, inviting him to continue.

"I... I would like to ask your permission..." He squeezed his eyes shut before taking another deep breath and opening them, capturing me in them. At that moment in time, when I met his eyes, we were the only people on earth. "I would like your permission to court you."

I had to think about my breathing, to try to control it as I got light-headed. My heart was pounding out of my chest as I felt before I saw his hand move closer to mine on the counter, felt his fingers tentatively touch mine before he gently rested his palm on top of my hand. Without thinking, I flipped my hand and allowed my palm to touch his, allowed my fingers to search out his, to lace with his. I looked down at our hands, it felt... magnetic. It felt easier to touch him, to allow the draw towards him, than it was to pull away. We were opposite poles attracting, drawing us towards each other without the need for volition from either of us. I looked away from our hands and up into his face. He was a step closer to me, his eyes holding a glimmer of hope — those beautiful eyes, amber with flakes of green floating in them. I couldn't fight it any more. I reached up and traced my fingers across his sharp cheekbone, marveling at the smoothness of his skin.

"We both know this is wrong, Edward," I whispered, unable to remove my hand from his face. He leaned his head into my palm and closed his eyes, and I felt the humming move up my arm, drawing me closer to him even as I tried to struggle against it.

"Isabella, perhaps it's more wrong to deny it, to not explore it, to... risk even more regrets than we both might have right now."

"I'm afraid to risk any more, Edward," I whispered. "I'm afraid I'll hurt… myself, everyone else. I don't want to hurt Eli, and I don't want to hurt _you._" I stepped closer without realizing it. "I don't know if my judgment is sound any longer. Rosalie told me..." I stopped when he lifted my hand and grazed it against his lips. I felt chills run down my spine. His lips were cool, and smooth as the granite countertop. Not cold, but comfortable.

"This is us right now, Isabella, not Rosalie or what she said to you. You can feel it, can't you? It's not just me, is it?"

I nodded, I couldn't lie to him. He took our joined hands and brought it to his chest and took another step closer.

"You haven't answered me, Isabella. May I?" He whispered softly. I looked into his eyes, at the yearning but, more than anything else, at the honesty, the sincerity, the certain knowledge there was nothing hidden behind those eyes that wasn't revealed to me. I knew if I refused him he'd walk away without a fight, respecting my decision. I moved my hand from his cheek to his jaw, caressing the smooth skin. _Too soon, too soon, _kept repeating itself in my mind but, could I walk away from this? As frightened as I was of risks, could I risk losing him?

"I may be damned for this, Edward, but yes." I breathed it instead of saying it, almost as if the softer I said it, the less I was betraying Eli. Edward took a step closer, lowered his head and raised an eyebrow. I closed my eyes in silent agreement, than I felt his lips brush against mine.

The explosion hit both of us at the same time. Edward gasped at the same moment I did, and then his lips crushed against mine. Cool, smooth, sweet, my body was vibrating so hard I thought my heart would burst as I pressed myself to him, my free hand wrapping around his neck, our clasped hands crushed between us.

Suddenly he pulled back. "Isabella... god, Isabella, I didn't hurt you did I?" He let go of the hand that was between us, examining it, kissing it gently. Then he brushed his thumbs over my lips. "Are you okay?" I took his hands and pulled them away, stretched up on my toes and softly kissed his lips.

"Like this, Edward." I took his bottom lip carefully between mine and kissed him slowly, bringing my hands up around his neck.

"Isabella," he murmured, mimicking my soft kiss, breaking away to trace kisses along my jaw to my neck.

"Call me Bella, Edward, please..." I reached over and tasted his sweet neck, running my hands through the bronze curls at the base of his neck.

"No, Isabella." He gently cradled my face. "Your name is almost as beautiful as you are," he whispered, placing his lips against mine, soft as air while his hands ghosted down my neck, my shoulders, my arms. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered against my lips. "Show me how I can touch you without hurting you," he took my hands from around his neck, lips never leaving mine.

With his hands in mine, I ran them up my sides, both of us breathing heavily, our lips in constant motion, touching, tasting, showing him how much pressure he could use, then pulling my hands away I ran them up the hard muscles of his chest to his face, cradling it, tasting his lips... consumed by the feeling this was it, not _almost_ like home, but _truly_ home in his arms. My body vibrated as he touched me, following the guide I had given him for pressure — not too gentle, not too hard, and I wanted to melt into him, feel his body mold against mine.

_I wanted him. I needed him now._

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me, nibbling at his lips, running my mouth along his jaw until I found his neck, taking in the musky sweet taste of him. I licked his neck to his ear, behind his ear, feeling his breaths against my own neck, his nose tracing between my ear and my shoulder. He gasped and shuddered, and my eyes grew wide as I fought against myself to pull back, remembering he was a vampire.

"Are you okay, Edward?" I breathed, my chest heaving and my mind leaving again as he ran his lips over my neck.

"No, I'm not," he breathed into my skin, not stopping, his hands on my back sliding up and down, growing frantic with need. A small voice buried deep in my mind started to panic, and my heart pounded even harder as I pushed away a little more.

"It's not what you fear, Isabella," he rasped against my shoulder. "The vampire is buried, the man is losing control." He whimpered as he drew me back to him, searching for my mouth. I sighed when he found it, drawing my breath into his mouth as I took his into mine. I was dizzy, spiraling, I needed him, I wanted him so badly it hurt. His mouth never leaving mine, I reached down and, one by one, opened the buttons of his shirt, our lips constantly playing, teasing, as I got the last button open and ran my hands over the cool skin of his chest.

He reached down under my arms and tenderly picked me up, sitting me on the granite island, his thigh between mine as I slid my hand up and pushed the shirt off his shoulders, down his arms, letting it fall to the ground. I opened my eyes and looked at his tightly defined muscles, the light brush of bronze hair on his chest, at the trail that ran down his stomach to...I pulled him to me and licked him, and he threw his head back and moaned...the sexiest sound I'd ever heard.

"Isabella," he growled as he brought his lips back to mine, his hands to my waist as he slid them up my sides. "May I?" He whispered. I placed my hands over his and moved with him, guiding him as he ghosted his hands higher, over my breasts. And suddenly it wasn't enough, none of it was enough. I belonged to him as he belonged to me. I dropped my hands to the hem of my shirt and pulled it up and off. A small voice, a voice drowned out by overwhelming lust, told me I should be embarrassed, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was his. I had always been Edward's. I pressed my bra-covered breasts against his chest and growled in frustration, reaching behind me to unhooked it and let it drop to the floor. I was lifting my arms to pull him back to me, when I heard a groan and opened my eyes.

He stood in front of me, gasping for air, gorgeous, the most amazing man I'd ever seen, his scent billowing around me, his hooded eyes dark with lust as he gazed at my breasts.

"I have no words, Isabella," he whispered as he allowed his palms to graze over my hard nipples, slide underneath and gently cup them both as he bent down and softly brushed his lips against my nipple. He purred against me, his mouth vibrating with it, my body burning against his tender lips as I arched my back, his arm wrapping around my waist to support me as I arched into him, his mouth on me, his body trembling with control as he worshipped me. I leaned back more, my hair falling back and pooling on the counter, my legs spreading as he stepped between them and pressed his pelvis into mine.

I moaned, loudly, all thought leaving my head. I was nothing but heat and need and I've never needed anything so badly as I pressed myself back, feeling how hard he was, how long he was, how thick he was under the confines of his jeans. I wanted him, I wanted him in me, I needed him to complete me like I have never needed before. I dropped my hands to my jeans, fingers on my button when he caught them in one hand, bringing them up to his chest.

"No sweetheart, we can't do that," he whispered. "Not until we know, not until we're certain you're safe from pregnancy." I nodded, he was right, a small rational part of me agreed, so I did the only thing left to me. I sat back up, wrapped my arms around his waist and ground against him, molding my entire body to him, and pressed my breasts against the cool flesh of his chest.

Edward growled and lowered his hands to my ass, and pulled me to him, grinding back against me, shaking with desire, trembling with the need to hold back his strength as he lifted me and slid me against his pelvis, his lips on my neck. "I need you, Isabella," he purred. We were out of control, I was out of control, his hard length rubbing against the seam of my jeans as I helped him, wrapping my legs around his waist while he lifted me, pushing me against him, my body slippery with sweat he held onto me. I felt my thighs start to shake and my body clamp down and I dug my nails into his back and arched into him, into the most explosive climax in my life. He quickly dropped me to the counter, put his hands to my side and clenching them into fists he ground himself against me, froze, and threw back his head and cried my name.

I was breathing heavily, my chest rising and falling rapidly, keeping time with his. My face was buried in his neck, tasting the sweetness of his skin against my lips, still feeling that constant hum that told me I was near him. Our arms now wrapped around each other, Edward's lips pressed against my shoulder.

I sighed into him, holding him tightly against me. I never wanted to let go, I wanted to experience this every day, I wanted to wake up every morning to find this man next to me, start and end my days in his arms. Jesus, I'd never felt anything like that, never felt anything close to that before.

Then reality hit. "This was wrong, Edward. You know that." He nodded against me.

"I know, but I can't bring myself to regret it, love." He raised his head the same time I did, and kissed me gently. Pulling back, he smiled and reached over, running his fingers through my damp hair. My eyes were questioning his last statement. "Isabella, I never say anything I don't mean. Ever." He brought his hands forward and cupped my cheeks, running his thumbs across my cheekbones. He leaned in for another soft kiss.

I sighed and reached for my shirt. "We need to talk, Edward, but I think we need to clean up before they get back." He nodded and bent down to grab his shirt off the floor, then helped me off the counter.

A half hour later, the others were still gone, and we were sitting across from each other on the front porch, the ceiling fan rotating above me, keeping me cool in the southern heat. My hands were folded in my lap, and I stared at them, unsure what to say.

"Isabella," Edward said quietly, "I should apologize. I don't know what happened, I was out of…" Before he could say another word, I walked over to him, bent down and softly kissed him, letting my lips linger before I pulled away.

"Don't apologize. It wasn't just you, it was us." I smiled and returned to my seat. He followed me, sat down next to me and took my hand.

"I really didn't mean for things to go that far today. What I wanted to do was be honest with you, tell you that if you want me..." He sighed deeply. "Isabella, I won't rush you. I know there are so many issues that need to be resolved, and I do know we need to take things slowly, if this is what you choose to do." He gazed at me, his eyes soft and clear.

"And you also need to know, it's your decision. Whether or not it's Eli, myself, someone completely different, or no one at all, I will respect your decision." He looked down at our hands. "And I will not press myself upon you, nor will I do anything to make you uncomfortable, most especially in the presence of Eli. Please believe me. Take all the time you need." He looked in my eyes, then at my lips, and smiled. "But I won't deny your sweet lips will be a temptation."

His face turned serious. "Of course, there's one thing I don't want you to ignore. I _am_ a vampire. I accept that, but there are aspects to what I am that you need to understand, and you need to consider. Some you know, some you don't."

I stared at him...is this real? If I had just met him today, I'd think this was a joke, but I knew he was really like this, all the time. He was caring. He was selfless. Could someone like him really exist?

But he was also a vampire, and I did need to know more. "So, Edward, tell me something about what you are that hasn't been mentioned yet."

"You know about the human food and about my diet. You know my teeth are sharp," he smiled broadly, "and I assume you realize I don't have fangs, just sharp teeth." He stopped and thought a moment. "I can run very fast, jump very high, climb trees, and I'm extremely strong."

I laughed. "So, you're like Superman, right?" He looked confused. Note to self, check what year the comic book was published.

"Never mind," I laughed. "What about the sun? Everyone keeps hinting without telling me."

"I can go out into the sun, but then I'd reveal myself as being something other than human." I raised my eyebrows, and he chuckled, looking embarrassed. "Uh, our skin sparkles in the sun."

"What?"

"The structure of the skin, beneath the smooth surface...it appears to be faceted. It catches the sun and reflects it. It's really pretty dramatic. I wouldn't call it an evolutionary survival trait, it just seems to be part of the nature of the very tough skin."

I nodded. "I'd love to see that some time." I leaned against him, needing to feel more contact, while he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "So, Edward, how does one become a vampire?" I felt him stiffen, than relax again.

"I honestly don't know, Isabella. I know it requires being bitten by another vampire, but beyond that…"

"No exchanging of blood? None of this is like Stoker at all?"

"I don't appear to have any." He touched his chest. "No working heart either. One day, if he's willing, I'd like to talk to Dr. Cullen about it. There's so much I don't know. All I've learned has been trial and error, and what I've observed about myself." He hesitated. "I apparently haven't aged since I was changed, but I don't know all the implications of that."

I nodded again and closed my eyes. His voice, deep and melodious, was soothing. I loved hearing it, talking to him, knowing whatever I asked would be answered to the best of his ability. I snuggled against him, coming to the realization I was starting to trust somebody, fully trust them, for the first time in thirteen years.

"Time for you to take that nap, I think." He laid his cheek on top of my head, and sighed. "Let me walk you inside, they may be back soon anyway." I nodded and reluctantly stood up, and strolled into the house with him. I had made up my mind. Tonight I would tell Eli I needed some space, and move into the guest bedroom. I wasn't leaving him, I wasn't going anywhere, but I needed space. I had decisions to make.

This would not be a fun evening.

*

"Eli, come with me hon, we need to talk." His eyes grew wide, but he said nothing, just followed me into the bedroom. We sat on the edge of the bed as I put my hands over my face and rubbed my eyes, then dropped them and stared at my fingers.

"Eli, I need some space right now." I couldn't look at him.

"It's Rosalie...what did she say to you?" I could hear the anger in this voice.

"Nothing I didn't already know, or learn recently." I peeked at him. "Eli, we've just taken things very fast, before we really got to know each other. It's not as if I'm leaving the house..."

"Not like I'd let you, Bella. Things aren't very safe right now."

"I understand, and I'm not fighting you on that. But...I just need some time to think." I sighed and decided I had to just say it. "I'm going to move into the guest room for now."

I heard the intake of breath, and he grabbed my hand. "Why, Bella? It's not necessary, it really isn't. I'll leave you alone, give you what you need, just don't...please?"

Oh god, my heart was breaking for him. But I knew that even though there were no really right decisions at the moment, there were definitely wrong ones. And sleeping in Eli's bed with him, right now, constituted a wrong.

I reached over and caressed his cheek. "Honey, I just need my own space. Please understand. It's not as if I have a home to go to while I think things through, so this is my only choice."

"It's my age, isn't it...?"

I couldn't do that to him, not now. If I didn't answer, I wasn't lying, right? "Eli, we've all been under a lot of stress, I just need time to myself for a while. Please?" I looked at him, but he turned away, nodding, unable to meet my eyes.

"Are you sure there's no other reason?" He voice was choked, and as much as lying just piled onto my guilt, I just couldn't tell him the truth. Eli had been through too much the last few days. I refused to add more to his pain, especially when I wasn't certain of anything myself at this point. When I knew myself, when I was certain, we'd talk. But not now, not this soon after the journal.

"I just need some space to work things out, that's all." I stroked his cheek again. "Okay? I won't be all that far, since the guest room is right next door." I tried to smile at him, and he tried to return it, but both of us were forced, uncomfortable. I leaned over and kissed his cheek, then turned away quickly before he saw my face. I heard him get up and walk over to the door.

"I'll make sure everything you need is in there," he whispered from the doorway. "And if you need anything, if you want...I'm right here for you. You know that, don't you?" I nodded, my head down. I felt horrible, disgusted with myself — even worse because he didn't argue nearly as much as I expected he would. He just... accepted it. The tears started flowing down my face and I wiped them away, angrily. I had no right to cry. All tears right now belonged to Eli.

I kept to myself for the rest of the evening, and everyone let me. I didn't know if anyone learned the details of what happened between Eli and I, and I didn't care. They could fend for themselves.

I closed and locked the windows, and turned on the air conditioner. As I was getting ready for bed I could hear them talking, their voices echoing through the house. Edward and Emmett were going to hunt together this evening, Eli was going to guard me, outside the guest room door, and Rosalie would stay as backup. It was all so overkill, but I didn't care, as long as they left me alone. I just wanted to sleep, to escape from all this for a little while. I had no idea how I'd make it through tomorrow. Part of me yearned for the comfort of Edward's arms, for him to be there to listen to me pour out my guilt, to talk to me, to ease my pain. But a larger part of me was disgusted I even considered it.

Settling into the cool bed, I curled up on my side and closed my eyes. It felt odd to be in bed alone, but in some ways it felt good. Although I didn't want to admit it to myself, I felt relieved to be away from the increasing discomfort of being in Eli's bed, afraid each night would be the night he asked for more. I sighed and tried to turn my mind off, push away the memories of Edward's kisses that kept floating back to me, push away the memories of the pain on Eli's face.

My eyes flew open and I tried to sit up. Something loud startled me awake, my heart pounding as I tried to push sleep away when something hit me, slapping hard against my mouth. _A hand?_ I tried to scream but I could barely breathe as I was being lifted out of bed by a vise wrapped around my chest, sparkling things falling everywhere. _Glass?_ The hand got tighter, bruising my mouth as I was dragged out of bed towards the window. Just then the door flew open and Eli was standing there, a look of horror on his face as he lunged for me — my arms reaching out to him. Eli almost reached my hand when I was dragged backwards through the broken window, pain lancing down my face as a piece of jagged glass cut right through me — burning, searing agony from my forehead to my chin and then blinded by blood pouring into my eye. I heard a growl behind me and a rush of air against my body as I was hauled off the porch, into the forest. The last thing I heard was Eli screaming my name as my head bounced against something hard and my world constricted to a dot.

And then nothing.

* * *

**A/N **T'aint nothing more to be said except, it's finally earning its rating ;-)

Next week. Same time, same place. Don't hit me for the cliffie. Or at the very least, provide aftercare...

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We can discuss happy things like...what the hell just happened at the end of the chapter?

And now for a serious moment, sorta. Please, please review. It's the only way I know if you like it, don't like it, understand the plot, or don't understand the plot. I live for them. Seriously.

And I reply to them all. Promise.


	13. Revelations

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah. Eli's visiting at the moment.

Say hi, Eli - wave at the crowd. That's a good boy.

* * *

Chapter 13

Revelations

_**Edward**_

The red clay and yellow sand, mixed with blood, fell through my trembling fingers and back to the ground, to return to the earth, to be one with it again. The drops of blood were no longer distinct, no longer something I could touch and say, 'This is Isabella.'

Squatting on the shores of Lake Murray, I looked out over the expanse of water, the waning moon reflecting on the ripples of the small waves, and then back down at the two sets of footprints in the mud, breathing in the scent of these two vampires, struggling to focus my anger, my hate, where it belonged. She was taken into the water, and the only way to continue tracking them was by discovering where they climbed back out.

I clenched my fists as my muscles contracted, unfamiliar pain radiating through my chest, threatening to shatter me, to hurt beyond anything that's inflicted itself upon me since the agonizing days it took for me to change into this. Wrapping my arms around my chest I tried to will it away, but to no avail. I had to find her — just the thought of her capture sliced through me, threatening my sanity.

Eli's frantic thoughts bombarded me before I heard him approach, short of breath and following my scent and the trace of her blood to the shore of the lake. The pain in my chest lanced through me again, becoming unbearable, but he needed me right now. Eli wasn't strong enough to handle this, to cope with his overwhelming feelings of guilt. I stood, trying to ease my trembling, and waited for him to come through the trees.

Emmett and I had been hunting over 20 miles away from the house. I had just finished off two white tailed deer, Emmett in the middle of his third, when Eli's scream for Isabella shattered the stillness of the forest. I didn't think, I just ran towards the house, Emmett falling behind as I put on another burst of speed when I picked up an unexpected scent. _They had her._

"I need to see if Rosalie's okay," Emmett yelled from behind me. I nodded while I grabbed a tree and swung myself around to change direction without losing momentum. Two vampires, the same ones that killed Eli's neighbor, the same ones that tortured Sarah. They had Isabella, and the only thing that allowed me to retain my sanity was her blood spoor on the trail — if she still bled, they hadn't drained her. She was still alive when they dragged her through the forest.

The trail ended at the lake... two sets of footprints and some smeared blood.

Eli approached and walked past me to the edge of the water, looking out over the enormous lake. His hands were fisted at his side, his face the epitome of anguish, trails of tears running down his cheeks.

"What happened, Eli?"

He glanced over at me, started to say something and then fell to the ground, into the mud, onto his knees. He put his face in his hands and wept uncontrollably. his mind an incoherent mix of guilt and fear. _This was my son, this was my son in pain. _Without thinking I walked to him, pulled him to his feet and wrapped him in my arms, and held him while he cried. For the first time ever, I had my son in my arms as he clung to me, gasping shuddering breaths, letting me feel his pain and by sharing it, allowing us the first ever attempt to be father and son. I would have wept with joy if the hole didn't punch through my chest again. _Isabella had been taken._

Eli pulled back from me, wiping his face. "I fell asleep. Damn it, I fell asleep." He put his head down, refusing to look at me. "It was the sound of the window breaking that woke me. By the time I got in there…"

I searched through his thoughts, but his confusion was still overwhelming him. "Eli, where was Rosalie?" He looked at me, puzzled.

"I don't… I don't…" He looked around, bewildered. This was far too much for him. I needed to help him get his mind under control, help him harness his emotions.

"Eli," I said firmly, hoping that would break through his rambling thoughts. "There were two vampires, you could have done nothing but get yourself killed." I held his gaze as understanding started to creep into his mind, his thoughts becoming clearer. "So, tell me. Where was Rosalie?" That was when we heard them approach.

"I'm so sorry," were the first words out of her mouth as she and Emmett ran up to us. I glared at her. No question, her thoughts were apologetic, but I couldn't even fake patience.

"Where were you?" I demanded, keeping my voice under control. She turned to me and yes, I could see the anguish. I clenched my fists. I knew I should show compassion for her, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"I thought… I'm sorry, but I thought you were all being paranoid. I mean, why would they track us here, how could they, and why would they bother?" She looked at Emmett and found no support. "I figured I'd head out for a quick bite, not realizing…" She stepped up to Eli. "I'm so sorry." She held her arms out to him, but Eli flinched away from her. I watched her face fall as she wrapped her arms around her chest and lowered her head.

I turned away from them all and tried to order my thoughts. There was no reason to dwell on Rosalie; my priority was rescue. Dismissing her from my mind, I turned to my son. "Eli, I need detailed information about this lake. How large it is, shoreline features, anything that will help."

Eli took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "It's over 41 miles long, and 14 miles at its widest point."

"How much shoreline do I have to search? Do you know specifics?"

"Six-hundred and fifty miles or so…" The reality of the task ahead of us was clear on his face, and I feared my own reflected the same dismay.

"Then we'd best get started. Emmett, I'm going to head south." I turned away from them, trembling with my need to take action.

"Alice called," Emmett said, walking up to me. His normal jovial demeanor was gone. Looking him over, I realized how useful this large man would be in a fight, and was thinking about strategy when he spoke again.

"The rest of the family will be here tomorrow, Edward. We'll get more information from Alice when she arrives."

"What kind of information, and how will they get here that quickly?"

"They're chartering a plane. They're already on their way to the airport. Alice wanted to apologize for not seeing this, but I hope she can help us see where they're holding Bella." He grabbed my arm. "Alice told me she's alive, and at the moment there are no decisions made that will change that immediate future." He took a deep breath. "She wants us to wait for them."

"What? Are you joking?" I looked at him in disbelief. "Do nothing and wait?"

Emmett looked torn, I could see his own need to start searching. "Alice made it really clear that if we run into these two right now, Bella will die." Emmett looked at me, his eyes pleading. "I know how you feel dude, we all do. But that woman is scary in how accurate she can be. I'm afraid if we don't follow her instructions..." Emmett grimaced.

Dear Lord, these people were serious. Was Alice that good, her predictions that perfect? Did I risk killing Isabella if I ignored her instructions? I couldn't just sit here, waiting for their arrival. It just wasn't possible.

"I…I can't. I have to do something." I turned to Eli. "There are islands in the lake?" He nodded. "I'll search those tonight." I turned to Emmett. "Take care of Eli, will you? I'll see you back at the house."

"Edward, wait!" Emmett pleaded.

I ignored him, I needed to get away from them, away from their thoughts. Emmett had to be the one to help Eli get through this, I didn't have the strength any longer. I needed her. I needed to find her.

As I ran south along the water's edge, Emmett's words kept repeating in my head. '_Alice made it really clear that if we run into these two right now, Bella will die.'_ Was I endangering Isabella by any action? How could I be sure of Alice's visions, how could I be sure I was right to ignore them? Another shot of pain cut through my chest as I collapsed onto a fallen log. It was getting worse, this sense of no longer being complete, that part of me was missing. I'd never, ever, felt anything even remotely like this.

I curled up on the log and wrapped my arms around my chest, and started to tremble. My detachment was gone, my ability to remain in control splintered more with each new rush of pain. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. I wanted to find her and pull her into my arms and never let her go. _I wanted my Isabella_. Closing my eyes, I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them and rocked... trying to will myself to calm, but I didn't have the first idea where to look for it it any longer. My center was gone.

I had no real regrets about what I became in 1918. I was able to avoid the need for human blood, and saw the consumption of animal blood as no worse than eating a steak. I appreciated the strength, the speed, the heightened senses, and my sharpened mind. I was grateful I'd never get the Spanish Influenza again. It might have all been perfect if I didn't hear thousands of screaming and petty thoughts every time I tried to encounter sentient beings.

And it would have been so much better if I wasn't so lonely.

But I had lived with the loneliness, and survived through it. For 70 years I wandered, my aim at first to stay away from everyone else, because my greatest fear was the thoughts in the minds of humanity. I survived by remembering I was a gentleman, remembering, as best I could, the compassion I had been taught as a child. But the thoughts of humanity, the hidden places that everyone believes are secreted, contain so much depravity I thought I'd go mad from the onslaught. Not all, but oh, so many. If I didn't stay away I feared I'd become like them. Like the worst of the worst.

But loneliness can not be borne forever, and so those last few years I attempted to learn how to block thoughts. And then my life changed.

I saw the young Isabella, and I had a purpose. For eight years I guarded her, protected her, laughed with her, watched her grow and waited for her — until that night in the meadow. To this day I refused to look back on the memory of what I saw. My world shifted, reality came into sharp focus, and I ran. I ran from her, I ran from that cur, I ran from myself. And then Sarah found me, in the depths of my despair, in the most pathetic moment of my long life. And in my weakness I let her use me as I used her. And the cost for a moment of uncontrolled lust on her part, and on mine — despair and fantasy as I pretended she was Isabella — the cost for that delusional moment was the shocking birth of my son, and the loss of poor Sarah's life.

I slid off the log and rolled onto my back, watching the sunrise through the trees. I never had reason to regret anything until then. My ordered life disappeared, replaced with 13 years of scrambled emotions and split second decisions. The horror of the discovery of Sarah's body and the wonder of realizing we'd produced a son. The gut-wrenching decision to allow the humans to raise him, and the need to stand aside and protect him from a distance, regardless of how much I desired to return to Forks. The Cullens' discovery of Eli, and the absurd coincidence that they were from Forks. My year in Forks as I watched them care for him, and my quiet search for Isabella, only to discover she was gone. I even followed Eli to Alaska, observing the vampire who watched him, only relaxing when her thoughts indicated she had been sent by the Cullens, to make sure he remained safe.

Thirteen years of madness, trying to protect my son without being detected. Thirteen years of wondering what had become of Isabella, wanting to search for her but knowing I couldn't leave until Eli was an adult, until he could protect himself.

And then, when I thought things were drawing to a close, when I saw Eli was an adult and it was time to let him live his life, when it was time for me to try to rediscover my own, she appeared. I shook my head, still feeling the utter shock when I saw her face.

Isabella. Thirteen years older, and she was a breathtaking woman. Eli had found her, and how could I blame him? He was as taken with her as I was. I rejoiced and I mourned. How could I even consider taking her from my son?

But that was my limit, I had finally reached it. Seeing Eli with Isabella almost broke me, but instead I chose to reveal myself but still make sure she understood I had no claim on her.

Sometimes I still can't believe I had the nerve to do it, but oh good lord, it allowed me to talk to her, to listen to her talk to me, to learn more about her, to breathe in the scent of her beauty. God knows I tried to resist, but as my strength waned, I thought of the words I heard in Alice's head in the brief time I spent in her presence.

The choice had to be Isabella's. God may have a special place in hell for me for hurting my son, but Alice was right. The choice had to be hers.

But today, something changed, and it was profound.

For the first time in all the years since I've known first the child, and now reintroduced to the woman, I felt physical pain from the separation from her. And I knew nothing was going to ease this pain until I had her safely back in my arms.

I sat up and looked back over the lake, the risen sun now shining on it, the dense trees protecting me from prying eyes. There was no denying it. For the first time in my life, both human and vampire years... for the first time in those 108 years, I was in love. I loved Isabella, and I always would.

The sun moved across the sky, and still I hadn't moved. I was waiting, for word I suppose, then sprang to my feet as I smelled him approach.

Dr. Cullen came into view, walking slowly, his eyes down on the ground. He didn't look at me until he was almost at my side.

"Edward," he said softly. "How are you managing?"

"As well as can be expected," I whispered. "Is Eli well?"

He nodded, and sat down on the log. "We just arrived. Eli is sleeping."

"Dr. Cullen, I'd like to talk to you, ask some questions. May I?"

"Of course," he smiled. "Anything at all, as long as you agree to call me Carlisle."

I looked at him, at his smooth face. He appeared to be no more than 30 years old. "I haven't aged since I was changed. How many years can I expect to live?"

"You'll live until something destroys you. We are, in effect, immortal."

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Over 300 years old, Edward." He smiled at the astonished look on my face. _Would I ever want to live that long?_

"What if I want to die before that? You mentioned I can be destroyed. How?"

"Why would you consider that, Edward?" I didn't answer him. Carlisle sighed deeply. "You've mated with her, haven't you?"

I was appalled. "Carlisle, I hardly think it would be proper for me to give you an answer to a question like that."

"That's not what I mean, Edward," he chuckled. "Mating is a bond, similar to love amongst humans but exponentially more powerful. Your mate is, in effect, your other half. She is a part of you, of your soul, if you will."

_Is this what happened to me? Is this what I'm feeling?_

"Is it normal to feel pain when separated from your... mate?"

Carlisle nodded. "The stronger the bond, the more discomfort when you're apart."

"Is it mutual? I mean, would she feel it too?"

He looked down at the log, idly picking at a piece of moss. "I've never heard of it being one-sided. The bond, the merging, happens to both at the same time." He paused and looked closely at me. "Edward, we will do everything possible to help her survive this. Don't start thinking the worst, okay?"

But the worst was all I could think of... I was frantic for her safety. And this bond...it could only mean that, in addition to everything else Isabella was going through, she was also in the same pain I was currently feeling. I knew I should be overjoyed that, if Carlisle was correct, she cared for me, too. But how could she bear the overwhelming sense of loss? If it was anything like what I was experiencing...

"Could a human survive this... pain?"

"I've never heard of a vampire and human bonding this way, but I think from what you're saying, that's exactly what happened. So, I imagine she feels the same thing. The potential is there in both human and vampires, but expressed more often in vampires. I hear what you're asking, and so yes, she's in pain, but she'll survive it." He reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Take heart, Edward. If she's your mate, meant to be your mate, then nothing would prevent it. And we _will_ get her back."

_**Bella**_

It was cold and so dark I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. Not a drop of light, there was nothing for my eyes to get used to, no night vision to appear – everything remained black as if I'd been blinded. I could only assume I wasn't.

The injury on my face was burning agony, the edges feeling puffy and swollen. It was clean of blood, thanks to being dragged through... water I supposed, but the pain was a constant, throbbing reminder. I carefully touched my face again. I needed antibiotics — I could already feel the unnatural heat building around the open wound. Gingerly touching the top of my head, I realized I had a smaller open wound there as well, also swollen and festering. A quick inventory revealed a few cuts on my legs, all painful and raw. I was fucked.

Feeling around in the dark, I found something under me, like coarse grass or straw, and reaching out my hands I felt a wall of sorts…damp, rough, like rock.

I'm not certain who grabbed me, except his body was hard as a rock. I was still alive, but I didn't know why. All I knew was I woke to find myself in this place, in the dark.

My stomach started growling. I had no idea how long I'd been in here, but my body was on its own clock. I shook from the cold, wearing nothing but the silk nightgown I'd gone to bed in, now thoroughly soaked. And it was deathly quiet, nothing but silence around me, nothing but my thoughts.

In my mind I could see Eli's face, contorted in pain as he tried to grab me. I was imagining Edward, when he learned what happened. I wondered how long I had to live, I wondered why I was still alive. I wondered if I was going to wish I was already dead.

"Isabella..." the sing song voice of a man erupted out of the darkness, startling me so badly I jumped, banging my head on the wall behind me. "Ready or not, here I come," he laughed. I heard a high pitched giggle from someone on the other side of me, but I could see nothing at all. The darkness completely blinded me, making these disembodied voices even more frightening.

I felt the air shift, and heard someone breathing right in front me. I turned my head as I felt my gorge rise, his breath wafting over me, breath that was fetid, smelling like old rancid meat.

I had to consider my options. Based on his strength, I knew one of them was a vampire. I could only assume the female voice next to me belonged to another. And I tried to still my trembling when I started to suspect who they were.

Fighting off two vampires wasn't an option. Demand they let me go? I doubted it would be successful. I realized I had a single option. Listen to them, learn, figure out why they took me and do everything I could to stay alive, praying that would give Eli and Edward enough time to find me.

I had no doubt they were looking.

I thought again about the expression on Eli's face as he burst through the door, but I found my mind wandering more to Edward. I'd always had this pull towards him but distance had always managed to weaken it. Today, the nature of it had changed. Separation from him hurt, I needed him, I needed to be in his arms. Even with my injuries, and my fear, there was a constant, pulsating yearning. As if a part of me was now missing.

"So baby, when you do think she'll be ready?" I spun towards the voice. Ready? _Ready for what?_ That's when I heard the sniffing, something like a dog close to me, snuffling, cool air puffing against my body.

"We need to wait 14 days, damn it." I turned towards the female voice. What the hell was she talking about?

"Don't worry, little Isabella," said the man. We'll take care of you." His voice was smooth, oily. The woman started giggling again, than started singing...

_Dodo, l'enfant do,  
L'enfant dormira bien vite  
Dodo, l'enfant do  
L'enfant dormira bientôt._

"What's the matter Isabella, don't understand French?" I felt the air move and smelled her rank breath, her close proximity raising goose bumps on my arms.

"I brought you a present," she giggled as something heavy fell into my lap. I touched it tentatively. It was smooth, cylindrical. I ran the fingers of one hand over it, certain I should know what it was when a cold hand shoved a small box into my other hand. I felt it...rectangular, rough on one side... _yes!_

I slid open the little compartment, and pulled the small wooden stick from it. Feeling the ends of the stick, I found the right end and brushed it along the rough edge of the box.

The flame blinded me at first, and I quickly looked away. As my sight returned I peeked into my lap at the heavy object. It was an old, dirty votive candle, with an amateurish painting of Jesus on one side. I quickly shoved the match down the neck of the glass and the wick sputtered, then caught. I sighed with relief as I carefully placed it on the ground in front of me.

It gave me a small circle of light, but it was better than nothing. I looked around, but I couldn't see them. Were they still in here with me?

Holding my hands over the small flame I rubbed them together, the small amount of warmth helping my frozen fingers. Peering into the darkness around me, I thought back to what she sang. _Dodo, l'enfant do_. It had been years since I took high school French. I thought about the words...the ones I remembered. _L'enfant _was baby or child_. Dormira._ The melody was soft, like a lulla....

My heart started pounding. _No, no, no...I had to get out of there, now!_ I grabbed the candle and started crawling along the wall.

"Sleepy time, the young one sleeps…" a voice out of the darkness sang. "Don't worry, I know where to find eggs," she cooed. I looked up and screamed at the face that appeared in front of me, a face with insane eyes and long, tangled hair. She looked down at the candle. "Too close, Isabella. I don't like fire." And she let out a rush of putrid breath.

The darkness closed around me again, with a crazy woman an inch away from my face.

* * *

**A/N**

Well, now we know what they wanted her for...

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We can discuss happy things like...well, will find some. I know! We can talk about what an angel this Edward is. Gah, I love this guy.

And thank you for the reviews! Now if we can keep it up? Please? Pretty please?

And I reply to them all.




	14. Endings and Beginnings

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah. At the moment, Edward is massaging my shoulders. Mmmmmmmmmm.

**Warning: ** This chapter contains the implication of the possibility of sexual violence. Just warning y'all.

* * *

Chapter 14

Endings and Beginnings

_**Edward**_

"Bella's walking the edge of a knife," Alice whispered, her eyes glazed over as she stared at a myriad of possible future events. I stared along with her, finally understanding what Emmett meant about her talent.

The future wasn't set in stone; free will created a tangled web of possibilities and probabilities, each branching off to create its own network, and it took someone with the skill borne of decades of experience to trace the paths. As much as it was tearing me apart, I had no choice but to bow to Alice's expertise.

We were in the house, gathered in the living room, and based on the future paths currently laid before us, trapped into inaction. I was doing everything I could to hold myself together, to keep the others — especially Eli — from seeing what this was doing to me, but on the inside I cringed with terror and excruciating pain as I looked into Alice's mind and saw where the various branches took Isabella.

One branch showed me the remains of a mangled and drained body, tossed like a discarded rag on the forest floor.

Another showed Isabella, twisted, her limbs splayed in unnatural angles, her neck snapped.

There were others that followed mercilessly, each more horrendous than the next. Everything that made me who I am quivered, desperate to do something, anything, but my choices had narrowed to listening to Alice as she tried to guide us, and through us, Isabella, to navigate the possible futures, trying to find the safest path past the multitude of visions that ended with her death.

The combination of Alice's talent and mine meant she could gaze into the future and I could watch with her, but it also meant I was right there with Isabella. I could actually see her die, watch Isabella's face contort in terror as she saw death approach. Dear Lord, I was there, right there for the worst of her violent ends, and even though I knew these were only visions of possibilities, I couldn't bring myself to stop watching while pain rippled through my chest, echoing and expanding through the hollow chambers of my soul. I was not a violent man, but if these two vampires were responsible for her death… I would make sure they would burn in the bowels of hell, even if it meant I joined them there to bind them.

Leaning forward, hands in my hair, I doubled over in anguish that I couldn't express, couldn't reveal. I needed to find a way to distract myself, and so I opened my mind to those other than Alice, tried to let her recede into the background, to let myself be caught up in other thoughts, to wash myself in the waves of the minds around me.

That was when I realized how unique this group was. I scanned the assembled vampires, from Alice and Jasper, to Carlisle and Esme, to Emmett, and recognized that, with the exception of Rosalie, collected in this room was a group of minds whose thoughts I could live with. I had just met Esme today, and her thoughts were warm and loving, in some ways reminding me of my own mother. When Alice wasn't falling forward into the future, her mind was happy and bright. Jasper was an observer, his thoughts caring and almost always kind. Emmett's mind revealed no more than what he was willing to say — absolutely refreshing in his honesty and his acceptance of both the world and his place in it. Carlisle was a gentleman first, a man of science second, with depths of compassion unlike anything I'd ever encountered.

I liked these people. I fervently wished I could rewind the past to have somehow found the strength not to run all those years ago, to have stayed with Carlisle, to have made him my brother. Perhaps it wasn't too late.

Sighing, I once again felt anguish rip through my being. My future depended upon the survival of Isabella, because I also understood, and accepted, that if she died, I would not be able to go on without her. This was not insanity speaking, it was the simple truth.

Groaning in frustration, I stood and started pacing the room. I glanced over at a dejected Eli, folded in the corner of the room, near the fireplace. He hadn't said much since everyone arrived, and so I took a moment to focus on my son. He looked up at me, his eyes boring into mine, and did something no one had ever done before. He chose to talk to me, from his mind, directly to mine.

"_Tell me the truth, Edward. You feel more for Bella than you've been willing to tell me."_

I hesitated, unsure what I should say, desperately not wanting to hurt him. But the truth also stared at me as relentlessly as he did. Hiding behind lies would be far more hurtful than the truth. So, I nodded at him, trying to express with my eyes how sorry I was, how apologetic.

"_You've known her a long time?"_ I nodded again.

"_How?"_

"I first saw her when she was a child, in Forks," I whispered.

"_You fell in love with her when she was a child?"_ I shook my head, 'no.'

"_But you grew to love her, didn't you?"_ I shrugged, unsure precisely what it was that I felt then. It was nothing like what I felt now, so I hesitated to admit it was love.

Eli turned away for a moment, deep in thought. _"Something happened and you left, that's when you met my mother..."_ I nodded again, shocked at how perceptive he was.

"_My mother... she looked like Bella."_ He looked back at me. I could only agree, guilt coursing through me, unsure how much truth I was now willing to reveal.

"_And now, since you've arrived... you've fallen in love with her, haven't you?"_ He kept his eyes locked on mine, not giving me a moment's escape.

And then I knew I was going to have to do one of the most miserable things of my long life. My love for Isabella was so vast I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops. If circumstances were otherwise I would be running to everyone in this room and hugging them, begging them to share my joy.

But instead, my head was filled with images of my love in the throes of death, and my heart was filled with crushing guilt for what I was doing to my son.

Hanging my head, I knew if she and I survived, _this_ would be my memory of revealing my feelings to the first person who inquired... all I could do was raise my eyes to Eli, and... simply nod in agreement. I loved her.

Eli's face fell, and he turned away from me. I wanted to approach him, to apologize, but knew the last thing he needed, or wanted, was comfort from me. Me, his father and the one who wanted the woman he loved. I was a monster, and we both knew it.

Turning on my heel, I ran into the back room, the library, breathing deeply, hoping the smell of old paper and leather would tear me away from my shame, my culpability in this abhorrent triangle. Wishing I could find release in tears, I shuffled to the piano, head bowed, my fingers running over the polished wood, cursing my existence... when I heard Carlisle approach.

"He'll get over it, you know." I couldn't look at him. I just stared at the piano, shaking my head slowly.

"Edward, there is no question about it. You and Bella are mated, and that simply reinforces the truth — that her relationship with Eli would not have worked. It's better for both of them that they learn this early, before they got into it any deeper. Before awakening to reality caused more pain."

I spun and stared at Carlisle. "How can you be so certain? How can you know that she didn't belong with Eli, that my presence is interrupting something that would have been better for both of them? _How can you know this?"_

Carlisle walked over and gently laid a hand on my shoulder. "I wouldn't have said anything last night if I wasn't certain. I've walked this earth for over 300 years, and my time hasn't only been here, or Forks, or even the States." He shook his head. "I've been exposed to more vampires than you can imagine, I've spent time with the most knowledgeable amongst us." He grabbed my other shoulder and stood in front of me. "If I had any question about this... but I don't." He nodded towards the front of the house. "And neither does Alice. It's why we were here before; it's why we both needed to make certain Bella knew there were choices." He gave me a small smile. "And I suspect that although you didn't know about mating, instinct drove you here, and that was why you chose to reveal yourself after all these years."

I shook my head and pulled away. There was too much to consider, too many things to evaluate, and, in all my long life, I had never bowed to anyone's judgment but my own.

Deep in thought, I had just stepped out the back door when I heard a scream from the living room. _Alice._ Running in her direction, I started rifling through her mind before I even reached her, scrutinizing the future with her as one of the threads untangled. Isabella in a dark place, a candle on the floor, her body... _her body swollen..._

_Sarah_... she looked as I imagined Sarah looked. The journal, the torture, the bruising, stomach swollen but body wasting... but this wasn't possible. Isabella and I hadn't, we didn't. And then the truth seeped through my soul... _BASTARD! I had to get to her, NOW! _I didn't stop to think, I spun and started racing for the door.

"No, Edward!" Alice screamed, running over and grabbing my arm, the tiny woman possessing far more strength than I could have imagined. "Don't offer him a challenge!" I looked at her, horrified by what I saw in her mind. _Challenge?_ I didn't care about challenges, Isabella had to get out of there, where ever it was, and now!

"I _have_ to get to her, Alice!"

"Edward, remember the visions. Every time you, or any of us, got close to him he managed to move farther away. You read my mind, you saw all the possibilities. Every single time one of us approached, he disappeared, Bella with him. Look closer, Edward! There are _no_ futures where we chase him and she survives it. _None!_ If he knows you're close, then her death is a certainty, either by his hands, or by..." She didn't finish the thought, but I knew exactly what she was going to say.

"A tracker?" Carlisle stood in the doorway of the living room, eyes trained on Alice. She shot her head up, meeting his gaze.

"A gift?" she asked. He nodded. "How does it work?"

"A tracker can sense the person they want to follow, sense their essence and the location of it, anywhere on earth. You can't escape a tracker, they just need to feel for where you are." He paused, head lowered. "I'd think it would work the opposite way as well. If he's a tracker, he'd also feel you approaching him." Carlisle looked at Alice and me, as worn as the rest of us, his usual confidence eroded. "I think that explains your visions, I think the only explanation is... that's his gift. There's no way we can approach without his knowledge."

Eli lifted his head and turned to Alice. "What do they want from her, Alice?" Forgotten in his corner, his voice was faint; I could hear the exhaustion in his words, his mind torn between pain at the possibility of losing Isabella to me, or losing her to a death for which he felt responsible.

Alice walked over to Eli, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "He wants another, like you." Eli's eyes got wide and he started to surge to his feet.

"Edward... _Sarah!"_ he croaked. I nodded my head, my mind tearing with indecision.

Alice held Eli down. "You'll do exactly what I told Edward to do. Nothing. Based on every vision I've had, and Edward has seen them as well... I believe that if he thinks no one is chasing him, he might get careless. I _do_ know if we chase him, there's no hope." She let go of him and spun around to face the group, her tiny body trembling with anxiety.

"I'm so sorry, but I really do believe there's only one possibility, and that means staying here... and listening. Listening carefully."

_**Bella**_

My head pounded, and the eye on the side of my face with the wound was swollen shut. My other eye was tearing and my skin was blazing hot. I was running a fever, and I was in serious trouble.

The votive candle was lit and in front of me while I leaned against the cold rock wall at my back. I had no idea how long I'd been inside this place, but in that short time, the infection raged out of control. If I didn't get help soon...

I was closing my good eye when I felt it, the skim of something along my waist, sliding up my rib cage. I opened my eyes with a start and stared right into a burgundy one. The vampire James, his face pressed up close to mine so I could see the dirt worn into the skin, his breath smelling like a cesspool. _How could they stand to be near each other? Did they become accustomed to it?_

I tried to pull back and looking down, saw a filthy finger skimming up my nightgown, towards my breast as I tried to push myself back to the wall, trapped while his finger flicked up to my nipple and circled it.

"Not bad, little Isabella, not bad at all." His nail flicked against my nipple and I cried out in pain. "I see, we need to be gentle. Can't break the vessel, can we," he laughed, giving my nipple a twist, burning it, the bruising already heating my skin when he leaned in to grasp me. Then we both froze at the sound of the bone-chilling hiss.

"You get one try, you bastard. You stick it in and you take it out. You belong to me," the high-pitched voice whispered from the dark.

He growled deep in his chest but backed away from me, his mouth twisted in anger as he looked into the shadows. "This is for _you_, bitch," he sneered into the gloom. Then he turned back and raked his eyes over my body, pausing when he reached my breasts, while I folded my arms over my chest and tried to merge into the wall behind me. He grinned, licking his lips. My blood turned to ice as I pressed harder against the stone. I tried to control my panic — maybe if I tried to talk, reason with him? I figured I might have one shot, and I was going to take it.

"James, you know they're looking for me." His face grew cold, his eyes wider.

"So you found the book," he whispered. "She _did_ keep a record of our fun, even mentioned my name..."

"Victoria's too," I added, wondering if this might be the key to escape... he was suddenly off-balance, his world not quite as certain as it was a moment ago. _I knew what they did all those years ago._

"If the Volturi found out...," he muttered. His uncertainty seemed to increase, hope was pounding in my chest. Maybe I'll get out of this alive, maybe.... then I saw his face — uncertainly gone, twisted and furious.

"But they'll never find _it,_ they'll never find _you,_ and they'll never find _me,"_ he gloated. "I don't care about their fucking trackers, I'm better than all of them." He spun back towards the person in the shadows.

"Don't forget, Victoria," he whispered into the darkness, "the last time was satisfying _my_ curiosity. A vampire having sex with a human, leaving her alive? _Why?_ But then... pregnant?" He shook his head. "All I wanted to see was the result of that insanity.

"But now the risks are mine, and I'm doing it for you. You better appreciate it, _bitch_."

Her hissing grew more frantic as he snarled back, into the shadows. Turning away he stood in one fluid, cat-like movement and strolled away. I heard the echoes of the soles of his shoes as he walked, far into the dark.

The female's hissing turned to cooing, approaching me, getting closer when I felt the air move, light scratching sounds following it, my mind conjuring up an image of a huge tarantula skittering across the stone floor, coming closer, when I was startled by her face, squinting in the light, right in front of mine. Her eyes were cold; her mouth contorted into a grimace as she stared into my eyes, then fell back on her haunches, crossed her legs and sat on the other side of the pool of light from the candle. She giggled and grinned, the sudden change in her demeanor scaring the hell out of me.

"He's doing it for just for me, you know," she mumbled, staring down into the candle, sliding back from it just a little bit. She looked back up at me, fire in her eyes, hatred rolling off her. "It would be easier if you looked like a toad," she snarled. Then her face changed again, suddenly wistful. "But I want a pretty baby...," she murmured.

Just my luck, locked up with a bipolar vampire. I didn't know who was more frightening, James and his clear intentions, or Victoria and her rapid-fire mood swings. The throbbing pain in my head and around the wound was getting worse, the fever was definitely rising as I could smell my own over-heated skin, but I had to stay conscious, I had to try stay sharp to deal with her.

"Why me?" I rasped, trying to make it sound casual, trying to do anything to keep from setting her off again.

"Why you, silly Isabella?" She tapped her head. "Because you have the potential of something, James said so." She tilted her head and smiled. "Because that vampire can't read your mind." She leaned close, as if she was telling me a cherished secret. "We heard you, you know. We heard you talking with him... the vampire who loves humans. He can't hear your thoughts," she whispered. She leaned back and beamed at me. "And with James as a tracker... I'll have a talented baby, don't you think?" Her expression changed to one of a young woman, confiding with another — as if everything was normal and she was talking about the beautiful baby she might some day have. _Shit_, I needed to get out of there. My head started swimming between the pain and my panic.

"I always wanted a baby," she murmured. I glanced over at her, and she was hanging her head, playing with her fingers in her lap. "I had a baby, you know. Well, I almost had one." She looked up, eyes soft as she dug back into her memories.

"I just found out, I wasn't even showing yet. Pa would have belted me, everyone would have hated me, but I didn't care." She smiled, seeming to relive something. "Allain was so cute." She looked up. "He was going to marry me. As soon as I told him, I _knew_ he was going to marry me straight away before anyone found out...." Moving like a cat she stretched out on the floor, fingers playing with her snarled hair.

"That's when James found me, and he was the cutest of them all," she grinned, than her smile dropped to a frown. "I don't know what happened to the baby... it just disappeared in me." She stared into the flames, her face a blank.

"It's a long way from Louisiana," she started crooning.

_Jolie blonde, regardez donc quoi t'as fait, _

_Tu m'as quitte pour t'en aller, _

_Pour T'en aller avec un autre, oui, que moi, _

_Quel espoir et quel avenir, mais, moi, je vais avoir? _

"Do you know what that means in English, dear Isabella?" I shook my head and she grinned. "I know something you don't..." She started singing again, her voice surprisingly beautiful, high and tinkling.

_Pretty blonde, so look what you did,_

_You left me to go,_

_To go off with another than me,_

_What hope and what future am I gonna' have?_

"Are you going to take my James, Isabella?" I looked up, and her expression had turned into a glare.

"No, why would you think that?" I said, revolted at the idea.

"Because I think he wants you," she hissed. "I can tell." She tapped her head again. "He likes the way you look and maybe, maybe he wants to keep my baby with you!" Her voice got louder as she started to crawl towards me.

"No, that's not possible, I don't want..." _I needed to remind her about Sarah._ "I read the book, remember what happened to her? She didn't survive it, I can't take him from you, I don't..." I started moving along the wall, panic rising in me.

"Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong," she said in a singsong voice. "James is _scared _of the other, the mind reader. James doesn't _like _someone who can hear his thoughts," she muttered. Then she smiled again. "But he's not looking for you, is he?" She grinned again. "We'd know it, he'd be here by now, we'd have moved you again by now. He doesn't want you," she said, triumph in her voice. "He can't hear your thoughts, and we dragged you through that big lake." She giggled. "There is no way he can ever find you." She got closer to my face. "And James said he isn't even trying."

I couldn't let my thoughts go there. I knew Edward had to be looking for me, Eli too. I pushed back the tears that threatened to flow. They _had_ to be looking for me. Edward... Edward _had_ to find me.

I glanced at Victoria, a satisfied look on her face, knowing she'd struck home, hurt me like she was hurting. Then I watched her face drop back into a frown, and watched her lips curl over her teeth into a snarl. This woman was completely insane; I couldn't keep up with her.

And then the pounding in my head exploded, lancing pain through my face, my swollen eye. Victoria face grew hazy as I slumped to the floor. My skin smelled hot, that musky scent I remembered from a time I had the flu. Thoughts swirled in and out, dreams from years ago, images of Edward's amber eyes, my room in Forks, a birthday party, playing with dolls...

'_Stay awake!'_ I screamed to myself. If the fever wins _they_ win.

I woke, disoriented, to Victoria's face hovering over mine, her hand gently caressing my hair. "Poor Isabella, poor sick baby," she crooned. I tried to focus on her face but she faded, and I was walking in the cool, wet forest near Forks. I was bending down and feeding a squirrel. I was frantically studying for an algebra test I was sure I'd flunk. I was looking at a photo in a magazine of a pretty woman with long, red hair and as I watched that face started to move, its lips twisting, snarling, it started to speak...

"You'd take my James if you could, wouldn't you, Isabella," she sneered. "Maybe it's not worth having that baby. Maybe it's not worth having that baby with _you!_" she screeched, moving slowly towards me. I shook my head, trying to wake, desperate to pull out of the fevered dreams. "Maybe I don't need a talented baby," she started growling. "Maybe I just need a baby torn from some old hag. I get my baby, and James remembers his place is with me." Suddenly her hand shot forward and she grabbed my hair near the top of my head and pulled. "That bastard tore me from the land, that bastard took me from the Louisiana bayous. That bastard isn't going to leave me for you!" she shouted into my face, and then hauled me up by the hair, dragging me to my feet as I scrambled to keep her from ripping my hair out of my head, the head wounds reopening from the force of her pull. She got her face right into mine.

"But there will be nothing for you either, you bitch," she sneered. "No, no, Isabella, I won't kill you," she mumbled as she leaned back and started dragging me through the dark. With one hand holding me tightly by the hair I heard her fingers scrambling and a creaking and a whoosh of air, and then moonlight poured into the darkness as she dragged me out the door, into the trees, into the warm night.

Still holding me by the hair she pushed me to the ground, down onto my knees, into what felt like a pile of wet, rotting leaves. She loomed above me, and when I tried to look up at her face, she snarled again and grabbed my hair even tighter.

"I couldn't have my baby, and you can't have him. James is mine!"

"Victoria, I don't want..."

"You liar!" she pulled on my hair again. "He's mine," she hissed into my ear. "The baby he makes will be mine," she hissed again. "But it won't be with you, you bitch." She stood above me again, and suddenly she got still.

And then she giggled.

I felt it, drops of liquid trickling into the open wounds in my head. Was that blood, my blood? _Did she pull out my hair?_ I reached for my head and ran my fingers through the liquid. Lowering my hand I looked at my fingers. Not blood, some kind of clear fluid. What was this?

It was cold at first, and then my eyes grew wide when it started to heat, and then burning agony as if flames were ripping apart the open skin, peeling back the layers as pain tore across my scalp, down my neck. She grabbed my hair tighter and yanked me up to look at my face, an insane grin with crazy, rolling eyes as she shoved her face back into mine.

"You won't have my baby, Isabella," she sneered, spraying spittle into my face, drops hitting the gaping wound in my cheek, burning like acid. "But you won't have yours, either." She laughed, shoving me to the floor, the pain from my face, the burning in my scalp consuming me while I heard her peals of laughter moving away, echoing in the woods, getting fainter and fainter. And then I didn't care. The burning was spreading, uncontrolled, my eyes bugging out as I swore blue flames had to be licking at me, spreading over my shoulders. I fell onto my back, looked up at the stars and opened my mouth and with every ounce of breath inside my lungs I screamed in agony.

* * *

**A/N**

*FM listens to the pin drop*

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances. Books really beat me up over this chapter, pushing me to make it better and better. I've stolen her whip.

Alicedances is incredible, cleaning things up, keeping me straight, being a cheerleader.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. Seriously.

And thank you thank you for the reviews! Reviews are love...or something like that ;-)


	15. Ch ch ch ch changes

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah. At the moment no one is rubbing my shoulders. They just want to find out what happens.

* * *

From the previous chapter...

_Alice held Eli down. "You'll do exactly what I told Edward to do. Nothing. Based on every vision I've had, and Edward has seen them as well... I believe that if he thinks no one is chasing him, he might get careless. I do know if we chase him, there's no hope." She let go of him and spun around to face the group, her tiny body trembling with anxiety._

"_I'm so sorry, but I really do believe there's only one possibility, and that means staying here... and listening. Listening carefully."_

Chapter 15

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

_**Edward**_

My head snapped up when I heard the piercing scream echoing through the woods. I turned to Alice as she shot to her feet. "The right path, she's alive," she breathed in relief. Grabbing Jasper's hand, she ran towards the door. She had just reached it when she spun around and gave me a sad look. "Go get her," she mouthed. Turning to the others, she said, "We have to find her and help ease the transition." They stared at her, mouths open in shock. _What was she talking about?_

"Now!" she shouted, dragging Jasper through the door. I sprang to my feet and rushed past them, running in the direction of the remnants of the echoing sounds of Isabella's cries.

The shock of that scream reverberated through my body as I sped through the humid night, the agony of hearing her pain threatening to knock me off my feet. But she needed me, I needed her, and I had to find her. Following her voice, the sobs, the shrieks... it was this side of the lake, closer than I'd have guessed. I sprinted through the trees, my body echoing back the pain in her cries and then I saw her, on the ground, writhing in agony in the midst of a pile of rotting leaves, one side of her face a swollen horror. But more important was her suffering, her eyes wide and rolled back into her head, her body twitching uncontrollably. I turned to yell for the doctor, for Carlisle, when I saw his blur rush past me and to her side. Spinning in all directions, I mentally scanned the area, everything stinking with the scent of those vampires.

But they were gone.

What was left of my heart shattered as I looked down at Carlisle, hovering over Isabella, trying to examine her while she thrashed on the ground. He was scowling, shaking his head.

"It's too late to stop it." Carlisle looked up, eyes locking on Alice when she arrived, Jasper in tow. "Did you see this?"

She nodded sadly. "It was the only scenario left that meant she was alive... kind of." She closed her eyes and grabbed Jasper's hand tightly. "There was no choice, Carlisle, it was this or death. Those were the only paths open..." Alice bent over, gazing softly at Isabella. Turning back to Carlisle, she asked, "Can you get this under control?"

He nodded, then looked at me. "Edward, I know you don't understand what's going on, but I have to... help her. I won't be hurting her more, but if I leave her like this the change will take longer, and be even more painful."

I was frozen, staring at my love as she writhed in excruciating pain, but forced myself to acknowledge him, let his confusing words sink in. I tore my eyes away from Isabella and glanced over at Carlisle. "What change?"

"She's been infected with venom, and it's too late to reverse it."

"She's dying?"

"Yes and no. She's changing, Edward." He looked at me, eyes pleading for me to understand, but all I could do was stare at Isabella writhing on the ground. I couldn't focus, all I could do was feel her pain. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle stoop, pick up her wrist and bare his teeth. _No!_ I lunged, trying to stop him, when I was thrown to the ground. Emmett and Jasper had me pinned while I struggled, desperate to get them off me, desperate to do anything to defend her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I shouted at them.

"We're helping her, Edward," Carlisle said. "I'm helping get venom into her bloodstream. I'm helping make this faster for her." He remained calm while he pleaded with me. "She was infected through her head wound. If I don't get more venom into her... it'll be far worse if it just seeps through her tissues, bit by bit." I was still confused, my rage building.

"She changing, Edward, she's becoming like us. She'll be a vampire within three days. If I don't get more venom into her, her pain will be worse and she'll suffer longer. Please believe me." I glared at Carlisle, the reality of what had happened to Isabella finally getting through to me. My anger started to ebb, only to be replaced with…could I trust him? I sighed, looking at the two men holding me down. Apparently, I had no choice. I nodded in agreement, and with a look from Carlisle, they reluctantly let me go. Just as I moved back to Isabella's side, Eli approached Carlisle, his eyes wide and questioning. Carlisle's eyes flickered between us, finally settling on Eli. "There's no stopping it Eli. It's this, or death."

Eli's face froze in shock as he stared at Isabella. He turned to me, tears welling in his eyes.

"A newborn," he muttered, looking back at her. Carlisle nodded his head slowly, and bending over Isabella, I watched him take her wrist, gently bite it, then lick it to seal the wound. He slowly moved around Isabella's body, slicing her skin open with small bites, forcing venom, licking them closed. I watched him, detached, part of me believing I should stop him, the other part praying I was right in trusting him as she continued to scream... and with each cry another small piece of me splintered. I clenched my fists, ground my teeth, and used every drop of my diminishing control to keep from screaming with her. And then Eli's words came back to me.

A newborn?_ A newborn vampire? _ Eli's choking gasp caught my attention, tearing at me. Who do I go to? Before I could move, Alice walked over and wrapped her arms around his shaking body, hugging him tightly. She whispered in his ear, and he nodded his head slowly, sighing against her neck. He pulled out of her arms and, taking a deep breath, walked over to me, holding out his hand. I stared at it, feeling outside of myself, outside of my body. Did he need something from me? Was there something I could give him? Was there anything inside me left to give?

"I'd rather this, than her death, Edward," he said as he grabbed my hand, holding it tightly. He looked up into my face, tears cascading down his cheeks but he set his chin, and tried to look brave. His strength through his tears snapped me back to myself, brought me back to the here and now. I would try to match his strength, and his dignity.

"There are no choices any longer, Edward, but her life is worth it." His eyes captured mine, those green eyes boring into mine, anguished, yet strong and determined. "Take care of her," he choked out, let go of my hand, turned, and walked away.

"Eli," I called but Alice rushed over, putting her arm around my waist.

"Edward, he can't be near her when she wakes. Human blood flows through his veins." She sighed softly and pulled me over towards Isabella. "He knows the choice was made for both of them." She looked up at me, her soft amber eyes full of compassion. "Now go take care of her, she needs you."

I kneeled down at Isabella's side and took her hand in mine, tracing my fingers over the delicate bones, the soft skin. She lay there, shivering, but her screaming had stopped. Carlisle was standing above her, watching her carefully.

"Is she suffering, as I did?" I quietly asked. He nodded, and I sighed, appreciating his honesty. "May I pick her up out of the dirt, carry her back to the house? Moving won't cause her more pain, will it?"

"She'll be fine, Edward," he smiled. "And I'm certain your presence will help, as will your cool skin." He looked around at the others. "Let's get out of here."

I leaned over and brushed her hair out of her face. She was so warm, much warmer than she should be. Her scent was wrong. It dragged up old memories of hospitals, my chest burning, my mother leaning over me… _'No, it can't be,'_ I thought, panic rising in my throat. "She... she doesn't have influenza, does she? I can smell the fever, Carlisle...will she..."

He put his hand on my back, knowing what I was remembering. "No, Edward. That facial wound is infected, but she'll heal now." He straightened his collar and looked down at me. "Let's get her back and clean her up." I nodded. Sliding one arm under her knees and the other under her back, I lifted her as gently as I could and cradled her against my chest. She was trembling, whimpering, but I swore I could hear a soft sigh beneath it, as she settled against me.

Isabella safely in my arms, I was turning in the direction of the house when I saw it. A rise in the land, a door built into the side of the hill, standing wide open, and a candle flickering deep inside. "Carlisle, look." I nodded in the direction of the cave. He sprinted up to it, and peered inside the door.

"It's an old ice house. The place reeks of them, and Bella's scent is in there, too. Get her back to the house. I'll join you shortly." He looked over at Emmett, standing quietly at the sidelines. "I want to see if they left anything — evidence of any kind. Willing to join me?" Emmett gave him a solemn nod. He so wanted to feel useful, here was his opportunity.

Stepping as softly as I could, I walked back to the house, doing everything I could not to jostle her. Her respiration was high and her whimpering continued, but she wasn't screaming, at least not now. I held her tightly against my cool body as I walked through the night, beneath the whispering leaves, my love in my arms.

The house was quiet when I returned. Stopping at the doorway to the guest room, I stared at the broken window, the shattered glass, and my chest hitched as I could only imagine her terror. I looked down at the woman in my arms, my only concern right now. Carefully, I carried her to the smaller guest room and laid her on the bed, stroking her hair as I felt and smelled the heat from her skin. She remained quiet, and that concerned me as much as her screaming. I remembered my change all too well, and couldn't understand why she did no more than tremble. Praying nothing was going wrong, I left her side only long enough to get a damp towel to clean her face.

Carlisle was there when I returned, beside the bed and examining her again. "She's fine, Edward. Quiet, but it's progressing normally." He pointed to her face wound, which was already showing signs of the skin knitting together, the swelling reducing significantly.

"The cave?"

"There wasn't much there. All we found was the candle, a box of matches, and their scents. When she wakes, we can find out more about their intentions and where we should go from here." My vision blurred as rage boiled up again, but I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. I _had_ to remain in control.

"Carlisle, will she carry scars from this incident?" I could care less, she was still the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, even now. But I hoped Isabella wouldn't have to live with the memories reopened each time she looked into a mirror.

He shook his head. "Only where venom entered, Edward. The head wound was the primary point of entry, and it'll be hidden under her hair. The small bites I made? The scarring will be minimal." He looked up and smiled at me. "Stay with her, although remember, it'll be a long vigil." He gazed at her face for a long time. "Every newborn I've seen wakes in a different frame of mind. Many of them are almost feral for a time, but not all. And know, she'll also be stronger than us until her human blood is fully absorbed. I'll be staying here until we know she's stable, as will Alice and Jasper. Emmett has also volunteered to stay in case we need his muscle." Carlisle smiled.

"And the others?"

"Eli has already left with Rosalie and Esme. He's heading back to Forks with them." His frowned. "He can't be here. You know, as well as the rest of us, that he'll smell as good to her as a full human. We can't risk his life, and he won't risk her soul."

I sat down on the bed next to Isabella, took her hot hand in mine, and bowed my head. This was not how it should have happened. Isabella deserved to have all options open to her for her future. I ran my hand over my face and hoped, but knew there were no guarantees in life. She could not be with Eli after she awakened, but it didn't mean she'd want me. I had no choices, either. I would stay by her side for as long as she wanted me. I settled in and prepared myself for the possibility of losing her, and even worse, that my silent fears might be realized-- that she might not survive the transition.

_**Bella**_

I was burning. I was tied to a stake and set on fire, flames leaping in front of my face, burning off my toes, my fingers. I could feel the fat under my skin melting, the heat scorching my lungs as I burned and burned and burned...

And then it stopped. Remnants of pain remained, but it was tolerable, like a fierce sunburn. I could feel cool water bathing my face, cool skin caressing mine, but as soon as I gave in to it, as soon as I felt myself start to lull to sleep in the comfort of this care, I was dragged awake, dragged away from it down a long, dark tunnel and unceremoniously dumped onto a cold smooth floor, staring at the legs of someone standing in front of me.

I looked up and into the eyes of... _me?_ But it wasn't me. The eyes were like Edward's, her skin even paler than my own. Her hair was longer, thicker, her legs more muscular. She smiled softly, tenderly, then reached under my arms and gently lifted me to my feet.

_Ah, shit._ "I'm dead, right?" I peered around. "This isn't what I expected," I muttered.

The woman laughed. "No, you're not dead."

"Then who the hell are you, and what's happening to me?" I asked, backing away, the floor under my bare feet as smooth as glass. I could see myself, I could see her, but all else was black. My voice echoed as if I stood in a huge marble hall.

"Last question first. You're turning, you're being changed. That's both the curse and the gift that was given to you."

"Turned into what?" I had a feeling I wasn't going to like the answer.

She shrugged. "Into what the Cullens are, into what Edward is."

"_Bullshit." _

She laughed again. "I'm not lying to you. You're in the midst of it. It'll take a while, so get comfortable.

"And the answer to your first question is, I'm you, Bella, and we're going to take this time — when no one else can reach you, and no one will even try — to remember what's important." She smiled again. "There are things that you saw but never considered. There are things you considered that weren't important. Now is the time to sort them. Now is when your mind can handle them, process them, and take your first baby steps towards...well, you'll see." She smiled and reached out before I could back away, and squeezed my shoulder.

She nodded to the side. "Watch, and this time you'll remember." I turned in the direction she indicated, squinting into the dark when light exploded all around me.

Charlie, Renee, our home in Forks. I was small, my balance off, I could see my arms stretched in front of me as I tried to toddle around a room that I knew, but everything looked too big. Smiles on their faces, hands out and ready to catch me as I wandered aimlessly from thing to thing, my only thoughts were my joy at independence, at being on my feet.

My first day in kindergarten, and my fear and excitement to be away from them, to meet new people, to meet other children, to learn to read those books that were read to me every night, to gain independence.

Riding my bike down the road, Charlie laughing behind me as I felt the wind whipping through my hair, and my first glimpse of Edward, the man I now knew was Edward, standing by the telephone pole, his smile as bright as a thousand suns, watching me. It was now that I could feel the pull towards him, see the beauty of him, the promise of a future that my child's brain couldn't understand.

Years worth of memories crashed through me, settling into my mind, interlaced with glimpses of bronze hair, always there, always in the periphery, that I didn't remember before but did now. A hint in the tree line, a glimmer at the edge of a parking lot, a rainbow hue that sometimes shone through my bedroom window on rare sunny days. The feel of him, the pull towards him that was so much a part of who I was that I no longer felt it. But now I could remember all those small details, the sightings my mind didn't process, wouldn't process. I was so caught in the joy of remembering the best of my childhood that I gasped when the rest barged in.

Jacob, my best friend, and small changes in him I didn't notice before. He was getting older, larger, odd expressions crossed his face that I ignored then but could see so clearly now. Our time in the meadow... _no!_ I tried to close my eyes, I didn't want to see it. I wanted the good memories back, not this one!

"You need to see, Bella, you need to remember," the woman, myself, whispered in my ear. "Open your eyes and watch, observe."

Jacob. His voice with an oily whine I didn't recognize in my youth, hands all over me, begging me, pleading with me while he never stopped unbuttoning my clothes. My memory of pain, of giving in, of hoping he'd love me if I did this, of how much I didn't want to do it. And then I saw something I had refused to remember, gasping as the memory flooded back.

I saw him. I opened my eyes and as if I were looking through a camera my vision focused on the edge of the meadow, by the trees, and I saw golden eyes in the dark, dimming, a mouth pulled down, a face shrouded in pain, and then I was rushing back, wanting Jacob off me, knowing this was wrong, a small voice never heard before now trying to scream to me, the man in the woods was the one, I needed to wait...to wait...

Back in the cold room I turned away from it, tried to bury my face in my hands, but the woman came up to me and gently pulled my hands away. "You need to see this, Bella. Remember."

And then the emptiness. The pull was gone, and I was empty. I felt ashamed and dirty as I listened to Jake snore. I wanted to run, but I didn't know where I wanted to run to. Something was gone, something had been broken, something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

And then the hallway in school... and Jacob walking ahead of me, his hand in Jessica's. And in slow motion he turned his head and stared at me, his face breaking into a huge sneer of contempt. I wanted to look away but his teeth...his teeth weren't right. They were pointed, they were sharp, they weren't human.... _Huh?_

But before I could think more about it, I was in a classroom, buried in work and alone. In college, year after year of feeling empty, isolated, finding solace in books because my life was cold and barren, my memories of someone I could never remember always playing at the edges of my mind, and waking each day to a cold, sterile life. Each day wondering if somehow I had encountered a fork in my road and taken the wrong path, and then pushed the thought away.

Finally, the memories slowed... it was the first time I saw Eli. I felt the pull, but it wasn't towards him, it was around him. But oh dear god, I felt it again, it was there again. I wanted it, I craved it, I was being given a second chance. His sweetness, how dear he was, but inside, buried deep inside, I knew it wasn't him... and only now I was remembering, remembering why I hesitated in his bed...

Then Edward showed up on the porch. And I knew. Every single piece of who I was, every spark in my soul knew who he was. I knew it now... he was the one.

The scenes stopped, the room grew dark as I closed my eyes in rapture. The woman curled her arms around me, pulling me close to her chest.

"Ignore the trauma, Bella. Don't let them hurt you, don't let them hurt this." She leaned in, kissed my cheek, and stepped away with a smile. "They were a necessary means to an end, and you've lived through it. That's all that's important."

I looked at her and smiled, took a step towards her when something grabbed me from behind and pulled, dragging me back through the tunnel. The woman — myself — receded into the background, getting smaller as I rushed backwards, flying, the wind of my passing screeching in my ears.

And then I erupted, my body an inferno. I gasped, opened my mouth to scream when I felt my heart lurch, pound, lurch, and then stop. And the pain was gone. And I was… still alive, and all was silent.

I tentatively opened my eyes, and looked into familiar ones. Not amber, but gold — almost luminescent, with those flakes of emerald green floating in the irises. I raised my hand and touched his jaw, and watched a breathtaking smile creep across his face.

"Isabella...," he whispered.

"Edward." I couldn't take my eyes off his as I fell into their depths, seeing everything now, for the first time, the memories I just regained weaving with the clarity of the last few weeks, with the man beyond the unearthly attraction — this old-fashioned and compassionate gentleman, this man whose mind called to me as much as his body. I looked at his lips, and then back to his eyes, my chest bursting with emotion.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, smiling as I watched his eyes grow wide. "I've come home."

"Oh, Isabella," he groaned as I lifted my hand, running it across his cheek. He turned his head and kissed my palm, and I could feel the shuddering in his body.

"I thought... I was so afraid I'd lost you," he whispered. He reached up and took my hand, and lowered it to his chest. He stroked my temple with his other hand, brushing my hair back, while gazing into my eyes. I felt connected. I felt at one with him, I felt at peace.

"I love you, Isabella," he sighed, bending over to gently brush my lips with his.

I pulled myself up, molding my lips to his, feeling his form around mine. His taste was unearthly, beauty embodied in the flavor of his touch. But I pulled back... I needed to maintain control, to try to find it within myself, at least for now. Grabbing his hand, I sat up, resting my head on his shoulder. Edward moved fluidly with me, seeming to understand just what I needed.

"You've been in this bed for three days, Isabella. Would you...would you like to clean up? I'll get you fresh clothes." He looked at me, the shy man/boy twinkling in his eyes. "Would you...," he looked down and fidgeted a little, then set his chin and stood, reached for me and swept me into his arms. Without another word he carried me into the master bathroom, set me down carefully and drew a bath for me. As the tub started to fill he took a step towards the door.

"I'll just leave you..." I grabbed his hand.

"Don't leave me," I whispered, unbuttoning my soiled nightshirt. He looked away, nodding, and so I reached for his face and turned him to me. "No need to look away. Help me, please?" He gazed into my eyes as I finished removing my clothes, and held my hand as I stepped into the tub, fully naked in front of him for the first time. But it didn't feel sexual, it felt... right.

Edward took a large sponge and, never dropping his eyes from mine, gently bathed me with lightly perfumed soap. He was excruciatingly tender as he ran the sponge over my body, washing the remnants of blood from my hair, using his hands to gently clean my face, eyes locked the entire time. The care, the love was palpable, running back and forth between the two of us as we took part in the sensual dance of nurturing. I knew it would be the single most intimate moment we would ever experience together. My body vibrated with need for his, but my mind basked in our love, the love we'd both waited for, unknowingly, all our lives.

He held out his hand and I grabbed it and stood, while he brought warm towels to carefully dry my body, worshipping me with his hands and his eyes. I slipped my arms into a silky robe, and as soon as it was tied I looked back up at him, wrapped my arms around his waist while he gathered me in his, and reached up as he bent down, our kisses long, slow, and lingering, and full of promises for another time.

Then Edward reluctantly released me from his arms and, grabbing my hand, led me back to the bedroom, to the desk, encouraging me to sit. On the desk was an envelope, my name on the front, written in Eli's handwriting.

"He left this for you. I'll leave while you read it."

I looked up at him, and smiled at his stoic expression. "Don't go, stay with me." I squeezed his hand before releasing it. Carefully, trying to control my strength, muscles trembling with my attempt to rein them in, I opened the envelope.

_Bella,_

_There are things I wanted to write, things I wanted to say to you, but the result would be nothing less than more hurt, more anguish, and so I'll refrain. A choice has been made for both of us, and I will go to my grave regretting how I failed you when you needed me most. I know I don't deserve it, but I hope you will, with time, forgive me._

_But I also carry away gifts from you. I carry away the gift of the beauty you let me see, both in yourself and in the life around us. I carry away the gift of your compassion, your intelligence, and your wit. I carry away the gift of my eyes reopened, and the understanding that although I tried to convince you to escape from the world with me, that escape was not right for either of us. Perhaps it took Alice to push me, perhaps it took the strength of your character for me to see I couldn't possess you._

_As I write this, I've made no decisions about my future, except that, for now, I'll accept the hospitality the Cullens have once again offered to me. As much as I'd like to think otherwise, their offer of protection is a gift I must also accept. I'm not done with my time in this world yet, and thinking pragmatically needs to be a new part of who I am, who I must become._

_And now, my blessings for you, Bella, for whatever it's worth. I spent all my life resenting my father, but the most poignant lesson of this entire affair has been that life, as we see it from our own little corners, isn't the only perspective. I understand now why he did what he did, and I'm grateful that, although he couldn't provide for me, he protected me. What happened to you has driven that point home, far more than words ever could, although I'll always regret this is what it took for this particular lesson to be imparted. He's a good man, Bella, and I can finally say I'm proud he's my father._

_So, Bella, try to be good to him, too. What goes on now between the two of you is not my place to judge. But he's been a lonely man, sacrificing his needs for the needs of everyone else. I'd like to see his long, lonely vigil come to an end._

_But again, it's not my place. Just know that I'll always love you, in whatever form I can give it, and however you can accept it. And when the day comes, and I know it will, that you can withstand the pounding of my heart and the blood in my veins, I'd love to see you again, if for nothing else than to hug you and call you my friend._

_Start this journey well. Nothing was taken from you — instead, see it as a gift. There is much this family can teach you, there is much my father can teach you. There are no better role models, anywhere. _

_"There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow.  
If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come,  
it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come.  
The readiness is all."_

_Hamlet said it far better than I ever could._

_And no matter where our paths now take us, know I will always love you._

_Elijah  
_

_

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_

**A/N**

*FM hands around boxes of tissues*

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances. Books really REALLY beat me up over this chapter, pushing me to make it better and better. Obviously, she stole her whip back.

Alicedances is incredible, cleaning things up, keeping me straight, being a cheerleader, cleaning things up again, questioning me, cleaning...

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. And squirrelporn. Seriously.

And thank you thank you for the reviews!

Edited to add a little note...nope, the story is far from over...


	16. Taps

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah. At the moment, Eli is heading down I40 with Esme and Rosalie. His cell is on in case you want to ask him to...er...stop by. Edward is (looking at Edward) busy.

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Chapter 16

Taps

_**Bella**_

The hummingbirds were like flying jewels, each its own unique shade of iridescent green, or blue, or orange. Some had bright white breasts, and some were more subdued. I watched them out the window from my perch on the couch, my hand in Edward's, our fingers intertwined as if we were holding each other to Earth, as if in a puff of smoke one or the other would disappear, and we'd find this was no more than a dream.

But for right now, the birds held my attention because I realized their wings were no longer a blur to my eyes. I could not slow time, but with these eyes I could see the individual movements in their wings, and with this brain I could process it. Thus far it was the single most fascinating aspect of this new life.

And I had to keep reminding myself this was life, and my other option had been death. No question I was royally pissed when I learned neither Edward nor Eli had actively looked for me, that both were following orders from the prescient Alice. I was still angry. I wasn't comfortable with the concept that she felt she could guide actions because of this gift of hers. My only solace was in knowing Edward, by reading her mind, could see her visions with her, and could therefore judge for himself. And I reluctantly admitted there was little chance I was going to get away from either Victoria or James alive. Had Edward or Eli barged in they'd have killed me before either had a chance to get close to me, and there was also a good chance Eli wouldn't have survived it.

But I didn't have to like the idea of having my future mapped out, and I planned to make sure Alice knew my life would be lived the way I wanted, not by what she saw.

My mind constantly flew off on tangents, one thought leading to another, and then another until they led to Eli again. I felt incredibly guilty, but I was also proud of him. I wasn't so stupid as to believe he wasn't a total wreck over this, and that his words were far more eloquent than what he would have said had we been able to be in the same room. But it was a big step forward for him, most especially his acceptance of his father. I hoped someday we could take him up on his offer, sometime in the future, and be his friends. I suppose that, for now, things were better off the way they were. Seeing me with Edward would be like rubbing salt in his wounds. Hopefully, time will help heal us all.

Damn, things shouldn't have happened this way. I bristled at the notion that my choices were narrowed, due to no fault of my own. On one hand I knew my heart was with Edward, on the other I deserved the opportunity to choose for myself! I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. Erratic thoughts and easy distractions were going to be my companions as I moved through this 'newborn' period. At least, that's what Carlisle advised. The others seemed to agree.

Carlisle... the man was a font of knowledge for both Edward and me. There was so much we still had to learn, but he made himself available for any and all questions, and offered advice as he thought pertinent. I was wary of him, yet at the same time thankful for his composed demeanor, his ability to ease my fears with a few words.

Alice, Carlisle, Edward, and I were in the living room. My thoughts continued to scatter while I kept my eyes on the world outside. Edward was looking down, deep inside himself, but his hand in mine remained firm. Alice was leafing through a magazine and, like Edward, Carlisle seemed lost in thought.

I glanced over at Edward and I saw his free hand reach up and start rubbing his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't have to tell me, I knew he was feeling the pain from their thoughts. I needed to get him out of here, but there were some important issues that needed to be discussed.

"Carlisle, I have a question for you." He smiled at me, and nodded for me to continue.

I tried to come up with a way to word this in a respectful manner, and then finally decided - _what the hell._ "Carlisle, are they any other critters out there that I thought were mythological, other than us?"

His eyes opened wide, and then he started laughing. I couldn't help but grin with him — even Edward cracked a smile.

"As a matter of fact, Bella, yes. There are." He was still laughing, but it started to falter when he saw I wasn't surprised. Edward, his pain momentarily forgotten, looked intrigued.

"What are they Carlisle, and do they have anything to do with the Quileute tribe?"

"Why would you ask specifically about them?"

"Just answer, please? I'll tell you afterwards." I settled back, my hand on Edward's arm, stroking softly, trying to sooth him.

"There are two other non-human sentient species that I'm aware of. The first are werewolves, the kind you've always heard of. Change when the moon is full, perpetuate their species by biting humans. Pretty much matching what's commonly said about them, but they're only found in Europe, and their numbers have dwindled over the centuries.

"The others are shape shifters. The shape shifters I'm aware of are the Quileute tribe. Historically, they only shift into wolf-like beings. It's a genetic pre-disposition amongst certain tribal members."

I nodded my head, thinking about what was shown to me — Jacob with sharp teeth. Jacob was a member of the Quileute tribe, son of one of the elders.

"Because we've lived in Forks a couple of times, in different eras, my family has had a treaty in place with them for quite a long time. We stay off their land and do not hunt humans, and they leave us alone."

"So they're aware of the existence of vampires? Why would you need a treaty with them?"

"Their primary purpose is to protect the tribe from vampires."

Now that was an interesting bit of information. Since Edward had been in the area, on and off, since I was seven years old, were they aware of him?

"The treaty is only with your family?" Carlisle nodded.

"Shouldn't they have noticed Edward was around, before you returned to Forks?"

"I met with them when I returned, with the new generation of elders, to ensure the treaty was still in force. If they had noticed him, I'd assume they'd have told me – but they said nothing. It has, however, been several generations since the gene activated in any of the tribal members. Threat seems to be what prompts it, so perhaps Edward was never perceived as one. Of course, I also wasn't aware he had been there..." He gave Edward a puzzled look. "What were you doing in Forks?"

"Another time," Edward softly answered, looking down, his brows pulled down, squeezing my hand a little tighter. Just a little longer...

Carlisle turned back to me. "Why are you asking, Bella?"

I sighed; I would have to talk about my experience during the change, eventually. Right now, I only wanted to talk about what was pertinent.

"I saw some unexpected things during my…transition."

"I had been meaning to ask you about it. You were unusually quiet. Didn't you find it to be painful?"

"I did at first, and then most of the pain disappeared." Carlisle nodded for me to continue. I decided to give him the short version.

"I don't know how to describe it. I saw…myself, but as I am now. She, myself, talked to me, and told me it was time for me to regain some memories. The primary aspect of the experience was reliving detailed memories of my life, including things I saw and dismissed, not remembering at the time. I saw something, something that disturbed me."

Carlisle interrupted me. "Bella, the most common concern with the transition from human to vampire, aside from pain, is loss of human memories. Are you saying your memories are not only intact, but enhanced?" I nodded.

Carlisle, clearly puzzled, turned to Edward. "Is there any change in your inability to hear her thoughts?" Edward shook his head.

"There's a change for me," a new voice said from the corner of the room. We all turned to look at Jasper.

"When I first met Bella I was able to gauge her emotions, but now there's nothing. It's almost as if she isn't there."

_What the..._ Jasper could feel emotions? "Jasper, explain to me — what can you do?"

"I can both feel and influence emotional states. I can't seem to do either with you now, although I could at least feel you when we met earlier."

Carlisle looked thoughtful, I felt relieved. Shit, I was having enough difficulty dealing with the changes in myself. The idea of having to deal with intrusive abilities on the part of others… I was more than satisfied to know I had full control over what influenced me from the outside. Edward couldn't read my thoughts, Jasper couldn't read my emotions... now all I needed was for that girl to leave my future alone.

Hmm, what else hadn't they told me? Can Carlisle do 'special' things? Can the others? _Can I?_ I stared at Jasper, and he unabashedly stared back. I could feel tension rising in the air, the sense of the air thickening, moving towards me as the strain on his face started to show. It was almost funny. I imagined Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western music in the background, 20 paces at high noon. I grinned at Jasper's attempts, Alice watched us with amusement. Edward, privy to Jasper's thoughts, watched with growing alarm.

"Leave them alone, Edward," Alice said quietly. "He won't hurt her. Jasper simply needs to be convinced she really is blank to him." Edward turned to her, anger showing on his face when she smirked back at him.

"I figured out how to block you, you know." She grinned. "No one gets to know before Bella does." She gave Jasper a gentle look. "Give it a rest, it won't work." He let out a breath, and turned away, scowling.

Emmett had been watching with puzzled fascination, but seemed to know this family well enough to realize they'd tell him what they wanted, when they wanted. I couldn't understand why he'd be satisfied with that, but maybe that was his special talent. The ability to accept things. Pounding his fist on his massive thigh, he stood and grabbed Jasper's arm, pulling him to his feet.

"Let's go pick up Eddie's car and get out of their hair." Edward glowered at Emmett over the nickname, and Emmett flashed his dimples in return. "Remember, when things settle down I'll have the car transferred to your name, and you can get the money to me when it's safe."

What? Why was Edward's car going to be in Emmett's name?

"Emmett, it may be none of my business, but why the shell game with car ownership?"

Carlisle turned to me, answering for him. "Because all of Edward's accounts are new. If he immediately bought a car this expensive I can guarantee the authorities would be investigating him." Yup, should have thought of that.

"No big deal, Bella. It's not like I'm hurting for money. Maybe I'll charge Eddie interest." Emmett laughed at the look on Edward's face while he strolled out the door with Jasper, dragging Alice with them. Shaking my head at his antics, I had to agree — life goes on, and it would have looked suspicious to the outside world if they delayed too long before picking up a car already paid for — especially when said payment was made in cash. Edward already made it clear he didn't intend to leave my side until he was certain all danger had passed, and I was fine with that.

"Back to what you were saying before we were interrupted," Carlisle said to me. "What did you see that disturbed you during your change?"

"I saw an old…friend. Someone who is Quileute. He looked… different. That's all." When I didn't say anymore, Carlisle nodded his head. He seemed to understand I didn't intend to be pushed.

"Well, let's give this time. It'll sort itself out eventually, although if you don't mind, when you're ready I'd like to spend a little time talking with you, discuss what happened during your change in detail."

"However, now that the others are gone, I do need to ask you a difficult question, as a doctor." I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows.

"Did those nomadic vampires, did the male..." Carlisle looked nervously at Edward. "Did the male sexually assault you prior to the woman infecting you with venom?"

Edward stiffened, his breathing stopped. "No, Carlisle." I turned to Edward, my hand lifting to his face, stroking along his cheekbones. "It never got that far."

Carlisle nodded, then started fidgeting, rubbing his hands together. Here was the doctor I knew before I left Forks, but now that I knew the truth I found it hard to see the old acquaintance in there. Maybe it would return in time.

"Bella, I know this is the last thing you may want to think about right now, but," he hesitated, taking a deep breath, "we need to plan what the world is told, and we need to do it now." I frowned at him, not quite getting what he was talking about. "We need to plan your 'death'."

Damn, I hadn't considered that.

"I'm going to suggest we make this as simple as possible. Congaree National Monument is near Columbia." I nodded for him to continue. "I don't know if you've been there, but it's a swamp. Visitors navigate a raised boardwalk above the water. Mangrove trees are everywhere, and so are alligators."

"I suggest we take your car and leave it in the parking lot. We can then scatter some of your clothes among the mangrove roots, including the contents of your wallet." It hadn't occurred to me before this, but I was now a non-person. Isabella Swan had to die.

He looked at me sadly. "They won't look long if they think you slipped off one of the raised boardwalks..."

Control yourself, I kept repeating in my mind. Edward squeezed my hand while I tried to keep my emotions in check. I supposed Carlisle was right, this had to be done, and it had to be done quickly. But, _wait a minute..._

"Are you telling me I'll never be able to see my parents again, never be able to see Angela and Ben again?" Carlisle nodded, sympathetic, but firm. "Okay, I understand why I can't let them see me, but I'm sure I can lurk around, hanging from trees if necessary. See my parents one last time, see Angela again..."

I started planning it out.

"I have some savings, I'll arrange to keep paying rent on my apartment, email everyone, tell them I'm... taking continuing studies and can't get away from..."

"Bella, the risks are huge. This is the only way."

"What risks? I'll just be careful, that's all. I can stay here, they won't have to know a thing."

"Bella, you can't risk the Volturi."

Volturi? I remembered that name. James mentioned it. In fact, that was the only time he showed any fear. I looked over at Carlisle, making it clear I wanted an explanation.

"They are an old... coven. They enforce the few laws we have."

"We have laws? Was anyone going to bother enlightening me before I wound up in a dungeon somewhere?" Edward sat up straight, shock all over his face. Looks like this was a surprise to him, too.

"No dungeons," Carlisle said. "There's only one law, and one penalty. Death." Edward and I looked at each other, and turned back, as one.

"And what law is that?" we said at the same time.

"Revealing the existence of vampires to humans."

Well, that certainly sucked. Hey, wait a minute.

"What about me?"

Carlisle sighed. "You, Bella, were a huge risk. But we didn't expect Eli to tell you that about himself and," he turned to Edward, "until Alice saw it, we didn't expect Edward to reveal himself to you. After that, we decided to count on your discretion. We were going to tell you about them but, well, things moved pretty quickly."

I considered his words, and fucking had to accept that, once again, I was boxed into a corner. I won't see my parents again. I won't see Angela and Ben again. My life is now this family and nothing else. Although I'd never had a large circle around me, it was one more nail in that coffin, reminding me of how much I was stripped of, how my future narrowed down to this single path, and it was the only one in which I still — existed.

And then I heard the whisper from next to me. "I'm sorry," Edward breathed, his quiet voice cracking. I closed my eyes and nodded my head.

"I know," I answered.

"Bella, we're going to have to time your 'death' carefully." Carlisle continued. "I've already been in touch with Esme. When she and Eli arrive in Forks she'll make sure he's seen by as many people as possible. When I know he has an alibi, I'm going to ask you to email Angela — making sure you include information only you would know, so there's no doubt it's you." Mention you plan to head over to the swamps, how much you're looking forward to seeing the primeval flora and fauna. Once that's done, we'll leave your car at the swamp and plant the evidence. Timing is critical, I don't want the possibility Eli will be suspected of… killing you."

The impact of what happened rushed in on me again, but mentioning Angela tempered it.

Here I was, whining about choices, when Angela was willingly giving up everything, all of her choices in life, to be with Ben, to love him. Ben, a victim of epilepsy and its side effects. A man already presumed to have a shorted life, left sterile from both the illness and the cocktail of medications used to control his seizures. And not a single complaint passed her lips — or his, for that matter. I looked over at Edward... Could I do the same? Could I be as selfless? Could I accept all that had happened to me, all I had lost?

My mind wandered again... 15 years old and that bastard Jacob. What would have happened if that encounter never happened? Would Edward have approached me as an adult? What would my life have been like if I didn't feel the need to run away from Forks?

And then I smiled to myself. Would Edward have stayed, and maybe met the Cullens? Based on Alice's arrival at the High School, it appears they showed up shortly after he left.

I thought about Jacob again. I wondered what had happened to him. I wondered if he'd become one of those wolf-things. I wondered what would happen if I met him today... as I am now. I smiled even more at that thought. _Bet he wouldn't sneer at me now._

Sudden movement caught my eye and I looked over at Edward, rubbing his temples in pain. He was too much of a gentleman to complain, but I needed to get him away from the voices in his head. Now.

I stood, still holding his hand and dragged him to his feet. "We'll see you later," is all I said as I pulled Edward out the door. As soon as we got about a half mile from the house, Edward breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Isabella, but I don't want to limit your time with the others. It was easier when it was just Carlisle."

"It's no problem, just be honest and tell me when it gets to be too much, okay? There's no need for you to be polite about this. I understand, I really do." I reached up and kissed his cheek, and then looked down at the forest floor as we strolled through the trees.

I could appreciate his pain, because I was battling my own need for control. There was wildlife all around us - or at least whatever hadn't noticed us and run. I could hear thousands of beating hearts, the rush of blood threatening to overwhelm me. After my experience with my first hunt, I knew this was something I was going to have to learn to control as quickly as possible.

Earlier today, the first question they had asked, after Edward and I had left the bedroom, was whether or not I was thirsty. I wasn't thirsty; I just had a very sore throat, not unlike a good case of Strep. They informed me that meant I needed to feed.

_Feed._

Not eat, not drink — _feed._ It sounded like slopping a pig or giving grain to cattle. I mean… couldn't they call it something else?

So they led me outside. All of them. Edward on my right, Emmett on my left, Alice and Jasper in front, Carlisle behind. Why? To make sure someone was close enough to try to catch me in case I smelled a human. There was something inherently embarrassing about all of this. I'd rather just take an aspirin and call it a day.

But that's when I noticed the sounds – everywhere. Small hearts and large hearts. The great whooshing of blood and the small trickles. And all of it was…enticing. I started trembling, my head whipping from side to side as we entered the deeper forest.

"Aw Bella, aren't you cute? Just like a puppy out on your first walk," Emmett snickered while I glared at him. "What color should your collar and leash to be? Or would you prefer spikes?"

The idiot wasn't giving up. "Can I call you Tiny?" Edward glared at him too. "Is Rover better? How about Tiny Rover?"

I pulled away from the buffoon and moved closer to Edward, but I was still damned embarrassed every time Edward had to grab me as I kept turning in the direction of the occasional possum, or doe-eyed squirrel, or a fat woodchuck. Then there was that finch that flew by...

Of course, Emmett kept laughing his ass off. My new attitude was…_screw him_. I was a newborn, I was strong, and I didn't need him distracting me even more. I made a promise to myself. There'd be payback.

And then I smelled the doe, and my mind went blank except for the burning desire, the need. It had a large heart, it had lots of blood, I could smell the heat. I was barely aware of Edward running at my side as I hit the clearing and jumped on it. It kicked me, I didn't even feel it as I latched onto its neck and just…sucked.

Feed. An apt word for this, even if I didn't like it.

Edward squeezed my hand, bringing me back to here and now. I took a moment and went inside my head, looking for… me. Looking for that control I knew I could find in there. Somehow in my mind I could find answers to what happened before, and surprisingly, I could also find the calm, the reconciliation to what I was now. If I needed to eat this way, instead of with a fork and knife, I could manage to deal with it.

But I'd like to call it something else. Drink…eat…not feed. Yeah, I knew it was stupid, but hey, it helped. I looked over at Edward, and thoughts of anything else left my mind.

_**Edward**_

It was becoming more difficult to maintain my focus. The lovely woman walking next to me, her soft hand in mine, consumed my every thought. I had thought Isabella was beautiful before, but it paled in comparison to the creature at my side. Her face had taken on an exotic beauty – sharp cheekbones, lips plumper and painfully alluring. Her body was that of an athlete, still delicate and petite, yet I knew she was deathly strong. But it was her eyes...

I hadn't expected it, and a quiet inquiry to Carlisle explained it. They were bright red, glistening rubies that were alien, yet at the same time, beautiful. Inside those eyes was the same Isabella, my… mate. The woman I wanted so much I burned with need.

Yet this was no casual thing, no moment of despair and distraction. This was the woman I wanted by my side for the rest of my existence, and I found myself struggling with the proper way to approach this. Should we marry first? Dare I even ask her? We'd only just started courting, propriety said it was far too soon. And I absolutely had to consider the horrible ordeal she had just experienced. I loved her, and to not give her time to adjust, to recover from the trauma of her experience, would be abominably selfish.

But everything that made me who I am was drawn to her. I already thought of her as my wife, would she feel the same? What was the right thing to do?

I was drawn out of my confusion by a tug on my hand as Isabella led me into a small glade. Only around 10 feet in diameter, it was a secluded spot of deep springy moss and overhanging trees shading us and hiding us. I walked her over to a tree, and sitting down with my back against it, I gently guided her down next to me, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as she snuggled against my chest. It was peaceful, it was _right_. I could stay like this forever.

"What was it like, Edward?"

"What was what like?"

"Living alone all those years." She snuggled closer and I had to force myself to focus on her question.

"It was difficult, I won't deny that. But it was more difficult to have hundreds of alien thoughts in my head." I looked at her, her eyes cast down and a frown line appeared between her eyebrows. "But it became my way of life. I read when I could find discarded books. You'd be surprised what you can find in the mountains, around abandoned campgrounds, donation bins on the outskirts of small cities. That's how I found clothes, shoes..." I stopped.

"But I don't need, nor want pity. I chose this life and I was not overly unhappy, mostly lonely. That loneliness ended when I first saw you, as a little girl, and my over-riding need to protect you gave me purpose." I smiled to myself, remembering the beautiful child, who grew to be this beautiful woman. I ran my hand up and down her arm, feeling the constant tremble when I was anywhere near her, the need to get closer, the driving need for my body to find hers. Sitting like this, with Isabella in my arms, it almost sated me. The raging fire subsided to burning embers, as if the molecules in our bodies were aligning, vibrating in harmony, singing with its partner, finally discovered.

"Edward," she whispered, "I'm not certain I'm comfortable with the idea all of my choices have been taken from me. That extends to feeling as if I had no choice in love. I'm not saying I don't love you..."

I squeezed her tighter. I had thought about that. In fact, I'd been thinking about it constantly and reached my own conclusions. Perhaps she'd agree. "Isabella, do you really think anyone, human or vampire, has a choice about love?" This time when I looked down, she was looking back up at me, those beautiful ruby eyes gazing softly into mine. "I was a very young man when I was turned, and known little about love from personal experience. But from all I remember reading as that young man, both in fiction and through the philosophers, I've come to believe one doesn't choose who one decides to love. One falls in love, sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes for the wrong reasons." I grazed my hand over her arm again. "I don't think we've lost that choice any more than any other lovers have."

Bella stayed quiet while I stroked her arm, feeling the silk of her skin under my fingers.

"What do you think this is between us, Edward? This pull, this physical need."

"I don't know anymore than you do, except for what Carlisle told me." I looked down, and she was staring at me, expecting an answer.

"This is not something a gentleman says without reservation," I mumbled. She just snuggled closer, expecting me to explain.

"Carlisle says we're mated."

"Is this a vampire thing, too?"

"Apparently not exclusively, since Carlisle told me we were... mated... before you were..., well, you know." I let out a breath. "I think, maybe...I don't know..."

"Soul mates," she whispered. I looked at her, never having heard the term.

"Two people meant to be together. If you believe in reincarnation, they often find each other, life after life."

"Far too mystical for my upbringing, but I suppose it sounds right."

"So, Edward," she grinned up at me. "Do soul mates still have to court?" Scooting over, she placed herself on the ground between my legs, her back against my chest, leaning her head against my shoulder while I wrapped my arms around her waist. I kissed the top of her head and ran my nose through her hair. I laughed softly.

"If this was my time, the time when I was born, we'd probably court for a couple of years. That would mean a chaperone, no more than holding hands." I squeezed her against my chest. "Is that what you want me to do?" I smiled as I placed my cheek against her silken hair.

Isabella groaned. "I'm willing to compromise," she said, dissatisfaction evident in her voice. "You can call it courting, but the rules are modern." She wiggled, loosening my arms and spinning around, straddling my lap and faced me. _'Slowly,'_ I said to myself as the embers ignited, knowing that with less than an inch of movement she'd know how deeply she was effecting me. But I couldn't resist sliding my arms up her back, and diving into the crook of her neck, breathing deeply. Her scent was all passion now, no blood to distract me from the wonder of her sexuality.

I had not told Isabella the full truth. Resisting her blood was far more difficult than I had revealed — it sang to me anytime she was near. But her life was so incredibly dear that I would resist her blood with every ounce of my self-control. And now... there were no distractions. I ran my hands up her back, feeling the strong and sinuous muscles covering steel, and realized, emotionally as well as intellectually, that I could no longer hurt her.

"I love you," I whispered into her neck, my body starting to tremble with need as I felt a shudder run up and down her spine. I so desperately wanted to take this slowly, to allow her to lead. I did not want a repeat of the time in the kitchen — I wanted Isabella to feel my love, not just my passion. This was the start of what I hoped to be eternity with her, and our first steps were precious, a memory to relish for all time as we built upon these early days.

"Why, Edward? Tell me why you love me," she sighed, her hands running along my shoulders, her fingertips pressing along my muscles as she leaned her head into me.

_No sooner met but they looked;  
No sooner looked but they loved;  
No sooner loved but they sighed;  
No sooner signed but they asked one another the reason;  
No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy;  
And in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage..._

"Shakespeare understood the progression, Isabella." I ran my nose to her ear, licking it, savoring the flavor of her skin. "My love for you goes beyond mysticism, and mating, and the draw between us that existed from the first day we set eyes upon the other." I wove my fingers into her thick hair, letting the soft strands slide along my palms, bringing my fingers up to gently massage her scalp. "You're clever without being vain, Isabella. You see humor when others don't, drawing us into your joy with you." I kissed her along her neck, taking small tastes, no longer able to resist the perfume of her skin. "You understand me without my saying a word, you watch for my needs. You've cared from the moment we met, face to face, and every kindness you showed me was noticed and treasured."

I returned to the crook of her neck and breathed deeply, pulling her closer to me, my heart swelling with love, my body craving her, my soul wanting to unite with hers.

"I want to give you what you've missed; I want to wash away the pain of the years. I want to show you love freely given, no demands in return." Her body was trembling, I could scent her arousal drifting on the air around us, tendrils swirling around our bodies as I fought to remain in control. Unable to resist, I kissed and gently licked her neck, and then along her jaw, needed to feel her lips, to taste her mouth.

She pulled back abruptly, startling me, then soothing as she raised her small hands to stroke my face. Those silken fingers drifted down over my chin, over my neck, and then back to herself as she dropped them, and slowly unbuttoned her linen dress. My eyes were locked with hers, glittering jewels yet soft and full of desire. Her hands dropped away, not removing her dress, but allowing it to hang open between us, a thin line of pale skin uninterrupted from neck to waist, no further undergarments to remove, a precious flower waiting to be explored. Her hands returned to my face, her fingers gently moving along my jaw to my lips.

"My dear Edwardian gentleman," she whispered, a lovely smile gracing her lips.

"No, not a gentleman. A gentleman would not have his lady in such a compromising position."

"Then be my lover. Extend to me the same tenderness and consideration you show to everything, and everyone, in your life." She broke from my gaze, looking down at her lap. "You've given all of yourself to everyone else, and have taken nothing for yourself, until now." She looked back up at me. "It's time to stop wandering this Earth alone." She laughed softly while cupping my cheek. "I won't be perfect, and I have a shitload to learn about being a vampire." I laughed with her, dropping my hands to her waist, drawing her closer. She lowered her eyes and sighed. "Show me what it's like to be loved, Edward, truly loved for who I am, imperfections and all." She raised her eyes and looked at my lips, inching closer to me. "Let me love you with everything I have, while I hope I can do justice showing how I feel about you." She leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine. "Let me take away the pain of all those lonely years," she breathed against my lips. With those words, the last of my self control fluttered away.

I grabbed the back of her head and crushed her lips to mine, tasting her sweetness, her perfection while my other arm wrapped itself around her waist and pressed her to me. I could feel her breasts flattening against my chest, her hard nipples against my skin and oh god I moaned into her mouth, running my tongue along her lips, needed to taste, needing to feel.

This was different, nothing like I had ever felt before, even with Isabella. All of my senses were assaulted by her, by her essence, and I suddenly realized why. I had no fear. I couldn't hurt her, Carlisle assured me I couldn't impregnate her — I was free to love her, cherish her, give her pleasure. Make her mine as I became hers.

I broke away from her lips, running my tongue down her neck, nibbling along her collar bone and down her chest, parting her dress with my nose, kissing and tasting the swell of her breast. With one arm around her back I brought my other hand forward and gently cupped her other breast through the thin fabric of her clothes. Isabella moaned my name and arched into my hand. My trembling need grew to a fever pitch as I moved down and kissed her hard nipple, then opened my mouth and drew her in, my tongue swirling, tasting while I softly sucked, her moans growing louder, her body arching impossibly closer to me.

She was perfection, the embodiment of woman, of all a woman could be to me. Her body, her mind, her soul, her scent surrounded me, driving me forward as I grabbed her by the waist, lifted her and laid her back on the soft moss, my mouth unable to leave her breast, my hands frantic in their need to explore this exquisite creature. Her arms wrapped around my neck, into my hair, scratching against my scalp as she whimpered in pleasure, drawing me closer, telling me her need was as desperate as my own.

All thoughts of being a gentleman left my mind as my world narrowed to a single focus as Isabella's lover. To be the best lover I could, to give her pleasure. My hands shaking uncontrollably I managed to undo the last of the buttons of her long linen dress. I pulled back for a moment, Isabella's glittering eyes on mine as I slowly drew the dress apart. She wore no undergarments at all, clothed in the beauty that could only be hers. If I could, I would have cried at being allowed the pleasure of seeing her. Aphrodite come alive as my eyes roved her perfect porcelain skin, her small yet full breasts, her narrow waist, the flare of her hips and her long, strong, sinewy legs, leading down to slim ankles and small feet. She brought her eyes to mine, and with the grace of a dancer she sat up, slipped her arms out of the dress and reached for the buttons of my shirt.

Bella's breasts mesmerized me with their changing shape as she moved her arms, the hard pink nipples calling to me. I remained frozen as she slid my shirt off my arms and moved her hands down to the buttons on my trousers. One by one she slipped the buttons through the fabric, reaching up to kiss my neck and oh god, her tongue slid down my chest while with a gentle tug, managed to pull my trousers past my hips and arousal. Reaching with her toes she grabbed them and slid them the rest of the way down my legs.

As lovers, as husband and wife should be, Isabella and I laid naked, facing each other, all pretenses gone as we gazed upon our bodies, both trembling in trepidation at what was to come. I grazed my hand down her legs while I leaned over and captured her lips in mine. Slowly I drew my hand up until I reached her, tentatively stroking the wetness, feeling myself grow impossibly harder as I realized how ready she was for me, that her body wanted mine as desperately as mine wanted hers. I pulled my hand away and her eyes opened, giving me a loving smile.

"Please Edward. Please make love to me; I don't want to wait any longer. I want to know what it was always supposed to be like." I nodded and kissed her again, sliding over her, knowing it would be perfect only because it was us, and that it would become more perfect as time went on, as I had better knowledge of how to please her. But for now, we were two almost-virgins, our love washing away the remnants of anything that came before. I settled between her spreading legs as she grabbed me and guided me to her. Nodding her head and pressing her thighs against me, she lifted her hips, asking me to enter her.

Flames shot through my body as I slowly entered her tight, slick warmth, rumbles coming deep from within my chest as matching growls vibrated through her throat, her hips rising higher, her legs lifting and wrapping around my waist, pushing me in even further. Oh god, it was heaven, our bodies matching, vibrations reaching harmonic tones as I could hear the music of our love, lost in each other, in our scent, our minds, our taste as we made love, as the sexual act became secondary to the joining of our souls, reaching heights of rapture as Isabella and I truly became mates, as we united for all time into one body made of two.

Holding each other close, breathing hard, we kissed softly, touching each other reverently, eyes open and lost in each other, naked for all the world to see on the mossy ground within the protection of the trees, gazing in wonder at what we had found. "I love you, Isabella. I will love you for all time," I breathed into her mouth. Caught in the taste and touch of her lips, I heard it and gasped, pulling back in shock while gazing into laughing eyes. A small and quiet voice had whispered in my mind.

_I love you, too, Edward. Now, and forever._

_

* * *

_

**A/N**

Not a whole lot i need to add to this...**  
**

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances. And I'd also like to take the opportunity to thank my wonderful reviewers for all of your words, especially your words of encouragement. I'd even like to thank you for your questions. The immediate feedback is what I love about publishing in this forum. You guys are fantastic.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. And squirrelporn. Seriously. You should see the squirrelporn collection, especially Douglas' nuts.

And thank you thank you for the reviews!

Edited to add this note: Nope, the story isn't done yet. Both Bella and Edward still have issues they need to resolve, especially Bella. Can't always end chapters with cliffies. :-)


	17. Lovers and Other Strangers

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

Sorry for the delay, but for some reason they actually expected me to work, while at work. Then there was this whole sleep deprivation deal.

Don't worry. Edward's working on it.

* * *

_Holding each other close, breathing hard, we kissed softly, touching each other reverently, eyes open and lost in each other, naked for all the world to see on the mossy ground within the protection of the trees, gazing in wonder at what we had found. "I love you, Isabella. I will love you for all time," I breathed into her mouth. Caught in the taste and touch of her lips, I heard it and gasped, pulling back in shock while gazing into laughing eyes. A small and quiet voice had whispered in my mind._

_I love you, too, Edward. Now, and forever._

Chapter 17

Lovers and Other Strangers

_**Bella**_

Holding him in my arms, in that lovely little glade, for the first time in my life I felt whole. I ran my hand down his back, the smooth skin with rippling muscles just under the surface mesmerizing me as I closed my eyes, lost in the perfection of the feel of his hips cradled between my legs. I sighed and opened my eyes, and the shock on Edward's face made me giggle, until I realized there was a wary tightening around his eyes. Maybe this wasn't the best way to let him know.

"Edward," I reached up and stroked his cheek. "It won't be all the time, just when I want to, or when you'd like me to. I'm sorry if I frightened you, I wanted to surprise you."

"How did you do that?"

"Please, Edward, please don't worry." I felt a moment of panic. I didn't want something like this to drive us apart.

"How, Isabella?

"I don't know. Everything's so new. It's like a... switch of some kind. During the transition… it wasn't a dream. It was sort of like a lesson in the workings of my mind, that I'd now have more control than I did as a human. That my memories when I was human could be more distinct, more complete." I tried to figure out how to turn more of the experience into words, so I could accurately describe what happened.

"I was given words about control, and so I thought maybe that also meant I could have control over access to my mind – that's how I was able to block Jasper. I didn't even need to visualize anything; I just decided not to let him in. It's hard to explain…But I wanted to surprise you. I guess I can decide when to let you in, too." I looked down, away from him. "I was hoping you'd like it, being able to hear me that way on occasion, for you to know there's no editing."

He brought his hand to my face, put his finger under my chin, and tilted my head up so he could meet my eyes. He gazed at me, his focus shifting from one eye to the other as he took in my words. Finally he broke into a smile and kissed me tenderly, letting his lips linger, his tongue tracing the outline of my lips. "Hearing those words come from your mind, Isabella, adds a depth to them, a level of honesty that had an impact I hadn't expected." He ran his lips across my jaw and to my neck, his breath tickling me as his tongue teased my ear lobe. "You've just offered me the best of both worlds, love," he breathed into my ear. "Sinking into your mind when you grant permission, the quiet and delight of guessing your hidden thoughts when you don't. I love you, Isabella, with all my heart.

I grabbed his head and pulled his lips back to mine, opening my mouth and breathing into his, languishing in his incredible taste. The sun was setting, and the light in the glade had changed, slanting through the trunks of the trees instead of filtered by the leaves. I looked around in wonder as I saw rainbow reflections shimmering in the grass, scattering among the trees as the last of a dying day's sun cast itself upon us both, multicolored lovers tangled in the grass, learning a primitive dance, bodies pieced together, hands and lips insatiable.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered. Then, wrapping my legs tightly around his hips, I shifted us, moving his long, lean body under mine. We were still connected, and so I started to move over him, my body stretched taut, slowly rotating my hips as the setting sun washed its rays over us, over his hands cupping my breasts, our lips caressing each other's skin, setting us on fire both inside and out.

My linen dress wrinkled; but once again covering my body, Edward clothed, but with his shirt left unbuttoned, the two of us finally emerged. Hand in hand, we walked through the cooling air of the darkened woods, crickets chirping in the grass around us, the occasional whoosh of soft owl feathers in the forest canopy as the great birds took flight to either escape us or show us their own skills as predators. We came across the parking area before the trail to the house, and there, next to Emmett's monster jeep and my old Civic, was a car that shone in the moonlight. Midnight blue, low and swooping lines, its fabric top up to keep out the damp night air, it cried out its beauty so even I gaped, let out a low whistle, and, grabbing Edward's hand, rushed up to see his new toy.

He was clearly pleased, his young face unnaturally matured by his unnatural years broke into a smile that reminded me of every little boy at Christmas, and ran with me to see his first acquisition with the money he didn't know he had.

"Edward, it's gorgeous!"

"It is, Isabella. They did well. Eli did well." He ran his hand along the aerodynamic curves, his smooth skin sliding over the perfect paint. "I wish we could..."

I grabbed his hand. "Soon enough, soon enough. We're going to have a blast in this." I peered over at him and grinned. "I hope you like to drive as fast as you can run." I giggled and took off, flying through and around the trees, a laughing Edward on my heels. A fallen log was in front of me and as I bunched my legs and flew into the air, I was grabbed from behind and brought down, rolling in his arms. The two of us laughed like children, kissing like lovers, teasing and tickling until we were both out of the breath we didn't need, our chests heaving as he pinned me to the ground, our arms simultaneously wrapping around each other hugging for dear life. I knew if I could have I'd be crying, my chest exploding with joy and wonder that I had to die to find life.

Edward was the first to spring to his feet and held out a hand. I grabbed it and pulled myself up. And with arms tightly around each other, grins on our faces that nothing could erase, we walked up the porch steps and into the house.

The house was quieter than we expected, surprising both of us. Then we saw the note tacked to the inside of the door. They'd all gone hunting. Edward and I were alone.

He turned to me and grabbed my hand. "A shower seems like a good idea, don't you think, Isabella?" He smiled and led me to the guest bedroom, nodding toward the bathroom. "Ladies first."

"Oh no, you don't." I pulled him into the bathroom with me. "It's my turn to help you get cleaned up." I laughed, sliding his shirt off his shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. Leaning forward I kissed his chest, smiling when I felt his shudder.

"Isabella, uh... maybe I should just..." His respiration started to pick up, and I realized the poor man was shy about his body.

"Shower with me, Edward." I smiled, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll close my eyes if you prefer." He sighed, and wrapped his arms around me, deepening the kiss.

"Only if you keep that promise, love."

I turned my back on him and reached for the shower knobs. He got there first, one hand turning the water on while the other arm slipped around my waist. Edward buried his nose into my neck and breathed deeply. Then he brought both hands around and started undoing the buttons on my dress. I leaned back against his chest and let him work without interference. When he finished, he slipped the dress down my shoulders and placed a kiss on the back of my neck.

"You get started, I'll be right there," he whispered. I heard the sound of his zipper being lowered, and as much as I wanted to turn around and look, I gave him his privacy and stepped into the shower, raising my face to the hot water.

The sound of the water hitting the tile walls changing pitch alerted me to Edward stepping into the shower behind me. His hands slid around my waist and up to my breasts, tenderly cupping them and stroking my nipples. Smiling in triumph, I put my hands over his and raised my head, searching for his lips. He smiled down at me, capturing my lips in his as he continued stroking my breasts. I opened my eyes, gazing upon this gorgeous man, water running rivers down his hair, over his face, sliding over and between the two of us. I marveled at his wet eyelashes, making them seem even thicker, surrounding eyes that sparkled with joy. I could feel him hard behind me, pushing gently against me, his breathing growing ragged as my own picked up.

"Show me, Isabella," he whispered into my mouth. "Show me what you like; show me how to pleasure you."

I took his hand and slid it down my stomach, between my legs. His long fingers started to stroke and I cried out, reaching around to grab his neck while his free hand wrapped tightly around my waist, supporting me as my legs gave out. I'd never felt anything like it, he had done nothing more than touch me when my nerves exploded with pleasure. I turned around in his arms, his hard length trapped between our bodies, and gaped at him in awe. I couldn't help but notice the smug look on his face.

"How, I mean...is this a vampire thing?"

He shrugged, the smug smile a permanent fixture on his face.

"I wouldn't know. Now it's my turn," he grinned, sliding his hands down to my bottom and lifting me up, pushed me against the wall. "May I?" he asked. I answered by wrapping my legs around his waist. He found my lips and slid his tongue into my mouth while he slowly slid his length inside me, trembling, oh so slowly, letting both of us feel every inch as he held me tighter, pushed me harder against the wall, and growled with pleasure.

"I can't get enough of you," he groaned into my mouth, his lips kissing along my jaw, his tongue licking the water off my neck. I felt myself wind up again, his thrusts getting faster, his growls getting louder. He held me and pushed, his head buried in my neck, again and again until both of us tensed. My legs clenched tighter around his waist as I arched into him, crying again in outrageous pleasure. He thrust with all his power into me, grabbing me and pushing me into him and shuddered against me with a feral snarl.

Both of us panting, we pulled back and gazed at each other, both smiling, eyes sparkling. I brought my hands up to his face and pulled him to me, grazing my lips against his.

"I love you, Edward." He trembled as he drew me impossibly closer, his face in my neck, holding me as I grasped onto him.

"I love you beyond reason, Isabella. I didn't hurt you, did I?" I shook my head as he just held me, deep shudders rippling through him, feeling as if he was crying. I burrowed my face into his neck and breathed in his heavenly scent and just held him to me, the water splashing around us as we silently celebrated the discovery of each other.

Sighing deeply, he picked up his head and tilted it towards the door. He turned back and gave me a quick kiss.

"I'll get our clothes, love. They've returned."

The five of them were at the dining room table, its entire surface covered with maps as they traced routes with their fingers, looking to Alice for confirmation on each road chosen while she sat quietly, gazing inward. As we entered the room, Carlisle looked up with a smile and invited us to sit with them. I definitely hoped that smile wasn't because he'd overheard anything. Edward grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Good to have a mind reader around.

"We're planning the best route out of here, through the least populated areas, the ones that will be safest for Bella."

"We're doing what?" I felt myself start to bristle, and reached deep inside for any self-control I could find. "Where do you plan on taking 'Bella'?" I asked, trying to keep the sarcasm from dripping too much.

Carlisle dropped his smile, and leaned back in his chair. "You're right, I'm sorry, Bella. I just assumed, but I shouldn't have."

"Assumed what?"

"Assumed you'd realize you can not stay here. This house may be isolated, but it's not nearly isolated enough. Lake Murray is a short run from here, Columbia isn't much further." He leaned forward, addressing me only. "You have an unusual amount of control for a newborn, but I promise you – first whiff of a human and all that control will be gone. You're going to need to live in a far more remote location for a while."

I looked over at Edward, who simply shrugged. "Isabella, I have no experience upon which to base this. I have to bow to Carlisle's expertise in this matter. In my own case, I was first able to avoid humans easily because of the pandemic, and then naturally avoided them because of their thoughts. If what he says is true, this may be the best for a time." But he quickly added, "Of course, your decision is final." Smart man.

"And where did you have in mind?"

"I own a cabin in the western mountains of Montana. It's comfortable, and the wildlife around there is plentiful."

Edward looked affronted. "Carlisle, we can't just move into your house."

"Bella, Edward, I own dozens of homes around the world. I promise you, this is no imposition and even though you have the means to buy something yourself, there's no time. Save your money for afterwards, when the two of you can choose your location and buy what you want and not be rushed into something."

Edward reached over and took my hand, the expression on his face telling me it was my decision. Of course, that's when the other reality hit. I was 'dead.' Whatever money I did have was no longer accessible to me. I almost laughed at that, because I could bitch all I like about it but the truth was staring me in the face. My IRA couldn't be accessed, my small savings account as well. I couldn't even use my credit cards, although the idea of not having to pay them off left me somewhat mollified.

"I wish I could offer something for the housing fund. The truth is, even if I could access my accounts, the $35.98 in my checking account wouldn't add much."

"We share, Isabella. It's not as if I earned this money. Okay?"

I reluctantly agreed. It irked the shit out of me, but I didn't really have a choice anyway.

"I promise, when we buy a home you and I will do it together. As I haven't had a home since I've come into this life, it seems fitting my first will be with you, chosen by us." I smiled and gave him a soft kiss. I keep forgetting this man has made do with almost nothing, for a very long time. I need to stop acting like a bitch and accept things a little more graciously.

"Excellent," Carlisle grinned. "And the herds of bison from Yellowstone tend to wander through the valleys up there. It's always nice to have something different on the buffet."

Everyone laughed, even me until it really sunk in. It was going to take some getting used to. I liked Buffalo. They were cute.

"Damn, almost forgot." We all turned to Emmett who reached down for a package on the floor, next to his chair. He handed the package to me.

"Before he left, Eli asked if I would get this film developed when we picked up the car, and so..." He looked at our shocked faces. "Didn't you know about this?"

Edward and I looked at each other, unsure what to say, where to begin. I raised my eyebrow in silent question, and Edward shook his head no – he hadn't told them. The story of Sarah was still only known by Edward, Eli, and me.

I took the package as if I was handling a bomb. I wasn't certain what had been on the film, but I knew we had to look at the photos. I opened the flap and slid out the inner sleeve, scooting closer to Edward as I pulled the stack of photos free and started looking through them.

The first were simply nature shots, close ups of plant life and interesting patterns in rocks and cliff sides. I was starting to relax, thinking the whole roll would be like this when I came across the first photo of Edward.

I sucked in a breath. I knew these photos were 13 years old, but Edward looked exactly the same. They were candid shots, he definitely had no idea someone was taking photos of him. Taken with a telephoto lens they were simply pictures of him walking through dense forest. But I couldn't get over Edward. I mean, he looked _precisely_ the same as now.

"Edward, we really don't age, do we." I suddenly had 6 pairs of eyes staring at me, like I'd just asked if the sky was blue." Carlisle cleared his throat and shot the others nasty looks.

"Bella, there's a lot to catch you up on, and we'll have the time during the drive as a good start. But to answer your question, no, we don't age."

I nodded, numb, and looked back down at the photos. I was dumbfounded at the concept of not aging, staying at 28. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. Deciding I'd think about this later, I started to shuffle through the rest of the photos - and came to an abrupt stop. If my heart was still beating it would have frozen in that moment.

It was a shot of... a woman? I took a closer look, yes, it was a woman, but she barely looked human. In fact, it looked like a color photograph of a concentration camp survivor. She was holding one arm out, apparently holding the camera. Dressed in rags, her face was gaunt, cheeks sunken and lips chapped and bleeding. What could be seen of her arm was covered in welts and bruises. Her eyes had dark circles under them, immense pain radiating even through the photo. She was filthy, but what stopped me was her huge belly. The woman was massively pregnant. I couldn't understand how a body could be that swollen and not explode.

I gulped.

This was Sarah, and it must have been taken shortly before she died in childbirth.

Edward's eyes grew wide, and then he grabbed his chest and looked away. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know how. I couldn't stop staring at this woman, Eli's mother, at this image of this dying woman — and how close I had come to this fate myself. I peered over at Alice. Maybe I should give her more credit.

"What is it?" Emmett asked softly, scanning both our faces. Everyone had stopped what they were doing; even Alice came back to the present, as curious as the rest of them.

"It's a long story," I whispered, hoping to keep Edward from having to go through the pain of repeating what we had read in the journal. "We found some of Eli's mother's belongings. It seems she was a professional photographer for National Geographic. There was a journal record of what happened to her, and a camera. This was the film that was inside that camera." I had a thought. "Excuse me for a moment."

I got up and went into the bedroom I had shared with Eli. I was right. In his haste to leave he had left the journal and the camera. I grabbed both and brought them into the dining room, and handed them to Carlisle.

"Please give these to Eli when you see him. They were his mother's." I took a deep breath. "She wrote this journal for it to be read, for people to heed the warnings in it, but I think it's more appropriate for Eli to show it to you. As for the photos..." I hung my head, unsure what to suggest. Part of me wanted to burn them, but I couldn't do that.

"Isabella?" I looked up at Edward. "I know these will cause him more pain, but we don't have the right to hide them from him, to make the decision for him. He has the right to them, they were his mother's." I nodded, he was right, but I didn't have to like it. My heart broke at the thought of doing anything to cause him more pain, but they were rightfully his. I slipped the photos back into the sleeve, than carefully placed them back into the envelope.

"Please give these to Eli," I said to Carlisle.

Carlisle nodded. "We should be on our way." He handed me a laptop. "There's WIFI access in this house, set it up where you like, and get that email off to Angela, okay?" I nodded. "Hold on to the laptop as your own. The cabin is remote, but there's a satellite link so this will be useful for you there, too. Maybe you can show Edward how it works. He really does need to learn to function in modern society." He looked at Emmett. "It's dark enough. Let's take Bella's car to Congaree and plant the evidence."

Edward and I agreed to allow Alice and Jasper to pack our clothes and anything else we might need. Edward got busy helping Emmett drag our things to where the cars were parked, and I found a remote corner of the bedroom and powered up the computer.

My email to Angela was brief, and painful. What do you say when you know it's the last time you'll be in communication with your best friend? I decided I needed to focus on telling her I was happy, somewhere in there sneaking in a comment about Ben's illness that I know I was the only one privy to, outside of the two of them. If there was nothing else I could do at this point, I had to make sure Eli was safe by giving him an airtight alibi. My mind wandered to James and Victoria, and I shuddered. I prayed we were all safe from them, most especially Eli – the most vulnerable of us.

I was about to power down when I had an idea, and with a small grin on my face I typed "Jacob Black" into Google. Thousands of choices came up, so I narrowed my search to Jacob Black Quileute. The first link looked right, so I clicked on it.

I didn't expect my emotional reaction when I saw his face smiling at me through the screen. Handsome and rugged, with the same cocky look in his eyes that was there last time I saw him. Seems he was now an attorney, and right there, on the web site, was a photo of his office, Black and Associates, LLC. It was a renovated home in Port Angeles, but designed to look affluent and ostentatious. Large plate glass windows, brick front, elaborate landscaping, and a jaguar parked in front. The text mentioned he specialized in representing a variety of Pacific Northwest tribes in their negotiations with various state authorities in the setting up of gaming facilities on tribal land. From the look of his office, it appeared Jacob was making good money off the tribes, and I felt a hint of discomfort at the thought. I found myself wondering what his father thought of that, wondering if he was still living in that modest cottage. I suspected his father might be, but Jacob was not.

A few more searches brought up some sites about federal investigations into Jacob's activities. There were a number of ongoing investigations into unscrupulous practices and bribes, but thus far Jacob was successful in diverting all investigations back to tribal authorities, keeping the feds out of it. Invariably, the tribal nations were dropping charges. There were even records of complaints made to the Washington State Bar Association that seemed to have vanished into thin air. The whole thing appeared odd. I was powering down when I remembered that image, of Jacob with pointed teeth and a feral gleam in his eyes. I shook it off; I had to make it through this move first.

I closed the computer and returned to the dining room, placing the laptop into its bag, and glanced at all the maps scattered around the table. It looked like we were going to take every back road that existed between South Carolina and Montana. The drive might take weeks.

"Three days." I turned to Alice, who had entered the room behind me, moving to my side and glancing at the maps. "Remember, no pit stops except for gas, and with no sleep we can drive all night." I nodded. I forgot sleep was no longer necessary. "I'm so glad to see you adjusting so well, you're an extraordinarily controlled newborn" she said, a huge smile on her face Maybe I'd been too hard on her. I remember her being pleasant to me during those nightmare years before I left high school. I thought back to that photo of Sarah, and couldn't help the shiver that ran through me.

"Alice, I'd like to thank you for all you've done to help me."

She smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "No problem, Bella."

"But I did want to let you know I hope to run my own life, without constant prompts and advice."

Alice sighed, and nodded. "I know you feel that way; I'd feel the same way, too. It's just… well, it's hard to stay quiet. Sometimes I feel as if I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't." She shook herself and put on a big smile. "But I promise you to stay out of things unless you ask, unless they're life or death." She giggled. "You know what I mean."

I smiled and took her hand and squeezed it. "Let's get past this, okay? A friend would be good, especially a female friend."

"Speaking of which..." She dragged me into the living room and onto the couch. "The guys are busy, so let's chat for a moment." Her eyes sparkled, and I found myself wondering if she had any friends herself, other than Rosalie. I couldn't see Rosalie being that close a friend to anyone.

"Is there anything you need to know about…you know, woman's stuff?"

"What?" I laughed. I hadn't thought about that but hey, this was a good opportunity. I grinned at Alice. "Well, I'm going to guess I no longer have a monthly issue, and since I haven't felt the need to pee since I woke…"

"Nope, no peeing, no pooping, no monthly stuff. Life is pretty much simplified. You don't even need to wear underwear if you don't want to, and bras are now no more than a fashion statement or for modesty if you feel the need." She bounced up and down on the couch. "No support necessary, no tissue breakdown." I laughed, thinking about my dress and my complete lack of undergarments. Edward apologized for forgetting them. I smirked.

"How did you get used to the difference, the change?"

She shrugged. "I didn't." She looked away from me, out the window into the dark night. "I don't remember being human."

Didn't remember? "But you weren't born this way, how could you not remember?"

Alice shrugged and looked down at her lap. "I don't know, Bella. I woke up like this, no memory of what I was before, and able to see the future." She played with the fingers in her lap, her usual buoyancy gone for the moment. "I kept seeing visions of Jasper and went off to find him. I'm not sure how sane I'd have stayed if I hadn't found him, and if he hadn't helped me. Carlisle and his wife, Esme, are the other ones I'd had visions of, and Jasper came with me to look for them. I've been with them since."

"How long ago was that?"

"Over 50 years ago."

I stared at the petite woman in front of me, a woman who could easily pass as a 16 year old if she wanted to. In fact, she had. She was at least 60 years old. Suddenly the idea of forever took on a new meaning, as I realized I had this unlimited time staring at me. A very long path to live a life, many lives, with Edward at my side. Time to learn, time to do things, time to do almost anything.

I thought back to Jacob again, to his affluence built on the backs of others, of everything he had done to me, of his willingness to so cavalierly toss away a decade long friendship. There was now time enough to deal with him, too.

I heard the sharp intake of breath next to me as Alice suddenly gasped.

I smiled to myself.

* * *

**A/N**

Dum dum duhhhhhhhhh

Join us next week, friends, for the further adventures of Eddie and Bella, as they joyfully romp and generally giggle their way through a change in species. Bella, that is. Eddie was already there.

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances. And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words, including the WTF's.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. And squirrelporn. I drag out Barry Manilow on occasion, and then they beat me up. Come just to count my bruises.

And thank you thank you for the reviews!


	18. Magical Mystery Tour

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

* * *

Chapter 18

Magical Mystery Tour

_**Bella**_

The air was cool and clear, and even without enhanced vision I would have been able to see for miles. I stood at the top of a mountain, the small cabin behind me, and everywhere I looked I saw blue-tinged peaks soaring high above me, some capped with snow, others hidden in clouds. I smiled when I heard the sound of snow crunching under his feet, knowing the next thing I'd feel were two strong arms coming up behind me and wrapping themselves tightly around my waist, followed by a quick kiss placed on my head before it was tucked under his chin.

We were in Western Montana, in the Bitterroot Mountains. With the exception of the possibility of a stray hiker, we were hundreds of miles from civilization.

**

The cars were already packed when Carlisle locked up the house, set the alarm system, and when he gave the nod we all wandered down the trail to the parking area. Emmett's Jeep was there, towering over Edward's new car. Edward and I raced for the driver's door, assuming he and I would ride together — and we were really looking forward to checking out this baby. It turned out Eli recommended this Aston Martin Vanquish, and although that didn't mean a lot to either of us, a quick check of its specifications on the net had both of us anxious to see what this car would do. Edward had just opened the door for me when Carlisle stopped us.

"That won't work."

"What won't work?" I glared at Carlisle.

"Edward's car is a two-seater. If anything happens, if we encounter a human, Edward won't be enough to hold you."

I looked up at Edward, all 6 feet and 2 inches of him, with god only knew how many pounds on me, and snorted. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Bella, you're a newborn. The truth is, you're stronger than any one of us. The only way for this to work is for you and Edward to ride in the Jeep with Emmett and me. Jasper and Alice will take the car."

Edward and I looked at each other, both pouting like disappointed children. Okay, I reminded myself, we have eternity in front of us. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"It's fine. We'll have a lot of time to enjoy it." He examined the Jeep door handle and opened it for me, proud of himself that he figured it out without asking. I hopped into the back. He followed, closed the door carefully, and took my hand.

The drive was pleasant. There was so much to look at as we took all the back roads. I'd loved to have had the top off the Jeep, feel the wind in my hair, but I also understood why they thought it would add another element of risk. Although the fabric wouldn't have stopped me, it might have given them the warning they needed to restrain me. It's so odd to think of myself as both this strong and so potentially out of control.

"Bella, Edward, I know you may think this is Eli's place, but may I ask you a question or two about what you learned about his mother?" I looked over at Edward. He nodded his head.

Edward leaned forward. "Sure, Carlisle, just understand that, well, if I feel I can't..."

"I completely understand," he assured him. "The most important question I have is, did you learn why she doesn't appear to have sought out medical treatment? I'm assuming she didn't, or she wouldn't have died that way..." He trailed off, looking in the rearview mirror and catching Edward's eyes. "I'm sorry, Edward. I truly am." Edward leaned back and looked out the window. I gave his hand a squeeze. I hated to see him tortured over this.

"Carlisle, I know what I did was wrong, on so many levels. But I just didn't know it was possible..." He trailed off.

"None of us did, Edward. I told you that."

Edward shook his head. "Regardless, I can't absolve myself from culpability here." He was still looking out the window when I turned to him. In my mind's eye, I had a clear vision of Jacob, refusing to accept any responsibility for his actions, juxtaposed against Edward, who took on that burden without complaint. I found myself inspired to emulate him, to have half the compassion this man has. This is what love is about. It's about finding someone who gives you a reason to love them, to respect them. It should be obvious, but putting it into practice in your own life was what's hard. We all look for love and think we've found it before we have. I was so ready to settle before I found this remarkable man. I started playing with the hand held in mine, stroking his fingers when I heard Edward take a deep breath.

"Carlisle, this was why I dedicated my life to guarding Eli, at least until he reached adulthood. It was the least I could do. In retrospect, it's a good thing I did." He took another deep breath. "You see, Carlisle, it would appear his mother didn't seek out medical treatment because she was held captive."

"Do you know by whom?"

"Two vampires seem to have taken an inordinate interest in her."

Carlisle nodded his head, staring out the windshield as he drove, but I could see the corners of his mouth turn down in a frown. "Do you know why?"

"I believe they were curious to see what would come from her apparent pregnancy. According to her journal, they saw me in a compromising position with her..." I felt his tension, and I squeezed his hand tighter and brought it to my lips, giving it a light kiss.

"Edward, were they... I mean, is there any way you might know if they were the same ones who..."

Shit. I hadn't discussed any of the details of what had happened to me. All they knew is what Alice told them, however her "sight" worked. Time to clue them in.

"Yes, Carlisle, they were the same ones," I said. Edward gasped and turned to me.

"How do you know, Isabella?"

I squeezed his hand tighter. "Because they told me their names, and they were the same as the ones in her journal. Even if they hadn't, they matched her description of them."

Carlisle cleared his throat, which was such an oddly human gesture. I took this to mean he wasn't comfortable with whatever it was he was about to ask.

"Bella, do you know why they kidnapped you?"

"They planned to try to create another hybrid. Another one like Eli."

"They told you this?"

"Yes. Victoria wanted a baby."

Edward wrapped his arm around me and hugged me close. Although I hadn't given him this particular detail, I can only assume he saw some of it in Alice's visions.

Carlisle shifted in his seat, looking at me before turning back to watch the road. "And they intended to use you? Why you?"

I sighed. "Because they knew Edward was a mind reader, and they overheard our conversation about how he couldn't hear my thoughts. They assumed that meant I had some sort of talent, and since James thinks he's a tracker, if he was going to go through all this trouble he wanted the best shot at a talented baby."

I heard Carlisle mutter something that sounded like a curse, but I couldn't believe I heard that right. Maybe I did- Emmett turned and looked at him in shock.

"Do you know why they let you go?"

_Let me go?_ Is this what he considers letting me go? "Carlisle, as you can see, they didn't just open the door and shove me out."

"Bella, I'm sorry, that was insensitive."

"It's okay," I huffed. "Look, Victoria started getting paranoid about James impregnating me." I heard a strangled sound coming from next to me. "She wanted the baby, but was afraid he'd enjoy the process too much, afraid he'd want to keep me."

"But you wouldn't survive the process...didn't she know that?"

"Victoria is certifiable. I mean, I know I'm not a professional, but that woman is nutty as a fruit cake. She's unstable, her mind constantly wandering, her moods swinging all over the place. She decided to get rid of me, that I was a threat to her, but told me she'd first fix it so I couldn't have children either. She thought that was a more fitting punishment than killing me."

Edward pulled me closer to him and I snuggled deeply into his side. Thinking about this left me feeling more vulnerable than I was used to feeling. I didn't like it, but I could also admit I needed his comfort.

"I think she drooled venom onto my head, into the open wounds," I whispered. "She also spit in my face, right into one of the gashes, during one of the times she was the most agitated."

Edward ran his hand over my cheek.

"That explains the two small venom scars on your cheek," Carlisle said. "Venom would be the only thing that could leave a mark on your skin after transformation. The wound on your head is covered by your hair."

Edward looked thoughtful. Pulling away from me, he drew his collar away from his neck to show me. Sure enough, he had a scar from a bite. I felt the top of my head. There was a small raised bump, but that was it. The small marks on my face were barely noticeable. I used to have old injury scars that were worse.

"Bella, do you think they may try this again?" Carlisle asked.

"Absolutely. It's one of the reasons I intend to go after them and stop them. The other reason is, well...I'm sure you understand why." I grinned.

"No, Bella."

_No?_ I could feel fury start to build, and this time I didn't feel like controlling it. Sitting up straight, I glared at the front seat. "Carlisle, who the hell are you to tell me what I can and can not..."

"This time I can, and will," he interrupted. "You're in no shape to mount a search for them, and won't be for the next year or two. This can't wait that long."

"So what do you plan to do, hmm?" I was boiling.

"I plan on getting them stopped as soon as possible, before they can try this again. I'd heard rumors about these two nomads, and word the woman was unbalanced. I didn't realize it was this bad. I plan to contact the Volturi and let them handle them."

"They'd do that?" I was shocked. Yeah, they'd told me about them, but I really didn't think of them going around the world, stomping out problems in the vampverse.

"Yes. James and Victoria are a glaring risk to the secrecy of our world. I have no doubt they'll take immediate action.

"But, Bella, I do want you to know I'll be careful when I report this to them. I don't want them to know about Eli, or Edward for that matter. I'll tell them I found you in the middle of your change, and that you gave me details after you were conscious. I'll mention that James, from what he told you, appears to be a tracker. They'll welcome the challenge."

"They can catch a tracker?" Edward asked. "That talent was going to cause us problems, why not them?"

"Because they have one of the best. Actually, he probably is _the_ best. There is no possible way James will escape him. I think the trick will be to convince them James needs to be dispatched immediately, and not have him returned to Italy, and Aro..." Carlisle was busy thinking.

Now this was getting interesting. "Who's Aro, and why don't you want James meeting him?"

"Aro is one of the three brothers, one of the Volturi. His gift is similar to Edward's." I noticed Edward straighten up to listen. "The differences are, he needs to touch the subject to read their mind. But once he does he can read and store every memory, every experience that person ever had."

Edward let out a breath. "Quite different, I'd say. I don't get more than surface thoughts."

Carlisle nodded. "You can see then why I'd rather not have James and Victoria make a personal appearance before him. If he's dispatched by one of their guard, Aro won't learn about Eli, or you."

Edward relaxed back into the seat, and drew me close to him again. "How can they... dispatch them? How can we die?" I asked.

Carlisle glanced at me in the rearview mirror. "If you're dismembered and burned, or your head removed from your body and burned, that ends your existence. We're quite flammable; therefore we're very careful around fire." That explained Victoria's fear of the candle, and how insane she was to even have a flame around her in the first place. Too bad I didn't know this before; I could have used it to get away from them.

Conversation trailed off at this point, and it became pleasantly quiet in the car. Edward hummed softly while I snuggled under his arm, thinking it would be the perfect time to take a nap, if that was possible. But I did close my eyes and relax, and tried not to feel too disappointed that I wouldn't be the one to take care of the gruesome twosome.

But there was always Jacob. No one was going to deny me that. No one.

We'd driven over 24 hours when Carlisle's cell phone rang. After a brief conversation he pulled off the road. Curious to see what was going on, I turned around and looked out the rear window. Jasper and Alice were right behind us.

Carlisle hopped out of the Jeep and walked over to Edward's window. "Want to try out that car of yours? Alice guarantees no humans to bother Bella, and it's a good, flat spot for a driving lesson." Edward's smile was huge as he nodded and opened his door. Coming around my side of the Jeep, he opened the door and offering a hand, helped me out. Like I needed the help. Still, I loved his old fashioned manners. That was definitely not something I intended to train him out of. Twenty-first century men could take lessons from him.

It was nice to be out of the car. We were on a dirt road in the North Dakota prairies, and the air was dry and fresh. Wheat fields, ripe and ready for harvest, were waving in the breeze on both sides of the road. Edward walked back to his car as Alice and Jasper climbed out. "I know how to drive, but it's been a while," Edward said as he ran his hand over his toy.

Jasper walked over to the passenger side. "You're going to love it, get on in. Alice says we can do a few miles up the road and back with no danger to Bella."

Grinning, I watched Edward slide into the driver's seat, and after some instructions from Jasper, he pulled onto the road, the engine purring and an enormous smile plastered on his face as he passed me, his fingers wiggling at me as he drove by.

I took a deep breath, enjoying the scents I never noticed before. I could smell the wheat, the rich earth, the musty scent of the worms beneath the surface.

That's when I smelled it.

I could be starving or dying of thirst — throat parched and stomach grumbling — and a steaming steak dinner served with pitchers of cool, clear water wouldn't have been this enticing. A Godiva chocolate factory wouldn't smell this good. I took another a deep breath, and liquid pooled in my mouth. Is that venom?

Alice strolled over to my side. "That's a human, Bella, about a good mile away." The wind shifted and the scent grew stronger. My mouth watered even more and I could feel my body start to tremble. No...I will control this.

"I wanted to you experience the scent when you're far enough away to be able to maintain control. Remember it, the feel of it, the venom pooling in your mouth. You can learn to control it, not let it control you."

Understanding what she was doing, I reached deep down — into myself, into my mind — looking for that control, that assurance I could do anything I set my mind to. Closing my eyes, I burrowed inward, finding the strength I needed while, at the same time, finding more memories.

It was a rare crystal clear day in Forks, and my dad and I were fishing with Jacob and his father, Billy. We were young, and so giggly. Jacob's face was sweet and round, fleshed out with baby fat and wide, carefree eyes. I stared at my memory of this child, remembering why we were such good friends. Like siblings, we whispered our secrets and covered for each other when we got caught in our mischief. The bond of loyalty between us was vast, and I was convinced it would always be this way. I pulled away from the memory, a little sad and a little angry, and wondered what the hell had happened to him.

When I emerged, my trembling had stopped, and although the scent of the human was still enticing, I felt far more control over myself. It was kind of like being on a diet when offered your favorite-in-the-world foods while your stomach growled in anticipation. I could resist. I glanced around the prairie, wondering if there was any celery...er... deer around.

The cloud of dust in the distance pulled my attention away from humans, and deer, and celery, and then the car appeared out of the dust, barreling down the road — the engine roaring and laughter ringing over it. Oh Edward, if I could hear you laugh like that all the time…. This poor man deserved joy more than anyone I'd ever known. I ran over to him as he climbed out of the car, giggling when he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me in the air, swinging me around while still laughing.

We were going to have so much fun with this car.

Late the next day, we finally arrived at the cabin, but cabin seemed to be an inadequate description. Granted, it was smaller than the South Carolina home, but it had two bedroom suites with Jacuzzis in each, a gourmet kitchen, a huge stone fireplace that took up one wall of the living room, and a small, antique pot belly stove in the corner. After what they'd told me about fire, I decided any heat would come from that. I mentioned it to Edward, who heartily agreed.

"But, do we really need to heat the home? It's not like we need it."

"The house does, Edward. If you don't heat it, the pipes will freeze. Bella, do you mind taking a short tour with me? There are a few idiosyncrasies about the cabin you need to know about." I grabbed Edward's hand and dragged him with us. It would be a good opportunity for him to learn a few things about modern structures.

**

I leaned back into his chest and took a deep breath, his unique scent mixing with the crisp mountain air sent a shiver down my spine. It's been five months now, and I still couldn't get used to how I felt when I was around him. We had eternity stretching before us, and I suspected that feeling would never fade.

There were times I missed my humanity, but those times were becoming fewer. I never would have imagined love could be like this, so all consuming, so blissful. And Edward — I would never have pictured him this happy. He always had a smile on his face, and when he wasn't outright smiling, the corners of his mouth were always tugging up. We talked, we laughed, we played. I introduced him to computers, and to modern books, and to modern film. His delight with Monty Python surprised me until I realized his sense of humor could be as twisted as my own. We were two pieces fitting together. I couldn't believe we had actually found each other. And I couldn't believe we hadn't found each other earlier. So many wasted years, especially for him.

But I didn't forget my plans, either. On occasion, I'd surf while he read, always returning to articles about Jacob Black, about various scandals. Nothing was sticking, jurisdiction kept reverting to the tribes and charges kept being dropped. I didn't understand this. I knew his father — he was a man of honor. I knew many of the elders. If there was any truth to these charges, would they just ignore them?

Edward's arms wrapped tighter around me, and I snuggled deeper. I'd think about Jacob Black another time.

"Want to take a walk, love?" I nodded into his chest, pulling out of his arms and grabbing his hand.

"Any place in particular?"

Edward pointed to one of the taller mountains. "That peak? The view should be spectacular."

I grinned. "I'll race you." He knew that was simply code for 'let's run!' Even as a newborn, I couldn't match his speed.

We ran down our mountain, into the valley, jumping over boulders and logs when we saw them — and stopped to watch in awe. One of the smaller herds of bison was moving through, and since neither of us currently felt hungry, we were able to appreciate these majestic animals. It was if the animals knew we weren't a threat at the moment. Last week it had been different. Edward and I had shared an old bull, relishing in his sweet and plentiful blood, leaving the carcass for the scavengers. There was no risk of discovery or questions in this remote location, and it gave us the freedom to take only what we needed and leave the rest for the others. For the first time, far more than when I was a human, I felt a part of the food chain, a functioning participant in the ecology of this planet. I loved it.

The adults kept a watchful eye on us and their calves, but as all prey animals, they knew they were always at risk, and learned to live around it. They grazed as they trudged through the valley, the scent of their heavy musk assaulting both of us, swarms of flies, like a cloud, following the herd. We both grinned as we watched the calves, toddling along, keeping up with the cows. Arms tightly around each other, we watched and waited, not moving until they were well past us, then descended into the valley before scrambling into the foothills of the mountains on the other side.

The wind was wild, and although I knew it should be bitterly cold, I felt no discomfort at all. We were above the clouds, the sky a deep blue and the white puffy cotton clouds below us. We sat on a ledge and watched for small breaks in the cloud cover, allowing us to see past them, down into the valley and to the other mountains above us. The view was like ones I've seen from airplanes, yet it wasn't. We were still, the Earth and all its wonders spread out below us. I suddenly felt the urge to travel, to see the world.

"One day, love, when you can, we'll travel." I wasn't surprised; I so rarely needed to let him in for him to be able to read my mind. We were completely in tune with each other. It was rare that either of us wanted to do something that didn't agree with the other. Sometimes I felt as if I was living inside a fairy tale.

"Isabella, did you know Carlisle not only saved and invested all of my parents' funds and assets, but he also managed to retain certain items he thought I might want? He gave them to me before they left. Things like my father's watch, his pipe, things of my mother's..."

"Edward, that's wonderful! It's been so long, did you remember them?"

"Some, not all. But there was one item... I'm surprised how clearly I remembered it." He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "I'd like to give it to you, if you're willing to accept it."

I shook my head. "I can't take anything that belonged to your parents, you know that. They're yours, you should keep them."

"This one item would do me little good for myself. It's meant for me to give away."

I looked at him confused. "I suppose if you want to give it away..."

"Only if you'll accept it."

He was confusing me even more. "Edward, I don't understand."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. I noticed he was trembling.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he chuckled. "I'm nervous."

I reached over and gave him a quick kiss. "You have no reason to be nervous with me." I nudged his shoulder. "Just tell me."

He took a deep breath. "I know I'm going about this backwards, so I hope you don't feel as if my intentions are any less sincere, or heartfelt." He reached over and took my hands, keeping something palmed in one of them.

"Isabella, I love you. There never has been, nor will there ever be another for me."

"And I love you, too, Edward. We are, after all, mated. Isn't that what Carlisle called it?"

"Yes, love, we are." He looked into my eyes. "But I want more."

He opened his hand, and inside was a small diamond ring in a filigreed gold setting. "This was my mother's. I would like it to be yours." He let go of my hands and reaching over, he stroked my cheek. "I am asking if you'll be more than my mate. I'm asking if you're willing to become my wife, to take me as your husband, to wear this ring."

I couldn't stop staring at the ring in his palm. Mating is not a choice, but marriage is. My throat felt thick, the way it used to before I'd start crying, but I knew no tears could come this time. I looked back up at him, at the man who had changed my life, who had given me everything I might ever want. Who loved me, and whom I loved.

I nodded, trying to form the words. Finally I was able to breathe a quiet "yes," and with a huge smile on his face, he took the ring and slipped it onto my finger.

"I love you, Isabella. That word doesn't do justice to how I feel, but it's the only word I have." I grabbed his hand with my left one, now adorned with his mother's ring, and brought his palm to my lips. I kissed it softly, trying to put everything I felt into that one kiss.

He sighed, drew his hand back and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me tenderly. It was a chaste moment, as it should be. We sat on that ledge, his face in my neck, and mine in his, as we breathed each other in and felt the magic of our love continue to bind us together.

Still wrapped around him, I thought of his words before he proposed. "Edward, you really don't remember much from when you were human?" This seemed so odd to me. I remembered more now, and more clearly than ever before. Carlisle told me my experience was virtually unknown among vampires, but I still couldn't imagine losing so much.

He shook his head against my neck. "I remember fleeting glimpses, vague impressions, but very little more than that."

Still holding him, keeping my nose buried in his neck, taking in his rich scent, I wondered if I could give him a gift. I retreated into my mind, looking for that control. That concept was such a large part of what _she_ had tried to explain to me during my transition. Could I? Would it be possible? I tentatively opened my mind to Edward, the first time since that day in South Carolina.

"_My love?"_ He gasped and started to pull back, but I held onto him tightly. _"Shhh, I want _you_ to think this time, try to tell me your thoughts."_

"Isabella," he said aloud. "It doesn't work that way, love."

I needed to focus on our connection, so I continued to talk directly to his mind. _"Edward, just try it. Think about your parents, think about your home. Let your mind drift there. Relax into me, my love. Just hold me and relax."_

I could feel him trembling, but he stayed still, holding me, his nose buried against my neck. I hummed sweet melodies in my mind as I felt his body start to relax. Trying to reach out, I followed the threads of his mind back to him. Using him like an anchor, I crawled back along the way he came. And then I saw them.

"_Edward, my love, it's a living room. No, a sitting room. Light colored upholstery, needlepoint designs on the chairs. An older man sitting in a wing chair, his feet up and smoking a pipe. You're looking up at him, you must be on the floor. He has light blue eyes and sandy hair, and a mouth shaped just like yours. He's reading a book... so are you. Your eyes are scanning the room before looking down at the pages below you. Edward, the book is on the floor. You're lying on your stomach and reading."_ He started to tremble again. _"Look closer, you can see it with me."_ I ran my hand up his back, to his neck and then back down — long soothing caresses as I continued to dance through the shadows of his memories.

"_There's a smell in the house, the delicious smell of something baking. It's hot, the windows are open and you can hear the quiet voices of people strolling down the street. The heat from the oven adds to the heat in the house, but nobody cares, because it means a wonderful treat is being prepared." _Edward was making small sounds, almost like whimpers, as I continued to look, taking him with me through his lost memories. I hadn't yet found what I was hoping to show him.

"_Do you hear the rustle, my love? Smell the hint of perfume in the air? Watch with me, be there with me — you can see it too, can't you? Someone is coming down the hallway... there she is. Hair just the same color as yours, isn't it, my love? Look up at her face. She's a beautiful woman with a lovely smile. Eyes... she has green eyes..."_

I pulled back, startled. I knew those eyes. Edward leaned back and looked at me intently. "Isabella, my eyes were green before I was changed." I nodded, and tried to smile. He wrapped me up in his arms and this time he comforted me. As wonderful as my life was, as deeply as I loved Edward, nothing was ever that cut and dry. I had no regrets, but there's always some gray floating around. I held him tightly, and focused on the here and now, taking a moment for a small prayer that Eli was safe, and that he would find his own happiness.

"Thank you, Isabella," Edward whispered, squeezing me tighter while I smiled against him. If he wanted, I would work on helping him with his memories. I wasn't sure why I was able to do it, but that wasn't important. I wanted to give back at least as much as had been given to me. I wanted to help make him whole.

A few weeks later, we were cuddled in the living room, the pot belly stove going, giving us heat we didn't need, but it added comfort as the wind howled through the mountain passes, shaking the walls of the cottage as if it was a beast trying to gain entry. Edward was deeply absorbed in another Stephen King book — who'd have guessed he would love the horror genre? I was re-reading The Godfather. It had been years, but as I read I kept getting the sense there was something familiar about it, as if a memory was pushing at me. Then it came.

It was about a month after my 'incident' with Jacob, and it had reached the point I was hiding from everyone and everything. The looks, the whispers, the gossip were beating me down. I kept to myself at school, avoided going out all other times. I hoped if I kept to my room a miracle would occur, and Charlie and Renee wouldn't learn what happened.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Charlie called me downstairs. Sitting on the kitchen table was a brown paper bag.

"Bells, can you do me a favor and run this up to Billy Black? I promised this fish to him, but I have to run into work instead."

"Dad, I have so much homework this weekend, I really can't…"

"It'll take an hour out of your day, Bells, please? I don't want to see them rot." With that he waved and left, leaving me… holding the bag.

The drive to the reservation was a nightmare as I tried to come up with ways to do this, because I definitely didn't want to see Jacob. In fact, I didn't want to see Billy, either. I didn't know what might have been said, fearing Jacob had come up with something to explain why we were no longer hanging out. Before I knew it, I was parked in front of their house and walking up to the door — and I still hadn't come up with a plan. I was standing in front of the door when I heard voices through the open window.

"I'm just relieved to hear you're not hanging out with that skanky whore anymore. What the hell did you see in her?" There was no answer, only silence. They couldn't have been talking about…

"Hmm, Jake, do that again," the voice purred. "Bet they're bigger than the Swan's tits too, hmm." I heard a deep chuckle as the only answer. _The only answer._ Not a word to defend me, just a laugh. Bile rose in my throat. I was going to be sick; I had to get out of there, now.

I looked down at my shaking hands, still clutching the bag full of fish. I dropped it on the front steps and ran back to my truck. I quietly idled out of their driveway, and as soon as I hit the open road I floored the pedal, and got at least a mile away before I had to pull over. Running into the woods I lost everything I'd eaten that day. Sitting on the ground, on the rotten forest leaves, trying to spit the taste of vomit out of my mouth, I swore then I'd never return to the reservation. Ever.

I blinked and looked around at our living room. Glancing over at Edward, I prayed he hadn't seen the evidence of my reliving a painful memory — but he was still buried in his book. I got up and casually walked over to the laptop, and making sure the screen was facing away from him, I opened Mapquest. It couldn't be that far, especially with my ability to run and not tire. I could probably get there in no more than a day.

I had to do this. Thirteen years have gone by, and as much as I'd thought I'd moved past it, it was now obvious I hadn't. Why now? Maybe it was those newborn emotions, but I didn't think so. I think that deep down I knew I'd never be able to move forward with Edward, completely give myself to him, if I didn't lay the past to rest. I had to finally confront Jacob. I had to let him know what he'd done to me and get some closure on why he'd done it. I also needed to find out what he was doing to the tribes, why all evidence seemed to point towards criminal activity. Part of me couldn't believe Jacob would do that, but a part of me, the part destroyed by his actions, knew it was a possibility. Maybe it wasn't my business, but the elders were all good friends of my family. If their trust was being abused, I needed to know that, even warn them if necessary.

I was deep in thought, studying maps when I heard Edward get up and stretch. "I'm heading into the shower, Isabella, care to join me?" I smiled at him, thinking how much I'd like that. But, not now…

"Another time, my love, I'm in the middle of this research." He smiled and nodded and headed off for clean clothes and the bathroom.

He wasn't even out of sight when I closed down the browser, opened Word, and wrote a brief note. I didn't want him to worry about me — I had to let him know I'd be home in a couple of days. I felt a stab of guilt; I really should tell him what I'll be up to, but I shook it off. This happened before I met him, and it was something I needed to resolve on my own. I was a vampire, there was no way this twerp was going to be able to hurt me.

When I heard Edward turn on the water, I printed the note, folded it, and slipped it inside his book. There was nothing else I needed, I thought, as I stepped quietly out the front door.

* * *

**A/N**

Uh oh.

Join us next week, friends, for the further adventures of Eddie and Bella, and maybe Jacob. Or Billy. Or a sack of fish. Old fish.

For those who didn't understand The Godfather reference, leaving fish on a doorstep is a Mafia warning. "You will sleep with the fishes."

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances.

These two women are responsible for two incredible stories out there.

First, I'd like to tell you about Maybe I'm Amazed, by Alicedances. A beautiful AH that brings tears to my eyes every time I re-read it. Go read it. It's on both Twilighted and Fanfiction.

And then there's Cullenary Coupling by Booksgalore/Bookishqua – the most bizarre and hilarious twist on canon you've ever seen. It's also available on both Twilighted and Fanfiction.

And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words, including the WTF's. Especially the WTF's. What's a story without WTF's?

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. And squirrelporn. If you don't come by I WILL drag out the Barry Manilow, and then the thread goers will come after you with torches and pitchforks. You know who you are.

And thank you thank you for the reviews!


	19. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

* * *

Chapter 19

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

_**Bella**_

I reached my left hand out of the water, rivulets cascading down my arm, feeling for the top of the piling. _Got it._ Grabbing tightly, I pulled myself upwards with one hand only, because the other is holding a fish.

Bemused by my strength I lifted my body up onto the dock, landing softly on my feet. The fish was thrashing in my grip, my fingers holding it by the gills, the feel of fish slime against my skin vaguely repulsive. The fish smell and the salt from its dying gasps were revolting, but I was more disturbed by its suffering. Odd thought, wasn't that, considering I fished as a child, and now take down large mammals as a vampire? I reached down with my left hand, quickly snapped its spine, and started walking down the dock, towards the dark street, the fish now quiet in my grasp. Nearing the end of the dock, I saw exactly what I was looking for. Walking over to the trash can I found a crumbled paper bag. After emptying it of its fast food contents I took the fish and gently deposited it into its makeshift coffin. I folded the top of the bag over neatly, and continued walking.

The journey here was surprisingly uneventful. Mapquest helped me plan my route along the desolate mountain ridges. I kept myself well-satiated on deer, and for the most part never scented a human. Well, I didn't think I did. At one point, in the forests southwest of Port Angeles, near La Push, I smelled something that seemed human yet didn't — a repulsive scent over the sweet human blood that kept me from feeling any attraction at all. I got past it and to the coast at La Push. The rest of my trip was easy. I simply swam northeast into the strait until I reached Port Angeles — and stayed far away from shore until it got dark.

I breathed a sigh of relief; my teenage memories had served me well. It was a Monday evening, and almost all the bars and restaurants were closed on Mondays, allowing staff to have one day a week off. The only thing I saw as I approached the street was a piece of trash blowing down the road. Reaching down and grabbing it, I stood there, staring at it. This is what I was, a piece of trash thrown out by my best friend — but no longer. Fate had dealt my hand too many times, and I was finally making my own decisions, taking my own path. Sighing, I thought about Edward, and my note to him. I prayed he'd understand, and that he'd be waiting for me when I returned. _He'd be there, wouldn't he?_ Shit, one thing at a time. _Focus, Bella._

I stepped out onto the road, bare feet slapping against the asphalt, my shoes abandoned on a beach somewhere south of here. My hair was hanging around my face, streaming with sea water. My tan linen dress ripped at the hem, wet and clinging to my body, dripped onto my legs as I walked, leaving a damp trail on the road behind me as I stepped quietly up the street. Sniffing carefully, I let my breath out gratefully. The only scent of humans was seeping from behind closed doors. I could resist that.

The air was warmer than in Montana, but damp with the smells of the ocean and the surrounding forest. Everything felt like home, the home of my childhood, the home destroyed for me by the misspoken words of an uncaring friend — the person I was here to see.

I knew Port Angeles, it was one of my favorite haunts, and so I knew exactly where Jacob had placed his office. It was a short walk, hugging the buildings, staying in the shadows until I found the cross street, made a left off of the main thoroughfare and onto the tree-lined residential street.

Standing across the street, the building looked exactly as it did in its Internet photo. Misplaced among the lovely houses of this quaint sea-side town, it was too much, too ostentatious, and the Jaguar parked directly in front only made it worse. That ostentatious piece of garbage had to be his car, which meant he was here. Looking up, there were lights shining through the windows. Someone was in there. I could only hope the only one there was the one I needed to see.

Creeping into the street as quietly as I could, I approached the front door, reached out and placed the paper bag on the doorstep before escaping back across the road, into the shadows between two old homes. I was prepared to wait all night, if necessary. But it wasn't.

I grinned when the front door opened, and stepped back, deeper into the shadows. I could feel, could see the air move with the movement of the door, and with it came the sharp smell of something wholly repulsive, similar to what I encountered near La Push but exponentially stronger. The human blood pounding under that scent was meaningless. It made me want to retch. But then I saw him, and all other thoughts disappeared as I saw the web site photograph come to life, standing by the open door, framed by the light pouring out behind him.

Jacob was huge, much larger than he had been last time I saw him. Standing there with his russet skin and short black hair, his massive bulk adorned with what was clearly an expensive suit, he looked the epitome of the successful businessman. He was about to step outside when his attention was drawn to the bag on the steps. Smiling in the shadows, I watched him as he bent down and picked it up; looking up and down the street for whomever may have left it. I watched him open the bag and look inside. A puzzled look came over his face while he took a deep breath, his lips pulling down into a frown.

It was time.

"Oh, Jacob, what could you have ever seen in that skanky whore with the small tits," I said, just loud enough for him to hear. His head snapped up, his mouth open in surprise.

"Bells?" He looked around nervously, the bag clutched in his meaty fist.

"Were there other skanky whores, Jacob?"

"Charlie told my father you were dead," he whispered, the bag dropping from his hands, and with a splat, the bag and its dead fish contents hit the concrete step, splitting open, the rotting fish slithering out of the bag.

"Charlie was right. I'm the ghost of Christmas Past," I giggled. "Damn, forgot my chains."

Jacob took a step back towards the door, and I was grinning with satisfaction. It was so nice to see the shoe on the other foot, so nice to see him frightened. Then he took a deep breath, and I saw his nostrils flair.

"It was _you,_ wasn't it?" He took another deep breath, grimacing in disgust. "I got a call earlier; we thought there was a land incursion, a treaty break. I was looking forward to taking out that bunch of Cullen leeches, but it was you..."

_What the hell was he talking about?_ Before I could ask what he meant he peered across the street, looking into the shadows in the direction of my voice. "What happened to you? How did this happen?" he whispered. The tone of his voice shocked me, he actually sounded concerned. For a moment he sounded like the old Jacob.

Deciding to ignore his whole Cullen speech, I stepped out from between the buildings and directly under a street lamp. Let him see me. Let him see me well.

His face broke into a huge, leering smile. Shit, fooled again. Not the old Jacob.

"Well goddamn, Isabella, you're looking awfully fine now, aren't you." His eyes roamed over my body, over the dress — wet and clinging to my breasts and hips — down to my bare legs and the hint of thigh peeking out from the rip in the hem, and then back up again.

_What the..._ I whipped my head to the side… I thought I heard a strangled gasp coming from down the road, far to the left, but I turned back just as quickly. I couldn't let it distract me. The pig standing in front of me was going to take all of my concentration.

"Like what you see, Jakie?" I cooed at him, wiggling my hips. His lips lifted in a sneer as he let his eyes drop to my breasts again.

"A few years did you good, Bells. I wouldn't mind that repeat now, wouldn't mind those long, luscious legs around me while I drove myself into your frigid pussy, but it looks like I'm too late." He barked out a laugh. "Looks like you're frigid everywhere now, little Bella." His expression shifted, his thick brows lowering. "I'd suggest you leave now, bloodsucker, or I'll be forced to escort you myself. You won't like that."

_What the fuck...  
_

"How...how do you know?"

"Oh Jesus Bella, I can smell you a mile away. Vampires have their own unique and sickening scent. And I thought you were skanky before..."

_Who the hell does he think he..._ _no, don't do this to me again_… I closed my eyes and started to tremble as old memories assaulted me. The rumors started by him, the demeaning looks from both Jacob and everyone who heard about the 15-year-old town slut. The rejection… I opened my eyes and stared at his face, his words cutting me, taking me back thirteen years. I felt like that little girl again, wanting to hide, wanting to run. I glanced behind me, at the deep shadows between the houses. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Come on, Bells. Walk back down that street to wherever your lonely little lair is, and while you go I'll get to admire that fine, vampire ass of yours. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of, and think about how life would have been so much simpler if you'd given me more of your skinny butt all those years ago. Get out of here, and remember who rules this territory."

My eyes snapped up as reality hit. Jacob, the master manipulator — the boy now turned man, who gets what he wants by saying what he wants, doing what he wants as long as it's a means to an end. I shook my head and pulled myself together. I was not that girl. I'd _never_ been that girl. I would not run from it again. I was here for a reason, and I would not allow his foul mouth to distract me.

"Why did you do it, Jake?" I took a step into the street, watching him carefully.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You were my best friend. We had been best friends since we were kids. Why did you do it?"

"Fuck you that night? Why not?"

"You told me you loved me."

His eyes went wide and he started laughing. "Shit, Bells, I sort of did, I guess. I mean, we were best friends, and that's what a guy's supposed to say, right? How was I supposed to know you'd get all girlie on me?"

"You were my best friend, my only friend. When I told you I wasn't ready for more... you went and found someone else, right away. You told others what we did!"

"Yeah, so?"

"Did you know what happened to me? Do you know what they said about me? Do you know how much you hurt me?"

For just a moment his eyes looked pained, and I could see the young man I once knew.

He frowned. "I thought you didn't want me, that you'd never want me again." He said it so softly he thought I couldn't hear him, but either he didn't know, or he forgot how sensitive my hearing was.

It was just enough for me to start doubting myself again. Everything I thought about that time, could I have misunderstood? Is it possible he lashed out because he thought I didn't want him? I took a step towards him when he head snapped up, his eyes cold as steel.

"Shit, Bella, who the fuck cared what people said about you? It was your problem, not mine. I was a kid. Kids are supposed to brag. And shit, you weren't going to put out anymore, and to be honest, fucking was fun. I didn't plan to stop because you got all... wimpy on me."

I shook my head again to clear it. Was he really that oblivious? Maybe I hadn't been wrong about him at all. Maybe I was a fool to think there was still a vestige of the old friend in there.

"Jake, get this through your head. We were best friends. You asked me to 'make love' to you. You told me you loved me. What the hell was I supposed to think?"

I watched as understanding dawned over his face, and then he broke up laughing. "Did you really think, I mean…" He was having trouble talking over his laughter. "Did you really think I would _marry_ you? Jesus, Bells, my father is the head of the tribal counsel, and I'll inherit his position when he finally croaks. And I knew that then. Did you really think I was going to marry the pasty-faced daughter of the town cop? What a fucking idiot you were. You really thought that?"

Jacob shook his head and took a step into the street, towards me. "When I marry, it'll be someone from the tribe who can add to my status — both as tribal elder and as alpha male."

I stared at him in disbelief, seething, but I needed him to keep talking. It was all becoming clear... Jacob was not the friend I ever thought he was. It was never my fault, none of it. It hurt, but I had to keep hearing it.

"What you do mean by 'Alpha'?"

He shook his head. "None of your fucking business. Look, Bella, just get the hell out of here before I do something I'd just rather not."

"I'm not done with you." I took a deep breath. "I've kept up with you and your exploits. What the hell are you doing to the tribes? What are all the investigations about?"

He rolled his eyes and took a step closer. "Everyone gets something in the end, Bella. I take my share, and I help them get theirs. No big deal. Money floats around, and since I'm doing most of the work, I make sure a large chunk of it floats around to me." He smirked.

"And you say you'll be the Elder?"

He laughed. "Sure, and they all know it. They let me do my job." He crossed his arms across his massive chest. "And they know better than to interfere with me."

"And you have the balls to call _me_ a leech?"

His face changed, the laughter gone as he took a step closer to me. "Keep your mouth shut; you don't know what you're talking about. I do this because I can, and no one gets hurt. It's just money."

"I think you're a pig."

"You, calling me names? Get the fuck out of here, Bella. Get your frigid, bloodsucking..." He looked down and saw my hand, the hand that had Edward's mother's ring on it. _Edward... shit..._

"You found a leech who wants you?" he said, sarcasm dripping as he started to grin. "You spread your legs for a bloodsucker, but wouldn't for me? How about I go have a word with your pussy-whipped honey and tell him how you crooned my name as I gave you the best fuck in your..."

_How dare he!_ I stepped forward, shaking hard, and with every bit of strength I had I raised my hand and slapped him across the face. I could barely see past my fury, but I could see well enough to watch him lift off the ground and fly through the air before he hit the sidewalk, sliding headfirst into a pole with a loud crack as he hit his head. _Shit... did I just kill him?_ I started to walk in his direction when I saw him jump to his feet, his face red with fury, his suit dirty and the shoulder ripped.

I froze as he started to walk towards me, his body shaking, all of him shaking, looking like he was having a seizure. Then I remembered what I was shown... Jake with a feral gleam in his eyes, Jake with pointed teeth. I remembered Carlisle telling me about the shape shifters. _Was it really true?_

With powerful, graceful steps he stalked towards me, his shaking growing worse. Then he stopped, and I stood motionless as I watched him expand, his suit growing tight, heard the seams ripping, and with an unearthly roar fabric was flying. Standing in front of me, the size of a damned horse, was a wolf. Yellow fangs bared, drool dripping from its mouth as its noxious breath blew over me in waves. I stared into its eyes; it was Jacob in there, and it wasn't. It was lethal, and it was insane with anger.

I took a step back, feeling outside myself. It was as if I was in a Ray Harryhausen film, a stop-motion scene with bad special effects huffing foul breath into my face. I was waiting for the director to yell 'cut' so I could get away from this nightmare. I waited, but it didn't happen. Instead this beast took another step toward me, raised one massive paw covered in razor-sharp claws and before I could think of moving, slashed me across my shoulder, throwing me into the brick wall of Black and Associates, LLP. Stunned, I slid down to the sidewalk, loose bricks raining down on my head and shoulders. I wasn't hurting anywhere, but my arm was wet. Looking at my shoulder, I had deep gashes through my skin, healing as I was watching but clear liquid was seeping, raining down my arm as it healed. I looked up at the monster, its jaws stretched back into a grin.

I had slapped him, and the bastard turned into a beast and tried to kill me in return? My blood started to boil as I remembered what the hell I was. I rose to my feet faster than he could see, and, folding my legs under me, I shot forward and sprang on him, arms grasping his shoulders, wiping that nauseating toothy grin off his fucking face.

He fell backwards, taking me with him as I reached down and slashed my nails across his belly, watching the blood flow, splattering against me as I pulled my arm back and, making a fist, hit him across the jaw.

I jumped back as he flew backwards, but he was back on his feet and lunging for me, his front claws slashing across my stomach. I didn't take the time to look down but I could feel the liquid pouring down my belly to my legs; I could feel the odd tickling as my skin tried to knit itself back together quickly. With a grin of satisfaction, I watched his blood pool on the ground under his feet as he roared in anger.

One more time he came at me, and as I jumped aside I grabbed his front leg and pulled, hearing the rip of his leg out of his shoulder socket as he screamed in pain, his other leg with its sharp claws coming around me and raking across my back. I growled and leaped, my strength starting to ebb, and managed to get my hands around his throat while he screamed in pain from his dislocated shoulder — and pinned him to the ground, my teeth barreling down on his throat.

I was getting weaker, but still strong enough to hold him. I paused, my teeth millimeters from him, fighting against myself, fighting against the need to just let go and bite, to rip him to shreds. Panting, trembling, I pulled up to his ear instead, snarling, reaching inside myself to find any ounce, any shred of self control I could.

"You fucking bastard. You tried to kill me, you piece of shit. Well, I won't return the favor, Jacob. I'll make sure everyone in your tribe knows what you did to me thirteen fucking years ago and, even better," I stopped for breath, my vision was starting to fade, "I want you to live while everyone who knows you knows what a piece of shit you really are." I sucked in another breath, not know if it would help. I was getting even weaker. "And I'll make sure they know the little female vampire beat the alpha _dog_, and then let him live."

I pushed myself off him and staggered down the street, my dress in rags, covered in his blood and my own venom. I rounded the corner, stumbled into the rough concrete wall of an old warehouse and slid to the ground. My vision was starting to blur. It was getting harder to hold my head up, and in my mind all I could see was Edward, and feel my sorrow for what I had just done to him. Breaking down, wishing I could cry, I wailed with every ounce of breath left in me, "Edward, I'm so sorry," before I collapsed onto my side.

My last conscious thought was the sensation of an arm sliding under my legs and another supporting my back as I was lifted and cradled. I curled into it, relishing the hallucination, accepting the inevitability of my second death.

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**A/N**

Deep breath. Calm down. Think of pretty bunnies in a meadow.**  
**

I know this is a shorter chapter than usual, but this was the natural place to end it.

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances.

And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words, i

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. And squirrelporn. And fishporn. Well, maybe not fishporn.

And thank you thank you for the reviews!


	20. The Master Song

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

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_I believe that I heard your master sing, when I was sick in bed.*_

Chapter 20

The Master Song

I pulled her close to me, cradling her against my body as I rushed through the shadows lining the deserted streets, taking only basic precautions to keep from being seen, and finally slipped into the forest surrounding the city. She was unresponsive, but breathing, and for that I gave thanks — since there was no other way of judging the extent of her injuries.

_Dismemberment, decapitation, burning._ I repeated Carlisle's speech in my mind, again and again. The words offered some small comfort. _Very small_.

I ran deeper into the forest with that phrase reverberating in my head. Isabella had collapsed, she was unconscious in my arms, and it never should have gotten this far. So caught up in watching her empower herself, embarrassingly aroused by her ferocity as she took her stand against the man who had hurt her beyond redemption, I had underestimated the power of the shape-shifting wolf, and overestimated her strength as a newborn. Even worse, I hadn't realized she could be injured to the point of becoming unresponsive. And there I stood, her mate and fiancé, and watched it happen, not seeing how dire her circumstances were until she crumpled to the ground.

Smelling clean water from a small pond, I headed in that direction. Not only would wildlife be attracted to the water, but I knew once she'd revived she'd want to clean the blood, and venom, and dog stink off her body. And I would not allow myself to think there was any possibility she wouldn't revive.

Laying Isabella down on a bed of dried leaves and moss, I evaluated her injuries as best I could — running my hand over her satin skin through the rips in her dress. She had fully healed, her skin as flawless as always. I breathed a sigh of relief as I allowed myself a brief moment to gaze at her lovely face. In spite of my fears regarding her wellbeing, in spite of the growing and overwhelming guilt for allowing her battle to progress to the point of this type of injury, I couldn't imagine being more proud of her than I was at that moment.

I had been in the shower, in our cabin in Montana, when the telephone started ringing. Assuming Isabella would answer it, I instead focused on what my life had become. The smile on my face was a constant now, and even though it had been months I would never take this new life for granted, nor stop appreciating how much this woman changed it, changed me. I no longer just existed, but instead saw the dawning of each day as another chance to take delight in her, in our love, in the world around me. I never lived with regrets over having become a vampire, but until now I hadn't realized I had been incomplete. She made me whole, as I hoped I did the same for her. Mates in every sense of the word, I could never have imagined anything could be like this.

Caught in my daydreams, the hot water ran down my body as I thought about making love to her, of feeling her lithe body in my arms, of hearing her mewls of pleasure, of feeling her lips against mine. Smiling, I was just reaching for the shower knobs when the telephone started ringing again. Why did they phone again? It had to be the Cullens... the good friends they have become for both of us. I was hoping the time would come soon when we could visit, so I could thank them again for all they had done for Eli in the past, and for what they were doing now. I was thrilled to learn Eli had returned to medical school, and that Rosalie and Emmett had relocated to be near him, to keep him guarded from the likes of James and Victoria while the Volturi trackers searched. Carlisle also informed me that the female vampire, the one who had watched Eli when he attended university in Alaska, had also agreed to spend some time watching him, once again from afar. He assured me she had many years behind her, was a skilled fighter and quite resourceful. I was gratified to have all these friends to guard Eli while I started a new life with Isabella, my mate, and now fiancé.

Grabbing a towel I pulled out of my thoughts... the telephone was ringing again. _Where was Isabella?_ I listened carefully, but there was nothing, no sounds of footsteps, or her quiet breathing. I took a deep breath and even her scent was absent, all I detected was the fragrant remnants she left behind. Something didn't feel right, and I fought against irrational fear, against the pressure building in my chest. I wrapped the towel around my waist and left the steamy bathroom, running my fingers through my wet hair.

"Isabella?" Nothing, no sound except for the sound of the telephone ringing, a musical counterpoint to the panic I could feel growing inside me. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the telephone off its charger, examining it before hitting the 'on' button

"Hello?"

I heard a sigh of relief. "Edward," Jasper breathed, "I'm glad you're still there."

"Where else would I… Jasper, what did Alice see? Did something happen to..."

"Calm down, Edward. Alice is beside me, trying to concentrate. I assume you've discovered Bella isn't there?"

"Jasper, what are you talking about?" I was holding the phone to my ear, racing through the house and out the front door. Barefoot, wearing nothing but a towel, I ran around the house, plowing through snowdrifts, looking in all directions. _Nothing._

"Alice's visions keep popping in and out; she's never had that happen before, and doesn't know why it's happening now. She sees Bella, and then she doesn't. The clearest vision has been of Bella swimming in a large body of water, but she doesn't know where. There's no context surrounding it."

"Jasper... what the hell are you saying? Where is Isabella?" The panic was growing, threatening to overwhelm me as I stomped back into the house, repeating Carlisle's words to myself, over and over...._'fire, beheading, and dismemberment only.'_

"Calm down, Edward. There's no indication she's in trouble." The tone of his voice changed, taking on a quiet authority, and I surmised I was hearing the strategist take over — the Civil War veteran they'd told me he had been. "Has she said anything at all, anything about needing to go someplace, any odd behavior, anything that seemed... obsessive? She's a newborn, after all."

I thought through every day we had been together, in detail. "Nothing except some preoccupation today with research she was doing, using the computer. She uses it almost every day though, so that's nothing unusual."

"Did she leave it there?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how to use it?"

"Not very well. Isabella would show me what she was doing, but I haven't used it by myself." I grabbed the laptop and brought it into the kitchen and placed it on the counter. Puddles formed under my feet as the snow that had clung to my legs started to melt from the warmth of the room.

"Okay, this is what I want you to do. Use the latch on the front to release the top, so it opens."

"Done."

"Is it on, did the screen light up?"

"Yes, but the screen is mostly empty."

"Okay, that's fine. In the lower left there will be a blue 'E." Use the touch pad... did Bella show you how?"

"Yes." I slide my thumb along it, experimenting, trying to figure out how to do this with trembling hands.

"Okay, point to it, and double click on it, and that will bring up the internet browser. We're going to see what web pages she was using for her research."

I pushed away my discomfort, the feeling I was invading her privacy. Isabella was missing. If a clue could be found, I'd tear the machine apart to discover it.

"Jasper, a new page is visible."

"Do you see the... symbol that looks like a clock face? That's will show a history of what internet sites she's been to. Click on that, you'll see sentences with underlines come up in a panel on the left."

"There are a number of them, but the past couple of days, according to the date, she's been to two in particular – over and over."

"Click on one of them."

I did, and found myself staring at information about a law firm. Black and Associates, LLP. I looked at the photograph on the page and froze. It was him. That boy from the meadow, her childhood friend. A man now. A very large man.

"Edward, are you still there?"

"Yes, give me a moment."

I clicked on another of the underlined sentences, and a map appeared, a detailed map showing our current location in Montana, with specific instructions on how to travel to Port Angeles, Washington. I looked back at the attorney web site. It was in Port Angeles.

For a moment a part of me panicked, she wouldn't be going to him because she wanted him, would she? I shook my head — no, I knew this woman, I believed in her and in the depth of our union. That wasn't why she went there.

Which left only one thing...

"Jasper, I know where she is. I'm heading there, but I want you and Alice to stay away. This is Isabella's business, and she has the right to take care of it."

"Wait, Edward...just tell me where in case..."

"Thank you for helping, Jasper." I hung up. I knew he wanted to assist me, and I knew Alice would want to help, too. But I also knew Isabella felt the need to do this on her own. I would not call in the cavalry. As it was, Isabella had issues with Alice's gift. To involve her now, in something that was Isabella's personal business, would not only upset Isabella, but risk our relationship with the Cullens. She, and I if she needed me, could handle this alone.

I examined the map, focusing on the roads and committing the directions to memory. Returning to the other page, I noted the address for the law firm. I ran into the bedroom, dressed, and packed a small bag with extra clothes for both of us. Grabbing my automobile keys I rushed back into the living room, and that's when I saw the piece of paper stuck in my book, visible past the edges of the page. Cautiously, almost afraid of it, I slipped it out and unfolded it.

_Edward,_

_My love, please, please, don't worry about me. There is something I need to do, something I need to settle in my own mind before I can fully move forward with you. I'd rather not but... please understand I need to try to get answers before I can finally lay the past to rest._

_I love you with all of my heart, all of my being. Don't worry, I'll be fine, and please, don't be upset with me. I should be back within two days._

_I love you._

_Bella_

I sighed, folded the note and placed it back inside the book. _Ah, Isabella. Don't you understand?_ Of course I knew why she needed to do this. From what she'd told me, I'd have had the same need.

And yet… _'Fully move forward with me.'_ I bristled at the words. The woman placed too little faith in our connection, but I refused to dwell on it. I loved her with all of my being, but she was still quite young. She had yet to realize how rare and precious this was. Well, if it took putting Jacob Black in his place before all else, I'd make sure it happened. If she didn't do it, well… there was no guarantee I wouldn't.

I looked around the room, ensuring the fire was out and the house safe in our absence. Stepping outside, I locked the door and ran to the Vanquish, thankful it was a very fast automobile. I had considered running, following her scent, but a nagging voice in the back of my head told me it might be good if I had a means of conveyance for the return.

The Port Angeles streets were dark, but I could pick her scent out anywhere — my homing beacon — and therefore easy to track. I followed her trail to the road that housed his law office, and slipped deep into the shadows. I could smell her close by, my body vibrating with her proximity, knowing she was hiding just as I was, watching the office across the street. I vowed that, unless critically necessary, I'd do nothing more than stay downwind of her, concealing my presence. Testing the direction of the wind, I nodded with satisfaction. I didn't want him to pick up my scent either.

My attention snapped to his office door as it opened, hearing his thoughts before I saw him, detecting his confusion when he saw a paper bag on the steps. Then even more confusion when he saw what the bag contained. I followed his thoughts as he raced back through his memories, piecing together the time, 13 years ago, that he found a bag of fish on the doorstep of his father's home in La Push. He suspected then that it had been left by Isabella, and grew uncomfortable at the thought she had left this bag, on the step, this evening. I smiled at the irony. She was a clever woman.

Then he inhaled, and smelled her. Not just Bella, but the scent of a vampire. Every muscle in my body tensed as I heard him react to that knowledge. He felt a moment of worry that this had happened to her, but it was overpowered by his instinctual hatred of our species. I'd never seen this kind of hatred in anyone's thoughts before. The intensity of it, the depths of it astonished me. Not borne of fear, as would be natural. Instead his thoughts left no doubt his hatred was counterbalanced with a sense of his own self-worth, his firm belief in his superiority. Never before had I encountered thought patterns like this.

For the first time I started to feel uncomfortable, wondering if Isabella, for all her newborn strength, would be able to handle this cretin.

A soft step on the concrete sidewalk, and I watched as Isabella revealed herself. My eyes darted between the two of them. As much as I wanted to focus only on my lovely mate, I knew it would be wise to keep a very close eye on this Jacob, and his thoughts. Drawing back further into the shadows, I watched and waited. The man was enormous, larger than any human I'd ever seen, far larger than the boy who had deflowered Isabella 13 years ago. A handsome figure of a man with the most revolting thoughts I'd ever heard. Listening to his sickening and lustful thoughts about my mate, watched his eyes as they roamed over her body with nothing but carnal desire while at the same time pure disdain for what she was, I gasped before I realized I'd done it. Isabella turned in my direction, but she quickly regained focus, knowing she needed to keep a close eye on him.

I breathed a soft sigh of relief. As sickened as I was, I still could not allow myself to become a distraction.

The words bounced back and forth between the two of them, while I kept a close monitor on his thoughts. The more it went on the more I understood Isabella, appreciated how much she had been hurt, how much this man had manipulated her emotions. Not just the game of an adolescent boy, but he had done so with the full knowledge of what he was doing. Honing his craft, practicing on her for when he'd become an adult. Granted, I'd catch bits and pieces of the child underneath, the one who really had considered her his best friend, but I saw the change in him, his thoughts betraying his haughty sense of entitlement when he'd learned his heritage would not only make him a tribal elder but, as the secrets of the wolf genes were revealed, his place as alpha amongst them all. Poor Isabella never had a chance as her friend turned into something he had not been before.

If he hadn't hurt Isabella so deeply, I'd almost feel some sympathy for the man/child who learned too much at too young an age, and then rejected any guidance that had been offered. Perhaps he was too young, because his thoughts revealed he felt no one had the right to guide him, that he was above them all.

Listening to this beast verbally tear her apart, I decided pity was not deserved. He could have changed, yet chose not to. I watched the emotions flash across Isabella's face, seeing she was learning this, too, and discovering truths she'd come here to find.

The tenor of their words changed, bringing my senses to heightened alert when I heard Jacob insult me and saw Isabella's reaction to it. Then it happened. Isabella slapped him.

I froze. I knew what his reaction might be, but seeing it and hearing about it were two different things. I was astonished as Jacob literally exploded in front of my eyes, turning into a wolf the size of a horse. Crouching down, I coiled to jump to Isabella's defense when I saw him throw her against the building. I growled, automatically moving forward when I saw her jump back onto him. My God… she was beautiful, she was breathtaking, and all I could do was watch in admiration and awe. My fiancé, my magnificent mate. I was there if she needed me, but if she didn't well, this was something she needed to do.

And then, in spite of all he had said to her, done to her, she let him _live._ She was truly a magnificent woman... who was now lying at my feet, unresponsive.

I looked down at her again, and cringed. She was breathing quietly but still unconscious. There was no more time to waste, I knew what she needed, and lifting my head and taking a deep breath, I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized I wouldn't be far from her side for long.

Snapping the neck of the large buck, I carried it back to her side by the pond. I closed my eyes as I felt the normal, instinctual feelings rise up in me, the need to turn off my mind, bend down and feed. Locking my muscles, doing all I could to suppress my need, I opened my eyes and looked down at Isabella. She would keep me centered while I tried to do something I'd never done before.

Keeping my head about me, reminding myself I was a human before I was a vampire, I bent down and, using a finger nail, sliced open the buck's carotid artery, then quickly gathered the blood into my mouth while fighting the need to swallow. Holding a hand over the artery, keeping it compressed so no blood was lost, I leaned over Isabella and, gently opening her mouth, I drooled a small amount of blood onto her tongue. Satisfied when I saw her flinch and close her mouth to swallow, I repeated the action, allowing a little more blood to pour from my mouth into hers.

Without the advantage of losing myself to the blood lust, it was surprisingly disgusting. Thick and salty with a metallic under taste, I was reminded this was blood, and the long-forgotten human within me recoiled in horror. I started to gag, the scent of blood and hot fur swirled around me as, for the first time, I was fully cognizant of my diet as a vampire. I closed my eyes and, reaching back into my memories, tried my best to imagine it was nothing more than a rare steak. '_For Isabella,'_ I reminded myself.

I repeated this action four more times, each time seeing more life in her movements, until finally, with the last mouthful she took a deep swallow, opened her eyes and reached for me, pulling me into her, her face in my neck as she quietly shook in my arms.

"I thought I had died," she muttered.

I grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards the buck, and she pounced on it, hungrily drinking the last of what had been in the large mammal. After draining it dry she sat back, and looked at me with love and longing before diverting her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she whispered.

"You should be," I replied, grinning at her.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I'm proud of you."

She looked up at me, confusion all over her face. "Are we talking about the same thing?"

"I doubt it."

There were purple smudges under her eyes, and I realized this wasn't the time for verbal sparring. I reached over and fingered her ripped and bloody dress.

"Let's get you cleaned up, Isabella. We'll talk while you relax." She nodded and reached down; unbuttoning what was left of her dress. I chuckled, shook my head, and started to remove my clothes as well.

"Edward, uh...what are you...?"

"I'm helping you, and getting my clothes wet seems silly." I grinned at her while I stripped down to my skin, helping her stand when she was done, and led her down to the pond — inspecting her more carefully, satisfied there didn't appear to be any lasting physical damage from the battle. Holding her hand we both stepped into the water. She turned to me and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against me.

"Why did you leave and not tell me?"

She took an audible gulp, pulled back and looked away from me. "I didn't think you'd let me go."

I leaned back and looked at her. "Don't you trust me?"

"What?"

"Isabella, I knew this was important to you, but even if I didn't, even if I didn't understand why you needed to do it, I still wouldn't have stopped you." Her mouth was open, her eyes wide and shocked. "You're an adult; you make your own decisions. I might offer a counterpoint, but ultimately the decisions about your life are yours to make." I pulled her close to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her. "I'd have been proud to accompany you. But more than anything else, even if you didn't want me with you...," I nuzzled into her neck and took a deep breath, "you need to trust me. You need to know I will always be there for you, whether I agree with you or not."

She took a deep breath and nodded, resting her head against my chest.

"There's one last thing I need to say," I whispered. She pulled back, and looked up at me. "I'm sorry too."

"For what?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I should have acted faster. I should have set aside what I believed was your need for independence, and should have done what I knew would have been right." I looked down at her, knowing how things could have turned out otherwise. I would have shed tears had I been able.

"Isabella, I should have stood at your side, and fought him with you." I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I failed you."

"Silly man, you didn't fail me. You believed in me." She looked into my eyes, her jeweled irises sparkling. "No one has ever believed in me before. And then you followed me, and you're here for me now." She wrapped her arms tightly around me and kissed my chest.

"I love you, Edward. Don't ever forget that."

I nodded, and held her tightly, trying to repress the shudder that was running through my body, the aftershock catching up with me, the realization I could have lost her. I clung to her, my anchor... my love. I would never fail her again.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled back a little and looked down into her beautiful face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Let's get the dirt and dog stink off you. I have some clean clothes back in the Vanquish. Then we'll get more to eat and leave. Would that be okay with you?"

She nodded, looking thoughtful before meeting my eyes again. "We're near Carlisle's house. I think I'd like to stop there before we go home. We need to talk to him about Jacob, and I have some questions about our species that only he can answer."

I nodded in agreement and let go of her, leaned back and let the water take me, floating on the surface, feeling the small waves against my body as she did the same. Her fingers touched mine, gently holding my hand as we floated side by side. Turning my head to the side, I smiled when I caught her looking at me. Her eyes were half closed, her alabaster skin peeking above the surface of the water. My eyes grazed down her body, and closed when I saw her taut nipples above the water, looking like an invitation. This was not the time, I admonished myself, willing my body not to react to the vision floating next to me. I heard a soft laugh from my mate and opened my eyes, looking down at myself. Groaning, I feared I was not as successful diverting my thoughts as I'd hoped.

Her fingers left mine. Looking over quickly she was no longer beside me, but before I could turn my head to look for her I felt her beneath me, swimming under the surface of the water, stretched out against me, under me, the length of her body pushed against my back, her hard nipples pressed against my skin as her arms snaked around my waist, her lips placing slow kisses down my spine. I spun in her arms, facing her under the water, her beautiful eyes open, and a smile on her face as she rubbed her small hands on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted us both, righting us, the water cascading over our bodies as I held her.

"Isabella, this is not the time. You're weak, you've just been in battle. You need to hunt, you need to rest..." My words were cut off as she captured my lips with her own, her arms grazing along my back and down to my hips, pushing me into her as she slowly circled against me, as erotic a movement as I've ever felt from her. I gasped into her mouth, and tried to pull away, but unable to keep my body from responding to her.

"Fear, danger and lust, my love," she whispered against my lips. "I love you, and I need you," she breathed into my mouth as she lifted a long leg and wrapped it around my thigh, drawing me closer to her. "For me, my love. I want to feel your love, I want to feel your body." She rubbed her heel down the back of my leg, her strong leg muscles flexing against mine. "I want to make love to you, Edward. I need you, I need who you are. The _man_ you are. I need you right _now_."

My breathing grew more rapid as I grew harder, my hips pressing back against hers, feeling the draw to her, the draw that went beyond thought and reason, the link that bound us together as elemental beings. With a groan I leaned down and captured her lips in mine, my tongue running along her lips until she let me in, and I stroked my tongue along hers while her hips pressed against me, my arousal sliding along her smooth stomach while my hands reached up and slowly stroked her breasts. My mind, my body was lost in her as we both started to purr, our lips nipping, our tongues tasting, breathing into each others mouths as we still moved slowly, sinuously against the silk of our bodies.

With a soft growl I reached behind her and down, smoothing my hands over the satin of her curves and lifted her high, and bringing her breasts to my mouth I suckled her nipples, her life, her body given freely, feeding me, nurturing me, sustaining me. I gasped when her legs wrapped tightly around my waist, her arms latched around my neck as she bent back, her hair falling behind her in waves, her muscled back arching, giving me more, laying herself out before me as an offering to our love.

"I love you," I mouthed against her breasts, slowly lowering her body onto me, letting me fill her, surrounding me, encasing me in her warmth, her love, her body. Her legs tightened more as I thrust up, her cries of pleasure spurring me on as I lost myself inside her. It was Isabella and I and nothing else, as the world disappeared, the cool water lapping against us as we gave life to each other, absolution to each other, and total, unwavering love to each other. And as we reached our climaxes, pleasure shuddering through us both, spurring each other on to new heights borne of the fear of loss, we molded to each other, grasped each other, and with a cry that shook the sleeping birds from their trees we shouted our love to the heavens before collapsing under the weight of our passion.

Her legs still wrapped tightly around me, her lips against my neck, I carried her out of the water and lowered her to the ground, her breathing heavy and the purple smudges under her eyes darker still. I shook my head — I never should have allowed her to talk me into making love to her. It could have waited, it _should_ have waited.

I bent down and touched my lips to hers, tasting her, my soul patterned by hers. I drew away and reaching for my jeans, I pulled them on while scanning the forest. It was quiet, and she'd be safe for a few minutes. "Isabella, I'm going to run back to the automobile and retrieve clean clothes for you. You just wait here quietly, okay?" She nodded her head, opening her eyes slowly and looking at me. The love that shone from them took my breath away. I wanted to crush her to me again, apologize for giving in, for not being stronger, for being unable to resist her, but all I could bring myself to do was smile back, and then run to get our clothes as fast as I could.

Isabella needed to hunt. _Now._

Early the next morning, after three does, a buck, and time spent just holding each other, we found ourselves driving down the long and twisting driveway to Carlisle Cullen's house. We were both excited — it was going to be a homecoming, and I hoped that, in spite of Alice, it would be a surprise for them.

We danced onto the porch, and just as I lifted my hand to knock the door flew open, framing Carlisle and Alice. Both seemed upset, and Carlisle was holding a newspaper.

Carlisle shook the newspaper in our faces, ire apparent in his tone. "Would either of you mind explaining this to me?"

I turned to Isabella, and took the paper from Carlisle. There, in the lower right hand corner of the front page…

_**Supernatural Fight in Port Angeles**_

_Julius Page reporting for The Peninsula Daily News_

_The booze must have been flowing pretty freely last night when two drifters claimed they encountered a giant wolf and Wonder Woman locked in heated battle on the streets of Port Angeles._

_According to the report they insisted on filing with police, this battle took place outside a law office on a city side street, complete with growls and ripping and tearing and, of course, the lovely lady appeared to have won the battle._

_The police have declined to comment, and this reporter is hoping our fine officers spend more time investigating the current whereabouts of these two vagrants instead of looking for giant wolves and lovely ladies. I'll be happy to take care of the lovely ladies part._

I stared at the paper, and then back up at Isabella, our eyes wide. We both turned our heads and cringed before a furious Carlisle.

_Oh hell._

_

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**A/N**

And for all those who were convinced it wasn't Edward...well...er...

And I'm sorry this is late(ish.) RL has been bizarre, plus Edward refused to talk to me after the last chapter. Shit, he was pissed. I had to offer something to entice him back.

He currently has a big smile on his face.

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances.

And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. We exchange Robporn. And squirrelporn. And fishporn. Yes, fishporn. Course, they won't let me post it. They even block it at work. I mean, really. It's just fish, and porn. How smutty can a fish be?

And thank you thank you for the reviews!

*The Master Song by Leonard Cohen.

One of the most under-appreciated songs ever written. Listen to it and make love to it.

http://www[dot]youtube[dot].com/watch?v=W2vmiwxUZ3k


	21. The Leader of the Pack

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

* * *

Chapter 21

The Leader of the Pack

(Vrooom)

Looking up at Carlisle's face, I found myself wondering about the almost constant color of a vampire's skin. So far, the only change I'd noticed is a purple bruising under the eyes when hungry, but other than that, it seemed to always be the same shade of pale. _A Whiter Shade of Pale,_ I thought to myself. It took some effort to keep from humming the tune.

I was thinking all this because, based on the harsh tone of Carlisle's voice, the deepening of the lines in his face, the narrowing of his eyes, and his absolutely unnecessary rapid breathing, he should be as red as a beet. But he wasn't, and I found it distracting. Without the visual cues I'd grown up with, I couldn't bring myself to quake in front him the way I would if he'd been blazing red with steam coming out of his ears.

In fact, the only word that kept coming to mind was, _'oops.'_ But my survival instincts were strong enough to know that was the last thing I should say. It didn't help that I couldn't come up with anything else.

Carlisle looked from my blank stare over to Edward, who was regarding him coolly — the newspaper still in his hand. He glanced down at it on occasion, as if he could glean more from the typewritten words than what was already indelibly imprinted on our brains. I looked back at Carlisle._ Why was he so angry_? Okay, I had been seen. This was not good, a broken rule. But I was seen by vagrants, and it was obvious that no one was taking it seriously. Not the reporter, and, most assuredly, not the police.

So what was the big deal?

Maybe I shouldn't have used precisely those words when I finally spoke aloud.

Carlisle sputtered, "Bella, I know you're new to this life, but I've mentioned the Volturi before, and have told you there are rules." I watched him try to get his temper under control, regain the calm, stoic image he always maintained. I just couldn't take his anger seriously, and wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because, when you got down to it, that although he tried to project this paternal demeanor, he wasn't my father. Actually, I barely knew him at all. It seemed to be a good opportunity to remind him.

"Carlisle, I'd like to thank you for all you've done for me — for us, but the truth is, I'm an adult, even if I'm a newborn adult." I was proud of how well I'd manage to suppress my giggles over the oxymoron. "And even more, Carlisle, I wouldn't allow my father to talk to me this way, let alone you." He glared at me, and I glared right back at him. "The truth is, before all this mess, I'd only met you a couple of times." His eyes got wide and I watched the muscles working in his jaw, grinding his teeth as he broke eye contact and looked away from me, into the distance, appearing deep in thought. _'Hah,'_ I thought_, 'I won!'_ And then I chastised myself. I shouldn't read more into this than what it was, and that it really wasn't cowardice that made him blink first. Maybe I really _was_ being a bit... irrational?

_Nah. _Although, perhaps it was a good time to lay on some charm.

"So," I smiled sweetly, "I'd appreciate it if we could discuss this as adults. Sound good?"

I was surprised at my own reaction, I was never this confrontational, this confident, this at ease in the face of someone else's anger. I did have enough presence of mind to wonder if I was growing up, or just caught up in out-of-control newborn emotions. Whatever. I decided to flow with it, and have fun where I could find it. Peeking behind him, I realized I had completely forgotten Alice.

She was standing there, that far-away look in her eyes. Watching the future, I supposed. I worked really hard to keep from rolling my eyes as I looked back at Carlisle, and tried to look contrite. I don't think he bought it.

Poor Edward. He wasn't finding any amusement in this at all, too busy frowning at Carlisle. I had to work with him on his sense of humor. He was taking this all far too seriously.

"Carlisle, I agree with Isabella, and I'd rather you not address her as if she were a wayward child. Neither one of us took that encounter lightly. As a matter of fact, she was injured." I put my arm around Edward's waist and smiled up at him. Strike that 'finding humor in it' idea. I rather liked the idea of someone sticking up for me this way, no one ever had before. It was something I could get used to.

Edward dropped his eyes, and grinned at me, his fingers stroking my waist, pulling me into his side. The man was multitasking, and I knew where part of his brain was. I slid my finger under the edge of his shirt and ran it against the smooth skin, wondering if we could cut this conversation short for a quick sprint in the woods. It took some effort to stop myself from rubbing against him, suppressing the overwhelming need to purr. Glancing up at the still angry Carlisle, and the preoccupied seer, even my lust-clouded brain knew it was the wrong time. I could wait... oh, five minutes or so.

Edward cleared his throat. "Look, Isabella is right. No one in Port Angeles took it seriously. As for the Volturi, they may be vampires, but we are, too. What makes them more powerful, other than the threat of their name?"

Carlisle ran his hand over his face, and lowered himself onto the porch swing. He leaned back, rocking gently, and closed his eyes. "It's my fault. I told you some of it, but not all. I should have explained it more fully." He stopped rocking, opened his eyes, and glanced from Edward to me. "Edward, you have the ability to read minds, and you know Alice can see the future." He furrowed his brow and looked at me. "Bella, you have a talent, although I'm not certain of the extent of it yet. And Jasper, Jasper can both feel and influence emotions." He sighed. "The Volturi brothers gather talents, reinforcing their power base by acquiring the most useful ones they can find. What neither of you understand is, not all talents are benign. Some are very aggressive." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him, knuckles white. "If we were caught violating their laws, they could, and would, destroy us. And if that was their intent, there would be nothing we could do to stop them."

_Could this be true?_ Looking up at Edward, I could see from his expression that he was probing Carlisle's mind. I waited and watched, and then he nodded his head, confirming it. _Holy shit,_ what other surprises were in store for me? I swallowed thickly, and looked over at Carlisle. Were we in real trouble? I mean, I hadn't...

Carlisle stood and walked over to the porch railing. "I hadn't wanted to frighten you too much, but exposing yourself as something other than human, in a city such as Port Angeles, would be the equivalent of a death sentence if they found out about it." He stared at me, his eyes pained. "Not just for you, Bella, but for Edward, too. In fact, all of us who know you — regardless of how tight the bond — would be subject to execution." Edward pulled me tighter against him, and I started to tremble.

"Carlisle, I..," I stuttered, and watched him shake his head sadly.

"I'm not saying it's right, I'm just telling you it's the law."

Dear god, I've put all of us in danger! Would they be looking for us? I moved closer to Edward and looked up into his amber eyes. In my stupidity I might be responsible for his death. Just the thought stabbed at me, like a knife twisting through me. My chest was tight, it was hard to breathe.

"Edward, I don't know what to say…"

"Shhh," he whispered, rubbing my back. "I won't let anything happen to either of us."

I was scared, more frightened than I'd been in a very long time. I wrapped both arms around him and buried my head in his chest, breathing him in, trying to calm down. That's when I heard the engines, and if my heart was beating it would have stopped. _No, it couldn't be, please god, no._

We all turned towards the driveway, listening to the cars turning off the main road, heading towards us, the breeze carrying a smell that was both enticing and revolting. We all turned to Alice, whose eyes were wide, and focused, and utterly surprised.

We all knew what that scent was — humans... and werewolves. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least this was a danger I knew.

The sound echoed off the trees as the cars wound down the drive, growing louder as the scent got stronger. We stood silently, eyes riveted, the only sound was the front door opening, the hinges groaning as Jasper walked onto the porch to stand with Alice, immediately followed by a flurry of fabric as Esme joined Carlisle. The normal sounds of the forest had stopped. In the silence, the only things I heard was the soft breathing of the vampires around me, the rhythmic dripping of the ever-present moisture falling from the trees, the whine of engines and the rattling of gravel caught and tossed away by the tread of the tires.

Then we saw them — two SUVs. I wasn't surprised when I saw who was sitting in the lead vehicle; it was Jacob and his father, Billy. But I was startled when I recognized Harry Clearwater in the back seat. Four young men were in the other car. They all looked vaguely familiar, but it had been thirteen years. They were children the last time I was in Forks.

"Get Bella inside," broke the silence, and I looked up and into Jasper's determined face. Yes, I could feel the burn in my throat; I'd encountered it on my way to Port Angeles. But the rancid odor of so many werewolves was enough to kill my appetite.

"Jasper, I'm fine," I said, wrapping my arm tighter around Edward's waist. I looked at the cars stopped in front of the house, and shrugged. "It's already too late. If I was going to attack them, it would have already happened." I arched an eyebrow.

Jasper started to say something, but stopped, confused. It was one of those times I wished I had Edward's ability, so I turned him, my eyes questioning.

Edward shrugged, and grinned. "You're not acting the way he expects a newborn to act. You're too calm."

"I'm supposed to act like an idiot? Feel an uncontrollable desire to drain these humans? Maybe under normal circumstances, but," I said, pointing at them, "do any of you seriously think I'd have any interest? This whole damned place smells like skunk."

Edward looked like he was about to say something, but instead pulled me closer at the sound of the car doors opening. We watched Jacob pull a wheelchair out of the backseat, and picking up his father, seated him. Jacob didn't hurt him, but he wasn't particularly tender. Billy had a stoic expression on his face, as if this was a regular routine that he'd grown accustomed to, frowning as he adjusted himself in the chair. He looked around at all of us, chin high, but I would bet he hated being in that chair in front of vampires. With a grunt, he tried to wheel himself over the loose gravel, but it was too rough a surface for a wheelchair. Jacob sighed in disgust and pushed him to the bottom of the porch stairs, walking away to lean against the car as soon as he got his father situated.

Guess I wasn't the only one Jacob treated with disdain.

"Isabella Swan," Billy said, inclining his head to me. "I'm relieved your father doesn't have to see you this way."

Now that plain pissed me off. "Good to see you too, Billy. I guess by your thinking, my father is better off thinking I'm dead, right?"

He drew his brows together. "Yes, that's what I think. I'm also thinking I'd rather you really _be_ dead than," he nodded towards the others on the porch, "one of them."

My jaw dropped, astonished Billy would say something so hurtful. I glanced over at Jacob and, for the first time, wondered if Jacob's attitude was as much nature as nurture.

Billy turned to Carlisle. "If you had anything to do with this, the treaty is dead. You know that."

Carlisle slowly walked down the steps,and sat at the precise step that would have his eyes level with Billy's. It was the move of a diplomat. I was momentarily impressed.

"We signed a treaty with your tribe in good faith, and we have not broken it. Neither I, nor any member of my family, had anything to do with what happened to Bella." He stared at the man in front of him, hoping he'd see his sincerity. "She was changed by a nomad, in another state. I found her after she was infected, but, the truth is, had they not done this, they'd have certainly killed her."

"She'd have been better off."

"Hold your judgment Mr. Black." I saw Carlisle's nostrils flare, the only outward sign of his annoyance. "You don't understand how we live our lives. Bella has chosen to emulate us. Her mate," he nodded at Edward, "already came to this same conclusion by himself, over ninety years ago, and has never tasted human blood.

Billy looked up at the porch, at Edward. "And who are you?"

"Edward Masen, Sir." Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, and I wondered what he was hearing. Ah shit, of course. I pulled my attention away from Billy and looked at Jacob, standing behind his father, and smirking.

"Do you have a problem, Jacob?" I said, my voice syrupy sweet.

"The bunch of you can't even be proper vampires," he said with a sneer. "And this one," he said, looking directly at Edward, "didn't even have to be cajoled into staying away from human blood for the sake of a treaty. The wimp started off that way."

_The bastard_. I clenched my fists as I took a step towards him, but Edward grabbed my arm. I looked up at him, my eyes blazing, but Edward just shook his head, tapped his temple, and grinned. I glanced over at Jacob, hoping he didn't see our exchange. He had already dismissed us, busy with a pen knife, cleaning dirt from under his fingernails. The man had the manners of a pig, and that was an insult to pigs.

"Jacob," Carlisle said, with a tone he might use with a difficult child. "We don't refrain from human blood because of the treaty, it was already our lifestyle. The treaty was simply our word to continue it as long as we chose to live near your lands." He stood up, walking down the rest of the stairs. "And when we live elsewhere our choice is no different. We live with honor, can you say the same?"

Jacob's black eyes got wide, and then narrowed. His growl vibrated the air as he stomped over to Carlisle, breathing heavily, his huge biceps bulging as his clenched and unclenched his fists.

"Stop this now!"

We all turned to the new voice, and I couldn't help but smile. "Hi, Harry," I grinned.

"Hey, Bells," he smiled back, ignoring the frowns from Jacob and Billy, and the low gasps from the others milling around by their car.

"How are Charlie and Renee doing?" I asked. I didn't want to know too much, just enough to know they're okay.

Harry nodded, understanding. "They're managing, don't worry about them, just focus on yourself." He walked over to Edward and held out his hand. "I'm Harry Clearwater. This young lady used to spend almost as much time with me as she did her father." The two of them grasped hands, cold to hot, pale white to russet brown. Harry turned towards me, and then dropped his eyes, examining the engagement ring on my finger. He smiled broadly, and turned back to Edward. "I'm glad to see she's settling in, just take good care of her, hear?"

Edward nodded and smiled, placing his other hand on top of their joined hands. "She means everything to me, Mr. Clearwater. You have my promise."

Harry smiled at Edward, and I couldn't help it. I ran over and carefully threw my arms around him, reminding myself to be gentle so I didn't crush him. Searing pain hit my throat, but I just stopped breathing and held him. Harry was a part of my old life, one of the happier parts, and he accepted me for who I now was. It was the last thing I expected, and I couldn't control the sob when he put his hot arms around me and hugged me back. I'd always treasure this moment.

I could feel his hot breath on my neck, his tears hitting my cold skin. "Never thought I'd hug a vampire, Bells." I could feel his grin against my neck. "You aren't going to eat me, are you?" I laughed, and hugged him just a little tighter.

"Harry, that was disgusting." We broke apart, and both of us looked over at Jacob, leaning against the car with his massive arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Jacob, I've come pretty close to having had enough of you," Harry warned, his voice low, meeting Jacob's eyes. "Just because I don't carry the damned gene doesn't mean I have no authority in this tribe." Harry looked over at Billy, who was glaring at him, just like his son. "This out-of-control moron is your fault. We should have taken the responsibility for him out of your hands, years ago."

Billy looked like he was going to have a stroke. "What the hell are you saying, Harry? He's done just fine, and by the time he's done this tribe will be stronger than it's ever been. We'll have both money and honor among the other tribes. Jacob is the strongest thing we've had in generations."

Honor? _Honor? _I looked at Edward, monitoring more than just the conversation. His eyes met mine, and he nodded.

I turned to Billy, sitting there puffing with anger. He had been a good friend over the years, but it really was time he knew some truths, and I didn't plan to varnish them with flowery words.

"I need to speak with Billy in private."

"Over my dead body," Jacob shouted.

"I can arrange that," I said, smiling. "But if it makes you feel better, you can join us." I pointed to the others. "Ask them to give us some space." I looked at Harry, and gave him an apologetic smile. He nodded, and strolled over to the others, whispering to them. They gave me a threatening glance, but followed him.

"Billy," I said softly, walking over and kneeling in front of him, Edward at my side. "When Jacob and I were fifteen years old he told me he loved me, and then he convinced me to sleep with him." I watched Billy carefully. He needed to know the truth, but he didn't need a heart attack, either. "Afterwards, I realized I was young and confused – too young for things like that. I told Jacob..." I looked up at Jacob. His arms had dropped and he was frozen, jaw open, eyes wide, clearly not believing I was telling his father about this.

"Anyway, I told Jacob I wanted to hold off, I didn't want to do it again until I was ready. He wasn't happy with that answer. Within a week he'd told all his friends," I peered over at the guys standing with Harry, doing anything they could not to look at me, "and before I knew it, word was all over town that I was the easy, fifteen-year-old slut daughter of the Chief of Police." I swallowed, feeling all the pain rushing back, but I continued. "Within another week, Jacob had a new girlfriend from our school, someone who was willing to put out for him." I took a deep breath. "Billy, he was my best friend for as long as I could remember, and it only took one week for him to decide to cut me out of his life."

I continued to watch Billy closely, at the throbbing vein at his temple. I felt a small urge, a rush of something like adrenaline, but I ignored it. Good thing I was stuffed on all those deer.

"I never told my parents about it, and as soon as I was able to, I left Forks, and never returned."

Billy lowered his eyes, and nodded. "I wondered why... you had always seemed so happy..."

"What happened yesterday... I didn't mean to hurt anyone, or put treaties at risk, or expose anyone." I glanced over at Carlisle. "I simply wanted to find Jacob and ask him why he did that to me." I sighed. "Maybe I should have asked him years ago, or maybe this was the right time. Maybe I was finally strong enough to hear his answer."

"And that was?" Billy reached out, and placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked down and shook my head.

"I don't think I have the strength to repeat it."

"But I do," Edward said, putting his arm around my waist. He looked at Jake. "Should I tell them, Jacob? Should I tell them how you used her because you felt it was your right? Should I tell them how you lied to her to convince her to bed you? Should I tell them how long you laughed at her humiliation?"

"Jacob?" Billy looked at his son. "You did that to Bella? The daughter of my best friend? The girl who had been your best friend for years?"

Jacob pushed himself off the car, "And you, old man, are going to believe these bloodsuckers instead of your own son?"

Billy turned red, and glared at him. "I haven't decided who I believe, because I haven't heard you deny it. Are you? Are you saying this isn't true?"

"What the hell difference does it make if it's true? I'll be joining the elders soon enough, and I'm pack alpha now." He pointed at the young men standing with Harry. "They do what I say." He turned back to his father. "And the same goes for the elders. I can promise you, you and the rest of your bunch of old men don't want to take me on."

"That's what it's always been about, isn't that true, Jacob?" Edward asked softly. "It's always been about you, and how great you are, and how strong you are. Am I wrong?"

"What the hell would you know, leach. I'm the one, the only one, who will drag this tribe out of obscurity."

"And doing it on the back of the tribe, aren't you? Tell them Jacob. Tell him what you do with the money they give you for casino licenses. Tell him the truth — that it has nothing to do with filing fees, or attorney fees." Edward's arm was getting tense around my waist. "Tell him how you skim a sizeable percentage off the top and use the rest to bribe your friends on the state boards. Then tell him how you get a kickback when construction starts, a kickback from the developers you send the business to." Jacob was starting to tremble. "Tell him how you take a percentage of the profits from the casinos once they start operation. Tell him how they give you that percentage to keep your mouth shut about how you got the licenses through." Edward stopped, and glared at Jacob.

"And don't let yourself explode before you tell him how you shifted into wolf form in the middle of Port Angeles, and how you attacked Isabella when she asked you why you were so horrible to her."

The gasp from all of them stopped Edward, even the boys stopped milling and turned, glaring at Jacob, but Billy was the first to speak.

"You phased in Port Angeles? You attacked Bella?"

"The bitch slapped me, what did you expect me to do, thank the bloodsucker and walk away?"

Billy turned to Edward, his face red, his hands trembling. "How do you know this?"

"I can read his mind, Sir." Billy looked unconvinced, but Carlisle moved up to Edward's side, and nodded.

"He really can, Billy. Trust me on this."

"Bullshit." Jacob was shaking, barely in control. I was cringing, praying he wouldn't phase. "Go on, Mr. Magnificent, tell me what I'm thinking right now."

Edward growled, shocking me. _Had I ever heard him growl before?_ "I won't repeat what you're thinking about Isabella right now," Edward turned to Billy, "but I'd suggest you ask your friend Harry to check the bolts on the back of your chair. Seems someone has loosened them." He looked back at Jacob. "For sport? Is that what you think it is? Sure you're not trying to hurry things along?"

Before Jacob could react, and faster than any of us could have imagined, Billy spun his chair around and faced Jacob. Lifting his body by pushing on the arm rest of the chair, he levered himself up and slapped Jacob across the face.

"You dishonor us, boy. You dishonor us all." He lowered himself, and turned the chair to face me.

"How did you escape?"

I looked into Billy's eyes. I couldn't be angry with him, but I wasn't going to gloss over this truth either.

"Billy," I glanced over at Jacob, "I let him live."

Suddenly, I was just tired. Tired of thirteen years of anger and hatred, tired of seeing Jacob's face. Tired of the fighting, tired of the discord, the tension, the worry, the fear. I turned and walked away, Edward walking with me, his arm still around me. I walked up the porch steps and into the house. I'd had enough.

Edward and I sat in the Cullens' living room while they continued to talk outside. I thought my catharsis would come when I fought with Jacob, but this confrontation — with the support of both Billy and Harry — this was what I really needed. But the release left me drained, emotionally exhausted, and I just couldn't bring myself to care enough to listen to the rest of what they were discussing. I leaned into Edward's side, while he ran his hand through my hair, soothing me. I wished I could have the release sleep could offer. Maybe if I could turn off my mind for long enough, I could find a way to mimic it.

The footsteps on the porch, and then the squeak of the door, alerted me to their return. I watched Carlisle enter the living room, Esme hanging back, while Jasper and Alice walked through the house, and out the back door. Carlisle approached, and kneeled down in front of me. He stared at the floor, no expression on his face, and then looked up and patted my knee.

"I had no idea, Bella." He shook his head. "I didn't know what the history was, and I'm sorry. I have to be honest, had it been me, I'd have done the same thing you did." Movement caught my eyes, and I saw Esme nodding, smiling at the back of Carlisle's head.

"For now, let's not worry about who saw the newspaper article. It's a small newspaper in a small corner of the world, and it's a long way from Italy." He stood up, slowly, and for a moment I saw his age, the 350 or so years he's lived, and I knew he was feeling them, too. "But I want you to know, that if they do find out, I pledge I will do everything I can to defend both you and Edward. It may not seem that way to you, but we really are family. We take care of our own."

"You would do that for us?" I asked, my voice small. Carlisle would defend me, defend Edward?

He nodded, and took a deep breath. I looked at him in awe, realizing how much I had misjudged him. I would not make that mistake again.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "But I'd like to ask both you and Edward, if you're willing, to accept my hospitality for a little longer. I keep forgetting how much Edward doesn't know about our world, so it's a good opportunity to teach you both." He gave us a small smile. "I promise to try to make it entertaining."

I smiled and turned to Edward. He looked at me and shrugged. "Were we rushing off anywhere else? I think if we have nothing else in this life, we have time."

Esme started hopping around, waving her hand, trying to get our attention. I giggled at her, and she grinned. "There's an unused bedroom on the third floor, you're welcome to it, for as long as you like."

"Was it Eli's?" She shook her head no, and I breathed a sigh of relief. It was good he wasn't here now, he wouldn't be masked by that delectable skunk scent. But I also didn't want to move into what had been his bedroom… with Edward.

Edward shifted on the couch, looking a little uncomfortable. "Why don't I just buy us a house?" Good idea, privacy would be nice.

Esme looked at Carlisle, and he smiled at her, nodding his head.

"We own quite a lot of the land around here," she said, "and some distance away is an old stone cottage. It needs work – a new roof, cleaning, painting, windows...some furniture..." Her eyes were hopeful as she looked at us.

Edward turned to me, his eyes dancing, a soft smile on his face. "Only if you allow me to buy it, and then Isabella and I can repair it." Carlisle started to object, but Esme stopped him. She understood why we wanted something of our own.

I grinned at him. "I wish I could contribute money to this but..., well, I guess I'll be willing to help you spend your money as long as it's for both of us."

Carlisle smiled. "Let me know when you'd like to take a walk, I'll show it to you." He looked directly at me. "And after all that exposure, I imagine you'd like to hunt?"

"Not all that hungry, to be honest. But it might help to get the stink of dog out of my mouth."

**

A month later Edward and I stood in the doorway of our own home, both of us breathing a sigh of relief. It was nice spending time with the Cullens, but I hated the lack of privacy. Not only could they hear what we were up to, but we could hear what they were up to as well — and they were all very... er... active, and none of them were shy about it, including Carlisle.

And living with others, aside from me, was too much for Edward. He was getting better around people as he developed some blocking techniques, but it was far from perfect. He and I spent as much time away from them as we could, either relaxing in the woods or working on the house. After the first week, we started doing everything in the woods.

I didn't care if the animals watched.

But we did spend time with Carlisle. Edward and I both agreed there was much we needed to learn, and so we talked about the Volturi, the Romanian vampires, the US Southern wars that Jasper was an integral part of. We talked about our physiology, and how much research Carlisle had done into how we transformed into what we were. Although biology had never been my field of interest, I found it fascinating. We weren't some vague monsters, we were sentient beings that evolved alongside humans. On the evolutionary ladder, we appeared to be above them — additional chromosomes in addition to the obvious. Although we didn't reproduce in the standard way, we most assuredly reproduced our species by infecting a human with our venom. I'd even come to the conclusion we fit into the Darwinian model, as only the best and strongest had the willpower to bite and inject venom, without completely draining the human of all blood.

We were not "undead." In fact, we had to be alive in order to be changed, and our hearts had to be beating strongly for the venom to move through our bloodstream. Vampires were not the stuff of legend – we didn't die only to be reanimated when the sun went down.

What Victoria did to me, according to Carlisle, was extremely rare. She didn't even consider biting me, instead taking some kind of insane satisfaction in drooling venom into my wounds. He also told me it was rare to find that level of insanity among vampires. Granted, there were heinously bloodthirsty vampires all over the world, but after I described Victoria's bipolar behavior, he was shocked. It seemed insane vampires rarely survived, their insanity making them a risk to all of our kind. The Volturi weren't the only ones who didn't want our existence to be discovered — none of us did. And I found I agreed. As strong as we were, I could imagine what would happen if the US military found out about us. I shuddered to think of the type of experimentation we'd be subjected to, regardless of our strength.

And to my delight, Harry and I stayed in touch, via email. At first I laughed at the idea of traditional, old Harry on a computer, but I soon put those thoughts aside because, well, he was a tie to my past that would not only keep my secret, but who accepted me. It added more joy to my life.

And, of course, I got to hear what happened between Jacob and the tribe. The last I'd heard, they'd brought in an independent auditor. The auditor would report to the elders only — they still didn't want the Feds involved. Preliminary reports were confirming everything Edward had plucked out of Jacob's head. The tribe may not have been able to do anything about his alpha status with the wolves, but it was beginning to look like it would be a cold day in hell before he sat on the tribal council.

The evening after I got that news, I asked Edward to teach me how to dance. It was a glorious night.

I couldn't ask for more in life. When we weren't busy building our house, or learning and debating with Carlisle and Jasper, Edward and I continued to grow closer, although I wouldn't have thought it possible.

It was a lovely and sunny day. He and I were hunting, enjoying the woods and the cool dampness of the Olympic peninsula forests. We'd just finished off a doe each, and were sitting in the woods, on a carpet of old pine needles. Edward had his back against a moss-covered tree, and I was sitting between his legs, resting my back against his chest, playing with his fingers. It was one of our favorite things to do — sitting amongst the ancient trees, listening to the birds, enjoying the scents that were both primeval and new. The more I knew Edward, the more I loved the man, not the draw or the mate, or even the amazing sensuality between us. It was the brilliance of his mind, the tenderness of his soul. Using my talent, we'd spent a great deal of time examining his youth, helping him regain his memories. His parents were lovely people, especially his mother. I could see how much he took after her, her quiet but quick wit, her perceptiveness. And we both wept at his memories of all those lives cut so short, so heartbreakingly young, as the men returned from Europe, carrying the seeds of the pandemic.

I was lost in thought, comforted by his steady breathing, feeling myself melt into him, just sitting there. Two people yet one.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe I spent so many years alone," he whispered, speaking to me, and speaking to himself. "It was almost as if I was catatonic, waiting, taking each day as it came, keeping myself apart from everyone else." He pulled his hand from mine and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. "It was worth every decade, every misstep, to find myself here, today."

I couldn't imagine living like that, closed off from everyone else, year after year... and that's when it hit me. I turned my head and looked up, catching his eyes, his soft smile.

"Edward, although it wasn't nearly as many years," I said softly, "I just realized it hadn't been much different for me." I turned around, and sat on his lap, straddling him, running my finger along his chest while I thought. "After you left Forks, when I could no longer feel your presence..., well, it coincided with so many awful events in my life." I shook my head, thinking of those times. "I lived in society, but I separated myself, too." I looked up at him. "Do you understand? Those thirteen years... I wasn't really living." I took a deep breath, and looked over his shoulder. Honesty between us was critical, he needed to know this. "When I met Eli, what I felt, the return of that background shimmer in my life, I thought it was him. But it was you, watching. It's the first time in all those years I felt alive again." I gazed into his eyes, hoping he'd understand what I was trying to say. I didn't want to make him jealous, I just wanted him to know I felt him before I saw him. That he brought me to life again.

His eyes were soft, and he leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss. "The years are irrelevant. Waiting is waiting, and hurts the same if it's ninety years, or thirteen." I lowered my head to his chest, my arms around his waist, his arms around mine. I didn't know if I believed in god, but each and every day I was thankful this man came into my life.

Comfortable, in a haze of contentment, just the two of us in the ancient green forest, in our bubble, it felt like a dream come to life. I felt him shift, lower his lips to my head, heard the rustle of my hair as his lips touched me, like butterfly wings. I was lost in him, thinking of all the ways to describe my love when I felt him freeze. His head flew up and I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath.

"Why is she here?" I heard him whisper, his head turning, gulping in more air, trying to pinpoint the direction of the scent.

"Edward?" I pulled back, still sitting on his lap, trying to catch his eyes. "What is it?"

"The woman, the woman who watched Eli years ago when he was at university, the one who is guarding him again..." His voice trailed off and I saw that inward stare on Edward's face, knowing he was scanning, trying to pick up thoughts.

His eyes grew wide and he gasped. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he lunged to his feet, grabbed my hand and started pulling towards the house.

"Oh my god, Isabella, now...quickly, we have to get there!" His voice was shaking but I didn't ask him to stop, I just leaped after him and ran by his side.

"What is it, Edward?" I whispered, staring at his profile, his jaw set, his eyes narrowed and pained. He just shook his head and put on another burst of speed, and I had to struggle to keep up with him.

We came out of the trees and into their yard, and we both dug in our heels, sliding through the dirt to a sudden stop, sod flying on both sides of our feet as our momentum dug our feet through the wet grass. Grabbing each others' hands we stared at the scene in front of us.

Carlisle and Esme stood next to each other, Jasper and Alice off to the side, forming a semi-circle around the three standing in front of them.

James and Victoria were motionless, on each side of the third person, hands grasping his arms as he struggled. He was blindfolded, duct tape plastered across his mouth. His hands were bound behind him with stranded cable, wrapped so tightly I could see the cable digging into his skin. His chest was heaving, his clothes were muddy and torn. I squeezed Edward's hand tighter, because I could feel the uncontrollable tremble rattling him. I didn't know what I could do, but I had to keep both of us grounded.

"I won't repeat myself." I heard James' voice, deep and threatening as he faced the four vampires standing in front of him. Victoria giggled, and although her hand was like a vise on his arm, even though I could see him wince in pain as she tightened her grasp, she took her free hand and ran it through his hair, like a lover might. I shuddered, wanting to run forward and rip her head off.

I felt Edward squeeze my hand tighter, and looked up. He was looking down at me, his eyes stricken, but he shook his head 'no.' I understood... any attempt to free him might result in his immediate death. As fast as we all were, we'd never be able to get there before they could kill him.

We were all momentarily distracted by the sound of a car racing down the winding driveway. Unlike the last time, when the tribal members were here, this engine was roaring, geared down, sliding across the gravel at a speed beyond what the car and the slippery surface of the road could handle. A bright red mustang came into view, and before it even stopped Emmett was out and running towards the group, followed closely by Rosalie. I gasped when I saw her, her face was dirty, her perfect hair tangled and matted with leaves, and her clothes were filthy and ripped. They both came to a stop as they took in the situation, positioning themselves behind Carlisle. Rosalie looked up and caught my eyes, and with a grimace lowered her head, shaking it back and forth slowly.

"One last time... Carlisle, is it?" James growled when Carlisle took a step forward, stopping him cold. "You contact your Italian friends, and you tell them to call off their trackers." James pushed Victoria's hands away and grabbed the soft bronze hair in his fist, and pushed Eli to his knees. "Do it, or this hybrid dies."

I felt it before I heard it, the growl forming deep in Edward's chest, the air around him shimmering from the vibration, the start of movement felt before movement could be seen, when we both froze as Alice gasped, and spun to face Carlisle.

"Aro!"

* * *

**A/N**

And that, my friends, is a double cliffie. *wide evil grin*

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances, both of whom put up with my whining about needing to write other stuff and putting this on the back burner, while I was wracked with guilt and just a general, mess.

And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words, even the not so kind words. Just words. Words are good.

Come join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe. Judy Collins is the talk of the day. What can I say, I'm an old fart. At least she's an older fart.


	22. Burnt Out Ends of Smokey Days

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

* * *

Chapter 22

Burnt Out Ends of Smokey Days

Edward and I stood at the edge of the woods behind the Cullen's house. James and Victoria, with Eli bound between them, were facing us — their backs to the house. The entire Cullen family stood in front of them, looking like soldiers ready for battle. I could feel the tension in the air, and Edward's indecision. Do we stay where we are or join the family? If it wasn't for the imminent arrival of our guest there would be no question – but both of us were afraid to do anything to make ourselves even more obvious. From where we stood, at least we could run back into the trees, if necessary.

I felt nauseous as guilt threatened to overwhelm me. If I hadn't gone after Jacob in public, if I'd bothered to think first...

"How close, Alice. How soon," Carlisle asked, not allowing his attention to waver from James for a moment.

"He'll be walking back here within a minute. Damn it, Carlisle. I wasn't looking, I didn't expect..." Alice started mumbling something about how she can't be expected to be the family's Magic Eight Ball.

"It's fine, Alice. We'll manage."

I listened to their exchange, unsuccessfully trying to control my growing panic. As if he could read my mind, Edward let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, knowing his touch would help sooth me. I lowered my head and shook it, if we were hurt, if any of us were hurt, it would be my fault.

"Don't ignore me, Carlisle," James growled. "When he walks back here I expect you to do what I said. Tell him it was a mistake, call him off." He emphasized his words by pushing Eli to the ground, onto his stomach. I watched Eli's back tremble, his breathing out of control. His head was turned to the side, still bound, blindfolded, and his mouth taped. He was flushed, and I could see his cheeks were damp from tears. I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist and tried to offer what comfort I could. We had all failed him, failed his son.

"Wouldn't you rather play with me, James?"

_What the hell..._

We all turned towards the voice, and at the stunning woman sauntering into the yard. Long, curly, strawberry blonde hair framing the face of an angel - she was a vampire, with the amber eyes of a vegetarian. _Who was she?_

"Come on, James," she cooed. "Real vampires don't play with little boys, do they?"

She was dressed in the tan shirt and shorts of someone on safari, not at all tight or revealing, but as she walked towards James she invoked the image of a lion stalking her prey. Every sensuous flex of her long legs exuded sexuality as she sauntered towards him.

I looked at Edward, and did a double-take. He was staring at her, and he was smiling. _What the fuck?_

Burning, blazing jealousy roared through me, and I pulled out from under his arm, crossed mine in front of my chest and glared at him. _What the fuck was this about?_ All I could think of was Jacob, of what happened fifteen years ago, as it all rushed back at me. The pain, the rejection... it was happening again. My emotions shifted from anger to despair, and I turned my back on them all, before he could see my face – see what he had done to me. I couldn't shed tears, but it didn't mean I couldn't cry, and before I could stop it, a sob escaped.

Edward gasped in shock, and grabbed my shoulders. I shook him off and took a step away before he grabbed me again.

"Listen," he pleaded. "Please let me explain, Isabella. Please?"

I lifted my hand and tried to brush away the tears that weren't there. Shaking my head sadly, I shrugged my shoulders, and let him in.

"_She's the one who's been watching Eli for years. James got past her, as he got past Rosalie and Emmett. She's going to try to split them up, distract James. Please, Isabella, my love, my only love, I'm smiling because she cares for Eli, and I had no idea."_

He moved in front of me and tried to catch my eyes, his hands wringing in despair_. "I've known about her for years, Isabella, before I found you again. If she held a moment's interest to me, wouldn't I have done something then?"_

I turned away again, and rubbed my temples. My emotions were completely out of control, more than I'd yet experienced as a newborn. I took a few deep breaths, and tried to calm myself, to listen to him, and to process what he was saying about her.

"_Does she really feel that way about Eli? Does Eli even know her?" _Turning around I met his eyes, and took his hand. I could hear his sigh of relief both in my ears, and in my mind.

Edward shook his head, and I suppressed a grin. If we all survived this, it might prove to be interesting. We both turned back to watch, and I gave his hand a squeeze.

"_I'm sorry, Edward. I had no right..."_ He dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Nothing to forgive," he said aloud, and kissed the top of my head.

James' voice brought us both back to the harsh realities surrounding us. "Victoria, keep an eye on the boy." His eyes were riveted on the breathtaking woman as she undulated across the lawn, licking his lips and smirking.

"You have me at a disadvantage. You know my name, but I don't know yours." James smiled broadly, his sharp teeth glistening with venom, and took a step towards her.

Victoria narrowed her eyes, bared her teeth and hissed, "Don't you dare..." He turned his head and snarled at her, never slowing his approach to the beautiful stranger.

"You bastard," she growled, her entire body trembling in rage. Ignoring Eli, she lowered her body and prepared to spring.

"Victoria, manners please. You are a lady, are you not?"

_Ah shit, here it comes._ We all turned to face the man who came here to hold all our fates in his hands.

His voice was deep, resonating, pleasing, and oddly accented. But more than his voice, it was his scent. In my limited time as a vampire, I'd never smelled anything like it. It was old, strongly masculine yet musty, like old books with brittle and yellowed pages that crumbled to dust when you tried to turn them. But one look at him and I knew age had done nothing to diminish his strength.

He walking down the side lawn as if he owned all he surveyed, seeming to float as he strolled towards us at the back of the house. Not too tall, but his presence commanded you. Long black hair pulled back from his face to a ponytail at his neck that was bound with what appeared to be a heavy gold clasp. His suit was modern, black and shiny, with a black shirt and a black tie. He was a handsome man, but that was to be expected – he was, of course, a vampire. And he looked exactly like his portrait that Carlisle had hanging in his study.

Standing at his side was a very large man, at least as large as Emmett. He also had black hair, and an olive complexion that was still pale, giving him an almost light green hue. He said nothing, but looked everywhere, and at everything, staying five steps behind his Master.

Aro's burgundy eyes twinkled, and the corners of his mouth kept twitching as he tried to stifle a grin. Everyone froze, moving nothing but their eyes as they followed his progress, but he ignored us all and walked directly to Carlisle, holding out his hand.

"It's been too long, my friend," he said, and inclined his head to Carlisle. I watched him carefully. He didn't seem upset. I glanced up at Edward, who was concentrating, staring at him. I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. Edward could hear his thoughts – we'd have some warning. Maybe.

"Ah, and I see you have guests? Come young man," he called to James. "Join us, _per piacere_, and introduce me to your lovely mate." Aro lowered his eyes to Eli, bound and struggling on the ground, and then looked up, smiling at Victoria. "_Bella ragazza_, I have not had the pleasure to meet you." He held out his hand, "Victoria, is it not? A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." Victoria hesitated, and then placed her hand in his. He raised it to his lips and closed his eyes. I glanced at Carlisle, who was watching Aro intently. Edward squeezed my hand again, and nodded towards the two of them. I raised my eyebrows, but he shook his head.

"_Edward?" I spoke directly to him, and he leaned towards me._

"_Watch Aro, he's taking in Victoria's entire life in a single touch, and she's completely unaware."_

"Ah, sweet child." He dropped her hand, and smiled at her again. "And James, my son." Aro held out his hand, as if he was greeting a long lost brother. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." James scowled but knew he couldn't refuse this pleasantry from the head of the Volturi. He walked back and grabbed Aro's hand, probably thinking he could impress him with the strength of his grip. Aro smiled at him, and let him play his game.

Releasing him, Aro turned away, his fingers tented under his chin, his eyes far away, deep in thought. He paused in front of Eli, who had stopped struggling when he heard the unknown voice join them.

"Victoria, my child, would you be so kind as to remove this young man's blindfold? You may leave him bound, but I so want to see his face." Victoria looked like a deer caught in headlights, and turned to James for permission. He rolled his eyes and gestured for her to get on with it. He knew who it was standing before them.

Victoria kneeled, and grabbing the back of the fabric tied around Eli's eyes, pulled it off. She took a step back, frightened but at the same time, clearly fascinated by this handsome and powerful vampire.

Aro looked at Eli, and then raising his eyes, stared directly at Edward. If my heart could function it would have been in my throat, although why I even considered the possibility we'd go unnoticed was beyond me.

"There's no mistaking it," Aro whispered, his eyes moving between Eli and Edward. "Then again... Sir," he said, directed at Edward. "Would you mind telling me how long it's been since you've joined the immortals?"

Edward's face remained impassive. "Since nineteen-eighteen, my Lord."

Aro smiled at the title, and nodded his head. "And you fathered this young man since?"

Edward nodded, and said no more. With the lightning speed of these developments, he and I hadn't had an opportunity to discuss strategy. But Edward's silence, his unwillingness to offer more information made sense. The less Aro knew of how deeply Edward cared for his son, the less the risk he'd use that bond against him.

Watching Edward carefully, I saw the sudden distress in his eyes, felt the tremor start in his body, and I knew I was standing at a crossroads. Edward would give his life to save Eli's. And I would stand at his side.

I didn't want to die, not just as I'd found this new life. But when I confronted Jacob I'd accepted that might be a possibility, and because of my rash act we were now standing in the midst of the most powerful vampire on the planet, who not only might choose to end our lives, but the lives of everyone standing here this day. I wasn't noble; I could be honest enough with myself to feel my own fear and understood it would take everything I had to keep it from overwhelming me and freezing me into inaction. I couldn't allow that to happen. We would either walk away from this or, more likely, die this day. But if I died, I'd go down fighting.

Bracing myself for battle, I was astonished to feel Edward relax – something had shifted. And to my further surprise, Aro turned his attention away from Eli and Edward, and back to Victoria. I took a moment to breathe again, and glanced around to see if anyone else noticed the change in focus. I frowned as I scanned the yard — the blonde woman had disappeared.

"My daughter," Aro crooned at Victoria, stepping up to her, placing his hand on her cheek. "Don't be so sad." Victoria was mesmerized, as was I as I listened to his odd cadences, to his r's roll softly off his tongue. He lifted his other hand, caressing her other cheek. "The child you think you lost is still within your womb, dear Victoria." At her startled gasp he held her face tenderly, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. "The girl child is frozen, just as you are, but she's still there. There's no reason to mourn her." He kept looking into her eyes, and they softened. She smiled, and raised a hand to her stomach.

"Truly, Sir, it is a girl child, my Olivia, and she survived?"

Aro nodded his head, his eyes never leaving her except for a flicker to the side, so fast I thought I'd imagined it.

James was watching them, the expression on his face puzzled, no doubt wondering why this man was being so tender with his insane mate. So focused that he failed to see what the rest of us saw. Felix had moved around Aro while we were all watching the exchange between Aro and Victoria, and James wasn't aware Felix was now standing behind him. With a barely perceptible nod of Aro's head, Felix's huge, bulging arm was wrapped around James' throat, while his other was around his chest, blocking his air, keeping him from being able to speak - to move.

Aro smiled at Victoria once more, cradling her cheeks in both his hands, and as she smiled back he tightened his hold and with a twist, removed her head.

And at the same time Felix took the arm that was around James' throat and, pressing in tighter, gave his own twist. The second head fell to the ground, onto the green grass.

"Carlisle, can I bother you for a small fire please?" Aro removed an embroidered handkerchief from his back pocket, and wiped his hands. "I'd like to finish this unpleasant business, and then we can return to our overdue visit." He glanced down at the headless body of Victoria, and sighed. "She was a beauty, wouldn't you say? It was unfortunate she was raving mad." He seemed to make a point of working even harder to clean his hands, as if he feared her insanity was somehow contagious.

Aro strolled away from the decapitated bodies, not giving them another glance. It was then that I looked away from him, and to the heads of James and Victoria, just lying there in the grass.

_Holy shit, they weren't dead!_

Their eyes moved, darting from side to side. And then their mouths moved, trying to speak, to scream in horror, to silently plead for life, for existence, their mouths moving faster, opening wider in screams of agony but without their lungs, without a larynx, not a sound issued forth. It was a horror movie, the worst kind, the kind that drove you from bed in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating and locking doors and windows and trembling, swallowing bile and praying for the light of day, the coming of the dawn to chase away the nightmares.

But this was not a nightmare, this was real, and I looked up at Edward and did everything I could to shut out the vision that it could be his head I might soon be looking at, my own lying nearby.

Aro motioned to Felix, who ran over to the patio and returned with an assortment of comfortably cushioned chairs, placing them in front of the pyre Carlisle hastily constructed. Aro settled into one, and waving his hand, invited Carlisle to sit in the other. Jasper broke from the line of shocked family members, and picking up James' writhing body, dragged it through the dirt by the heel of one foot, slapping away the arms and hands attempting to fight him off. Rosalie, still covered in dirt and in her ripped clothes, grabbed Victoria and did the same — her eyes flat with rage, her mouth set in grim determination. Aro smiled at them both, and turned back to Carlisle.

"So my friend, have you been well?"

Jasper looked at the squirming body and, after a moment's thought, snapped off the pinky of the right hand and tossed it into the flames. Apparently, Rosalie wasn't going to take her time. She twisted Victoria's left arm off and threw it into the fire.

Carlisle shook his head and lifted it to meet Aro's eyes, his mouth open to say something when Felix approached his master, bending down and whispering. Aro smiled and nodded, and Felix straightened, snapping his fingers. We all turned when we heard a sound in the trees. A young man...er... vampire, came running out, holding a white porcelain water pitcher and bowl. _Where had he come from?_ _How many more were surrounding us?_

He handed the pitcher to Felix, and held the bowl under Aro's hands.

"Uh, I've been well, Aro." Carlisle finally responded, and was about to say more when Felix poured water over Aro's outstretched hands. We all watched, in rapt fascination, as this self-proclaimed executioner meticulously scrubbed his hands. When he was satisfied, he grabbed the towel Felix had draped over his arm, and just as carefully dried them. Watching this reminded me of films and literature about the seventeenth century aristocracy. All Felix needed was a pair of knickers and a powdered wig.

Aro waved a hand, sending Felix and the unnamed vampire away, and did what I most feared. He turned around, and looked directly at Edward and me. "And who, Carlisle, is that lovely young immortal standing with the father of..." He seemed to suddenly remember Eli on the ground. "Dear Alice, is it? Remove his bindings, would you please? I'm certain this has been very uncomfortable for him, and I'm equally certain he won't take the opportunity to run off." Aro returned his attention to me, smiling sweetly, and that's when it hit me.

Why not before? Was I so caught up in events I was able to override everything else? I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help myself. I looked at Eli, and without thinking, I took a deep breath.

There were no wolves to foul the air, nothing more to distract me, so as the tape was removed from Eli's mouth, as he breathed out from his mouth for the first time, the scent barreled towards me with everything else that made whatever part of Eli human. The sweat on his skin, the moisture in his eyes, the sound of his heart beating, the rushing of blood through his veins, the taste of that blood in the air he exhaled from his lungs hit me like a bowling ball, my throat erupting in flames.

_Food!_

I stepped away from Edward, from my competition, the growl forming deep within my chest. This one was mine, I needed it, I wanted it, I deserved it. Edward grabbed my shoulders but I shook him off with a snarl. _Mine, damn it._

The green eyes were wide and afraid. _Good._ I didn't need to think about what I was doing, my body was doing it all on its own. I bent my knees, crouching, and took a step towards the human, my eyes never leaving his, as he stood mesmerized by me. And another step, and I could smell the fear...

"Oh, Carlisle, this is delightful. Did you arrange this as entertainment?"

It was as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown in my face. Confused, my head spinning, my throat burning, I looked at Eli and realized what I had almost done. With a wail of horror I stepped back, Edward's arms coming up behind me and wrapping around my waist.

"Oh shit, Edward, hold me, don't let me hurt him," I whimpered

"You're okay now, Isabella. None of us were going to allow you to harm him."

Staring at Aro, I tried to make sense of what I was feeling. Why were his words what I needed? I thought back to what had just happened. I was like an animal, running on pure instinct... and, it appeared to have been his laugh, his joy in witnessing my preying on Eli. It was anger that broke the spell. _This pig was going to enjoy watching me kill Edward's son!_

I squeezed my eyes shut; I couldn't let him see how much he infuriated me. Opening my eyes again I straightened my back, took a deep breath, and stared right at him. It may be my head on the ground by the end of the day, but I would retain my dignity. I would not provide entertainment for this monster.

Aro smiled as he watched my attitude change. "Come child," he patted the chair next to him. "Let me introduce myself to you. I'm not nearly as frightening as some might think," he said with a smile, but I could see the coldness underneath it, the man used to giving orders, and having them obeyed. It may appear I'd been invited, but I sure as hell knew I'd been ordered to present myself.

I grabbed Edward's hand and walked over with him, and sat next to Aro with Edward hovering behind me.

Turning to Edward, Aro said, "You and I will talk later. However, I can't keep the lovely lady waiting." He smiled again, and reached out his hand for mine.

I knew what I was about to do might decide the future for all of us. Steeling myself, knowing I was about to go up against a vampire so powerful our entire world bowed to him, I locking eyes with Aro, reached over and took his hand.

The first thing I felt was the pressure, the push against me, against my mind, the tangle of filmy fingers, thousands of them trying to reach, to secure, to grasp onto me, to... learn. To learn, to know... _it's the key!_ I stared into his rheumy eyes, burgundy with flecks of dark brown in the irises. I held the myriad of fingers at bay and followed back, along their twisted paths I slid along, pushing back, trying to find the source. Through layers of memories, not his, but the memories of others, thousands of them, compacted layer upon layer of love found and love lost and tedious jobs and petty fights. Through random thoughts and sickness and disgusting bathroom habits and the sexual experiences of countless people, dead, long gone, immortal, human, alive. It was a battle, but I needed to find the source as I stayed with the tendrils, following them deeper and deeper as Aro's eyes got wider, and then I felt him, following me, moving with me. I felt his mental gasps as I got beneath layers he hadn't remembered for a thousand years, for two thousand years, until I reached the source, the singularity, the three thousand year old Aro.

The beginning.

**

It's a hot, bleak landscape of yellowed grass, and boulder-strewn fields. Of filthy huts and stinking pits filled with fecal matter. Of wandering pigs rooting in the barren dirt and scrawny chickens picking at their dung. A layer of brown smoke hung low to the ground, its source the crude holes cut into the roofs of the huts, and the stone chimney of the blacksmith's furnace. The source of fire was peat and manure, adding to the wretched stink of the village.

This is Tartessus, his memories whisper, in a village known for its metal works. They trade with Brittany, and the wealth that comes with it.

But the blacksmith and his apprentice, the creators of the goods for trade, never see that wealth. I could feel his buried resentment...

The blacksmith's hut is built of stone, as it needed to be. Small windows letting in small amounts of light, the sound of hammer hitting metal and the orange sparks flying with each blow are the only things of interest to be seen — that is, except for the lithe form of the elder apprentice as he looks into the polished bronze disc, gazing at his own reflection.

The apprentice has long, dark brown hair, tied at the back of his neck with a strip of hide. His clothes are scarred and burned leather – protecting him from the heat of the glowing sparks of molten bronze that fly through the air with each pound of the hammer. The young man's eyes burn with intelligence and curiosity as he peppers his master with questions about the metal, the ore, the fire, the folding, and the flux. The older man smiles in understanding. He's known Aro since the child was born, and his need to know everything around him is his most noticeable quality. And everyone in the village did what they could to satisfy this need. But it is never enough, never could be enough.

In spite of this, young Aro is a delight to all who know him. Warm and generous, thoughtful in his interactions, it's assumed one day he'll be a leader of men. The old men nod their heads in approval as he passes, confident he'll grow to be the best of them, and how proud they'll be declaring to all this good man was born and bred of their stock.

And so it is agreed that, for the first time, Aro will be the one delivering the next wagonload of trade goods to the village down the coast. At 20 years of age he is a heartbroken, young widower, his wife and child both died in childbirth. He has yet to see anything outside his village, and the elders see it as a good opportunity for him to find a new mate.

It's an overcast day, and Aro is instructed to hitch the horse in preparation for leaving. The wagon is filled with carefully wrapped goods, loaves of bread to sustain him on his trip, and grain for the horse. Flasks of water are prepared, along with a small skin of wine. The south road out of town will lead him to the next village as it skirts the water, winds among the sand and the dunes and the sea grass. It is the only place the road goes.

Night has fallen, and he's drawn the wagon inland, searching for fresh, unsalted water for the horse, and some protection under the scraggly, wind-swept trees. He's just made his simple camp when he hears a strangled cry from the mare. It's high, and keening, and ends with a shuddering gurgle that sets the hair on the back of his neck on end. Dropping his wineskin he runs towards her, to where he had hobbled her, only to find her on the ground, steam rising off her body, her chest and belly still in death.

A flash of white hair catches his eyes before it steps behind a tree. He reaches into his belt for his knife, and slowly stalks towards the murderer of his horse.

"_¿Quién es_?" he whispers.

"Your salvation," is the reply from behind the tree, followed by a soft laugh.

Aro does not understand the words, but puzzled by the laugh, moves closer, knife at ready.

"_¿Cómo te llamas?" _Is he from the village? Aro doesn't recognize the voice, but perhaps he is mistaken? Is this man mad, or has he somehow wronged him. Who is he?

The man behind the tree is silent, Aro can't even hear his breath in the still night. _"¿Cómo te llamas?" _he repeats as he reaches the tree, and carefully peers around it, gasping when he feels the sudden breath on the back of his neck, the low growl directly in his ear freezing him to the spot.

"My name is, Godmaker," is the husky reply, before he's locked in a vice-like grip, the strength in his blacksmith's arms useless against the steel of what pins him down. The icy cold breath blows against his neck, and Aro knows nothing more as the fires of the underworld consume him, fires that rival his master's furnace.

~*~

The year is 382 AD, and the lithe, dark-haired man who used to tie his hair back with a strip of leather stands at the side of the library in Alexandria. In his thirteen hundred years of walking the earth he has accumulated property, and wealth, and servants. And as he runs his hands over the smooth stone of the rear of the building, he knows the memories he's collected will be nothing in comparison to what he's about to acquire. He leans his head forward, and like a lover offering a tenderness to his bride, kisses the cold marble of the building with the cold marble of his lips.

"Felix," he whispers, his breath fanning across the stone, and the large man appears at his side – looking no different than he will 1700 years later. "All prepared?"

Felix nods and points to the line of enclosed carriages and the five hay wagons hiding in the dark, hidden from human eyes.

"Let them do the work, dear Felix. Your task will be to ensure nothing is missed." He smiles at his favorite guardsman. "Do well, and tonight I promise, you will be rewarded with a feast."

Out of the carriages come men, all dressed in grey robes. Some scale the sides of the smooth building, some quietly break through the newly installed stained glass windows. The master grimaces each time he hears the tinkling of the glass. It's an unfortunate loss — collateral damage.

Within an hour all of the enclosed carriages are full, and the library is empty of everything, except for the hay from the now-empty wagons. Leaning through a broken window, the master takes it upon himself to light the fire, and once more mourn the loss of the beautiful stained-glass, knowing the rest would not survive the heat of the fire.

Sighing, he turns back to his own carriage. He needs to give no orders as he climbs aboard, and his old friend and servant turns the horses for the long trip back to the Italian Peninsula. Before they make the last turn on the road, he thrusts his head out the window of the carriage, and looks at the blazing carnage behind him. With another sigh, and a satisfied smile, and the knowledge he now has possession of every piece of recorded learning in the civilized world, Aro turns his back on the Library of Alexandria and settles back to enjoy the journey back to the fortress at Volterra.

**

I'd seen enough, more than enough, and I could also feel Aro's respiration pick up, sense his distress. He'd seen what he needed too.

I pulled away quickly, using the tendrils as my guide as I rose through the thousands of voices. I emerged, blinking, in the evening light, with Edward's arms wound tightly around my shoulders, Aro sitting in front of me, my hand still in his, his eyes... distant.

I was furious, disgusted with what I saw. I needed to confront him about it, but I was smart enough to know this had to stay private. I reached back in to talk directly to his mind. Only Edward would be able to detect what was said.

"_Do you still have all the scrolls?"_ I asked. He nodded.

"_Haven't you done enough?"_ I fumed, taking my hand from his. _"You haven't just destroyed lives, you've destroyed civilizations."_ I took a deep breath, held his eyes with mine and continued._ "It would take humankind two thousands years to reproduce the knowledge you stole from them in one night. You lost who you were, you lost why you wanted. You reverted to nothing but want itself. The need to acquire. First knowledge, then things, then memories,"_ looking at Felix, _"and finally, people."_

His burgundy eyes cleared, and focused on me. "I hadn't remembered any of that..." he whispered out loud. "How did you do that?"

"Haven't a clue, but it's worthless to you, isn't it. I've handed you the key you need." I couldn't help the look of disgust I knew I wore. The life I had seen was criminal in its selfishness – made worse by the fact he had not started off that way. Once more I tapped into his mind, and spoke directly to him.

"_If you're lucky, you have millennia to atone for what you've done."_

Aro just stared at me as I stood, grabbed Edward's hand, and walked away.

* * *

**A/N**

I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances, both of whom put up with me through thick and thin, and a variety of sudden medical problems that have had me whining and weeping. Blah.

Yeah, I know I'm late. I'm sorry...

And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words. This was a tough one, let me know what you think, okay?

And join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe.

"


	23. Richard Cory

**Disclaimer:** All characters are owned and copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer, except for Eli and Sarah.

* * *

"_If you're lucky, you have millennia to atone for what you've done."_

_Aro just stared at me as I stood, grabbed Edward's hand, and walked away._

Chapter 23

Richard Cory

_The papers print his picture almost everywhere he goes:  
Richard Cory at the opera, Richard Cory at a show.  
And the rumor of his parties and the orgies on his yacht!  
Oh, he surely must be happy with everything he's got.*_

I found myself wondering if all the anger I felt was simply newborn rage, or if I was destined to be this impulsive for eternity. One look at Edward's face told me he was being bombarded by the panicked thoughts of the entire Cullen brood. It didn't take a rocket scientist for the others to realize what went down between Aro and me wasn't the usual 'king and peon' show.

And I wasn't all that certain I'd even want to know what was currently running through Aro's head.

But, damn it all, I didn't particularly give a shit that he's royalty, or claimed he was. _I_ knew better. And either Aro would remember his humanity, and his own failings over the millennia, or we'd all be dead.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands. I'd broken his rules; I fought Jacob, revealing what I was in the streets of Port Angeles. I could beg for mercy, remind him that the only observer was a drunk who thought he'd had a fantasy about a cartoon heroine.

But I suspected begging had never worked before.

I thought back to all I had learned about him as I'd led him back through his memories. Had I made a calculated choice, searching for items in his mind that might help? I'd like to say that was my motivation, but it wasn't. It happened as it did, revealing what it would – delving into Aro's human past had no particular rhyme or reason. I was as shocked to find what I did as he was to remember it.

Maybe, just maybe, it would get us out of this mess - even if it was unlikely.

Edward and I settled onto an old and weathered concrete bench at the edge of the yard, both turned towards Aro – muscles tense and minds on alert, as if we were watching a cobra coiled and weaving, wondering if and when it would strike. For his part, Aro turned away from all of us and stared off into the distance. I watched his profile, his jaw muscles working as the silence stretched, the world teetering on a knife's point as we all waited for something, anything. I glanced over at Edward, but he gave nothing away as he sat motionless, listening carefully and allowing nothing to distract him.

No one was moving. The yard was littered with vampires showing their true nature – as still as statues, not even the ruse of unnecessary breathing as they awaited their sentence. I sat just as still as I reminded myself it was my actions, both in Port Angeles and today on this lawn, that would decide all our fates.

Then I felt it, a small shift in the air as Edward's head turned towards me, the hint of a smile on his face.

I turned away from Edward and focused on the man who held our fates in his hands. Aro's face had lost that muscle-clenching tension, and he was staring at me, those old burgundy eyes revealing nothing.

"You're quite impetuous, aren't you, young Isabella?" he said, his words and expression revealing nothing. All I could do was meet his eyes and try to remain calm. There was no touch, no contact, no further mind reading or delving or whatever it is I manage to do. Instead, it was almost as if he were sizing me up, either coming to a decision or confirming one he'd already reached. I suppressed the need to talk, to respond, to say anything in defense of myself, because I knew there was no defense. All that was left was a sentence, a ruling - continuation of life or a death at his hands. I hoped it would be painless for us all. My shoulders sagged with defeat as I decided to accept I had lost... when he turned his eyes to Eli.

Aro looked him up and down, his face an enigma, his clouded eyes searching Eli's face for... something. I watched the blood rise in Eli's face before he shook himself, pulled himself together, and straightened to his full height - and stared right back into those cold eyes.

Aro's mouth twitched, and then a broad smile broke across his face. "Eli, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd love to have the opportunity to better make your acquaintance. Would you consider sitting with me and talking?"

Eli turned to Edward, inclined his head towards Aro and raised his eyebrows. My breath caught in my throat when I realized this may be the first time Eli had ever asked his father for advice. Edward's lips twitched and I watched his Adam's Apple move up and down his throat as he swallowed. The significance of the event wasn't lost on him either. He gave his son a nod and a soft smile.

There was a victory in this, victory for both Eli and Edward as the son softened his stance towards his father and as the father accepted this request to fill the roll of mentor. It was a small step, but still significant. I looked up at them, about to say something to both father and son when I realized it wasn't my place and it wasn't the time. I managed to control myself, school my features and appear impassive as I watched Eli move towards Aro and sit in the lawn chair next to him. Aro started to reach for his hand and then froze his hand in mid-air, an odd look on his face. His eyes flicked to mine, and he lowered his hand.

"Are you aware of my particular talent?" Aro asked.

Eli sat, his hands on his knees, back straight, and nodded. "I have an idea, but if you'd like to give me details..."

"I can read your thoughts, but not like your father can, or," he peered over at Edward, "as I've been led to believe he can. It requires touch, but I can immediately read all your thoughts, including all your memories." Aro watched Eli's face carefully, ensuring he fully understood the meaning of his words. I glanced over at Carlisle, who was staring at Aro, his mouth open, in shock.

"Eli," Aro continued, "I'd like to do something... new. I'd like to get to know you the way I'm most comfortable with, but I'd also like to see if you and I can establish a… friendship, if you're willing?" Again, I looked at Carlisle, and his shock was turning into a smile as he turned his eyes to me and nodded his head.

Had Aro ever asked before taking? How often had he revealed what he can do to others?

Had I been that effective?

"Carlisle told me about you," Eli said softly. It was odd hearing his voice, so different from Edward's, yet certain tonal values were so similar. A chill ran through me. My own human memories started unfolding – a soft yet chaste caress in bed, a passionate kiss with the warm South Carolina breezes swirling around us. His eyes begging me to stay with him and my inability to resist him. The memories cascaded with the sound of his voice, and with it came the guilt for hurting him, rising in my throat, choking me. And as much as I wanted to reach for Edward, my mate, for comfort, I knew this was mine to bear, and mine alone, as I considered that maybe retrieving memories wasn't always the best thing.

I swallowed, trying to stay in the moment, to focus on the interaction between this dangerous old vampire and the young man I had loved. There was time enough for recriminations later. I had all of eternity.

Eli squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. "I have nothing to hide from you." He held out his hand. "You have my permission to take... this time." I held my breath as I watched Aro reach out, gently take Eli's hand in his, and close his eyes.

It only lasted a minute, although I felt Edward shiver as his brief lifetime of memories poured out of Eli and into Aro's mind, allowing Edward momentary access to them. Aro dropped Eli's hand, and opened his eyes. He gazed at him for a long time, frozen as the rest of us – neither breathing nor moving. Finally, he exhaled, and looked down at his lap, breaking his stare.

"You've had a short but hard life, Elijah." Aro shook his head, his mouth drawing down into a frown. "I don't know if I'd have accepted it as well as you have. In fact," he said with bitterness lacing his words, "I know I wouldn't. And that talent, the one you got from your father, hasn't helped either."

"I can control it," Eli whispered, and then fell silent, unsure how to deal with Aro. None of us knew what to do. Aro turned away, lost in thought again, and then turned back to Eli.

"Bitterness can define your life, Elijah. It hasn't happened to you, yet, but guard against it happening at all. You're surrounded by people who care for you, and you have a father who watched over you, sacrificing everything to ensure you were safe. Don't be compelled to resent his first chance at happiness after a very long time spent alone."

Aro ignored the soft snort from Eli, and looked down at his lap, picking at the nonexistent lint on his fine black suit, straightening the immaculate crease in the pants. "Life isn't only about finding the great love of your love, or," he grimaced, "about wealth and power. I see you're following in Carlisle's footsteps, and although I may be remiss in not having said this to him many years ago, it's a noble calling." He looked over at Carlisle and gave him a brief smile, before turning his attention back to Eli.

"Before I risk sounding trite, I'll say no more. I'll only ask you to consider my words, and to remind you that although it's been difficult, there has always been someone there to try to help you. Don't discount that."

Aro looked in my direction, although his eyes seemed far away. "I haven't always had the best role models," he whispered. There was sadness there, regret, but before he said more he let out a gust of breath and stood. "Come, my young friend," he said, gesturing to Eli. "If you're willing, I'd like to take a walk through these beautiful woods. I've never been on the Olympic Peninsula before; perhaps you'd like to give me a tour?" He swept his arm, taking in the woods and the sky. "There's always something new to learn, wouldn't you agree?"

"Edward?" I jumped to my feet, his name leaving my mouth before I knew I was saying it. The idea of Eli going off alone with Aro scared the living shit out of me. Aro and Edward stared at each other, sizing each other up, and both men smiled at the same time.

"I do believe he'll be fine, Isabella." He looked up at me, still smiling. "And it'll give us some time to talk about what happened earlier, when you had that silent... chat with Aro. If you don't mind, that is."

Aro's light and carefree laugh startled us all. "Go ahead, Isabella, tell them my secrets." He stopped, and inclined his head to me. "I truly don't mind, just leave a few stories for me to reveal, myself." He winked and grinned, and turned to Eli. "Shall we?"

Aro and Eli both stood and headed towards the tree line, chatting about growing up in the mountains of North Carolina and how it compared to Washington and Europe. They were just disappearing into the undergrowth when I saw her step out from behind a huge tree, intent on following them.

"Tanya, you can join us instead of lurking," I heard Aro's voice calling, followed by a rich, deep laugh.

As the sounds of the three of them faded into the distance, those of us left wandered towards the house as if drawn by silent agreement. Gravitating towards the dining room, we all took a seat next to our mates and looked over to Carlisle, sitting at the head of the table.

"Emmett, Rosalie... how?"

Rosalie lowered her head, looking at her hands, still covered with dirt from her part in burning the bodies. I didn't need Edward to tell me she was feeling as if she'd failed, once again. He'd told me about her impromptu hunting expedition the evening James and Victoria snatched me from the house.

Emmett looked at each of us in turn, his eyes lingering on Edward, before he responded. "We had all agreed, Carlisle, and that included Tanya. When Eli was in class, we would take the opportunity to hunt, shower, and," I think if Emmett could blush, he would, "other activities." He let out a rush of breath. "From what we could piece together, his class ended early. It had to have been coincidence that James and Victoria found him at just that moment, because prior to that we never picked up their scent."

"He's a tracker, Emmett," Edward said softly. "He's as good at hiding himself from other vampires as he is at finding them. Before Aro killed him, I was able to determine he'd been watching all of you for months, waiting. He'd been counting on using Eli as the bargaining chip to get us to call off the Volturi. As we all just witnessed, he had good incentive to be desperate."

"Alice?" As soon as Carlisle said her name we all turned to her. She looked around the table, grimaced, and dropped her head into her hands.

"I'd like to offer a bunch of excuses that included interference from the proximity of wolves and crap like that, but the truth is, I wasn't looking."

I hadn't considered that. I was so caught up in my belief that Alice could see anything and everything that happened to all of us, resenting her for being a voyeur into our futures, that it hadn't occurred to me she might be fallible.

"You need to look?" I asked.

She lifted her head and shook it sadly. "Bella, maybe you've had the wrong impression about me. I can only see things that either pop into my head, or things I actively look for. Even with that, what I see can be subjective. If someone changes their mind, what I saw no longer applies."

Maybe I'd been too harsh on her. I looked at her, her remorse coming off her in waves, and at Jasper's arm around her, trying to comfort her for what she felt was her failure. I'd never had a close female friend. Perhaps I'd been too quick to judge her...

"So, Edward," Carlisle broke the uncomfortable silence, "what are your thoughts? Do you think it's necessary to continue to guard Eli now that James and Victoria are eliminated?"

"Carlisle, there's a part of me that is scared witless at the idea of leaving Eli completely alone, and then there's a part of me that knows I need to let him be the adult he's become, and fend for himself. With the known danger eliminated..." He paused. "Will Tanya continue to watch him? She seems pretty taken with him..." Edward trailed off, an amused look on his face.

"I think you've misinterpreted her motivations," Carlisle laughed. "She's a complex woman. I believe her underlying motivation is maternal. If you've picked up anything else from her, well, that's Tanya. It's second nature for her to assess all males that come her way, and she's vowed she'll leave him alone when it comes to anything… amorous."

I was disappointed to hear this. I was hoping Eli had found someone.

"How old is Tanya?" I asked.

"Far too old for him – nearly as old as Aro." He grimaced. "I'm not saying it's my place to choose Eli's mate, it's just... he's very young. A coupling should have balance. There would be none there, he'd be far too vulnerable, I fear."

Shit. Okay, that answers that question.

Edward's head snapped up, and he looked out the dining room window. "I'll be right back," he said to Carlisle, looking at me and motioning his head towards the door. I followed him onto the porch, the expression on his face intense, listening.

As soon as we stepped outside the wind shifted, and I was assaulted by the putrid scent of wolf. I stiffened, and without even thinking lowered to a crouch. If he came back, I wasn't about to let him walk away this time. I'd had enough.

"No, Isabella, it's not Jacob." He grabbed my hand and guided me down the porch steps.

Still holding my hand, Edward led me into the trees, far from the trail Aro, Eli, and Tanya had taken. As soon as we left the cultivated lawn of the backyard, we were within the primeval forest. As always, as soon as I stepped into the cool green of the trees, I took a deep breath, drawing in the smells I loved so much. The moss, the damp bark, even the underlying fungus, had its own scent that was a part of this living woods, this place that always seemed to me to be its own entity crafted of its environment, the whole becoming more than the sum of its parts. The whole was a living organism, as inviting to me as the sweetest blood. Over the last few months, I'd learned how much this type of forest was a part of who I was, and hoped that our future, wherever we wound up, would be chosen with this body memory in mind. Maybe this was something I could teach Edward – to feel and live the life energy of the deep woods.

Edward and I scrambled up a small cliff face, and on the leeward side I could just catch what looked like black fur sliding through the craggy rocks. As I tried to look closer the fur shimmered, and a tall man was walking towards us. It was Sam Uley – not as tall or massive as Jacob, but with a calm, commanding presence that fostered respect. I didn't know him well. He was a couple of years older than Jake and me, and as children are inclined, we gravitated to different groups, the two year age difference as wide as a chasm. I'd only see him in passing when I played at La Push.

Sam was dressed in shorts, and nothing else, bare feet almost soundless as he walked on the carpet of rotting leaves and pine needles. And I had no idea why he was here.

"Sam," I said, greeting him as I leaned against a huge tree, Edward somewhat in front of me in a protective position. "You're risking the treaty, you know, coming on this land. Or should I say, Jacob is? You wouldn't be here without his permission."

"Things have changed, Bella," he said softly, eyes darting from me to Edward, and back again. "It may take some time for it to settle down, but for the moment there is more than one pack," he took a deep breath. "I've been asked to lead a second, and some, although not all, have chosen to follow me."

I was stunned. "How's he taking this?" I wasn't concerned about him, I was concerned about his temper and everyone else.

Sam chuckled. "Not particularly well. He's talking about moving some of the tribe to a new location. He's full of fire and fury and making speeches and..." He turned away from both of us. "It's hard to see his humiliation as people walk away from him. Not that he doesn't deserve it for what he's done, but he's still one of us, and he's been our alpha."

He walked over to a tree and idly picked at the bark with his fingernail. "But, that's not the reason I'm here. Please tell Dr. Cullen the treaty remains intact, regardless of who runs the tribe and the pack."

Edward nodded, and Sam looked over his shoulder, uncomfortable making eye contact. The bottom line, regardless of treaties and old acquaintances, was that Edward and I were vampires. The wolves might tolerate us, but comfort around us would always be unlikely. And as much as my nature was to try to fight this ageless enmity, I also knew this wasn't the time – if ever there might be one. I needed to accept his words and not push it.

"It was good to see you again, Bella. I wish you luck." I nodded at his words, and watched him leave, phasing once he was out of our direct line of sight, giving himself some privacy.

Without saying a word to each other, Edward and I knew we both needed some time away from the others. I knew he needed some peace for himself, but he also seemed to understand I also needed some time to separate, to just be with him, to think over the cataclysmic events of the day.

We walked, kicking at loose stones and fallen twigs, lost in our thoughts but comfortable with each other, when I was hit was the realization the Cullens lived a bizarre paradox.

"Edward, doesn't it strike you as strange?"

He turned to me, and raised his eyebrows, questioning me. I stopped and pulled him to the ground and sat in front of him, legs crossed and my chin in my hands. "Why would Carlisle choose to remain in Forks? He can go anywhere else in the world. Why choose to live near the wolves? Why put himself through rigid adherence to the treaty by living near their lands? He could simply move, and never return. If he did, he could do anything he wanted and there would be no repercussions. Why?"

Edward shrugged. "You're right, Isabella, it does seem odd, doesn't it. I mean, he was forced to justify your existence, even though he'd done nothing to invoke your change. Perhaps he just likes a challenge? Perhaps it helps reinforce his need to remember his humanity. As long as he lives here, he's not just keeping vigil on himself, but he knows others are as well."

Edward nodded in the direction Aro had gone. "It's not as if there are any other vampires who care about helping him maintain his lifestyle."

"Good point." I looked down at the ground, picking at seeds hidden in the leaves. "The Cullens won't be staying here much longer, will they?"

"I keep picking up bits and pieces from Carlisle. They've stayed far longer than they should have. Esme has started isolating herself, as have Alice and Jasper. But Carlisle has to keep making appearances at the hospital, and the talk about his youthful appearance is getting louder. They need to leave, even if we have to help by encouraging them. I love our cottage, but..."

"I agree. As much as I love the Olympic Peninsula it's also time I separate myself from Forks again. I know I don't talk about it, but it will be easier if we spend some time away again, place a little more distance between us and the tribe, and my parents. We're risking too much by staying."

I looked up and caught his eye. "But I don't want to just move with the Cullens." Edward nodded his head in agreement.

"I think we can do more, be more. I listen to their stories about how they work to fit in, reworking the same disguise again and again. If that was what eternity is, I don't want it." I stood and reached out my hand, pulling him up with me.

"I don't think that's how we have to shape it for ourselves," he muttered, drawing me into his arms, running his smooth lips along my neck. "Isabella, we have a world out there to explore. I saw some of it in my wanderings over the decades, but with you by my side..." I turn my head and grazed my lips across his. "Carlisle has told us stories, of places where it's easy to remain hidden. I'd love to see some of them. We have lifetimes to live, to learn." I smiled when he ran his smooth palm up my arm. "Maybe one day we'll visit Aro and the others, and see what other gems he has hidden."

I thought about Aro, and Eli. I assumed Eli was safe still, but I also thought about my own behavior, and what I did to the sweet, unassuming man.

"I'm sorry I hurt your son, Edward."

He sighed, and spun me around, looking into my eyes. "Choices were taken from you, Isabella. Although I hope that you're not dissatisfied..." For the first time I heard a hint of insecurity in his voice. Ah shit. Me and my big mouth...

"Edward, I love you, I want no one else but you." I reached up and kissed him softly. "It wasn't my intention to make you question that. I'm just sorry I hurt him, because the decision wasn't taken from me."

He looked at me, eyebrows raised, questioning. I suppose in all the insanity, I had never told him.

"I made my decision the night James and Victoria took me. I had already decided, my love. What she did to me, changing me, had no bearing on it."

I snuggled into his arms, speaking against his chest. "I already knew I loved you, it just took what happened during my change for me to be able to say it to you. Although I'm certain I'd have said it anyway, just maybe not so quickly." I smiled and pulled him closer and kissed him softly, with as much love as I could show.

"There's just one thing I want to do before we move away," he whispered against my lips. I held him tighter, feeling him respond to me as every single part of our bodies aligned.

"And what is that, my love."

"If you'd be willing, Isabella, I'd like Carlisle to officiate our vows before we go. I want to marry you, and I want to do so sooner, rather than later.

I wrapped myself tighter around him, my leg hitching around the back of his strong thigh. "Yes, Edward. Yes, I want that." I pressed my lips to his, and he deepened it while his arms wrapped around my waist and crushed me to him. We were lost in each other, truly lost, when we heard a throat clear.

I laughed as Edward jumped back, looking at the ground and shuffling his feet. You can take the man out of 1918, but...

Aro was laughing at us as they approached, before turning to Eli and whispering something that had Eli snorting with laughter, their demeanor making the two of them look as thick as thieves. Tanya walked close to Eli, smiling while she watched them talk. She truly was a beautiful woman, and although I felt a hint of sadness that she wouldn't be the one, I knew... I just knew the right woman was waiting for him.

"Isabella, Edward, good to see you," Aro laughed, leaving the others and walking up to us. "While the two of you were otherwise occupied, Elijah and I were plotting various scenarios for returning the scrolls for the benefit of scholars." He turned his head and grinned at Eli. "I'm thinking clay pots in caves, the way the scrolls at Khirbet Qumran were found." He looked at our blank stares. "The Dead Sea Scrolls." My eyes widened and I nodded in understanding, Edward turned to me, looking confused.

"I'll tell you later, my love." He nodded and turned back to Aro.

"A few at a time, is what we're thinking." Eli nodded, and Aro grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Watching the rediscovery might actually be more fun than the initial acquisition."

* Richard Cory, lyrics by Paul Simon, based on the poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson.

* * *

**A/N I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of you who have been following this story. I've been having some serious problems with my vision, which is now being corrected through surgery. One eye is done, the other to be done, and this update has been snuck in between.**

**Again, thank you for your patience. Chapter 24, and the last chapter of this saga, is already in the works.**

**I'd like to again thank my two betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances. The two of them have not only been listening to my whining, but have been there for me during the post-operative recovery. It was not pretty, and they get to do it again.**

**I'd also like to thank Ninapolitan for being another who has tried to keep me laughing. One day she and I will actually drive the 15 miles or so and meet face to face.**

**And I'd like to again take this opportunity to thank you wonderful reviewers for all of your kind words, and join us on the Twilighted thread, under Alternate Universe.**


	24. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Universe is copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer. Eli and Sarah are mine – as well as... well, you have to get to the end.**

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Chapter 24

Epilogue

"Goddamn it!" I yelled, my hands flying up to my hair as I looked up to see which of the critters was responsible this time. Edward laughed and walked over, his hands a blur of speed as he picked the bits of seeds and fruit out from between my curls.

"They only do that because they love you," he laughed, smoothing my hair while looking carefully for any missed seeds. I looked up into the jungle canopy again and let out a huge breath as I glared at the multi-colored birds jabbering above me.

"I suppose it could have been worse," I grumbled. As least it was a parrot this time, and not a monkey. I thought back to the time the capuchin monkeys decided a little raining shit was a good way to play with the vampires. Good thing for them that I didn't find monkey blood all that attractive. You'd think they'd have some sort of intuitive fear of us, and although they did avoid us the first year we were here, once they realized they weren't our preferred prey, they took to harassing us instead. Stupid monkeys.

"Maybe it's time to remind those birds we can climb through the trees as well as they can?"

Edward considered this as we resumed our stroll. "I like having them around. I'd hate to do anything to scare them." Yeah, he was right. Stupid husband.

Edward and I had been living in Brazil for over ten years now, on the Amazon River in the Ticuna Nation. Carlisle told us about these people. He and Esme owned a home on an island off the Brazilian coast, and for years employed these folks. In spite of the laws of the Volturi, and without their knowledge, the people of this nation knew vampires existed. They also knew Carlisle and Esme only consumed animal blood, and fully trusted them. We arrived with introductions, and although they were at first skeptical, they eventually warmed up to us when they grew confident we posed no danger. At this point, we were friends with almost all of them, and they welcomed the meat from our hunts. It was the perfect solution; the sacrifice to the appetites of two vampires was offset by the bounty given to the tribes. It was a win-win for us all.

Before making our way here, Edward and I spent two years back in the Montana cabin. The first year was spent in blissful isolation; the second year was peppered with trips to small towns as I tested my exposure to humans, and as Edward worked on his ability to block the thoughts of the townspeople. He was a good and patient teacher, and I was proud to say I had not yet tasted human blood. It was also good for Edward, and the exposure to humans, with me by his side - blocking when it grew to be too much - made us the perfect pair. Yes, I had learned that in the odd wiring of my brain I could also help block him from the cacophony around him. We hadn't yet finished exploring all the bizarre things I could do, and I wasn't in a hurry to unravel them all.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. There were things to wrap up in Forks before we left.

**

Edward and I were standing in the living room of the Cullen home, Esme by his side, Alice by mine. Although he and I rolled our eyes at each other whenever we were turned in a direction that allowed us to face each other, we had promised them this one opportunity to take our measurements. This would be it – get it right now, because there would be no fittings later. It's not as if we were inclined to gain or lose weight.

Against my better judgment, I told the Cullen family they'd be permitted to plan a real wedding for us. It would still be small, just them and us, but I granted them permission for some minor decorations and appropriate attire for the bride and groom.

Why did I agree to something this insane? Because the three Cullen women convinced me it was the right thing to do.

"It's really not necessary," I groaned. "Clean clothes and our friends, that's all we really need, right?"

Alice looked at me like I'd grown a second head. So I turned away from her only to find the same expressions worn by Rosalie and Esme. And here I was, thinking they'd be the reasonable ones out of the bunch.

Esme walked up to my side, started to throw her arm around my shoulders, then thought better of it after I gave her a look that reminded her she was neither my mother, nor my best buddy. "Bella," she said softly, "this wedding isn't just _your_ wedding, it's Edward's as well." Well yeah, so?

"I don't really know what your thoughts have been about marriage, but maybe I should remind you he was born in 1901. His feelings about marriage may not be as modern as yours. Chances are good he's going to see this as the single most important day in his life. Are you sure you want to treat this as no more than a formality?"

She stepped away and stood closer to Rosalie. "Was his proposal to you romantic?" I nodded, thinking back to that lovely day, braced against the wind on the top of the mountain. I looked at the three women, and knew they were right. Life wasn't just about me, and this was not a good way to start a marriage that we expected would last for eternity. And just like I wouldn't like it if he did it to me, making unilateral decisions for both of us wasn't such a hot idea.

And so there we stood, dragged into the living room almost as soon as Edward stopped spinning me around, eyes bright and dancing, when I asked him if he wanted something worthy of memories, worthy of photographs.

The next week was a flurry of activity that, thankfully, didn't involve me – at my request. My only demand? I had veto power over the wedding dress, but it never became necessary. Esme was the one who found the illustration of an elegant, high society wedding dress from the era Edward was changed, along with a morning suit for him that was absolutely perfect. The dress was modest but sexy, regal without being too much. And there was no question in my mind, especially after poking around in his head, helping him regain human memories, that it was something he'd absolutely love.

Two professional-quality sewing machines were shipped into Forks – one for Esme and one for Alice. Custom fabric for Edward's suit, and ivory satin, lace and pearl buttons for my dress took a week to fly in from Europe. That was our one and only almost-crisis. The original ship dates would have delayed the wedding for three months. However, with a little help from some people Aro knew...

Oh yeah, Aro. He was still there, in Forks, with the Cullens. Eli had to return to Johns Hopkins before his grades started to slip, so when he left, Aro spent a couple of days holed up with Carlisle, and then took to hanging out with Edward and I.

The biggest surprise was the time he spent with Rosalie, going over decoration suggestions as they discussed preferences from various eras in Europe.

Aro was an enigma to us all. He accompanied us, at various times, on hunting trips. Never participating, but never criticizing. He seemed to be watching our practices and evaluating them. Would he ever take them on as his own? There was no saying, but I do know he left for a couple of days, Felix driving him, heading north into Canada. I didn't ask, he didn't offer, but I could make assumptions.

"Isabella, may I have a word with you?" I looked up from my spot on the secluded boulder, basking in the sun with no fear of being observed. I was so engrossed in my book I hadn't noticed Aro's approach, and Edward was a few miles away, searching for a snack. It was the first time I'd been alone with the old vampire.

I closed the book, set it aside, and took a deep breath. "I can't be seen here," I whispered, glancing at the rainbow of sparkles shimmering around me. "I hope you don't see this as an issue..."

"No, no, Isabella, nothing like that." He took an embroidered handkerchief out of his pocket, swept at a spot on the boulder and sat next to me, looking immensely out of place on the rock.

"I simply wanted a few minutes of your time to discuss a few items. Nothing bad, I assure you." I nodded, and tried to remain calm. He seemed to avoid looking directly at me, and so, in spite of his words, my tension was ramping up.

"Are you aware you know me better than anyone ever has?" he said quietly, still avoiding my eyes. "I find it strangely liberating, almost as if I've woken from a long sleep and see the world fresh again." He looked down, and picked at the rock with his old, yellowed fingernail. "I did not remember those human memories, and chose to forget some that came after. Three thousand years, and what have I to show for it? Power, wealth, accumulated knowledge." He shrugged. "At the risk of sounding like the repentant villain in a bad novel, I should have done more with my time."

I said nothing, just watched him carefully. He'd been calm these last few weeks, in good humor, almost eager to befriend us. But I knew who this was, and I wasn't about to let my guard down. The image of James' and Victoria's heads rolling around the lawn was still very fresh in my mind.

"I've been thinking of asking Sulpicia if she'd be willing to leave Volterra for a while, perhaps settle someplace where both of us can... re-evaluate. That's a good word for it, no? Some time away from Caius might not be a bad thing." He chuckled to himself. "Perhaps Marcus would like to join us. Some time outside the fortress..." Aro shrugged and turned to me.

I frowned, unsure what he wanted. I cleared my throat. "You're looking for an opinion from me? Permission? I have no idea what I could add, Aro. Do what seems to be right for you, although I'd imagine after all this time, a little change would do anyone good." He nodded, considering my words.

Eternity is a great word when you're thinking about the span of years spent with the love of your life. _But the reality?_ Century after century... I wondered if he would mind talking about it.

"What's it like, Aro? What's it like to live forever?"

"I don't really think it _is_ forever, Isabella." He held up his hand. "My skin isn't what it once was. Granted, there's no diminishing of strength or impermeability, but both my skin and eyes are showing signs of change after 3,000 years. The only ones I know that may be older are the Romanians, although that's not verified. Maybe we're eternal, maybe we're not. But that doesn't really answer your question, now does it." He shrugged. "I think our time is what you make of it. Some of my years have been better than others. The fascist years in Italy were particularly unpleasant, and I didn't think much of the Nazis, although between both regimes we had the advantage of almost unlimited feeding with no question, as long as we limited our indulgences to specific populations."

His eyes widened when he saw the horror on my face. "Relax, Isabella. It wasn't the first nor will it be the last time humans have seen fit to consume themselves. The Dark Ages were aptly named, and during that era they were all victims." He let out a breath and leaned back, looking at the sun.

"But that's not why I'm here, Isabella. I came by to talk about pleasant things, not the dark chapters of human history." He swung around from where he was sitting on the rock to face me. "As I said earlier, you know me better than anyone has, ever. And you've also done something no one else has in years. You've offered me a new perspective on my existence, and interest in perhaps making some changes. You asked about long life and yes, it can be tedious.

"Your wedding to that young man is next week. Speaking of which," he smiled, "he's quite extraordinary – I wholly approve. When I first learned of his ability, I was insanely jealous. Just think, Isabella, to be able to read from afar, no touch necessary! But as I've learned, everything has its downside, and... I don't think I'd have fared as well as he did, unable to turn it off. I fully understand why he isolated himself, and I commend you, and your own abilities, for doing what you can to work with him, and if nothing else, care for him – protect him even when he's unwilling to protect himself.

"I'm sounding sentimental, pardon me," he laughed. I tried not to frown, wishing he'd get to whatever he came out here to say, instead of rambling. "I know your mother and father live close by, but I also assume you understand they can not attend your wedding." I nodded. "You're not intending anything risky, am I correct, Isabella?" I nodded enthusiastically.

"Good," he said, peering at me. "I've indulged quite a bit, but that would go too far. This isn't just part of my controlling nature, it's to protect all of us. Do you understand?" I did. I was not about to deny how my excursion to Port Angeles could have ended quite differently.

"At any rate, there was a reason I searched you out." _Finally_. "I'd like to offer a wedding gift to you and your betrothed."

"Aro, it isn't necessary, but thank..."

"Hear me out, please." I shut up and listened, remembering who it was I was sitting with.

"Every couple should have the opportunity to start their marriage as unencumbered as possible. I know how much Edward has sacrificed over the years, and so, I would like to gift you both with peace of mind. As my wedding gift to you, I will ensure Eli's safety from others of our kind. Word gets around in our exclusive little world. I would feel rather put out if he found himself challenged in the future."

I was stunned, mouth hanging open, staring at him. "You're serious?" I asked.

"Isabella, I want your marriage to start off right. You've done so much for me, I was hoping I could do this one thing for you – for both of you. And it would be an honor to play a small part in helping this young man, someone I hope will become a good friend."

"Aro, I don't know what to say, except... well, thank you. From both of us."

He stood up, brushing off his pants and smoothing his shirt. "Think nothing of it, Isabella." He grinned and winked. "Just don't let word get around, I have a reputation to uphold."

The night before our wedding was the first time I'd actually had words with both Alice and Rosalie. Serious words. Extremely loud words. In spite of how untraditional my relationship with Edward was, the two of them insisted we spend the night before our wedding... _apart_. The boys were going to drag Edward out hunting, and the girls were going to do my nails, or some ridiculous shit. Thinking about the combined ages of the vampires in that room, I had difficulty with the concept of 'boys and girls' when it referred to us – even though I was the youngest. And I was, most assuredly, not into _girlie_ things. And I was _not_ going to be separated from Edward because they thought it best.

Edward and I stood our ground, and although he tried to remain a gentleman, I was not going to be bossed around by those two women.

Esme and Carlisle came running when they heard the shouting. I don't know where Aro was, but he kept out of the mess. I guess after 3,000 years he'd learned to be judicious in his involvement, and this certainly didn't require his expertise. The man knew how to choose his battles.

They stood in the doorway, listening so they could determine why I was about to throw one or both of these women through a wall, and then Carlisle stepped into the middle of the fray.

"Hold on," he said calmly. "Whose wedding is this?"

"Cut the crap, Carlisle," Rosalie huffed. "It won't kill either of them to spend a night apart." She took a deep breath, and rolled her eyes. "They're already having the smallest wedding on earth, the least _she_ can do is one thing that's traditional. But noooo, we want to do something nice for her and she repays it by being the bitch she..."

"You'll stop that right now, Rosalie," Edward warned, his voice low but menacing. I wrapped my arm around his and glared at her.

Esme's eyes got wide, and as she turned to face Rosalie, Carlisle grabbed her hand. "Stop this now," he ordered, his gold eyes blazing. His eyes darted from Rosalie to Alice, who was doing the best imitation of a pouting 4-year-old I'd ever seen. "Both of you!"

He drew a deep breath and ran his hand over his face. "You should be humiliated by your behavior, it's untenable. This is _their _wedding, not yours."

"But it's tradition," Rosalie mumbled, turning away from Carlisle's anger.

"Tradition, Rosalie? That's rather odd coming from the woman who has had... how many wedding ceremonies at this point? You seem happy enough to break with tradition when it's convenient for you." He looked back at Alice, who had managed to pull her lip in and look like an adult. "If they prefer to spend tonight together, no one in this house has the right to insist they do otherwise."

He turned and looked at the two of us, shook his head, and headed toward the door, giving Edward a friendly slap on the back as he walked by him. My hand still on Edward's arm, he rested his hand on top of mine and led me out of the room. I'd like to say I had the grace to walk quietly by my fiancé's side, but in reality, I sorta stomped.

In fact, I continued to stomp pretty much all the way back to our cottage, muttering oaths beneath my breath. The best part of that was, I was certain those two, back in the house, could hear me.

"Calm down, Isabella," Edward whispered as we reached the door.

"But," I sputtered, "I mean... Edward, on top of all that, she called me a..."

"It was the heat of anger, and not worth a feud on the day before our wedding. Agreed?" He turned to me and smiled, grazing his knuckles across my cheek.

"But..."

"We're home, we're together, and tomorrow we become husband and wife." His smiled broadened as he gazed at me. "We have what we want, let's not ruin the evening."

I nodded and, reaching up on my toes, gave him a soft kiss, and walked through the door. I was still furious, but he was right. This was the night before our wedding, and after fighting for our right to remain together, I wasn't going to destroy our evening over _them._

"Come on," I said, heading to the sofa. "Let's make better memories." He laughed and sat next to me, picking up my hand and absently playing with my fingers. I grabbed his arm, and lifted it around shoulders, snuggling down next to him.

"It was twenty years ago, Isabella," he said softly, continuing to play with my hand, running his long fingers up and down and between mine, tickling but tender.

"What was twenty years ago?"

"The day I saw a little girl with a silent mind, riding her bike for the first time," he smiled. This was the first time he'd talked about it, so I stayed quiet, hoping he'd continue.

"You were beautiful and precocious. And I never expected to ever do more than watch you grow, turn into a young woman, find someone to marry and..."

"But you wanted more..."

"Of course I did, but I didn't expect it to happen, not really. I reacted the way I did that day in the meadow because you were so young... and maybe I did hold onto the hope there might be more for me someday..." His words trailed off, his eyes far away.

"Edward, what was it like?"

"Hmm?"

"What was it like all those years alone, with no one but yourself?"

He shrugged. "It was okay."

"Full disclosure?" I smiled at him because he knew I wasn't going to accept a bullshit answer.

"You're right, Isabella. Honestly? It was lonely, very lonely, but I had no choice. It was loneliness or madness." He let out a breath. "It never got so bad that I thought I couldn't go on, and I did what I could to entertain myself, but I spent decades living outside of society. In some ways, it was more difficult to return and discover the changes."

I leaned over and kissed his neck. "The changes were pretty dramatic, I imagine."

"Unbelievable, more than I would have believed possible."

"For the better?" I asked.

"Not all of it. I must admit I like the fast and quiet cars, and I do like being able to see films in the privacy of our own home. But the rest?" He shrugged, grimacing a bit.

"But what about things like computers? Getting news at the speed of light, anything you might want to know?"

Edward laughed and pulled me closer. "You underestimate the power of a good neighborhood gossip. There are a variety of reasons we led such modest lives, and that was certainly one of them. I'd put Muriel up against the fastest internet connection.

"As for the rest, there's a loss of privacy in today's society that even exceeds nosy neighbors. The more I see, the more I hear about, the more I'm a little grateful I was separated from that part of the march of technology. And, to be quite frank," he leaned over and ran his nose through my hair, "I'm finding I like what we currently have, you and I. I'm neither lonely, nor needing to blend into the masses of this modern age." He kissed the top of my head. "I thank you for your newborn status, Isabella. I get to keep you all to myself, and have good excuse to maintain a certain amount of isolation. I know that sounds selfish but..."

"No, Edward, it's honest." I reached up and ran my fingers over his lips. He grabbed my hand and kissed the tip of each finger, letting his lips trail down my palm, to my wrist, kissing me softly and gently tasting my skin. We sat like that for a long time, soft kisses and softer words of love, quiet caresses and tenderness, letting the lust build slowly, feeling it tingle, the charge building between us but always the reminder that we had each other for eternity.

"Isabella," he growled, "I think it's time we head to the bedroom, close the curtains, and think about how we'll celebrate our prenuptial evening."

I twisted around and scooted up into his lap, brushing my lips against his. "Are you going to paint my fingernails?" I asked, smiling against him. He slid his tongue against my lips, slowly and languidly. "I have in mind painting something else."

*

The next morning dawned clear and rain-free, an event to celebrate unto itself. We gathered in the Cullen's living room, and was surprised to see Aro had set aside his usual black clothes, and was wearing a morning suit that contrasted with, yet didn't compete with, Edward's. Apparently, he'd decided to celebrate the event in period clothes as well, an honor to the year Edward was turned.

He was probably the best dressed wedding guest anyone had ever seen. It's a good thing I didn't care for garnering all the attention, because even with our very small group, on that day that defined the start of my marriage to Edward, as he stood there breathtakingly handsome in his suit, as I stood by his side in yards of magnificent satin and lace and pearls, Aro stood with the family, looking like the king he most assuredly was. I would always be grateful for being talked into the formality of this wedding, and Aro's presence made me feel as if I were in a Disney cartoon, a princess marrying her prince, taking her first step towards her happily ever after.

Yeah, well, maybe the most cynical of us still has that little girl inside. On my wedding day, I gave myself permission to embrace her.

**

The years in Brazil have been a joy for both of us. Although we were often around the villages, Edward found he was able to relax more with these people than he'd ever been able to before. As he tried to explain to me, there was a difference in their thought processes that offered him some relief. Brutally intelligent, their minds tended to focus more on either day to day needs, or their place in the universe, not on acquisitions, or sexual conquests, or crime. He found their thoughts to be light and pleasant, and when they got a bit heavier than usual, he had trouble giving them the privacy he knew they deserved, finding their ponderings to be fascinating as well.

Our bond grew closer as the years went by. It seemed sappy to say it, or even think it, but there was no question about the meaning of soul mates as our lives wove around each other. Although still two clearly defined people, we wrapped around each other, complementing each other, creating a new whole from our parts, that whole smooth and complete, lacking nothing.

I knew it sounded cheesy, but it was true. The word "love" took on a whole new meaning. At this point, I don't think I could exist without him. And I didn't dwell on how frightening a thought that was.

We were strolling back towards the village when we both heard it, and turned together to watch the woman holding the crying baby, running towards the large metal building set off to the side of the village.

The sign on the building was painted by the young children, and we watched the door fly open and Eli running out upon hearing the cry of the baby. The woman relinquished her hold to him without hesitation, and they both rushed inside to tend to the child. Edward and I both smiled. We were needed, and more importantly, we were wanted here. And we could all just be ourselves. No pretending, no ruses. We were vampires, Eli was a hybrid, they were humans. We worked together, we helped each other, we coexisted easily.

Eli had finished medical school, the tuition paid by both Carlisle and, surprisingly enough, Aro. Graduating at the top of his class, he took a residency at Tufts University in Boston. It was a shock to his peers and his supervising physicians that, at the end of his residency, he didn't go into private practice, or vie for a permanent position at Tufts. Instead he gave them a vague story about working in the Amazon valley, took advantage of his father's wealth to arrange huge shipments of medical supplies, and immediately joined us down here. We had the hospital built by the time he arrived, and the supplies stored. Everything was ready for him to start his practice. Eli trained some of the villagers to assist him as nurses, and a few travelled to Rio, with more financing from Edward, for formal medical training.

By the time we were done, Eli had a fully functioning clinic in the middle of the jungle, and every human for miles around had access to state-of-the-art medical treatment. I had never, ever, seen Eli so happy.

"You say this festival takes place every five years?" Eli asked, his fork returning to his plate for another scoop of rice and beans. All these years, and he still insisted upon being a full vegetarian. I did understand his reasoning, though. If he allowed himself to feel bloodlust, he feared it would affect his ability to work with his patients. We'd had long talks about some of his struggles in medical school and during his residency.

"One took place just before we arrived, so we missed it. We watched one five years ago," Edward answered, "keeping our distance though. There was concern some of the folks visiting from the more remote villages wouldn't be as... understanding as those who knew us better." Edward was watching him eat, as he always did. It had been so long for him, and he found it hard to get past his curiosity, his attempts to remember eating solid food. To remember the need to chew.

"But not this year, huh," Eli mumbled around a full mouth. "They actually invited us to attend? Why do you think?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know, but if they're willing to ask, I'm willing to accept." He turned towards me and raised his eyebrows in question, and I just laughed.

"Don't ask me, I'm not the mind reader. I'm just along for the ride," I laughed.

Edward's brow wrinkled in concentration. "I really don't know why it's different this year, but I keep picking up thoughts that seem almost amused. Unfortunately," he sighed, "they're getting quite good at blocking me. I'm not certain if this is a blessing, or a curse."

I sat back and watched the two of them chatting, father and son. Their relationship was primarily a friendship rather than one as mentor and student, which was fine. They were both comfortable with it. I adored them both, Eli and I developing a relationship that could only be described as siblings. I no longer worried about resentment, and Edward no longer needed to reassure me, or himself. The past was kept firmly where it belonged.

The weeks before the festival were full of activity, and Edward and I did what we could to help. The two of us virtually glutted ourselves in order to help supply additional meat for the tables, while Eli helped in the fields when he could – freeing the others from their regular work so the village could be made ready. Additional fire pits were dug, and temporary shelters were constructed. A few days before the formal start of the event, strangers started wandering in, carrying possessions and children, and by the time they all arrived, the population of the village had expanded by over 200.

It was late in the afternoon of the first day. Smoke swirled around the village as food was cooked. Musicians kept us all entertained as everyone laughed, children ran and played, and food was handed out as folks wandered around visiting. Edward, Eli, and I stayed on the periphery, watching and enjoying until one of our friends came to us, gesturing us to join them. A crowd had gathered on the edge of the village, and as we approached, they all turned around and faced us. I looked at Edward, but he shrugged. Their blocking had gotten quite good.

The cluster of grinning faces parted slowly, stepping away to reveal an isolated woman squatting at her own fire pit. The first thing I noticed was the color of her hair, blonde with streaks of warm brown and platinum highlights, soft and silky and cascading over her shoulders and down to her waist. Her skin was almost as pale as mine, but with a slight olive tint that seemed odd with her light hair. She was humming to herself, made even more obvious by the slowing of the music, the halting of the drums, the voices around us falling to whispers until there was nothing but silence punctuated with the ever-present sounds of the forest canopy. The only sound in the silence was her sweet humming.

Edward and I were staring at her, Eli frozen at our sides, when the young woman seemed to have noticed everything got quiet, and felt our eyes on her. As if we were watching it all in slow motion, she lifted her head and turned towards us, and I gasped. I was looking into a face with delicate Nordic features. Her small and narrow nose, her mouth framed by full lips, her prominent cheekbones, tinged with pink, below exotic eyes – large and with a subtle slant. But what made me gasp was the color of her eyes. They looked like marbles, shimmering like cut glass and deep – and the most striking shade of blue I'd ever seen.

She reached for a cloth to clean her hands, and stood, pulling herself up to her full height - almost as tall as Eli.

Eli... I felt the air move to my right and looking over I saw him walking, slowly, hesitantly and almost without thought. They were looking at each other, both expressionless, as he kept walking. He started raising his hand, reaching for her, and I swear, I don't think he had a clue he was doing it.

"Sonja?" Edward asked, and I turned to him, puzzled at the startled look on his face. "Where is your father?"

She turned from Eli to Edward, and then looked down at the ground, but her eyes kept darting to the man approaching her, unable to keep herself from peeking at Eli.

"I've never met him," she replied in oddly accented Portuguese. "The people of my village were kind enough to care for me, feed me after my mother..." Her brow furrowed, and she looked back up, boldly, at Edward. "How did you..."

"He can hear your thoughts," I said quietly. "My name is Bella," I grabbed Edward's hand, "and this is my husband, Edward." I nodded towards Eli. "And this is Elijah, Edward's son."

Eli nodded, unwilling to tear his gaze from this strange young woman. The woman, Sonja, looked at me with a soft smile, and returned her eyes to Eli. I heard a snicker behind me, from one of the women I didn't know, from a village up the river.

And that's when I started to get suspicious.

"Edward, is she a hybr..."

He was nodding his head before I finished my question. With a smile, he tugged my hand, leading me away from them, and through the gathered crowd.

"I believe I need a bit of privacy from their thoughts," he chuckled and squeezed my hand. "Let's go grab some for ourselves."

_~Fin~_

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**A/N I would like to thank everyone for reading, reviewing, your kind words, your suggestions – for everything. **

**My betas, Booksgalore/Bookishqua and Alicedances, I thank you for your unending patience.**

**You have all been a pleasure, and now it's time to give Edward and Bella some privacy, and Eli a chance to think about something other than medicine...**


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